Equivocal Death
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T-shirt.
26
“Hi, Mommy,” she said.
27
“May I come in?”
28
“Okay.” Anna’s eyes had moved away from hers, drifting back 29
to the TV screen.
30
The room was its usual chaos, and Callie had to pick her way 31
through the obstacle course to reach her daughter’s bed. A hair-32
brush, a necklace, a black patent shoe, a Harry Potter book. Cal-33
lie’s old computer, which Anna had begged for, had become an 34
impromptu clothes rack, barely visible beneath a pile of pants, 35 S
skirts, and sweaters.
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Perching on the side of the mattress, Callie leaned down for 1 6
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a kiss. As her lips brushed her daughter’s cheek, she smelled 1
something unfamiliar, a cloying chemical sweetness that clung to 2
Anna’s hair.
3
“That smell,” she said. “What is it?”
4
“Remember? We got it in the mail. You said that I could 5
have it.”
6
A shampoo sample, Callie remembered now. One of those mi-7
nuscule bottles tossed by the millions into consumer mailboxes.
8
A puke-green-colored container with a picture of daisies on the 9
label.
10
“I like your usual better.”
11
“But Mom, that’s baby shampoo.”
12
“They just call it that because it doesn’t sting your eyes. I use 13
it, and I’m not a baby.”
14
“Mom.” Anna rolled her eyes toward the ceiling, as if her 15
mother’s views on this subject were too embarrassing to consider.
16
Callie sighed, and sat back. There’d been more and more of 17
these moments lately, and she had to pick her battles. The mess 18
in Anna’s room, for example, was something she didn’t push.
19
Maybe once a month or so, she’d insist on a full-scale cleanup.
20
The rest of the time she told herself it was Anna who had to live 21
here. The TV had been another concession that Callie at times 22
regretted. But she limited Anna to an hour a day, and only after 23
homework.
24
“Homework finished?” she asked now.
25
“Uh-huh,” Anna said.
26
Cuddled up with her battered stuffed bear, Anna still looked 27
like a child. And yet, Callie was well aware of the crossroads just 28
ahead. There on the wall by Anna’s bed was a poster of Britney 29
Spears. Balloonlike breasts. Slick, wet lips. A pale froth of hair.
30
An ominous intimation of the years that lay ahead.
31
Callie looked at her daughter. “So what’s with the sign?” she 32
asked.
33
“What sign?” Anna said. She kept watching the cartoon. A 34
green squirrel scampered to the edge of a tree limb, not watching S 35
his step. The branch ended, but he kept going until he glanced R 36
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down. Then, in sudden panic, he found he was suspended in 2
space. The knowledge seemed to trigger the force of gravity, hith-3
erto suspended. A whistling, whooshing noise as the squirrel plum-4
meted to earth.
5
Anna laughed loudly.
6
Callie, knowing her daughter, could tell the sound was forced.
7
“The sign on your door, ” she said, refusing to be put off.
8
Still not looking at her mother, Anna shrugged her shoulders.
9
Callie waited for something more, but Anna didn’t go on. Af-10
ter another few seconds of silence, Callie tried again. “What’s up 11
with you and Rick? You used to like him fine. Remember how you 12
went sledding last winter, you, Henry, and Rick?”
13
Still no response.
14
An explosion on the TV screen sent the green squirrel hurtling 15
through outer space, through the stars, past the moon, past the 16
rings of Saturn.
17
“Anna, turn off the television.”
18
“But Mom —”
19
“Turn it off.”
20
With a sigh, Anna clicked the remote, but she still didn’t 21
look up.
22
In the sudden silence, Callie had an impulse just to let it go.
23
But they had to talk about this sometime, and it might as well be 24
now.
25
“Come on, Anna. Tell me.”
26
Anna shrugged again, more elaborately this time. Her eyes 27
shifted from Callie’s face to someplace beyond her shoulder. As if 28
she were seeking an escape route to somewhere her mother was 29
not.
30
“He’s okay,” she finally said. “I just don’t see why he has to be 31
here all the time.”
32
“He’s here because he cares. He cares about both of us.” Callie 33
studied her daughter. “I think there’s something else. Something 34
you’re not telling me.”
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“I don’t have to tell you everything. ” Anna stared at her lap, 36 R
hair shielding her face.
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“No. Of course not,” Callie said gently. “But you might feel 1
better if you talked about it.”
2
Anna shifted her position, and as her hair fell away, Callie 3
glimpsed her trembling mouth. She looked both defiant and mis-4
erable, and Callie yearned to touch her. To do something — any-5
thing — to soothe her daughter’s pain. But she knew from past 6
experience that this would just make things worse. When Anna 7
was in this sort of mood, she had to wait it out.
8
“He’s not my father.”
9
Anna said the words so softly that Callie almost missed them.
10
She looked at her daughter in astonishment, wondering if she’d 11
heard right.
12
“He’s not!” Anna’s voice was stronger now. Her eyes squarely 13
met her mother’s.
14
Callie took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. “No,” she 15
said. “You’re right.”
16
Her mind was flying now, trying to frame a response, trying to 17
come up with an answer that Anna would find reassuring. At the 18
same time, she was casting around for a clue as to where this had 19
come from. She couldn’t remember the last time that Anna had 20
mentioned Kevin.
21
“You’ve been thinking about your dad?”
22
> “No!” Anna said. And then, “A little.” She’d dropped her 23
head, and once again her face was veiled behind a swath of hair.
24
“So . . . what do you think about?”
25
“Just some stuff we did. Like that place where we got pumpkins 26
for Halloween. And at that park, where he pushed me on the 27
swing.”
28
She’d been so young, only three. Callie was amazed she re-29
membered. When she herself thought of Kevin Thayer, almost 30
nothing remained. Just the monotony of trying to pretend that 31
she’d been right to marry him. Even his face was a blur now: 32
plump cheeks beneath the thinning hair, small pug nose. When 33
she tried to picture her ex-husband, she thought of a smooth, 34
round egg. Yet he hadn’t been a bad man. Just not the man for S 35
her.
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“You liked doing those things.”
2
“Yeah.”
3
Callie moved a hand to Anna’s back, but Anna wriggled away.
4
After a moment, though, she looked at Callie, her gaze shrewd, 5
assessing. The look of a seasoned gambler weighing the odds of 6
a bet.
7
“Are you going to marry Rick?”
8
The question caught Callie off guard. “I . . . I don’t know, 9
honey,” she hedged. “We haven’t talked about it.”
10
“But you might marry him.”
11
“Look, sweetie, I’m not going to marry anyone unless . . . un-12
less we both agree. Unless you and I both decide that it would be 13
a good idea.”
14
“Really?” Anna’s face lit up. This time when Callie touched 15
her, she didn’t squirm away.
16
Reaching beneath her daughter’s shirt, Callie tickled her lightly, 17
trailing her fingers down the narrow back in the way that Anna 18
loved.
19
“You know, if you want to talk about your dad, you can tell me.”
20
“Okay.” Anna’s voice was muffled, her face pressed against a 21
pillow.
22
“Do you . . . miss him?” It was painful to ask the question.
23
Maybe because she wanted so much to believe that she could 24
make Anna happy.
25
“I’m okay, Mom,” Anna said.
26
Callie didn’t say anything. For an instant, she had a strange 27
sensation that Anna was protecting her.
28
Then, leaning forward, she kissed Anna’s flowery hair. “C’mon, 29
honey, let’s go downstairs. It’s pizza night,” she said.
30
31
“So you’ll be back on Tuesday?”
32
“That’s the plan.”
33
It was a little before eight. They were sitting at the kitchen 34
table. Rick flipped through the Merritt Gazette, while Callie 35 S
scanned the mail — applications for credit cards, catalogues, a 36 R
sweepstakes entry.
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“I’ll miss you,” Callie said to him. And was surprised to realize 1
it was true.
2
Rick looked over and smiled at her, faint lines deepening around 3
his eyes. He looked both older and younger, smiling at her like 4
that. In fact, he was thirty-two, three years younger than she was.
5
They’d met late last summer at a neighborhood barbecue. Rick 6
didn’t live in the neighborhood, but his pal Tod Carver did. Tod 7
was Rick’s best friend at the Merritt Police Department. He had 8
curly hair, a rueful expression, and Callie was fond of him. He re-9
minded her a bit of a guy she’d dated back in high school.
10
Like Callie, Rick was a Merritt transplant, having moved up 11
from New York. At the barbecue, they’d traded stories over paper 12
plates of food. “Burnout,” he’d said simply, when she asked him 13
why he’d moved. For her part, she’d told him how she’d come 14
here for school, then fallen for the town.
15
He was so appealing, so easy to talk to, she’d liked him right 16
away. Still, when he’d asked her out for dinner, she’d found her-17
self hesitating. She’d been on her own for so long now. It seemed 18
safer that way. There was no one to tell her what to do, no one to 19
report to. No one to ask her difficult questions, to dredge up the 20
painful past. Her life was simple, streamlined. For the most part, 21
it worked. And yet there was something about Rick that had 22
caused her to reconsider. I’ll go out with him once, she’d told her-23
self. And that was how it started.
24
A rustle as Rick turned the page, and a flyer fell to the floor.
25
Pushing aside the mail, Callie reached down to get it. A two-for-26
one sale on Easter candy, worth remembering. Once again, it was 27
almost time for the neighborhood’s Easter egg hunt. When was 28
Easter anyway? Two weeks? Or was it sooner?
29
She reached into her purse for her Filofax, meaning to check 30
the date. But as she pulled out the date book, she saw that some-31
thing was caught between its pages. The envelope she’d picked 32
up earlier, the one stuck in the door. She’d totally forgotten about 33
it. Now she pulled it out. Edging a fingernail beneath its flap, she 34
neatly ripped it open. Inside was a single sheet of paper. Two S 35
short sentences, typed.
R 36
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Happy Anniversary, Rosamund. I haven’t forgotten you.
2
The shock was so intense that at first she didn’t feel a thing.
3
Like plunging into ice-cold water, unable to catch your breath, 4
hurtling down and down and down, not knowing when you’ll 5
stop. She clutched the note tight in her hand. Everything had 6
changed.
7
“Callie? What is it?”
8
She started at the sound of Rick’s voice, pulled back from the 9
precipice.
10
“Just a note from Anna’s teacher,” she lied. “I’ve got to talk to 11
her.”
12
With thick, unwieldy fingers, she quickly refolded the page.
13
Stuck the note in its envelope back in her Filofax. She was about 14
to close the leather cover when her eyes caught today’s date. The 15
large block letters in the small square box said Wednesday, April 5.
16
She stared at the date, hardly able to believe it.
17
April 5.
18
&n
bsp; Today was April 5.
19
How could she have forgotten?
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Document Outline
Wednesday, December 23
Monday, January 4
Tuesday, January 5
Wednesday, January 6
Thursday, January 7
Friday, January 8
Saturday, January 9
Sunday, January 10
Monday, January 11
Tuesday, January 12
Wednesday, January 13
Thursday, January 14
Friday, January 15
Saturday, January 16
Sunday, January 17
Monday, January 18
Tuesday, January 19
Wednesday, January 20
Thursday, January 21
Friday, January 22
Saturday, January 23
Sunday, January 24
Monday, January 25
Tuesday, January 26
Wednesday, January 27
Thursday, January 28
Friday, January 29
Saturday, January 30
Sunday, January 31
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Special eBook Feature: Excerpt from Amy Gutman�s The Anniversary
THE ANNIVERSARY A Novel AMY GUTMAN
PROLOGUE
Wednesday, April 5
Table of Contents
Start