I turn around to face him. “I’m not afraid of her.”
His mouth turns up, smiling at my brave declaration.
“I don’t want anyone fucking with you.” He kisses me. It’’s tender and sweet, but there’s something else there—need, fear, anger…
It’s our turn to order. I get a mocha and Jason gets a large, black coffee. He pushes my hand away as I attempt to pay for it and takes a twenty out of his wallet.
We sit on a small couch facing a window. My mocha looks mouthwatering and I lick the chocolate sauce from the rim of the cup, catching some foam with it. It’s delicious, and I continue to lap the chocolate. Jason is sitting stiffly next to me, so I glance up to see what’s wrong.
He’s biting his lip, and I smile. “What?”
“Claire, can you please stop doing that?”
“Doing what?”
“Licking the rim. Please…stop.” His words are slow and labored.
“I’m sorry. Was that grossing you out?”
“No. It was definitely not grossing me out.”
I recognize the familiar fire in his eyes. Lust. I lick the rim again, circling it with my tongue, maintaining eye contact with him the entire time.
“Claire, please. Please, stop licking that.”
“You like this, Jason? Do you like to watch me lick this?” I smile, taunting him.
The look in his eyes intoxicates me. He takes my cup out of my hands, and places it on the table in front of us. He slips his hands into my hair at the base of my neck, tugging and bringing his mouth to mine, stopping just before our lips meet.
“Do you have any idea what I want to do to you right now?”
“No. Why don’t you show me what you want to do?”
He clenches his jaw and sits back, releasing me with a sigh of frustration. He runs his hand over his face.
“Listen, I was wondering if you want to go down to the city with me next Saturday. I planned a little surprise for you.”
“Wait, next Saturday is my birthday. Jason, I…”
“I know how you feel about your birthday. I just thought that if it was just you and me…I don’t know. I thought you might have fun.”
“Okay. Yeah. Yes. Let’s go.” I smile at him and he relaxes now that I’ve accepted his invitation. He takes my hand in his and we drink our coffee as we watch the rain. People pass by the window, some shielded by umbrellas, some running as they try to dodge the raindrops. I take another sip of my mocha and look up to see a familiar form walking past the window.
It’s Aidan. He sees me, winks, and then continues on his way. I almost spit out my coffee. I freeze, praying that Jason didn’t see that.
“Whoa. What was that shit, Claire? Why did Aidan just fucking wink at you?”
He lets go of my hand and sits up straight on the couch, swallows hard, and searches my face for an answer.
“Let me explain.”
He leans back on the couch, arms folded across his chest. He’s tense and grinds his teeth. He’s angry but I can see the vulnerability behind his rage.
“Yesterday when I went to meet you at your studio, I couldn’t find my way and I ran into Aidan. He asked me if I was a friend of yours, and then gave me directions. That was it. Really. He recognized me just now I guess. That’s probably why he winked. Why are you getting so upset?”
“I’m upset because another guy just winked at my girlfriend. I think that’s a pretty fucking normal reaction. It’s taking all of my restraint not to chase him down right now.” His leg is bouncing up and down as he speaks. “Aidan is a dick. I play rugby with him. He’s a shit starter.”
“And you’re not a shit starter?” I smile, hoping he’ll relax and see how ridiculous he’s being.
He grins and exhales as he leans forward and places his elbows on his knees. “I guess you have a point there.”
“You don’t have to worry about me. I can handle myself, and I don’t want anyone but you. You’re the only one I want.” I stroke my fingertips across his knuckles and he turns his head toward me.
“I’m sorry. I just get very protective of people I care about, and I care about you…a lot.” His words are soft and serious as he whispers his confession.
I feel myself melting into the cushions. “I care about you, too.”
He licks his lips, touches my cheek and his gaze darts over my face. He kisses me as if he’s sealing our words together, then smiles at me and takes my hand.
“You should know that Aidan and I used to be friends. He recorded me a few times, and he used to date Skye before I got together with her.”
“There’s some bad blood, then. I get it.”
“Just avoid him, all right? He tries to fuck with me whenever he can. He’s got nothing but bad intentions, Claire.”
“Okay. Don’t worry. I’ll stay away.” I pick up my cup and finish the mocha. “So, you play rugby?”
“Yeah, in a local men’s league. The season starts in October.”
“Rugby’s pretty brutal, isn’t it?”
“They say ‘It’s a game for animals, played by gentleman.’” He smiles as he describes it, and I can tell it’s something he loves. “It’s a good time. Ben plays, too. You’ll have to come out and watch.”
“I can’t wait.”
He finishes his coffee, and I watch him swallow and lick his lips. “We’re all going to Alexa’s to hang out tonight. Do you want to come?”
“All right. I just need to go home and change first.”
“Meet me at my place. We’re gonna eat dinner and drink a bit before we go over.”
“Okay.”
He stands up, takes my hands, and pulls me up off of the couch. “It looks like it stopped raining.”
We exit the café together. The trees are still dripping, and the fragrance of wet asphalt is in the air. The dark gray clouds race above, and the wind picks up and blows my hair around my face. I raise my hands in a futile attempt at taming it. Jason stands an arm’s length away, watching me battle with my hair.
“You’re gorgeous, you know that? You’re like an angel. So beautiful.”
He takes my breath away, and all I can do is smile. He steps toward me, grips my waist and presses himself into me. I can feel just how beautiful he thinks I am, and he kisses my forehead, my cheek, my lips. I close my eyes, tasting him and the sweetness of the chocolate that lingers on my lips.
The apartment is empty when I get home, and I’m thankful. It’s nice to have some peace and quiet for a moment. I email my mom, and change into an outfit suitable for going out in New York—black shirt, black skirt, black boots. It’s a little sexier that I’m used to, but I’m sure Jason will like it. I slip a black cardigan covered with little red cherries on over my shirt, and text Lydia.
Where are you? I’m heading to Jason’s place.
I call to let Jason know I’m on my way, but he doesn’t pick up. Once I’m out on the street, I’m happy to find sky has cleared. I light a cigarette as I hurry to Jason’s building.
Yellow light pours from all of the windows in his apartment. The front door to the building is open as always and I hear him playing his keyboard and singing. I’m surprised to hear a girl’s voice singing with him. It’s a high soprano and it sounds beautiful as it harmonizes with his. My chest tightens with jealousy. I knock on the apartment door and walk into the living room. A cloud of smoke hits me. I smell weed, and find Ben and Alana seated on the couch with several empty beer bottles in front of them. Ben is sitting up, pulling on a joint, and Alana is lying down with her head in Ben’s lap.
“Hey, Claire.” They greet me in unison.
The music continues from Jason’s room. I want to go in and see what’s going on.
“Hey. Have y’all seen Lydia?”
“She’s with Jason,” Alana answers me, and Ben places the joint to her lips with his hand. She takes a pull and holds it in as she plays with her long, dark hair.
“We were listening to music, and those two got carrie
d away. They went in his room to jam. It’s been The Taylor Family Band for like an hour now. You should go in and say hi.” Ben gestures for me to go into Jason’s room. “And bring some beers with you, I’m sure they need refills.”
I grab three beers from the fridge and breathe a sigh of relief. I’m happy it’s Lydia in there with him and not some random girl, but I shouldn’t have even had that thought. I don’t know why it’s this hard for Jason and me to trust each other.
Ben and Alana giggle with each other, but their voices fade and the music from Jason’s room gets louder as I approach. I poke my head in the door and lean my body against the doorjamb. Jason is pounding his hands on the keys and bobbing his head. They’re laughing and singing together. Lydia claps her hands in rhythm as she dances next to Jason’s seat. They finish the song and high five each other. It’s nice to see them so happy.
Lydia charges over to me, and grips me in a too-tight embrace as she plants a kiss on my cheek. I smell beer on her. Jason turns and I see his face over Lydia’s shoulder. His eyes widen as he looks at me and I smile at him.
“You sound really great together; I didn’t know you could sing, Lydia.”
“And she plays flute and harmonica,” Jason adds. He walks over to us and takes a beer from my hands. His gaze roams my body as he takes a sip.
“I’m gonna go help Ben and Alana,” says Lydia. “We’re making home-made pizza. Claire, do you want to give me a hand?”
“Sure.”
“We’ll be out in a second.” Jason speaks for us and Lydia sticks her tongue out at him. He reaches for her ribs, and she doubles over laughing as he tickles her. Lydia pads down the hall in her bare feet. I shut the door behind her and turn toward Jason.
“What the fuck are you wearing, Claire? Are you trying to kill me?” He closes the gap between us, places his hand on my neck and presses his lips to mine. I suck gently on his lower lip and he groans. His kisses my neck and his hands move up under my skirt, over my ass, as he rubs the texture of my panties. I grip his hair and move my mouth to his. I feel myself getting light-headed as I surrender myself to sensation.
“Come and help us with dinner!”
“Fuck, Lydia!” Jason shouts.
“We…should…go…” I’m trying to speak but Jason’s hands and mouth on my body make it difficult for me to focus. Suddenly he stops.
“All right. But I’m not finished with you…or your panties.”
He spanks me, and I gasp but smile at the mischief and lust in his eyes. Jason holds my hand as we enter the kitchen together.
Alana is slicing pepperoni, and Ben’s eating most of what she slices, as he sits on the counter next to the cutting-board. Lydia has Tegan and Sara playing from the iPod dock. She’s wearing an apron over her jeans and t-shirt, and she’s rolling out pizza dough.
“Jay, you can shred some cheese? It’s on the table…and Claire, you can start the sauce with that can of tomatoes.”
I steal glances at Jason as I stir and mind the sauce. He looks so happy. We drink quite a bit as we wait for our dinner to cook, and I feel myself getting buzzed. Jason looks full on drunk—his eyes are glassy and he’s cracking up laughing at Ben’s antics.
We eat together at the kitchen table. Alana and Lydia gossip, and Jason rubs my thigh under the table as we eat. After dinner, Lydia and I finish cleaning up, and open another beer. We walk into the living room, and Jason pulls me into his lap where he sits alone in the living room chair.
“You guys ready to get going?” Alana asks.
“You can go on ahead. We’ll meet you there,” Jason answers for us.
“Suit yourself,” Lydia says. The three of them leave the house, stumbling and laughing as they exit.
I try to stand up from the easy chair that Jason and I are sitting on, but he grips my waist tighter, binding me to him. The alcohol disrupts any desire to fight him off.
“What are you doing?”
He rubs his nose and lips against the back of my neck in slow motion, and I get chills from his touch.
“What do you think I’m doing, Claire? Hmm? I need to see you. I need to feel you…right now.”
He’s getting hard beneath me. His hands slide from my waist to my thighs, caressing my skin. He moves them up under my skirt, and his fingers push my thighs apart. He licks my neck—his breath is hot on my skin.
“Fuck, I want these clothes off. Stand up.”
I do as I’m told, and turn around to face him.
“Open your shirt.”
I unbutton my top as I look into Jason’s hungry eyes. I let the shirt fall away, and stand in front of him in just my bra. I feel exposed and anxious, and the emotion causes me to cast my gaze at the floor.
“Don’t do that. Don’t look away from me. You’re beautiful.” He grips my ass with his hands, squeezing and rubbing it as I stand above him. I breathe in the scent of his hair as he reaches down to my boots, and I hold onto his shoulders as he slips my feet out from each one. He puts them to the side and I open my skirt, letting it drop to the ground. He hooks his thumbs into the top of my panties, and his hands feel rough against my smooth skin. My breath quickens as he slips them down my legs while kissing and licking my waist. He turns me around and kisses the skin on my lower back and my heart thunders in my chest. I reach between my shoulder blades to unhook my bra, but Jason stands and replaces my hands with his. He opens the clasp and the fabric slides down my arms. He nibbles the skin on my shoulder and then kisses the place where he just sank his teeth in. He brings his mouth to mine as he opens the buttons of his own shirt. I reach my hands up to help him, and my fingers trace the black lines on his chest.
“I want to know what these all mean. I want to know each story.”
“And I want you to know. One day I’ll tell you. I promise.”
I move my hands to his belt. When his pants drop to the floor he turns me away from him. He fumbles as he removes the rest of his clothing, and then I feel his cock against my ass. He reaches his hand down and slips his fingers between my lips, first rubbing my slit and then pushing them inside me. I move up onto my tiptoes as his hand works, and I moan. He touches me in ways that I’ve never been touched, and he seems to know my body even better than I do. He has me on the verge of orgasm with just the touch of his hand. He grips my hip to steady me and then sits back in the chair and takes me with him.
“Reach into my back pocket.”
I lean forward and find his jeans on the floor. In the pocket I find a condom and open it. “You’re like a boy scout—always prepared.”
He shifts his body so his cock is between my thighs. I marvel at its size, wondering how my body can accommodate it. I roll the latex over his length, and move to stand up so I can turn around and straddle him.
“No. I want you like this.”
He grips my hips, and puts the tip of his cock at my entrance. I slide back into his lap. He thrusts his hips up, pushing inside of me, and grabs my breasts with both hands. In an instant, I feel pleasure. I lean back onto his chest as he moves one hand down to my clit. I love the way he makes my body his. I take his hand from my breast and put one of his fingers in my mouth. I lick the tip and suck it, letting my teeth scrape it.
“Fuck, Claire. You’re so sexy. I love fucking you.”
Hearing the word ‘love’ come from his lips, even in this context, pushes me over the edge. He quickens his pace and holds my hips, guiding me up and down on his body in a frenzy. I whimper and he leans forward, moving us both onto our knees on the rug. I place my hands on the coffee table to steady myself, and Jason puts one hand in my hair. He tugs on it and grunts and moans, and I’m transported into bliss as I climax. He moves me onto my back, hovers over me as he kisses me, and slides his cock inside me again. The kiss is so passionate and he puts his hands on either side of my face as he unleashes his ecstasy. He breaks the kiss and moves his mouth to my ear.
“I’ve never felt like this before.”
“Neither have I.”
I stroke my hands up and down his back, touching the light sheen of sweat that now cools on his skin. We lie there in the dim light of the living room until our breath returns to us. Jason gets up and goes into the kitchen, returning with two beers and an ashtray. I watch with adoration as he walks through the house naked.
He hands me a blanket from the couch, and wraps us in it as we sit on the rug. I notice that my knees are red from rubbing on the carpet, and Jason traces his finger over the tender skin.
“Sorry about that.” He gives me a smile.
“It’s all right. It was worth it.”
I reach up and rub my fingers in the mess of his hair, resting my head on his shoulder as we drink our beer and share a cigarette in the now silent house.
“You still want to go out?” he asks. “It’s late.”
“I want to stay here with you but we really should go out. Everyone’s expecting us.”
“All right.” He kisses the tip of my nose and stands. I flush at the sight of his completely naked body. We dress together, and I make an attempt at looking as if Jason didn’t just fuck me senseless. He goes into his room and comes back wearing a leather jacket. I just about faint at the sight of him. He smiles at me and takes my hand as we enter the cool, clear night together.
Chapter Eight
He squeezes my hand as we walk together to Alexa’s. Our fingers entwined—it truly feels like heaven to me. Our feet step in unison on the sidewalk, and Jason exhales smoke beside me. We walk in comfortable silence amid the bustle and noise of the city streets. I look at the buildings as we pass; some lights are off, some on. I can see into some rooms, each unique but similar.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks.
I hesitate before replying. I’m afraid he’ll think I’m weird if I tell him. He stops and I look up at him. “You can tell me.”
“I was just thinking about all of the people in these buildings. How they each have their own stories to tell—their own joy and pain. They’re all alike and all different at the same time.”
“That’s pretty deep for a Saturday night.” He chuckles but then his face turns serious. “…But I know what you mean. It’s easy for us to get wrapped up in ourselves and forget about how we all fit together. I always think about how random it all is, you know? Like someone’s flipping a coin. It’s heads one day, so you wake up happy, and you just get to feel happy. Or it’s tails, and some kind of misery is handed to you. When you think about how it all plays out in the scope of humanity—all the trials and celebrations everyone goes through—it can make you feel very small.”
A Flawed Heart Page 11