I look up at him and smile. He totally gets it. “Yeah, it can. But it also reminds me of how connected we all are by those experiences, you know? Whether we want to explore those connections or not—they’re there.”
He nods his head and takes a drag off of his cigarette. “I like the way you see things.”
He squeezes my hand. It feels so good to connect with him, beyond just the physical. Being with Jason brings me this complete feeling, but beneath the feeling of closeness there is fear and anxiety. Fear of rejection, betrayal, abandonment…I can’t help but wonder if he feels these things, too.
As we approach the bar, I hear the music and voices overflowing from the open door to Alexa’s. We walk under the Christmas lights, and all I can see are walls of flesh. The bar is packed.
“Why is it so crowded?” I ask.
“It’s two dollar pitcher night. Pretty much the whole neighborhood is here.” He keeps my hand in his as he positions his body in front of mine, guiding me into the mass of sweaty, drunken people. He makes me feel so secure and protected. I feel the gaze of others looking from me to Jason and back again…speculating…judging. I hear two girls whisper as we walk past.
“Where did he find her?”
“Who knows? I’m sure she’ll be gone in a week.”
I want to tell them all off. Jason holds me tight and leads me to the bar. The crowd disperses as he approaches, out of some kind of deference or respect. Alexa comes right over to us.
“Hey honey, crowded tonight. What can I get ya?”
“A pitcher of Brooklyn Lager and two mugs.”
“Comin’ right up.”
Alexa moves to the tap, and her grayish blonde ponytail swings as she moves.
“Claire, can you manage the beer? Ben’s waving me over to the pool table. I’m gonna go see what’s up.”
He points to the back of the bar, and I see Ben with two guys I don’t know.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll see you in a minute.”
"”Thanks.” He kisses my forehead, hands me a ten, and melds into the crowd. Alexa returns, looking for Jason, but finds me instead. She sets the pitcher and mugs in front of me on the bar.
“Hi, darlin’. It’s Claire, right? It’s two for the pitcher, unless there’s something else I can get ya?”
“No, that’s all.” I hand her the money and smile at her.
“So, you came here with Jay? You’re a friend of his?” she asks, and cocks her head to one side.
“Yes m’am.”
“You’re a southern girl like me, ain’t cha?”
“Savannah.”
“N’awlins. Jay’s a real sweet boy…troubled, but sweet. He could use a nice friend like you.” She smiles at me and pats my hand as she clears the tip and moves on to the next customer.
I grip the pitcher in one hand, and the mugs in the other as I turn to wrestle my way to the pool table. I’m struggling to keep the beer in the pitcher and not on the front of my sweater when I see a familiar face.
“Hey, Claire. Here, let me help you.”
It’s Tony. “Oh, hey, Tony. Yeah, can you get this for me? There’s no way I’ll make it back to the pool table without taking a bath in beer.”
Letting him help me will piss Jason off, but I’m struggling. I hand him the pitcher and he leads the way, creating a path for me behind his large form. We zigzag through the mass of bodies, and I see Jason leaning against the wall, smiling and chatting with some guy. His arms are folded across his chest as he watches Ben take a shot at the pool table. As Tony and I emerge from the crowd, his head snaps up, almost as if he heard my thoughts. He looks from me to Tony and his eyes narrow. I shrug my shoulders at him, and he lets out a strained breath as walks toward us.
“Thanks for helping my girlfriend.” He takes the pitcher from Tony’s hands.
I put my hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Thanks.”
He stares at me with a confused look, which is probably because I told him I wasn’t dating Jason…and at the time I wasn’t.
“Yeah. No problem. I’m over there with Kai, if you want to come hang out.”
“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll see you later.”
Tony half-hugs me, and I see Jason flush. I’m expecting him to rip Tony’s head off, but instead he keeps his eyes locked on mine, like he’s trying to read my emotions. Tony disappears back into the crowd.
“I’m sorry about that. I should have waited for you. Ben just wanted me to be his doubles partner. It could have waited a minute. I didn’t mean to leave you there.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not. I’m sorry. I should have been the one helping you, not that fucking guy.”
He places the pitcher down on a table that’s crowded with empties, and takes the mugs from me, placing them on the table next to the pitcher. He kisses the top of my head and I wrap my arms around his waist, letting him hold me for a moment as I enjoy the warmth of his body through his soft shirt. I close my eyes and it feels like we’re alone even though we’re in a noisy, crowded bar. All sound fades and I get lost in the unspoken emotion he exudes. He lets go, and looks down at me with a soft smile.
“Come. I want you to meet someone.”
We carry our drinks over to the pool table. Ben seems to be even drunker than he was at the house, but that’s not affecting his pool game at all.
“Marc, this is Claire.” I shake hands with a guy who is almost as tall as Jason, and seems to be about the same age. He has light brown hair and brown eyes, and he’s wearing an Alkaline Trio shirt.
“Hey. Nice to meet you. Jason and I went to high school together.” He gives me a smile and seems to be totally stoned.
He and Ben are in the midst of what seems to be a heated pool exchange. Jason grips my hips, picks me up and sets me on top of a barstool near the pool table. The way he dotes on me is overwhelming, but sweet. It makes me feel so special and important. Looking around the bar, I catch more snide glances from random girls.
Jason takes his turn and dominates the pool table. I don’t know much about the game but I watch as he points to the pockets with his stick, indicating where he wants to sink the balls. He rarely misses a shot, and his concentration is fierce. He banters with his friends, smiling more than I’ve ever seen before. He comes over to me between turns, and rubs my knee or kisses my cheek.
I scan the crowd, looking for Lydia, and I see her at a table with Kat and Alana. Jason pounds down a majority of the pitcher, and I finish my second glass. My head gets a little heavier as the alcohol takes hold of my system. It feels as if I’ve been drinking all day. Ben returns with more beer as they finish the game. Jason and Ben high five and bro-hug, and I assume they’ve won. Jason approaches me and positions his body between my legs where I’m sitting on the bar stool. He kisses me. His tongue is cold from the beer but his lips are warm. I grip his waist and pull him into me so I can feel his body against mine.
“Come with me,” he says.
I hop off of the stool, and hold Jason’s hand as he leads me past the curtain that hangs behind the pool table. It’s dark and I can’t really see, but Jason seems to know where he’s going. I stumble on a box or something and laugh at myself. The alcohol is not helping my lack of coordination. Jason turns a doorknob and pulls a chain that hangs from the ceiling.
A tiny closet is cast in a pale glow from the dim light bulb that hangs above us. The walls of the room are lined with shelves covered in cardboard boxes filled with bottles of liquor. Jason shuts the door, muffling the loud music from the bar, the sound now diminished to vibrations through the walls of the tiny storage closet.
“Jason, what are we doing in here?” I giggle again as he grips my hips and pulls me into him.
“I wanted to be alone with you,” he whispers, and then puts his lips to my neck.
“You just can’t get enough of me, can you?”
“Well, I don’’t know how you expect me to resist you. You’re constantly batting those eyelashes at me, like f
ucking Bambi.”
He smiles and pulls me into him. My skin gets hot everywhere as he kisses my neck. I slide my hands up his back, balling up the fabric of his shirt and he places his forehead to mine. His lips are so close. His tongue darts out as he licks them. Our quick breaths mingle together and our hands run all over each other, pushing aside fabric to find skin.
“We were together just an hour ago. Are you never satisfied?” I ask, as his hands cup my breasts under my shirt.
His thumbs make circles around my now hard nipples. “Nothing could diminish my appetite for you,” he whispers in my ear.
I feel my stomach flutter at his words, and the space between my legs gets warm and wet. He kisses me with passion—taking free rein of every inch of my body. I rub myself against him, and he opens my pants and slips his hand in, stroking my wet lips. He plunges his fingers inside me, and I grip his shoulders to steady myself, tangling my hands in his hair. I rub my cheek against his stubble and it scratches my skin. He twists his finger and I can’t take the ache any longer. I reach down and unbutton his pants, but Jason takes his hand away from where I want it most, and grabs my wrists.
“Claire, wait,” he pauses to catch his breath. “I don’t have a condom with me. This can just be about you.”
“Or, it can be just about you.” I slide down his body and continue to open his pants. I look up at him, and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard. His lips part, and I see in his eyes that he wants nothing more than for me to give this to him.
“Claire…”
“I want to. So just let me.”
“Shit.” He clenches and unclenches his fists as he watches me pull his cock out from his pants. His belt clinks against itself as it falls off to the side. His cock gets even harder before my eyes. The tip is moist, and I flick my tongue out to lick off the drop of moisture. He inhales and closes his eyes. His knuckles turn white on his fisted hands, and his back arches at my touch. I look at what is fast becoming my favorite part of Jason’s body, and admire the smoothness of his skin before taking the head into my mouth. He moans, and his arousal turns me on even further. I can’t possibly take him into my mouth completely, so I stroke my hand up his length and my fingers meet my lips. I feel him touch my head as I find a rhythm. I guide my lips up and down his shaft. He pants and moans. I lift my eyes and look up at him. He meets my gaze and grips my hair and guides my movements, never forcing himself, but helping me to give him what he needs. His breath gets quicker and his cock pulses with his orgasm. I suck on him gently as he comes
“Holy shit…”
I put him back inside his pants and close them up. Jason leans back against the shelves, catching his breath.
“Wow.” He chuckles, but I see his gaze dart toward the door. “What the fuck?”
I turn to see what he’s looking at. There’s a distinct shadow of someone’s feet at the space where the door meets the floor. He moves past me and opens it. Standing in the doorway, with an unlit cigarette between his lips, is Aidan. He wobbles, obviously intoxicated. Jason steps into the doorway and pushes into Aidan.
“What the fuck, man? What the fuck are you doing?”
“Relax. I was just looking for someone.” Aidan’s speech is thick and slurred, and he laughs at himself. His gaze darts to me, and Jason moves in front of his eye line.
“Don’t fucking look at my girl, bro. I seriously fucking suggest you walk away right now.”
Aidan disregards Jason’s threat and moves aside so he can see me again. “Hey, Claire. Looks like you’re havin’ a good time tonight. Add your name to the list of ladies Jason’s fucked right here is this closet.”
“I swear to Christ, motherfucker, I will end you—right here, right now—if you don’t fucking disappear immediately.”
“Yeah. All right. I’ll see you soon I hope, Claire.”
In a blur, Jason lunges at Aidan and I rush to grab his waist.
“Don’t! Jason, no!”
He slips through my grasp as he rushes at Aidan, who moves backward through the darkness, past the curtain, and into the bar. He throws his chin up at me in defiance and shrugs his shoulders.
“What the fuck is your problem, Taylor? You know you’re just gonna fuck her and dump her. I’ll pick up your sloppy seconds, like you did mine. Is she good? It sounded like she was. Is she better than Skye? You love to get these bitches to suck you off in that fucking closet, don’t you Taylor?”
Jason shakes with anger. I know he’s going to erupt and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it. He throws a quick jab and catches Aidan in the gut. It knocks the wind out of him, and as he doubles over he grips onto Jason’s shirt. I hear the fabric tear as he tries to grab his neck to choke him but Jason pushes him off. He swings his elbow up and hits Jason in the nose. Jason’s eyes water, and blood begins to trickle out. He throws his fist square at Aidan’s jaw, and I hear the slapping sound of their flesh meeting. Bones crunch and Aidan lets out some kind of slurred wail, and as he falls to his knees he grips his face. Jason kicks him in the stomach as hard as he can, and Aidan falls backward.
I can’t watch this. I feel sick. I push back through the ring of onlookers drunk on their bloodlust, and find Ben.
“It’s Jason! He’s going to kill Aidan. You have to stop him!”
Without a word Ben tosses gawkers to the side as he rushes to stop the brawl. He reaches for Jason and grips his shirt. In his rage, Jason turns to throw punches at Ben.
“Yo, fucking chill, Jay! Calm the fuck down! You’re gonna kill that guy! Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
When I see the look on Jason’s face, I feel panic begin to set in. His hands are covered in blood. His shirt is torn. He looks maniacal.
Then I see Aidan. He’s beaten, badly. He moans and tries to sit up, spitting blood out of his mouth and rubbing his jaw. He’s hurt and it’s Jason who did that to him.
Some of Aidan’s friends survey the damage and rush at Jason to get their revenge, but Marc and Ben fend them off. The crowded bar has become a war zone of people rushing to see what’s happened, as others race toward the exit.
Lydia pushes through the crowd with the palms of her hands pressed to the sides of her head, a look of complete panic and confusion on her face.
“God damn it, Jason! What the fuck happened? Why did you do this?” She starts crying and turns toward me. “You!” She points her finger at me in accusation, lunges at me, and then stops and collapses into Kat’s arms, sobbing.
Alexa rushes past, her eyes are blazing as she assesses the damage. “Take him outside now, Ben!” she yells.
The sight and smell of the blood makes me sick and I cover my mouth. Ben pulled Jason off of Aidan just in time. Jason showed no mercy. The sound of flesh meeting flesh in such a violent circumstance is something I’d never witnessed up close before, and it completely repulsed me.
I know why he did it. He did it for me. I’m afraid, disgusted, and my heart hurts. He scared the hell out of me just now. Tears begin to stream down my face. It feels as if a truck just hit me. Grief washes over me. I’m in love with him, and he’s so fucked up. I want to go to him, but I stop myself. I want to run. I want to leave. I need to be alone. I need to think.
Aidan moans and sits up, blood pours from his mouth and nose. I look to Jason. His chest is heaving and his eyes are wild. They reach mine and I just want to get away. Lydia emerges from the crowd. She screams at her brother and then turns to me. Her eyes are filled with fear and anger. She steps toward me, and I can tell by her expression she thinks this is my fault. I want to explain to what happened but before I can, she’s wrapped in my arms, crying. I hear police sirens, and my stomach drops. Jason’s going to get arrested.
People start rushing toward the exit, and Alexa comes bursting through the crowd to try to handle the mayhem. Ben forces Jason out the side door, and I slip Lydia’s arm over my shoulder and make my way toward the front exit.
“Claire, are you okay?” Tony pushes his way
through the crowd and reaches me and Lydia. “Come with me, I’ll get you out of here.”
He takes my hand and leads us out of the bar, past the police cruiser. Kat runs up beside us. “Oh, thank God you’re okay, Lydia. What the hell happened in there? Someone said Jason was fighting?”
“I don’t know what to do. Claire, what should we do?” Lydia is sobbing and can barely speak.
The worry on her face—the love she has for her brother—now I see why she’s so passionate about protecting him, because I feel the same way. I start to panic as I think about what may happen to Jason.
I look toward the alley and see Jason has been handcuffed. A cop pushes Jason’s head down as he forces him into the cruiser. Before we can react, the lights go on and he pulls away. I hear another siren and an ambulance approaches the bar.
Lydia takes a deep breath in a desperate attempt to calm down. “We need to call my dad. My dad will help him. Let’s go to our place and figure this out.”
The four of us walk home. I want to help Lydia sort this all out and I want to go to Jason, but I also feel I need to think about what I’m going to say to him when I see him. I know that I’m in love but he was so violent, and I heard what Aidan said to him. I’m not the first girl he took into that closet. What if Jason really is just using me, the way he used all of those other girls?
Lydia is in the kitchen on the phone with her dad. Kat, Tony and I flop down in the living room. I feel their concerned eyes lingering on me as I stare at my hands. I feel an arm on my shoulder and look up into Tony’s face.
“You look pale. Are you all right? Can I get you anything?”
A Flawed Heart Page 12