Buckeye and the Babe

by Olivia Gaines

  “Gabe, talk to me,” she said.

  “They’re here,” he told her. Leaning over the seat, he checked under the passenger side for the device. It was gone. Moving quickly, he went around the back of the vehicle, searching for the clear tape he’d used as a marker on the rear hatch. Both pieces were broken. He rummaged through his luggage, looking for his second weapon. It was missing.

  “We have a problem. He took my second gun,” Gabriel.

  “I have it,” Cabrina said softly, clutching her purse.

  “You? Why do you have it?”

  “It’s in my purse. I didn’t want either of them to find it and use it on us. That’s usually what happens anyway. We are not going to be their victims tonight or any night,” she said, jutting out her chin.

  Gabriel moved quickly, pulling her into his arms. “Mrs. Neary, I hope you are a good catcher because woman, I am falling hard for you,” he said, lowering his head, soft lips touching her mouth, kissing her with passion.

  “Wow, that was hot, Mr. Neary,” she said, trying to maintain her balance. Lightheadedness made standing difficult as she clung to the fabric of his shirt. Damn that man can kiss.

  He said softly, “There’s more where that came from little lady. Are you ready?”

  “Ready for what?”

  “To go up to that room and deal with these two horny toads,” he said.

  “No! I say we get in that car and take the fuck off. They have the device and we are free and clear to get the hell out of Memphis!”

  “Language, Mrs. Neary,” he cautioned. “I kind of agree, but at this point, I am more curious than anything.”

  “In this instance, curiosity may get my cat licked,” she said with wide eyes.

  He laughed. “That’s good,” he told her. “Clever and quick-witted. I like that about you.”

  Cabrina had not moved. She was standing behind the car, entranced by the knowledge of Gabe and herself walking into a sick scene that would haunt them for the rest of their lives. Fear gripped her down to the core. All they had to do was get in the car and drive off.

  “Cabrina, doing nothing is easy. If we do nothing, then these two are free to continue this rein of sexual terror on unsuspecting couples. No means no. It is only a matter of time before they escalate to the next level. To them, this is harmless. It is not harmless to me,” he said.

  “I understand,” she said. “I’m with you. Are the police coming as a backup?”

  “The only backup I need right now is you. Are you with me?”

  “I’m with you,” she said, clutching the purse for comfort.

  “Good, let’s do it,” he said to her, taking the lead, walking at a leisurely pace to their room. The elevator dinged, announcing the arrival of the couple onto the intended floor where the room of bad dreams awaited. Stealthily, Gabriel approached the door, his weapon hung low to his side. She gripped the purse in a tight clasp listening closely. Loud jazz could be heard through the door as well as the clinking of glasses. Gabe opened the door with the keycard, his weapon held low as his eyes scanned the room. He blinked several times just to take in everything he was seeing. Any doubts in his mind about taking a stand was confirmed.

  Paunch and Judy were certifiable nuts and escalating.

  Chapter 12 – Jazz, Jizz, and the Jimbo

  The smell took him by surprise. Gabriel’s brain went into overdrive trying feebly to comprehend the logic behind the scene in front of him. How they managed to get life-sized blonde, blue-eyed sex doll with a massive erection into the hotel was one question, but the couple’s intent upon its use was another query altogether. The doll, gifted with a nine-inch-thick tool for pleasure which glistened with moisture from recent usage, sat cross-eyed in the middle of the floor with its arms stuck out as if it was begging for help while Paunch, wearing a full Batman cape with a cowl, bent in front of it, wiping the torso with a wet nap. The rubberized, love toy, moved slightly with each touch from Paunch, watched Gabriel with a silent plea to be saved, or at least for an escape from the cuckoo couple.

  “Whaaaaaat?” Gabriel said, causing Paunch to come to his feet. His eyes immediately went to the gun in Gabriel’s hand. Panic filled the caped love crusader as he called for Judy, who was waiting in the bathroom.

  “Judy! Judy! He has the gun again,” Paunch yelled out.

  Gabriel raised the gun to firing level, glancing over his shoulder at his wife. “You have yours as well?”

  “It’s in my purse,” Cabrina said, leaning closely into his back.

  “A lot of good it’s going to be in your handbag, wife,” he said, his attention drawn to the flash coming from the bathroom moving to the loud jazz music playing in the room. His breath caught at the sight of Judy decked out in her let’s party love gear. Cabrina, who saw the shift in his stance, stepped out from behind her husband to see why his body language had changed. Seeing Paunch’s wife in her playsuit brought an immediate reaction from Cabrina.

  Judy, proud of her creation, stood in front of them wearing the tee shirt Cabrina had purchased at Oregano’s, only she’d altered it to fit her needs. Large holes were cut in the front to make openings for the gigantic, artificial breasts which protruded through the haphazard cuts. The bottom of the tee had been ripped and tied about her small waist to show off the blue striped panties trimmed in soft blue lace. The thigh-high black boots in shiny patent leather covered her legs as she placed her hands on her hips, showing off her creation.

  “Bitch, are you out of your mutherfucking mind?” She yelled at the woman.

  “Language, Cabrina. Even this situation, as horrible as it is, does not require the use of such vulgarities,” Gabriel warned.

  “Gabe, she is wearing my panties,” Cabrina said through clenched teeth.

  Looking at the woman, he recognized the underwear his wife had removed last night after he’d completed the laundry. Judy, now prancing about the floor like a horse high on bad hay, stopped suddenly turning to show off the creation with a large hole cut in the seat of the panties, shaking her handful of flat butt at him.

  He squinted his eyes, cocking his head at an angle, “Judy, are you wearing my wife’s dirty panties?”

  “Yes, my scents are mixing with hers. Come over here and take a sniff of my whiff, sexy man,” she said twirling like a fairy in Neverland, falling back on the bed, spreading her legs wide.

  “Bitch, you have lost your mutherfucking mind,” Gabriel said frowning at the entire weirdness of it all ashamed of himself for using such vulgar language.

  “Don’t call Judy names,” Paunch said, turning quickly, revealing the front of his outfit that had been shielded from their eyes up until this point. Gabriel was incensed with anger at what the man now revealed.

  “Hold up, Paunch, are you wearing my underwear?” Gabe asked. Paunch, now facing them, had managed to squeeze himself into her husband’s boxers. The underpants were taut on his thighs and looked as if he were morphing into the Incredible Hulk. His pink little penis poked out of the opening like a frightened earthworm seeking the light.

  “What is wrong with you people? This is not normal behavior,” Gabriel said.

  Judy, now holding the two-headed purple and pink love toy, turned it on, sliding it between her legs, moaning loudly, begging for Gabriel to lend her a hand.

  “If you don’t get your nasty ass up off that bed and out of this room, I will beat you until my arm gives out,” Cabrina yelled.

  Paunch, taking offense, charged at Cabrina, who swung her purse with all her might, clucking him in the head and drawing blood. On his knees fallen across the torso of the sex doll, the erect rubber dick inches from his mouth while Paunch began to cry like a child. The sight of the blood dripping onto the doll sent him into panic mode.

  “See,” Cabrina said. “The gun in the purse works as well.”

  It didn’t matter to Gabriel. This behavior was abnormal on any scale. The intention of the life-sized silicone dick man was a puzzle that he didn’t care to solve.
Paunch’s sudden movement of trying to get to his feet activated the sex doll, which turned on the vibrating penis making the dolls eyes roll from side to side as it’s thick tongue lolled out of its mouth and too started to vibrate.

  “I am going to shoot the hell out of both of you demons,” Gabriel said, furious at the ridiculousness of it all. Raising his weapon, ready to fill them both full of lead, but Cabrina stepped in between her husband and his desire to inflict pain.

  “Judy, I am certain this may have worked for other couples, but not for us. This is not our thing. My husband is committed only to me and I unto him. He is a theologist and man of divinity scholarship. We cannot participate in ...whatever this is,” she said, looking at the rubber dick sticking up in the middle of the floor attached to the blonde love man nicked with fingernail grooves and small cuts all over his silicone bosy. Never in her wildest imagination could she have imagined being lonely enough to ever use such an item.

  “Theologist? I don’t know what that is,” Judy said, turning on the big purple vibrator.

  “Turn that off, you nasty, nasty woman,” Gabriel said. “Let me shoot them, Cabrina. Please let me shoot them.”

  “No, Gabe. Shooting them means paperwork. I think I can resolve this quietly and we all go our separate ways,” Cabrina said, going to the bathroom to collect a towel to press against Paunch’s bleeding head sidestepping the naked sex doll.

  “I know what a theologist is,” Paunch said, accepting the towel. He sat on the floor, smelling like he’d rolled himself in a heap of poop, like a dejected child. “It’s one of the first letters the Apostle Paul wrote to the new Christians.”

  “That’s Thessalonians you Jimbo humper,” Gabriel said with contempt.

  Cabrina, now frustrated with all of them, took a different tack. She snatched the vibrator out of Judy’s hand and thumped the woman over the head with it. “We don’t want to have sex with you people. I strongly advise you to go back to your playpen in Nashville and stop stalking people,” Cabrina said.

  “No!” Judy said, jumping up off the bed. “I want Gabe. I want to feel him inside of me and I want you to...”

  Cabrina slapped her across the mouth with the dildo. “Listen close, you crazy bitch. You come after me or my man again, I will cut out your implants and feed it to your horny husband in a caramelized reduction with cheese. I am the last woman you want to fuck with and I will end you. I will ruin your life and make you so miserable you will rue the day you laid eyes on either of us. You will be labeled as a sexual predator and everything in your world will be torn apart and inspected. The IRS will be on your ass and anything you hold dear will be snatched away from you and that imbecile of a husband of yours. Do you understand me?”

  Judy blinked twice.

  Cabrina smacked her again with the dildo.

  “Say you understand or I will beat your ass right here and now,” Cabrina told her, hitting her hard across her thighs with the dildo. Right before her eyes, the woman began to twitch, writhing on the bed in pleasure.

  “Again! Hit me again,” Judy whined. “Spank me hard, Mistress.”

  “That’s it, Gabe. Shoot this nutty bitch,” Cabrina said.

  “No! No! Don’t shoot my Judy,” Paunch said, jumping onto the bed. “We won’t bother you ever again.”

  “Good, we have an understanding,” she said, not really feeling good about the situation. Cabrina used the hotel room phone and called the manager who came to the room, threw up at the smell of the shit which had oozed from Paunch in his moment of fear, stared in a confused manner at the doll, who brandished a tattoo in his chest which read Jimbo and frowned. The manager, unable to find any words to start a conversation, jumped when Judy then asked him to come inside and play with them. She snatched the vibrator from Cabrina’s hand, turning it on to pleasure herself.

  The manager called the police. The police arrived, spotted the scene and called social services. Social services arrived, talked to Paunch and then called an organization who focused on adults with special needs who wanted to put the Paunch in counseling. Jimbo the sex doll sat there with his penis vibrating and tongue hung out of his mouth in silent askance for help from anyone who understood his plastic pain. The expression on his silicone face stared at Gabriel as if he wanted to know if anyone would get counseling for him after his ordeal with Paunch and Judy.

  As far as the Neary’s were concerned, both of them needed counseling, but Cabrina and Gabe were long gone after being ensured by the manager they would not be charged for the room nor the mess made by the uninvited guests. By the time it was all over, the Neary’s were arriving in Murfreesboro. They didn’t speak in the car as they drove the two hours to the next city. Safely checked into the hotel, Gabriel sat on the bed, perplexed. To handle the emotions threatening to overtake her, Cabrina began to print out pictures from her phone not wanting to talk about any of it.

  “I’m going to take a shower and change,” he said.

  “Sounds like a good idea,” she replied, opening her bag to find her clothing covered with a white crusty material. “Oh, hell naw!”

  “What?” Gabriel asked, jumping up, ready for action.

  “That jizz machine squirted in my bag. It’s all over my clothes,” she said, disgusted.

  “I tell you what, Mrs. Neary, this day is almost behind us. I’m going to the car to get us a bottle of wine. I will put these in the laundry and wash everything in the bag, and when you get out of the shower...well, I will take care of you,” he said.

  “Those people...my God,” she said.

  “Please, don’t call on Him unless you need His intervention,” Gabriel offered. “Go, shower, I got this.”

  “Thanks,” she said, shaking the bag of clothes in anger.

  “No worries,” he said, taking the room key and the bag to the laundry. The first thing he noticed was that none of her underwear was in the bag. Those weirdos had stolen them all and Gabriel stood in awe. Quickly making his way to the room where they were staying, he searched his own bag. All his underwear was gone too.

  This would make an entertaining conversation over dinner. He wanted to laugh, but he was far too angry.

  Wine. Wife. Words. In that order, Gabriel.

  In that order.

  GABRIEL HEARD THE SHOWER start as he left the room to head to the vehicle to get a bottle of wine and the opener. A wayward thought of distrust hit him as he began to search the rented car from stem to stern, looking, seeking out any other presents or surprises Paunch may have left to keep track of them. He found nothing other than two missing bottles of wine.

  “Jimbo humping jerk,” he mumbled, collecting the bottle of red before heading back into the building.

  He had taken longer than anticipated, stopping at the laundry and noticing the load had finished washing. Adding the clothes to the dryer, he fed the machine the required number of quarters for the load to begin to tumble dry. A brief smile crossed his lips as he imagined his wife in their home doing the weekly laundry, folding towels to place in the linen closet as she changed the bed sheets each week. The domestic things he was looking forward to in his life came as a surprise to him that he loved the idea of being married, especially to her. Her calmness during the Paunch and Judy fiasco impressed him and she was in fact, awesome. An awesome babe. I’m married.

  His steps slowed as he reached the door of their hotel room, slipped the key in the slot, and watched the red dot turn green. Opening the door, he let himself into the room to find Cabrina sitting on the edge of the bed, a bottle of lotion in her hand. She wore one of his dress shirts, which hung loosely off her thin frame. Two buttons held the fabric together right at her stomach, giving a hint of nudity underneath. The black curly hair pinned high on her head showed off a long slender neck that he longed to kiss until passionate whimpers fueled them to a fervent coupling. Later. First, he needed to take care of her in another way.

  “I have good news and some not so good news. Do you have a preference for the one you
receive first?” he asked her.

  “My preference is for the wine first,” she said. “Then I desire an intimate relationship between that pillow and my face. The rest you can hold until the morning for all I care.”

  Gabriel opened the wine. Knowing he should let it breathe, he opted instead to immediately pour them both a glass. He handed one to his wife, taking a seat in front of her, his legs crossed lotus style, the glass of wine he poured for himself sat next to him on the floor as he reached for the lotion. Dropping a dollop in his hand, he took her left foot, massaging the lotion into her skin, paying careful attention to the arch, and getting in between the toes.

  “That feels amazing,” she said, taking a sip of the red liquid nerve relaxer. “So, Gabriel, the Archangel?”

  “Actually, Michael is the Archangel,” he said, adding more lotion to his hand. He began a slow massage of her leg, working the skin softener into her calf. “Gabriel is the minister of God. He delivers messages from the Most High as an agent of wrath bringing punishment to the wrongdoers.”

  He began to work on her right foot while she watched him with interest sipping leisurely on the wine. Now they could have a real conversation. The door was open, and she wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip by to get to truly know the man she married.

  “Is that how you see yourself as an agent of wrath?” she said. “You were going to shoot them if I didn’t stop you.”

  “I wasn’t. You were correct. The paperwork would have been a mess to explain,” he said.

  “Gabriel,” she spoke softly as he opened the shirt, eyeing the landing strip as he applied lotion to her thighs. “Do you consider yourself to be God’s minister, doling out punishment to wicked?”

  He was quiet as he stood, carefully weighing his words and the details he wanted to share with her about his life as an agent of the government. Many tidbits of his work he could not disclose, but this he could share.