Amish Celebrations

by Beth Wiseman

  “I’m sorry.” McKenna dabbed at the corner of one eye. “I feel silly, and I shouldn’t have come.”

  Rebecca got up, walked to the living room, and returned with a box of tissues.

  “I just wanted to make sure he was okay, for starters. But I also wondered why he just didn’t show up. Am I overreacting?” McKenna leaned forward a little, once again searching Rebecca’s face for answers.

  Rebecca had sugarcoated details to Paul’s girlfriends in the past, but she was finished doing that. “I don’t think you are overreacting. We have a phone in the barn Paul could have used to call you.” She cringed. “Sorry to be the one to tell you that.”

  McKenna took a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. “I feel so dumb.” She lowered her eyes and shook her head. “I’m not sure I realized how much I care for Paul until this moment.”

  You and so many others.

  “We met at the library,” McKenna said with the hint of a smile on her face.

  Rebecca forced her own smile. She had to hear the “before” stories a lot of times too.

  “We’ve been meeting there every Saturday for the past couple of months. We haven’t even gone out on a date or anything.” McKenna sniffled. “It’s probably just as well, for obvious reasons.” She coughed, sniffled, and raised her chin. “But maybe there was a reason he just didn’t show up, or—”

  “Don’t do this to yourself,” Rebecca said. “We have a phone. He could have called. And he didn’t.” She shook her head, sighing. “Paul gets close to someone, and then . . . I don’t know exactly what happens, but he ends the relationship early on.” Rebecca knew this next part would sting, but maybe it would help McKenna get over Paul. “Lots of girls have sat where you are right now.” She pointed across the table before she went on. “I’m sure you are as lovely on the inside as you are on the outside. Otherwise Paul wouldn’t have allowed you to get close to him. I’m truly sorry he hurt you.” Rebecca scrunched up her nose, then gritted her teeth a little. “But, like you said, it’s probably for the best.” She paused. “Unless you would have been willing to convert to our faith.”

  “You’re right.” McKenna finally took a sip of her coffee. “I really felt like I was falling in love with Paul.” She pointed to her watery eyes. “As you can tell. But deep in my heart, I knew there was eventually going to be a parting of ways.” She chewed on a fingernail for a couple of seconds. “I guess I just wanted it to go on as long as it could before I had to give him up.”

  Rebecca nodded. This woman was much more logical than the others had been, so Rebecca threw her a bone. “Most of Paul’s girlfriends didn’t last more than a few weeks. Since you and he had been seeing each other for months, maybe Paul was falling for you, too, and this was the easiest way for him to sever the relationship.” Although I doubt it.

  A tear rolled down McKenna’s cheek. She didn’t even try to stop it. Instead, she locked eyes with Rebecca. “You know, I didn’t even know Paul’s last name. I spent hours on Facebook last night. I know sometimes you guys have Facebook pages—I mean, if you haven’t been baptized yet, right?” Rebecca nodded, even though she’d never had such a page. “So I took a chance and searched for Pauls in Lancaster County.” She smiled a little and finally dabbed at her eyes again. “There are eight hundred and twenty-two Pauls in our county, so I abandoned that course of action and decided to talk to an Amish friend I’ve known for years—Mary Zook. Do you know her?”

  “I’m not sure.” There were thousands of folks in Lancaster County, but the Englisch presumed they all knew each other personally. “I know several Mary Zooks. It’s a very common name.”

  “I guess it doesn’t matter, but I described Paul to her and that he’d mentioned a sister named Becky. This friend was rushing to get her daughter to a doctor’s appointment and said she couldn’t think of anyone. But just as she was loading her daughter in the buggy and I was getting in my car, she said the man I described might be Paul Fisher on Black Horse Road. She was in such a rush, I didn’t push her further, but I drove down your road until I saw Fisher on the mailbox.”

  Rebecca scrunched up her face again. This woman had gone to a lot of trouble to find a man she’d only been meeting at the library a few months.

  “I hear how desperate that sounds.” McKenna shook her head. “But there was something about him. He’s compassionate, kind, smart . . .” She paused, smiled a little. “And handsome.”

  “And very dangerous for you to fall for unless you are willing to live a life like we do,” Rebecca said again.

  McKenna shook her head again. “I admire all of you, and I think a lot of people seek the peacefulness you seem to have. If I had been raised that way, it would be different. But to make all the changes required to marry an Amish man . . .” She covered her mouth with one hand. “I barely know Paul. I can’t believe I just said that.”

  Neither can I. Rebecca swallowed hard. This one had it bad for her brother.

  McKenna abruptly stood up. “You have been so nice to me. Thank you for the coffee and conversation.”

  Rebecca rose too. She liked this woman more than half the women in her district who had fallen for Paul. At least McKenna was levelheaded about it. Rebecca reminded herself to be more like McKenna regarding her own situation. “You’re welcome. I’m sorry I didn’t have better news for you. I just didn’t think beating around the bush would help you get over him.”

  “You’re right.” The other girl hesitated, then threw her arms around Rebecca. The move caught her completely off guard, so it took a few seconds for her to hug back—which instantly brought her thoughts full circle, back to Noah in the arms of another woman.

  McKenna eased away and sighed. “I don’t want to ask you to lie, but could you maybe not mention I was here? I already feel silly.” She smiled. “And who knows, maybe he will be at the library next Saturday.”

  Rebecca admired McKenna’s optimism, so she forced a smile, knowing it wouldn’t be the case.

  After McKenna left, Rebecca sank onto the couch again and propped up her feet. She wasn’t going to tell Paul about McKenna’s visit. They’d just get into an argument about the way he handled his love life. Or the way Rebecca had just handled it for him.

  When she heard the buggy turning into the driveway a half hour later, she moved her feet off the table, straightened the few gardening magazines back into a pile, and waited patiently as Paul and her parents came up the porch steps.

  When her parents were out of earshot, she asked Paul in a whisper, “Did you see Noah?”

  He nodded before he took off his hat and hung it on the rack by the door.

  “Well? I’m going crazy. Did you talk to him?” Rebecca’s heart pumped harder.

  “Ya, I did.”

  Rebecca stomped her foot. “Can you quit dragging this out and just tell me what he said?”

  “I will. But you’re not going to like it.”

  CHAPTER 8

  Paul had listened to Noah pour out his heart to him after worship service. Even though it was an honest confession, Paul still felt the urge to punch him through most of the guy’s ramblings. The vision of Noah and McKenna was etched into Paul’s mind, no matter how hard he tried to erase it.

  “Noah went to an Englisch party, and he met a girl there.” Paul sat down at the kitchen table, glad to see more cinnamon rolls on the table, even though he’d stuffed himself during the meal after church. “Apparently they talked for hours, and he admitted to me that he felt an attraction toward her.”

  If Noah and McKenna had talked for hours, Paul wasn’t surprised Noah felt drawn to her. Paul had noticed McKenna’s outer beauty right away, but once they spent time talking, he saw her inner glow. He imagined McKenna had that effect on most people.

  Rebecca stood in the kitchen, not moving, her hands clenched at her sides. Paul wasn’t sure she was even breathing.

  “He said it was just an infatuation. But it concerned him that he’d let those feelings in, and that he was so quick to
break up with you. And now he’s questioning everything.”

  Rebecca still didn’t move.

  “He still loves you, Becky. He’s just confused.” Paul sighed, wishing he’d met McKenna at the library. Noah had insisted nothing happened between them. Paul told him he saw the embrace, but he never let on that he knew McKenna. Noah explained about McKenna going to the hardware store to make sure Noah hadn’t broken off the engagement because of her. “I misunderstood the hug, though. It was just a friendly hug. He’s not involved with the woman.” He reached for a cinnamon roll. “You just need to talk to him.”

  Rebecca’s hands were still fisted at her sides, but at least she wasn’t crying.

  “Say something,” he finally said with a mouthful of roll.

  “I despise a woman I don’t even know.” Rebecca relaxed her stance but quickly folded her arms across her chest. “And maybe Noah shouldn’t have been so forthcoming about his feelings for her, even if he was being honest.”

  Paul understood his sister’s dilemma, but he felt a huge relief knowing there wasn’t anything going on between Noah and McKenna. And now he wasn’t sure whether or not to call McKenna and apologize for not being at the library. Noah said she talked a lot about the Amish way of life that night at the party, and warning bells were still going off in Paul’s mind, that McKenna might just be in search of an Amish husband. She was keeping a secret. Paul didn’t know what it was, but he feared she was running away from something.

  “Noah isn’t perfect.” Paul pulled his suspenders off his shoulders and let them drop to his sides, then untucked his shirt. Sunday was a day of rest, and he was heading upstairs to take a nap. “And neither are you. None of us are. Maybe you need to hear him out.”

  Rebecca sat down at the kitchen table after Paul went upstairs. Her parents were in the living room talking about something that happened at church, an incident with Bishop Lapp and his wife in which they’d overheard them arguing.

  As Rebecca bit into a cinnamon roll, she went over everything in her mind. It sounded like Noah had fallen for an Englisch girl, then that girl had put him in his place, and now he wanted to get back with Rebecca, who had somehow slipped into second place. What if the Englisch girl had wanted to be with him? Rebecca felt the sting of tears building as she swallowed the bite of cinnamon roll, but she blinked her eyes and fought off the urge to cry. She’d shed enough tears over Noah.

  Then she thought about McKenna, who was beautiful, kind, and seemingly in love with Paul. It angered Rebecca that her brother hadn’t had the courtesy to call her. It was a disastrous situation with a no-win outcome, but Rebecca liked McKenna, and her heart hurt for her. She considered telling Paul that McKenna came to the house, but there didn’t seem to be much point. Rebecca’s brother would likely offer up an excuse that would make her feel even worse. He was honest to a fault sometimes. Best to just let it go.

  Rebecca was holding on to a despicable loathing of whatever woman Noah had so quickly fallen for. But could she place all the blame on the woman? Even if she had seduced Noah— and it didn’t sound as though she had—he should have fought off any temptations if he really loved Rebecca the way he had proclaimed.

  Even if Rebecca’s feelings were misdirected, they didn’t diminish what she felt—jealousy, betrayal, and anger all rolled into a ball of repugnance. She made up her mind that she was going to be baptized as planned since that was the one thing she was sure of: her commitment to God and the church. But she was rethinking her choice to marry Noah, even if he came crawling back to her.

  Noah slunk around the house most of Sunday afternoon. He left two messages on the answering machine Rebecca’s family had in the barn, asking Rebecca to call him. Maybe no one had gone to the barn since returning from church. Or was she choosing not to call him? If Paul filled her in on what Noah told him, the latter was entirely possible. Noah wondered how much his friend told Rebecca. Probably everything. They didn’t always see eye to eye on things, but they were close. Noah shouldn’t have been so forthcoming with Paul. He should have just told his future brother-in-law that he’d had a moment of confusion and was past it now.

  Noah could only hope Rebecca would take him back.

  He cringed when he remembered the look on Paul’s face when Noah told him he’d temporarily fallen for McKenna. He was lying on his bed chastising himself for the whole ordeal when a knock sounded at his bedroom door.

  “Come in.”

  His mother walked over and sat on the bed next to Noah. “You need to go talk to Rebecca, sohn. I spoke with her mudder at church and asked if Rebecca was okay. Linda said she woke up sick this morning, but I think we all suspect she just didn’t want to face you. You are as miserable as she is, so rather than continue this, maybe go talk to her.”

  “I talked to Paul, and I’m sure he relayed my feelings to Rebecca.” He looked out the window to avoid his mother’s expression, which looked like sympathy trying to mask irritation. Noah had been such a cad. “And I’ve left two messages on the recorder in their barn.”

  Noah hadn’t shared details with his mother about the breakup, just that he was confused. Both of his parents loved Rebecca, so the split was hard on them too.

  Mamm patted him on the knee, sighed, then stood to leave. “I hope things work out for you and Rebecca.”

  Me too.

  Rebecca’s mother came in the back door and told her there were two messages on the answering machine, both from Noah. “He wants you to call him.” Mamm hung her cape on the rack, then shivered. “I was ready for some cooler temperatures, but this little cold front was unexpected.” She put her hands on her hips and gazed out the living room window, then shook her head. “Your daed and bruder are outside repairing the fence, even though Sundays are supposed to be a day of rest. Paul took a short nap, but your daed has been working on one project or another all day long.”

  “The fence was number six on my list of repairs to be made before the wedding. The wedding that’s no longer happening. So I don’t know why Daed is killing himself on home repairs.” Rebecca wasn’t ready to call Noah. She chose to change the subject. “An Englisch woman came by this morning while you were at worship service. She’s probably about nineteen, around my age. She was looking for Paul. Apparently they had been seeing each other, mostly meeting at the library on Saturdays.”

  Her mother sat in the wooden rocking chair, crossed her legs, and pushed the chair into action. “I knew that boy was up to something. Was she just a friend? I hope so since she’s Englisch.”

  “I think her feelings ran deeper than friendship. Paul didn’t show up yesterday, so she decided to come talk to him. But then I told her Paul had a history of breaking up with people when they got too close to him, and she actually cried.”

  “Rebecca!” Her mother stopped rocking and glared at her. “Why did you do that?”

  “You know it’s true, Mamm. And it seemed less cruel to tell her that was just the way Paul is and that it wasn’t anything she’d done. I liked her a lot. She seemed very sweet.” Rebecca recalled how transparent McKenna had been and the way she’d hugged her. It felt genuine. “And she was wearing a cross necklace, so she’s probably Christian.”

  Her mother nervously kicked her foot out, starting the rocker up again. “But it’s probably for the best since she isn’t Amish. I hope Paul will find someone special and finally commit.”

  “Ach, well, I think he’s gone through just about everyone around here.”

  Mamm stood. “I’m going to say one thing about you and Noah, and then I’m going to stay out of it.”

  Rebecca doubted that. She lay her head back against the couch, sighing as she waited.

  “In life and in marriage, there will always be situations where forgiveness is not only an option but required if you plan to continue working toward the peace we all strive to have. Your bruder told me what Noah said, and Noah’s mudder said he is as miserable as you are, although I don’t think she knows exactly what happened, so I d
idn’t say anything.”

  “I’m sure Noah is too embarrassed to tell his parents he broke off our engagement because of an Englisch girl he met at a party.” Rebecca scowled. Her logic for despising that woman was unfounded, but the emotion was still there anyway. “What if that girl had returned his affections? He told me he wasn’t even sure he wanted to be baptized, much less marry me.” She kicked her feet up on the coffee table but removed them right away when he mother cleared her throat. “So, now that we know the Englisch girl wasn’t interested in him the way he’d hoped, he’s going to crawl back to me, his second choice? That’s not right, Mamm.”

  “Nee, it’s not.” Her mother rubbed her chin for a few seconds. “Maybe there is more to it.”

  “I don’t see how there is more to it.”

  Her mother frowned. “Well, you’ll never know unless you call him.” Mamm stood up and brushed the wrinkles from her black apron. “Whatever you decide to do, can you please go tell your daed and Paul that supper will be ready in about fifteen minutes?”

  Rebecca nodded, then forced herself off the couch.

  After she relayed her mother’s message, she walked to the barn, then stared at the phone and answering machine. She finally listened to Noah’s two messages asking her to call him. Just hearing his voice caused her to burst into tears.

  CHAPTER 9

  Noah sat next to Rebecca on the porch swing in front of her house. Gavin had helped him plan what he was going to say, but now that he was here, he wasn’t sure his explanation was going to be enough to get him back into Rebecca’s good graces. He took a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry for breaking up with you. I’m sorry I said I didn’t want to be baptized. It’s just . . .” He paused, trying to recall all the times he’d practiced for this conversation. “I got cold feet.” Squeezing his eyes closed, he cringed. Nowhere in the planning had the term cold feet been considered. “Well, not really cold feet, more like cool feet.” He shook his head. “Nee, that’s not what I mean either.”