Fighting to Stay (Fighting Madly Book 2)

by Ziegler, S. L.

  The couch dips as I sit on my knees and take the blanket off the back, draping it over my lap. “You wanted to hang out? Didn’t you get enough of me earlier?”

  Reed stretches his arm over the top of the cushions, his fingers gently touching my shoulder. “I can’t stay for long, but I just wanted to let you know, my fight got moved to Atlantic City and Daily wants me up there tomorrow.”

  “You could have called.” The thickness in my voice sounds heavy.

  “I could have, but I’ve been thinking. We are having fun with the friendship thing, right?” Reed abruptly moves his arm away from me and places it in his lap, but he never pulls his gaze from mine.

  “Yep.” Any other words stick in my mouth.

  “And because of that, I wanted to tell you about what you heard that night in the bathroom,” he states matter-of-factly.

  In the time it takes for him to say those words and for my heart to beat, a rush of air leaves me and my heart goes to my feet. “Please, don’t. Please, Reed. Today has been really good, kinda healing, and I don’t want to lose my day.” I peer over at the stove. “Nine thirty-five, so whatever you want to get off your chest can wait till you get back, because I don’t want to hurt tonight, I don’t want to dig in it and I don’t want to cry, and that will happen if we talk about it.” I bite the snarky remark back about him now wanting to tell me, because that conversation would ruin my day, too. Hell, at this moment, I think it’s already unsalvageable.

  Reed’s expression deflates, his face now tight. “But you need to know, babe, and I need to get it off my chest.”

  I rub my forehead, a headache starting to form. Yep, put this day down as a wash. “No, I don’t, and no, you don’t. You still don’t get it, do you? You come in my own home on a day that has been pretty fucking eye opening in the best way possible and want to come and drop this damn shit on me. Leaving it out in the open, and then you just leave me to clean up the mess. Again. You will walk out that damn door with your fucking conscience clear. With your heart lighter. But that won’t happen to me. It never does. I’ll be here with my tears, my tissues, and my fucking cat to talk it out. Because that’s just what would happen.” I cross my hands over my chest, the emotional distance between us miles and miles away. “But if that’s what you want, feel free to tell me, Reed. Speak. Waste your breath and just fucking tell me, because that’s what you want. Because you don’t give a fuck what’s truly best for me…” My voice trails off at the end, but I know deep down it’s the truth. He will be the one that gets off scott-free, no doubt. And the truth sometimes hurts, and his words would, and I’m not ready to drown in the doubt, in the reality of what it could mean.

  He winces at my harsh outburst, rubbing his hand over his chest like I wounded him with my words, but he nods and stands to leave.

  Reed is almost to my door when he turns around, his eyes hard but his face so damn soft. “Hads, I got you. I do. I won’t tell you till you need it. Because one day, it will have to be told.”

  When I turn the lock, I lay my head on the door and it hits me like a ton of bricks—he will be clear across the country in New Jersey training when I’m in Vegas for the trial. And it doesn’t even cross my mind to want him next to me. Maybe my day isn’t ruined.

  I lay my head on the pillow, close my eyes, and drift off to sleep with my pill still on the nightstand not touched.

  And I don’t dream about one damn thing.

  I latched myself to Hadley. Everywhere she went, I went. I didn’t give her the damn option to turn me away. I was there for the small things, the big things, all of it. I was there. It wasn’t a chore; that’s what I fucking love about spending time with her.

  When she slammed the door in my face the night before I left, I stood on the outside staring at that stupid fucking brass knocker and wanted to rip that shit off thinking it was the end to us being anything. The end to all the fun shit we did, the end of the friendship we’d developed, because I wanted to push her before she was ready. Her face, her body, her voice, were all stone when she spoke the words, and she’d meant every single word of not wanting to know the truth. And I got it, understood it. I wanted to clean me, but it would hurt her. Again.

  I got off the plane the next day still thinking we were through, powered on my phone, and had a text waiting for me from Hads. “Have fun friend.” Simple and to the point words from her. And I knew everything would work out. Perhaps not the way I wanted, but I learned something is better than nothing when it comes to Hads and me.

  These twenty days went by as slow as a fucking turtle crossing the road, and it was rough being away from Hads, but unlike every other time away from her, we actually communicate. Texts that actually get returned, phone calls that get answered, is something new for me, and the shocker, it’s not just me starting everything. I swear, I almost busted a nut when she Face-Timed me last week all because she had to see my face while she told her joke of the day to me. I can’t for the life of me remember the damn thing, but seeing that smile so bright through the phone, and hearing that fucking laugh of hers, is what I love. What I need. It’s a fucking new feeling to jump like a pussy every time my phone chimes, but I dare someone to say that to my face.

  But with the good comes the bad, and late last night, I cursed the call that came through. And it wasn’t from Hadley. No, this one was Bash informing me that fuckwad Bennett and bitch Krystal wanted to twist my girl up on the stand and tell her the truth, and I knew what had to be done. If she heard it on the stand, it wouldn’t be right. If she hears it from anyone but me, it’s fucking wrong. Hads needs it from me, not some dipshit lawyer while she gets in front of Krystal so she can enjoy another ounce of Hadley’s pain. Even if it means she’s not ready, because it’s time to shit or get off the pot, even if it means Hadley won’t look at me the same ever again. I’ll take it.

  I packed my shit and got on the first flight to Vegas this morning and ignore every single phone call from Daily or the MMPL CEO, Jamie Black, for not being in camp. I don’t give a shit about what they say, or whatever my fine’s going to be for not being there for the promotion part of my contract for the fight. I won’t be made to regret it.

  I won’t regret any money lost or spent on Hadley.

  Not in the slightest.

  I certainly don’t have one ounce of hesitation opening the door to the courtroom right now and not one regret as I slide down on the wooden bench in the aisle behind Hadley’s dad and Matt, as they look on without even the slightest knowledge I’m here. The trial goes on and on for what seems like hours. Witnesses come on the stand and step off like a revolving door, all saying things about what Bennett and Krystal did and said, leading up to what happened with Hadley. The clock on the wall hits 4:00 p.m. and the judge dismisses court for the day. Tomorrow morning, Hadley will be the first witness to hit the stand before the state rests their case against them. And I know through hours on the phone she’s nervous as shit about facing them.

  She has to be.

  Matt and William step up to talk to the prosecutor and I’m at the door, my back turned, when Krystal stands up, faces me with a fucking smile on her ugly face, waves her nasty-ass hand, and winks at me. She thinks she’ll tie Hadley up. She thinks I won’t tell her the truth, but I will. Krystal thinks she’s got one more card to play in this fucked up game she’s playing.

  Matt spots me, waiting outside the witness door, and fuck if looks could kill then I would be dead on the floor, bleeding out on this very spot.

  “Reed, I swear to Christ you better not get any ideas in that pea-sized brain of yours and fuck this up for her,” Matt spits out, his damn teeth bare to me, and every muscle in his body ready to take me to the ground.

  I raise my hands in surrender. “Listen, I have to tell Hads something, that’s all.”

  “Do it, then get back on a damn plane tonight and don’t come back.” And with each word Matt says, he steps closer to me, his nose inches from mine when he’s finished.

  Wi
lliam steps between us, his hand on Matt’s chest, shoving him farther away from me. “Son, calm down now. I don’t want to stay in this damn state any longer, and I will if your ass gets arrested by getting in a fight with him.” He spins toward me with tension marring his face. “Now, Reed, I expect you to tell my baby girl the thing you need to say and let her make the right decision for herself after that. Don’t force it any more than you have.”

  “Yes, sir.” I jam my hands into my front pockets, bow my head, just like I did when the principal in high school yelled at me.

  The door to the witness room opens and Hadley walks out with Gus trailing behind her as my jaw drops. The sight of Hads is a punch in the damn gut. It’s my girl, my Hads, and with her blonde hair on that fucking head of hers, down in curls, around her face, it has my eyes popping out. The blonde hair I haven’t seen on her damn head since I left her asleep all those years ago.

  She’s back.

  Gus gives me a satisfied look. Yes I hired the fucker to watch her the whole time she’s here, including staying in the spare bedroom at his place. I’m thankful as hell they made up on their own, or that would have been more awkward shit to deal with. But I would have done it even if they hadn’t. It’s her safety that’s at the top of my list, and this place is like the damn wrecking ball to it.

  Hadley glances around and spots me in mere seconds with her family.

  She walks over, her heels clicking on the floor matching the beat of my damn heart. “What are you doing here?” Her voice squeaks and her damn lip is between her teeth. But I don’t focus on that. She has all this shit swarming her and the rest of Hads is hesitating, but her eyes…her eyes show me she’s fucking too happy to see me. She is locked on me and only me, even ignores her brother’s menacing look at me.

  “Like your hair.” I lift my hand and wrap my finger around a stray strand.

  She shifts her stance and her face flushes. “Thanks, but what are you doing here?”

  “I wanted another joke, this time in person.”

  “Sure.” She draws out the word as she teases me.

  “Truth?”

  “Always.”

  “I couldn’t let you do this without me.”

  “That’s a pretty simple answer, Reed.”

  “Simple question, Hads, but I need to talk to you about something before tomorrow.”

  “I can’t talk about anything. It could…”

  “Not about anything I heard today. It’s just time to get shit out. And before you start, it has to be done.”

  “If this is about…” She puts her purse in front of her body like it’s a damn shield for the truth, but that won’t help her from this.

  “It is. You don’t want to know, and I respected that shit when you told me, but if I don’t tell you, tomorrow will be shit for you. Now shut up and come with me. We can do it at my place, but pinky I’ll bring you back to Gus’s later. Or you can tell him to come pick you up. Whatever you want, but this needs to be said once and for all.”

  “I don’t know, I mean…”

  I grab her hand before she can protest any more, bypass Matt and William on our way out, and whisk her to the SUV I rented for the next couple of days.

  Gus trails behind and waits for us to settle in the car before he speaks to Hadley. “I will come to get you, I swear, but trust me, you need to hear this.”

  “Does everyone know what’s going on but me?”

  “I only know some of it, Hadley, but remember I told you it was never my story to tell.”

  “I don’t like it, Gus.”

  “You need to know. Would you rather hear it from Reed or them? Because that’s what will happen. I’ll be there at Reed’s in two hours, but call me if you need to be picked up before that. And don’t worry, I’ll tell William and Matt.” Gus slams the door and Hadley pulls into herself, closing her eyes and lifting her fingers to her mouth.

  “Stop chewing on your nails, Hads.” She does that when she’s stressed. I want to tell her she shouldn’t worry, but Hads should. I did fucked-up things, I hid all this shit. I didn’t want it out like this, although, she didn’t want it before. But not now, I’m not giving her any more options to know the truth or not.

  “I can’t help it. You come strutting in saying you flew across the damn country all for a damn joke and zip me away. Not to mention Gus is all like, ‘you need to hear this.’ That’s a recipe for my nerves to go, Reed.”

  The steel elevator doors close and Hads won’t peel her eyes to it, no doubt knowing she’s stuck here until she finds everything out. I place my hand on her lower back, pushing her through the entry of my condo.

  “You went to all this trouble to get me here, and here I am. So speak,” Hadley demands. Her pacing is wearing a hole in my floor and her damn thumb is in her mouth the whole time.

  “You want a drink?” I nod my head to the kitchen and retreat before she can actually answer me.

  I pop open a beer and hand her a bottle of water, buying more time for me to grow a pair and break everything the fuck wide open.

  Hadley continues to tread back and forth while the sun sets off in the distance and shines off her hair. Hads guzzles the whole water down in a few seconds and starts to peel off the label on the bottle.

  “For fuck’s sake, babe. Do me a favor and sit down, take a load off or something, please. The moving you’re doing is driving me crazy and making me dizzy as fuck.”

  Hads huffs, rolls her eyes, and crosses her arms. But she sits in the chair I’d moved by the window because she used to love to look out of it when she read. Seems like ages ago when we were here, happy and a fucking couple. Damn mistakes.

  Hadley taps her wrist, urging me to talk.

  One more drink of my beer and I rip off that Band-Aid. “Open and honest now. First, I hired Gus to watch you this week, but he was going to ask you to stay with him anyway. I’m just now paying him for it.”

  She drops her arms and her face lifts up like she just smelled something rank. “I knew that little dip—”

  “Babe, I love you but for the love of God, don’t interrupt me or I’m going to lose my shit.” And it’s true. My fucking nerves are out the window. The anxiety of wondering what she’ll do once I tell her this shit makes me mental. “Shit. Three years ago...Hads. Fuck!” My heart pounds out of my chest and my throat is fighting with my brain to get the words out. The fucking truth strangles me with each look she’s giving me. “I got Krystal pregnant—I don’t fucking have a clue how. We used condoms all the time. I mean never did I…” I try to spit it out in one flash of words, feeling like I might vomit.

  Hads sinks back in the chair and her hand is clenched in a fist over her heart. “Reed, I understand your need to tell me. But I don’t want the specifics about it all. I’ve seen the videos, and those images are stuck in my head and I don’t want to hear your words playing along with them.” Her voice quivers.

  I rub my neck, looking at the sheen of unshed tears in her eyes. “Yep, okay, I’m sorry but I gotta finish… See, she came over late one night about a year after I met her and said she was pregnant. Babe, I was in shock. I mean, that shit stunned me… I couldn’t process what Krystal said, so I walked out on her before I could ask her. It was too hard to breathe in the same room with her. I couldn’t get over what she said, and all I thought about was that I didn’t want anything to do with a baby if you weren’t the one carrying it. Our baby.” I choke on the words.

  Our baby that she lost and mourned while I was fucking another girl and making one of my own. “Flashes of the future we talked about crossed my mind over and over. I thought you were out of my life for good. No excuse for what I did, but it’s the truth. Honest to God, it’s the hand-over-my-heart fucking truth. And the only way I could get over any damn disappointment was taking fucking shot after shot. I got trashed. I mean tanked, shitter than shit. The rest of that night is a blank. But I woke up in the late afternoon and had a fucking band on my finger. And still to this damn day, I ha
ve no clue what happened. It’s still one big damn blur.” I lock eyes with Hads as hers fill with more unshed tears. Our connection breaks with one turn of the head from her.

  “So you did marry her? I thought… I hoped. Hell, I don’t know. But Reed, you gave her vows that I always thought were meant for us, even if we weren’t together. I never...” Hads stares off in the distance as she blinks a lone tear. It falls from her eye. “There is more, I know, so just please get it over with.”

  I move to her, but with one shake of her head, it stops me from getting any closer. Hads doesn’t want me near her. I knew I took a chance; I knew that if it came out, this love we have might not be enough to repair the damage I did. And I also knew you can love someone with everything in you and vow to never hurt them but still do it. I knew that because I pushed repeat on all my faults.

  I talk without taking my sight off of Hads. “The next day, Krystal filled in some of the pieces about us going to the courthouse. We ended up fighting and I wanted it annulled, but her eyes were bloodshot and it was bigger than just me. Bigger than her and you or us. It was for the baby, the baby that did nothing or never asked to be conceived. She was hung over, hung over and pregnant, and I knew I couldn’t walk away. If I did that to my baby, what kind of person was I? As much as I didn’t want anything to do with the baby the night before, I knew it wasn’t his fault. I fucked up. I made Laura look over the laws, and as long as we were married until the baby was born and I was on the birth certificate, I was legally the father and I could fight for custody. So I made a pledge that I would try to make the best of the fucked-up situation.”

  “How could you try to make it work if you never kissed her? Unless that was a lie.”

  “It wasn’t, I still have never kissed her. I don’t know about the wedding, but any other time, my lips never fucking touched hers. I just wanted to make a home, one single home, where I could watch her so she couldn’t use or drink, and after she had the baby and it was healthy, I was going to kick her to the curb and take custody, because let’s face it, there isn’t a motherly bone in her body. But it didn’t matter though. None of it mattered in the long run. Six weeks after she found out, Krystal had a miscarriage and it was over.”