The Hope Jar

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  At least she had a microwave, so she could heat up any leftovers she brought home from her break at work. But oh how Michelle missed the delicious home-cooked meals Mary Ruth made.

  She’d gotten off work a short time ago, and her hair reeked of grease from working in the restaurant all day. The schedule Michelle had been given was crazy. Sometimes she worked the day shift and other times the evening hours. Her boss was a big burly guy. Not real friendly, but okay. She was just glad to have found a job. Michelle also felt relieved that the lump on her head had receded and she no longer suffered from headaches. It would have been difficult to work anywhere if she was still in pain.

  Susan, one of the single waitresses who was close to Michelle’s age, was friendly and easy to work with, and they usually had the same shift. Right now, it seemed Susan was her only friend. The desk clerk at the hotel where she was staying seemed pretty nice too.

  The restaurant was small, and the tables and chairs were set too close together, making it difficult to get around. Despite the fact that it sat on the corner of a secondary street and farther up from the office district in Harrisburg, a nice flow of customers came in. From what Michelle could tell, they were mostly regulars who either lived or worked in the city. A few of them, she’d learned, worked at the state capitol, some at the courthouse, and others in offices around the Capitol District. They were decent people, for the most part, and tipped well, but some who stopped in for a bite to eat were questionable.

  Unfortunately, later in the evening people disappeared off the sidewalks, except at the corner where she worked. It became a hangout, drawing some of the local young men, who stood around smoking and looking for trouble. Quitting time was unnerving when Michelle left to walk back to her hotel after the evening shift. Cat whistles from the guys became a normal thing, and sometimes a not-so-nice comment reached her ears.

  But for the most part, that was the extent of them bothering her. As long as they left Michelle alone, she could put up with their jeers. Of course, that was minimal compared to what she’d gone through when she lived with her parents or had dealt with Jerry.

  Michelle got by on as little as possible and felt grateful for the food she was offered as part of her compensation for working at the restaurant. Since she planned to put money in an envelope to pay back the Lapps, there wouldn’t be much left for food and personal items.

  Moving down the narrow hall and into the bathroom, Michelle gazed at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her throat tightened as tears sprang to her eyes. She’d been miserable ever since she left Willis and Mary Ruth’s and hadn’t really been able to relax. Ever since she’d arrived in Harrisburg, her nerves had been on edge. Michelle felt like she did when her brothers were taken away. She was downright depressed. Wish I’d never pretended to be Sara Murray. I’ve really made a mess of my life.

  Michelle had gotten used to wearing little or no makeup while living with the Lapps, but since she was working again, she’d begun wearing makeup. But the makeup felt heavy on her face, and her eyes itched from the mascara and eye liner. She couldn’t wait to get back to her room each night when her shift was over so she could wash the makeup off. Next came the shower with lukewarm water, and finally, she collapsed on the bed.

  Each night before going to sleep, Michelle would read the few prayer-jar notes she had brought with her. They gave her a sense of peace and, most importantly, hope. Tonight, the paper she took out was Isaiah 41:10: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

  Oh Lord, I do need Your help. I’m just not deserving. Michelle sniffed and reached for a tissue. Her thoughts turned to Ezekiel and the special friendship that had developed between them. She had kept her growing feelings for him to herself, knowing she would someday leave, but now she could freely acknowledge that she had fallen in love with Ezekiel, not Brad.

  But it was too late for any kind of relationship between them. She had ruined things with her lies. Ruined her chances with the Lapps, and with Ezekiel, and with Brad. Michelle was well aware of Ezekiel’s interest in the English life, but deep down she didn’t want to be the reason he might leave the Amish faith. His parents were already uncomfortable with her, and if he left, they’d probably blame her. Well, there was no cause for them to be concerned about that now.

  Michelle rolled over and punched her pillow, trying to find a comfortable position. She still couldn’t believe how upset Ezekiel had gotten with her when she’d admitted the truth. Didn’t his conscience let him realize that he too was a liar?

  If I were really Sara Murray and could have stayed in Strasburg permanently, I may have joined the Amish church and maybe Ezekiel would have too. After getting a taste of how the Amish lived, and the decency, kindness, and honesty she saw in the Lapps, how could she ever measure up or be good enough considering everything that had happened in her life?

  A song popped into her head. She’d learned it in Bible school when she was living with her foster family. She began to sing the words, surprised that she remembered them at all. “Jesus loves me! This I know, for the Bible tells me so; Little ones to Him belong; They are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so.”

  Feeling as though the song had been meant for her, Michelle closed her eyes. If Jesus loves me, I hope He hears this.

  Michelle whispered a prayer asking God’s forgiveness, before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

  Strasburg

  Sara was about to head upstairs to bed when Mary Ruth called out to her. “I almost forgot—when your grandpa went out to check for mail this evening after supper, there was a letter for you.”

  Sara paused. “Are you sure? No one knows I’m here except my stepfather, and I would think if he wanted to get a hold of me, he would have called my cell phone.”

  “It’s addressed to you.” Mary Ruth held out the letter.

  “Okay, thanks. I’ll take it up to my room and read it there.” Sara took the letter. “Goodnight, Mary Ruth—I mean, Grandma.”

  Mary Ruth smiled. “I hope you sleep well, Sara.”

  “You too.” Sara nodded and hurried from the room. She’d been here nearly two weeks now and still hadn’t gotten used to the idea that this pleasant Amish couple were actually her grandparents. It seemed like she was living a dream. A very simple, plain one at that.

  Michelle Taylor’s name had only been brought up a couple of times since Sara’s first day here, but Willis and Mary Ruth had asked her dozens of questions about their daughter, wanting to know anything she could tell them about her mother. What was Sara’s life like growing up? Where did they live? Did she have any siblings? What did Rhoda do for a living? How did she die? So many of their questions had brought back a flood of memories for Sara—some happy, others sad.

  Sara had asked them plenty of questions too—including if they knew who her biological father was. She was greatly disappointed when they said they had no idea. In fact, her grandparents said they’d been wondering about that too. With frowns, they did comment that Sara’s mother had always kept pretty quiet about who she saw or what she did during her running-around days.

  It was a surprise to learn that Willis and Mary Ruth had no idea their daughter was expecting a baby when she left home. That bit of information Sara had learned when she’d read the letter Mama left for her in the Bible. It had been a shock to her as well, although she’d suspected it because of growing up without a father until Mama had married Dean. The part Sara hadn’t known until reading the letter was that her mother had run away from home. It was hard to understand how Mama could have left such loving parents.

  Mama must have been a bit of rebel during her younger years, Sara thought as she climbed the creaking stairs. I can only imagine the agony of what her parents went through when she ran away from home and never contacted them again.
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  Her heart ached as she clutched the doorknob and stepped into the guest room. And then they had to deal with that auburn-haired woman’s deceit. Sara wished there was something she could do to alleviate their pain. Would it help if they knew who my father was, or is it only important to me?

  Sara had determined in her heart, even before she arrived here, that she would leave no stone unturned in trying to locate her father. Surely there had to be someone in this community who knew who he was. Unfortunately, on this visit she’d spent most of her time just getting to know her grandparents. The next time she came to Strasburg to visit her grandparents, she would do some asking around and see if anyone the Lapps knew might be able to shed some light on things.

  Taking a seat at the small desk in the room, she turned on the battery-operated lamp and tore open the letter that had no return address. Silently, she read it:

  Dear Sara,

  I am settled in at the seminary and decided to take a few a minutes from my studies to write and see how you’re doing.

  I trust you got the note I dropped off the day I left Strasburg. Wish we could have said goodbye in person, but maybe it was better this way.

  I’ve enclosed a card with a Bible verse on it, along with my mailing address here. I hope you will write when you have the time. As soon as I have a free weekend, I’d like to come there for a visit.

  Give my love to Willis and Mary Ruth, and remember, Sara, I am praying for you.

  All God’s best,

  Brad

  Sara set the letter aside. It was obviously not meant for her. The man clearly knew Michelle, whom he believed to be Sara. He sounded like a nice guy and was apparently religious. But he had no idea Michelle had deceived him.

  Her scalp prickled. Oh boy. This poor man will be coming here to see the woman he knows as Sara, and my grandparents will be the ones to tell him the truth. Sure hope I’m not here when it happens.

  Chapter 40

  When Ezekiel woke up the last Saturday of October, he made a decision. He’d finally connected with Stan Eaton yesterday and found out where he’d taken Michelle. Stan had been gone for three-and-a-half weeks, visiting his sick mother who lived in Iowa. Now that he was back in the area, Ezekiel learned that Stan had driven Michelle to Harrisburg the day she’d left the Lapps’. Apparently she had asked him to drop her off at a hotel that was not in the best part of town.

  Thinking more about it, Ezekiel shook his head. I bet she’s low on money by now. I’ll take some extra cash with me, just in case.

  He had taken some time to process what he’d learned from Stan, and even though he was still upset with Michelle for the way she’d left, not to mention the reason for it, Ezekiel felt compelled to see her. Since he hadn’t sold his truck, and now had his driver’s license, he could get to Harrisburg without hiring a driver.

  Two days ago, Ezekiel had told his parents the truth about not selling the truck, but so far Dad hadn’t asked him to leave. It would probably come sooner or later. But it didn’t matter, because Ezekiel had made up his mind about what he was going to do.

  Harrisburg

  Since Michelle didn’t have to work until evening, it would be good to take some time for herself and get acquainted with more of her surroundings. It seemed that all she had done since arriving in Harrisburg was work and sit around feeling sorry for herself. So recently, she’d asked her coworker Susan if there was anything close by to see or do that wouldn’t cost any money.

  Susan had given Michelle a few suggestions, and she decided to walk up Front Street to see the view of the Susquehanna River. Michelle grabbed her keys and her jacket and left the hotel for her small venture.

  After walking the few blocks and crossing the street, Michelle found herself in a grassy area. Beyond that, the flowing river came into view. Huge trees grew on this stretch of public land with massive branches donning leaves of autumn’s brilliance. Today was Saturday, and traffic on Front Street was light, unlike Monday through Friday when people traveled to the city for their jobs.

  That was one thing Michelle had noticed right away. Not only was the traffic heavy in Harrisburg during the work week, but the view out her hotel room window was boring—kind of like it had been in Philadelphia. Boy, how she missed looking out into the Lapps’ backyard from her upstairs bedroom window in Strasburg, where she could look as far as her eyes would let her, and see the big open sky. From her hotel room and the restaurant, Michelle saw mostly brick and mortar, which she had hoped to never see again.

  “Wow, this view is amazing,” Michelle murmured as she took a seat on one of the park benches. Activity surrounded her everywhere. It seemed to be a popular place to come for those wanting to get away for a spell. Michelle watched people jogging, riding bicycles, and walking their dogs along the macadamized pathway. There were also some folks sitting on benches, reading a newspaper or book. But most, like herself, sat quietly staring out, no doubt, enjoying the spacious view.

  Michelle took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She hadn’t felt this relaxed since leaving Strasburg. She would have to try and come to the riverfront more often, for it wasn’t confining here, like in her room back at the hotel.

  As Michelle looked across the river, she could see clear to the other side. That must be what I hear people referring to as the West Shore. She had heard that term used at the restaurant quite often too. This side of the river, she’d learned, was called the East Shore.

  Michelle turned her head when she heard some honking, and watched a small flock of geese land in the grass a short distance away. An older man and woman, sitting closer to the birds, took out a bag of cracked corn and threw it toward the geese.

  Michelle smiled when the geese hungrily snatched up the food then took off in flight toward the river. She watched them land on one of the islands, which jutted out toward the middle of the river. Other birds mingled along the island’s shoreline. One bird stood out among the rest: pure white with extremely long legs. From where she sat, several bridges were in view, crossing over the water to the West Shore. When Michelle looked in the other direction, a mountain range could be seen. I wonder how long it takes to get up there.

  Michelle thought it was truly a breath of fresh air, seeing the river and beyond, as far as the eyes could see. It was exactly the outlet she needed after being cooped up at work and inside her dinky hotel room, and it was a good way to get her mind off her troubles. She was thankful she had taken Susan’s suggestion and come here today.

  As Michelle looked up the river, something caught her attention, and as it got closer, she realized it was a tree branch. The limb moved slowly along with the water’s flow, bobbing up and down in the ripples like a giant cork. I wonder where that branch will end up. It’s kind of like me, not knowing where I’ll wind up.

  Just as she was about to get up, her friend Susan plopped down beside her. “Hey girl, I was hoping you would make it out to view the mighty Susquehanna River. What do you think of our beautiful waterway?”

  “You were right. It’s a nice place to come, and just across the street from all of that.” Michelle pointed to the buildings behind her.

  “That’s one perk for working in Harrisburg. We have river frontage to escape to.” Susan grinned. “Not all of Harrisburg looks old and rundown, like the neighborhood where Dan’s restaurant is located. There are a lot of fun things to see and do in the city.”

  “Like what?”

  “There’s a state museum, and farther up the river is Fort Hunter, where they have several events throughout the year. There’s also a sportsmen’s show, the Pennsylvania auto show, and a big horse show.”

  “I would enjoy the horse show. When I lived in Strasburg, I was around horses a lot.” Michelle’s thoughts took her back to a day when she’d hosed off Mary Ruth’s horse, Peanuts. As warm as it was that afternoon, it had felt good for both the mare and Michelle to have cool water spraying on their bodies. Michelle almost chuckled out loud, remembering how the leaky nozzle on the
hose had caused a spray of water to be aimed in her direction.

  Then Michelle reflected on another day when one of the Lapps’ chickens had followed her around the yard, cackling and flapping her wings. The silly chicken didn’t quit carrying on until Michelle stopped walking and bent down to stroke the hen’s soft feathers. After that, Michelle was fairly sure she’d made a new barnyard friend. Then there was Willis’s horse, Bashful. Michelle had been a bit leery of her at first, but after she was around the mare longer, they too became friends. In fact, it didn’t take long before Michelle had Bashful eating out of her hand.

  Susan tapped Michelle’s arm. “Well, you need to go to the horse show then, and maybe I’ll even go with you. And you know what else, Michelle?”

  “What’s that?”

  “If you stick around Harrisburg, in January there’s the annual farm show at the Farm Show complex. Think you might enjoy that too?”

  “Yeah, I would. But I’m not sure how long I’ll be living in Harrisburg.”

  “How come? Do you have someplace else to go?”

  Michelle shook her head. “No, not really. It all depends on how well things go with my job, and whether I’m able to find an apartment I can afford.” Michelle pushed a strand of unruly hair behind her ear that seemed determined to blow across her face. A nice breeze coming off the river rattled the leaves overhead. A variety of birds flew close to the water’s surface.

  Michelle felt a little better about her current situation, knowing she could at least attend some interesting events and also come to the riverfront to unwind a bit. She looked over at Susan. “I can’t believe all the birds I’ve seen since I got here.”