by Ali Parker
"No, I wish. Did you just get in town?"
"I did." I opened the door and got into the car. "I literally just walked off the plane."
"Then my timing is excellent."
"That it is." I buckled up and started the car, loving the purr of the engine. It reminded me of Erica, and my cock twitched, my pulse spiked. The woman was without a doubt the very core of my lust, and I was an idiot for denying her anything.
Grow up.
"I got the private showing set up for us. It'll be at De Luge two weeks from Friday. You'll need to be there at five at the latest."
"Two weeks. Damn... that's so soon." I pressed the gas and adjusted my mirrors as my lust turned to worry. There was no way I would have the picture of Erica done by then. Was I really ready to show the world my girl? Bared and nude, open for everyone to realize what an idiot I'd been?
"We said November. It starts Friday. I can look at moving it if-"
"No. I'm good. I was just trying to decide if I needed to do something big, flashy, stunning for the event. I'm not sure with two weeks I really have time for what I was working up to in the back of my mind." I reached up and ran my fingers through my hair as my heart contracted in my chest. It hurt to be in Seattle and not have her beside me. It was almost a travesty that my soul woke up to lament over.
"You're going to need something magnificent to impress these people. Where your portfolio is more than enough to catch the eye of the commoner, I went with Erica's suggestion and set the event up for ten grand as the entrance fee."
I swallowed hard. "What? Did anyone pay that? I'm not even known."
"Right, but your father is." Jonathan cleared his throat. "We have fifty people coming that night. Create something breathtaking. You have it in you."
"Breathtaking." My mind immediately went back to the portrait of my girl. "Erica."
"Yes!" Jonathan laughed. "You have been thinking about it. I had hoped I planted a seed in you that day. Put her on canvas, Matthew. She's impossibly beautiful. Show the world what you see."
"Okay. I'll talk to her, and if she agrees to it, I'll work night and day to get it done." Exhilaration rushed through me. I could do this.
"Good. Get it done. We'll talk soon. Let me know if you need anything at all."
"Yeah, thanks." I dropped the call and let my thoughts move all around the edges of what success felt like. My dream was to have an art gallery of my own where people from all over the world could come and appreciate the depths of emotion I painted in my pictures. The only thing that would have made it better was to have Erica's work next to mine.
Even if nothing worked out between us, I would force a friendship on her. She needed someone to encourage her to push toward her dreams, even part-time. She could hold down her job at my father's firm and still continue to pursue her heart. She had to. Without exploring her talent, she would grow cold, unmoved, numb.
I put a call into Damon's secretary, Linda. She picked up on the second ring.
"McKenzie and Bryant, Damon Bryant's office. How can I help you?" Always so damn chipper.
"Hey, Linda. This is Matt, Damon's brother."
"Hi, Matt. Did you make it to Seattle?"
"Sure did. Hey, could you e-mail that list of apartments in the art district that Erica sent over to you guys a few months back? I know Damon probably kept it just in case I finally made the trip up here and got serious about staying."
"Oh, yeah. He totally kept it. I'll find it and send it to your phone for you. Are you looking today?"
"Yep. Just got here. I need something really spacious and with lots of great light."
"You got it. Give me about twenty minutes to look at the listings and I'll have something to you."
I smiled. "Excellent. Thank you."
"Anytime."
We hung up and I turned to merge onto the freeway. I plugged the phone into the hands free device and pressed Erica's cell phone number, half expecting it to go to voicemail. This time I planned on leaving a message. She needed to know I was in town and wanted to talk to her - about the painting if nothing else.
"This is Erica." Her voice sent tendrils of pleasure racing through me, as if the woman were an aphrodisiac altogether.
"Erica. It's Matt. I just got into town. I'm headed to look at apartments, but I'd love to swing by the office and check in with you a little later if that'd be okay."
"Yeah, sure. I have meetings all day long, but feel free to wait in my office if I'm not around. Just check in with Joan, my secretary, and if you're waiting too long, she'll hunt me down."
"All right. I'll see you soon."
She hung up without a response. I sighed and tried to not get too down on myself. It wasn't going to be easy walking back into her life. She needed to know that I wasn't running again, and I had to be sure I could get over judging myself unworthy of her before I promised that.
My phone pinged a few minutes later and Linda had the listings for me, all of them looking great. Luckily enough, the first one I came to captivated my heart.
Much like the woman I hoped to share it with eventually.
*
"Matt. Good to see you again." Joan extended her hand as I walked toward her.
"Pleasure is all mine." I shook her hand and nodded to Erica's office. "Is she around?"
"She's in a meeting, but have a seat in her office and I'll let her know that you're here." She smiled. "Would you like a coffee or water?"
"No thanks. I'll grab something myself if I get thirsty."
"Of course. This is your father's firm."
"Yep." I walked toward Erica's office, and breathed in deeply when I walked in, catching traces of her perfume. Every cell in my body woke up. I breathed in again as if I were out of breath. Dropping down in the chair in front of her desk, I imagined her sitting in front of me, her dark blond hair in a loose bun, her lips cherry red.
What the fuck was I doing? Why did the boy in me show up when commitment was at stake? I forced myself to stand my ground with her when she came in.
I was sorry.
I was beyond interested.
I was in love. Period.
"Yeah, thanks, Joan. I'll just leave them in-"
I turned as an old guy walked in with a bouquet of white roses and stopped at the door.
"I'm so sorry," he started, "I'll come back in a little while."
"No." I stood and walked toward him. "I'm Matthew, and you are?"
"Kent's son. Of course." A warm smile lifted the guy’s face. Why was he bringing Erica flowers? Old friend? Her brother? He extended his hand. "I'm Mitch Roberson. The new Director of Advisory Services."
"Oh. Yes." I shook his hand a little harder than was necessary. Why was the old bastard bringing Erica a gift? "Nice to meet you. My father's told me so much about you."
"You're going to be joining us soon from what Erica tells me."
"Yes. My father finally pushed enough." I forced a smile and crossed my arms over my chest. "Those are nice. For Erica?"
"Oh, yeah." He moved around me and put the flowers on her desk. "She had a shitty start to her week, so I thought maybe I'd brighten it a little."
"Nice." Why in the world had I thought that time would stand still, that fate would keep her tucked away for when I was ready? It was a cosmic joke, and it was on me.
"Well, nice to meet you, Matt. I'll see you Monday for sure." He nodded and walked out, leaving me feeling far more inadequate than I should have. He was twice her age - at least. There was no way in hell she was interested.
The sound of her laughter filled my ears. I got up and walked to the door, pausing in the entrance to hear her and Mitch talking. He was funny. Smart. Rich. Handsome. And she was enjoying his company.
I turned and jogged to my seat, dropping down and working hard to keep my stomach from turning. Everything that happened from the moment I left her place last Monday to now was deserved. However bad it got, whatever I lost... I deserved every ounce of it for running.
&nb
sp; "Matt. I hope I didn't keep you waiting." She walked around me, giving me a split second to check her out from behind. Her black dress was business professional, but left miles of shapely leg on display.
"Not at all. I just got here." I turned my attention to her, taking her in and forcing myself to breathe. She'd only gotten more beautiful, or maybe that was because I was close to losing her. After having her chase me hard and fast for the last two years, I was at a loss for how to react with her possibly moving on.
Surely not.
"Great." She smiled and sat down. "Did you find an apartment? If not, I can get one of my staff to help you."
One of her staff?
"Yeah. It's all done." I leaned back in my chair and studied her. "You look amazing."
"You're being sweet. What do you want?" She pressed her arms to the table and leaned toward me a little.
You. I want you. Forever.
"Well, for starters, I could use your help."
"Sure. Whatever you need." She sat back in her chair and crossed her legs before fiddling with her hair. She was nervous. Good. At least I wasn't alone.
"Jonathan set up the private showing for two weeks from Friday and he wants the piece I'm working on of you to be the main display."
"Oh. Wow." Her eyes widened but she didn't look away. "Okay. So what do we need to do? You have plenty of pictures, right? There's no need for me to-"
She didn't want to get naked in front of me again. My spirit wilted deep inside of me, stealing some of the color out of my world, leaving me cold.
"No. No, of course not." I lifted my hand and forced a tight smile. How awkward we were. "I just wanted to see if you would help me get everything set up and maybe mix paints for me. It's a big project and I literally have nothing."
"I can probably do that." She tilted her head to the side and blinked a few times as if waking up. "Did you bring these?" She reached out and plucked a white rose from the vase beside her.
"No. Mitch did." Of course Mitch did.
"When did you need my help?" She ignored me.
"Tonight if you're free." I was pushing my luck. I'd yet to apologize. I was surprised she was even talking to me, but I wanted the timing to be right, and it wasn't, not yet at least.
"I can't." She ran her fingers through her hair and licked at her lips. "Friday might work."
"Okay, yeah. Friday would be great. I'll work to get the place set up with some furniture by then."
"Great." She stood and pressed her hands to the desk. "Anything else?"
"Um, no." I stood and my legs locked. "I'm starting on Monday, if that's okay."
"Yep. We'll have everything set up for you by then." She moved around me and walked to the door, reaching up and sliding her hand down the frame. Everything about her turned me on and broke my heart in tandem.
I walked toward her, realizing that I'd worn out my welcome and it hadn't been more than five minutes. "So we'll grab some fish tacos on Friday and then head to the art store. That okay?"
"Sounds like a plan." Not a date. A plan.
"I'd really like you to be at the private showing with me. Damon, Bethany and my father are coming as well." I stopped a few feet in front of her and forced myself not to close the gap between us. The welcome mat had been retracted.
"I'll check my calendar, but that would be fun. I love your family." She glanced down and I caught the first glimpse of sorrow.
"I need to apologize to you. I was-"
"No." She lifted her hand, cutting me off. "We had a good weekend together, and I want to leave it as that. If I bring Monday morning into the conversation, it hurts like a bitch. Leave it at Sunday night."
I didn't know what to say, so I nodded and moved past her into the hall as my heart broke in my chest. I was a fool to think there was room inside of her to forgive me.
She wasn't going to, and I didn't blame her.
The judge in my head had spoken.
I didn't deserve it or her.
Denied.
Chapter 6
Erica
Sorrow threatened to suffocate me as I watched him walk toward the elevator. A scream lodged in my chest, burning me from the inside out.
My pride wouldn't let me move, but my heart cried out to run after him. To stop him, throw myself at him and beg him to love me.
So weak. Pathetic. Needy. Everything my mom wasn't.
I turned and forced one foot in front of the other until I made it back to my desk. The large bouquet of flowers from Mitch was almost too much, but the gesture was sweet, kind. Poor Matt for having to see them. He had to be worried that I'd moved on after our weekend together. As if. I wished I could move on, but it wasn't going to happen for a while. No matter how perfect Mitch might be for me. I felt nothing more than an odd curiosity toward him.
"Erica. Is everything okay?" Joan's voice was soft, timid even.
"Yes." I sat down at my desk and looked up toward her as my eyes filled with tears. "No. Can you shut the door for me?"
"Of course, dear. I'll hold your calls until you tell me you're ready for them." The sad look on her pretty face only seemed to draw my tears forth faster.
"Thank you," I murmured and pressed my hands to my face as pain wrapped its ugly ropes of despair around me. I waited until the click of my door let me know it was closed to lose myself. We weren't going to get past what happened. The passion had been too much for him to handle. It scared him and he ran from it. From me.
What kind of man did that? A boy. Not a man.
And yet I wanted to give him grace, to offer him another chance. Everyone treated him like he'd yet to grow up and maybe that was part of the reason he hadn't. It was safe to be who everyone wanted you to be. Hell, I was exactly who my mother thought I should be when I was around her for more than a few minutes. Matt wasn't any different.
Hot tears raced down my cheeks as I stifled my sobs and tried hard to rein in the anguish of knowing he was trying to make amends. I'd denied him. I was both proud and disgusted with myself. What had he expected? Me to jump in his strong arms and let him kiss away the hurt?
Fuck. That sounded so good.
My stomach clenched as I pressed my hands tighter to my face and cried harder, losing my breath somewhere in the middle of the pain. I gasped for air and dropped my hands from my face as I started to hyperventilate. I was terrified to lose him, but without standing my ground and making him come to me as the man he kept trapped inside of him, I was validating his immaturity. I couldn't do it.
"Even at the expense of losing him?" I sobbed again and closed my eyes tightly, wishing the world would disappear.
Not even over losing him. I loved him far too much to leave him believing that he could act any way he wanted and not suffer the consequences. It was bullshit.
A knock at my door surprised me. Joan would never let anyone bother me while I was upset. I'd yet to cry in front of her, but I knew it from past spurts of anger or stress.
"Erica." Mitch. Dammit to hell.
"I'm fine." I got up and walked to the door quickly for fear that he would open it.
"Let me in." His deep voice wrapped around me, offering comfort and I reached for the knob, considering it seriously. No. He would hold me and that act alone would confuse me and bind us together. I barely knew him. No.
"I can't. I'll touch base with you tomorrow, okay?" I wiped at my nose and sniffled, hating that he knew I was hurting. He would use it to his advantage as someone interested in more than a friendship. I couldn't blame him, but I was weak. The only defense I had was a good offense. Keep him at bay until I healed.
"I can hear you crying." His voice was a soft whisper, so comforting. Like the devil at the door when you needed him most. "Tell me what's going on. How can I help?"
"I promise I'll come find you tomorrow. I'm just fighting with my mother. It's stupid and childish, but I'll explain tomorrow. Thank you for the flowers." I locked my door and walked back to my desk, missing out on what his response was. I
put my headphones on and closed my eyes, trying hard to pull myself together. No one needed to save me. I wasn't lost nor was I hurt.
I was heartbroken. It wasn't the first time, and it damn sure wouldn't be the last.
*
"Hi there. You looking for something specific?" A short girl with a bobbed haircut bounced up beside me, a huge smile on her face.
I pointed to the puppies in the glass case in front of me. "Can I see the little brown one?"
"You bet. He's a mix between a Schnauzer and a Yorkshire Terrier. Super playful and loves to chew on things." She laughed and left me standing there as she went behind a closed door.
I'd been wanting a pet for as long as I could remember, but it never seemed like a wise investment. Wise could take a hike now. I needed someone or something to love on and be loved by. Not trivial, conditional love like most of the men in my life, outside of my father, had given me. Unconditional love. Joy. Happiness.
She walked back out and I laughed as my heart swelled in my chest.
Yes. That feeling. Exactly.
"Here you go. This little guy is six weeks old. Still a baby." She handed him to me and I cuddled him against my chest.
"Six weeks old? You're so cute, little guy." He licked my nose and I laughed. "I love him already."
"Then you should get him. He's a thousand, but he's well worth it. Has all his shots and stuff."
I let out a sigh as he snuggled up against me and started to chew on the top button of my dress. "I want him so bad, but I'm just not convinced that I'd be a good pet owner."
"Then do this," she reached out and took him from me, "take a few pictures, go home and put them on your fridge. I'll put a five-day hold on him and if you can't live without him in five days, come back and get him."
"I like that idea." I reached out and ran my fingers over his head. He barked and wiggled in her arms, trying to get down, or back to me. I wasn't sure which. "Okay. I'll try what you said, and if I can't live without him, you'll see me in here on Sunday."
"Perfect. Take some pictures." She put him down on the ground and I pulled out my phone, laughing as I followed after him. He got into just about everything he encountered, but I loved it. I'd be back on Sunday, without a doubt. Or maybe sooner. I wanted to bring Matt by to meet him, even though it was stupid. Matt and I were done before we started, but the part of me that begged for reconciliation said that Matt would be raising the little guy with me.