“That’s awesome of course I’ll be there.” I smile and turn to Zane.
“Count me in babe,” he says smoothly.
“Great,” I gush. Sydney looks as if she wants to add something to the conversation.
“So what times the gig?”
“Ah I think around ten, why?”
“Good, you can still come to the beach with me then?” I press my lips together. The beach sounds good. I have missed lying out in the sun, and besides spending some alone time with Sydney, is exactly what I need. I can be free to tell her all about my feelings and what I am going through right now.
“That sounds perfect,” I say smiling at her. Sydney claps her hands in excitement. I giggle; she is my best friend and always will be.
My shift is nearly over and Zane left ages ago. Sydney decided to stay with me. She has offered me a ride back to my apartment and I have kindly accepted. I think that she is feeling a little lonely since I moved out. I promised her that things wouldn’t change even though I moved out, but I feel bad that I have kind of broken my promise. We haven’t been spending a lot of time together and I feel awful about that. So I have asked her to stay over tonight. I know that Jonathon said only the musicians can stay in the apartments, but does he really need to know? And anyway, what is he going to do about it? Surly he wouldn’t fire me for spending some time with my friend. Maybe I am just wishful thinking in thinking that he won’t punish me for breaking one of the rules. Fuck it, he likes me and I know that he won’t.
Sydney drove me back to my apartment. I am all sweaty and gross from the heat and working in the café. Sydney is catching up on some TV whilst I take a shower. I wash my hair and slip on my skimpy pyjamas, consisting of a tight vest that is too short and shows off my midriff, and really short shorts. It’s so hot that I couldn’t bear to wear any more fabric than this. I let me hair dry naturally and it falls into loose waves around my shoulders. I feel so much better, now it’s time to go and see what Sydney is getting up to. I walk into the living room and she is laughing hysterically at some documentary about cats. I shake my head as I approach her. She is so into animals that its bores me sometimes. She talks about her childhood pet all the time. Mittens was her cat and she always talks about how heartbroken she was when he got ran over. Sure, it’s sad but come on girl, it was forever ago. Get over it.
“What on earth are you watching?” I say throwing myself down next to her. Sydney rolls her eyes at me and switches the TV off. She narrows her eyes at me when she meets my stare.
“Okay so what’s wrong with you?” she says in a firm voice. I sink further into the sofa. Sydney continues her tense stare. I feel uneasy.
“I don’t know what you mean.” I say playing dumb. Sydney doesn’t look impressed and she knows that I am trying to hide something. I really wanted to talk to her about everything, but now that it may actually happen and I may have to open up, it scares the crap out of me. I’m a really private person and it’s hard for me to open up. I’m so complicated, why does Sydney even bother to try and help me?
“I’m not buying that, something’s up I can tell.” Sydney persists. I run my fingers through the ends of my hair and I gently bite my lip. My mind is blank and I can’t focus. I was desperate to talk to her about everything, but now that I have my opportunity, I just can’t open up. Come on Ashley. Man up.
“I had the dream again.” I finally confess. Sydney moves closer to me, her eyes softening.
“Oh,” she’s speechless that’s a first. Oh wait, no she’s not. “That’s the first time in a while, right?” I nod.
“Yeah, I haven’t dreamt about that night in so long. I don’t know what spurred in me to make me dream about it again.”
“I know,” Sydney adds. My eyes hold back tears. I know what she’s going to say next. “It’s Mr Gucci, right?” I nod again. She knows me too well.
“He’s just made everything so … complicated. I have tried to hide my feelings for him, but there too prominent. I can’t escape them. He consumes every part of me.”
“Ashley he isn’t Brandon. He won’t do the things that he did. You can’t blame every guy for what that monster did to you.” I know she’s right, but it’s not Brandon that scares me.
“I know. I wish he was what I’m worried about.” Sydney looks confused.
“Ashley, what’s worrying you? I can’t help unless you let me in.”
“I’m not scared of Jonathon. I’m scared of myself.” A tear escapes my eye. I wipe it away and readjust myself on the sofa. Sydney exhales.
“I know it must be … difficult to let him in. You went through horrendous, terrifying things that have damaged you. But Ashley, that guy … loves you. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you. I know you’re scared, but there has to be a time when you excel from that fear. I want you to be happy, and I truly believe that Mr Gucci is your chance of finding that happiness.” Sydney’s words cut a little too deep. She’s right, but that doesn’t make my fears any less real.
“If that were true then why is he so mean to me?” Sydney laughs.
“You have so much to learn about how the male mind works.”
“Please enlighten me, Sydney,” I say trying to lighten the mood.
“He’s trying to make you hate him, because he knows that you will never open yourself up to him. If you hate him, then he can force himself not to love you. Sometimes being mean to the girl you love, is easier than showing her how much you care about her.” Sydney is the voice of reason.
“You could make a fortune from analysing people, you know that?” I say laughing and jokingly slapping her on the leg. “I have been meaning to apologise for the way he acted the other day.”
“There’s no need. I saw right through his ploy.”
“Even so, it’s still hurtful when someone’s rude for no reason.”
“Hunnie, just get over it, I am.”
We giggle and I jump off of the sofa. I hit the play button on the stereo. ‘Rihanna’s only girl in the world’ belts out of the speakers. I drag Sydney off the sofa, as I start to dance all over the living room. Sydney hates this sort of music, but I force her to let it go and join in. We dance and act silly. It’s freeing and I just want to let go of everything. I sing along and Sydney shocks me when she belts out the chorus. She can’t sing, she’s really bad, but it’s nice to see her let go of her serious ways. I turn the music up louder and we dance until our feet are numb.
We are rudely interrupted when the door bursts open. I turn around in horror. Jonathon is standing in front me. He’s carrying two brown paper bags and a bottle of wine. I am shocked, why is he here and why does he have a key to my apartment? He’s crossed a line. I wasn’t expecting him to drop by. Sydney shuts off the music and shoots me a tense look. Jonathon is smug as he stands in front of me. He’s dressed casually in jeans, a tight maroon coulouerd t-shirt that’s covered by a thin, white cardigan. He has a Gucci baseball cap turned backwards on his head. A sparkling watch and a diamond studded earring finishes off his perfectly created look. I am confused, why is here exactly?
“Have I interrupted something?” he says looking at me and then at Sydney. I fold my arms over my chest. I notice him staring at me in my skimpy outfit. I blush, knowing that look in his eye.
“No, no, I was just leaving.” Sydney lies. I shoot her a cold look. Why is she doing this to me?
“What, you were?” I embarrass her. She deserves it.
“Yeah, I totally forgot that I have to help… Jess… with… her… term paper.” I narrow my eyes at her lame excuse. Jess is her younger sister and I know for a fact that they don’t get on. She is just trying to force me into spending some alone time with Jonathon. She may be the voice of reason, but she is as subtle as a heart attack.
“I see,” my voice is smug. Sydney smiles at me and she grabs her things from the sofa. She walks over and hugs me as she leaves.
“Don’t be scared,” she whispers in my ear. She pulls back and glides over t
o the door. “Nice to see you again,” she says smiling at Jonathon. He looks at her and then at me.
“Yeah you too,” I shoot him a darting look. He knows that I want him to apologise for the other day. If he really cares about me, then he will show it to me by doing something that would make me happy. “Ah Sydney is it?” he says turning back to face the door.
“Yeah,” Sydney says meeting his stare.
“I wanna say sorry for being a jerk to you the other day.” Sydney smiles at him.
“Apology accepted!” she closes the door behind her and I am left alone with Mr Wilde.
“You hungry?” he says making his way over to the kitchen. I follow him.
“Ah no, and what are you doing here?” he places the bags down onto the counter and he rests his hands onto the marble.
“You seemed a little … out of sorts today and I bet you haven’t eaten all day?” His voice is smooth and kind. His eyes are soft and playful. He frustrates me, but I like it.
“I haven’t had time to eat. I’ve been swamped.” he cocks his head to one side as he pulls out two plastic trays from the bag. He opens one of them and the smell of tomato pasta and garlic bread ignites through the kitchen. He smugly smiles at me as he says.
“Where are your plates?” I roll my eyes and give into the fact that we are going to have dinner together. I walk further into the kitchen, and my body brushes past his, as I reach into the cupboard. I take out two plates and I blush when I catch him staring at me. I clear my throat and try to ignore his seductive eyes. I take some serving spoons from the drawer. I lightly push him out of the way, as I begin to transfer the food from the trays onto the plates. He chuckles and he pulls out another tray from the bag. This one has salad inside, a mix of lettuce leaves, carrot and wild rocket, my favourite. Our plates are complete and I lift them from the counter.
“The wine glasses are in the top cupboard,” I say as I brush past him again. I set the plates down onto the dining table and I take my seat. Jonathon approaches carrying two glasses and the bottle of expensive wine. He sits down at the table and he pours me a drink. I thank him and then I focus on the food. I wasn’t hungry all day, but now I could eat a horse. I jab a few pieces of pasta onto my fork, along with some salad. I realise that the size of my bites are a little un-lady like, but I don’t care. I am starving and judging from the way Jonathon’s eating he is too. I bite into my garlic bread and then I take a swig of the wine. Again it complements the food gloriously. I eat until I feel myself getting full and then I pause and look at Jonathon.
“Thanks the food is perfect, as always.” he smiles and his fork drops onto the plate. The clatter is loud and I can’t hold back my giggles. I swig another massive sip of my wine and I am shocked that my glass is empty, already. I reach for the bottle, but Jonathon beats me to it. He pours me another glass and then he tops up his own glass. I take another few mouthfuls of pasta and another massive sip of wine. My plate is empty and my glass has followed the trend. He pours me another drink and I thank him. I sip at the wine as he finishes his pasta.
“You look like you wanna ask me something.” he says looking up from the plate. The wine has given me enough confidence that I don’t have to blush every time he looks at me. He tops up both of our glasses, again. I look at the bottle, it’s nearly empty. I feel a little light-headed, maybe I drank too quickly. I set the glass down onto the table, and I wipe the beads of sweat that have formed on my forehead away. He looks really good, too good. I am frightened that the wine and the heat are going take their tool on me. I am scared that I might let him in. What if I give into to my deepest desires? Would that really be so bad Ashley? I shake my own subconscious out of my head. I focus on him. His dark eyes are sparkling and his full lips are parted.
“Yeah, why did you come here tonight?” My words are slightly slurred. I am such a light-weight.
“I’m here because I sensed that you were a little … down today and I wanted to see you.” I laugh and I need the help of my wine. I glug down the remainder of my drink and I slam the glass down onto the table.
“What about your girlfriend?” I ask slurring again. He laughs at me.
“What girlfriend?”
“Precious, Candy or whatever the hell her name is.” Jonathon chuckles and reaches for his wine.
“I think someone’s getting a little tipsy.” he says playfully. I shake my head and I jump out of my seat. I steady myself and I walk into the kitchen. I rummage in the fridge and I pull out two beers. I sip one and I bring one back to the table for Jonathon. I slide the beer in front of him and I say.
“Do you wanna see how tipsy I can get?” he looks intrigued and I can’t believe the way that I am acting. But who cares, it’s time for me to let loose. I drag Jonathon off of his chair and I pull him into the living room. I hit play on the stereo and another ‘Rihanna’ tune fills the air. “I love this song,” I gush.
“Oh na na, what’s my name, what’s my name,” I sing as I sway my hips to the music. Jonathon’s eyes widen as he watches me come alive.
“Hey boy I really wanna be with you, cause you just my type, ooh na na,” I sing. He can’t take it any longer; he slides in front of me. I look up at him as he places his hands around my waist. I sip my beer for courage and I drape my arms around his shoulders. He moves our bodies to the music. I relax and give into the pleasure of his arms around me. His scent is strong and very alluring. I could literally die in his arms and I wouldn’t care as long as he’s holding me. The song ends and it must be the end of the CD, the room is quiet and another track doesn’t play. He’s still holding me and I am powerless to push him away. He slides his hands onto my each side of my face and he jerks my head towards his. His eyes lock on mine and his breathing quickens. The alcohol has consumed me, and I am the one who lunges forward and rests my lips onto his. I let the beer bottle fall out of my hand. Luckily it was empty. I grab onto the back of his head and I explore his lips. His hands slide down my back and rest neatly on my hips as our kiss deepens. My eyes flicker from the feeling and my whole body aches. He spins me around and pushes me against the wall. His breathing is strong as his mouth collides with mine. He drags me into the bedroom, without taking his lips away from mine. He throws me down onto the bed and rips off his shirt. I gasp at the sight of his stunning body. I squeal when he crashes against me. I run my fingers along his back and when I reach his head, I pull off his cap. He laughs and rips it out of my hands. He places it onto my head in a sexy move. I giggle and pull him back towards me. His lips meet mine and then they swirl and circle around the nape of my neck. His tongue is warm and tender against my skin. My hands are running down his back and reaching his bottom. He senses my next move and he disapproves. He grabs my hands and pulls them together. He rests them on my chest and he whispers.
“Don’t do that,” I’m confused. I stare at him. He softens and explains. “Not yet baby.” I smile as I am greeted by his lips. My head is spinning and I can’t breathe. Four weeks of tension and chemistry has led to this moment. I have given into my demons and I am ready and willing to give it a shot with him. I want him. I have to tell him how I feel.
“I want you … now.” he smirks and kisses me again. He jumps off of the bed and he slips off his jeans and sneakers. I stare at him through my heavy eyes. Man he’s stunning. He’s the perfect version of what a man should be. He’s tall and muscular with stunning eyes and lips. He’s amazing and I want him to be mine. My vision is blurry and my perfect guy is hazing out of my apparition. I feel myself falling into a deep sleep. I try to fight it with every fibre of my being, but I can’t.
“Ashley, wake up,” I can hear his voice faintly, but I can’t open my eyes to ease him from the embarrassment.
Thirteen
The sun is bright and my eyes sting from its rays as it pours in through the large windows. My throat is dry and there is an aching in my head. I clear my throat and force my eyes to fully open. The room is quiet, so I fall back against the bed. My head h
its the pillow and I try to fit the pieces of last night together. Everything is hazy and my head pounds even harder as I try to force myself to remember. Note to self: never drink again. I am such a light weight. What was I thinking? My leg stretches across the empty bed. A Gucci cap comes into my vision. Fuck! Of course Jonathon was here last night. He brought dinner and he was the one who I shared the wine with. I cringe as I remember dancing with him. I faintly remember my poor attempt to seduce him. Crap. I hope he’s gone home. I couldn’t bear facing him right now. I’m way too embarrassed. Man why did I have to get myself into this situation?
“I’m glad to see that you’ve returned to the land of living.” I leap up in the bed. Jonathon is gliding across the room. Does this guy ever look bad? He’s only wearing his dark jeans. His eyes are a little puffy and his hair is messy and carefree. I like it better this way. He’s carrying two cups –coffee I presume. He reaches the bed and I feel a little self-conscious, so I pull the quilt over myself. Jonathon hands me one of the cups and he sets himself down onto the bed. He sips his coffee as he meets my embarrassed stare. I exhale and then I take a massive gulp of coffee. Wow that’s strong. I set the cup down onto the side table and then I feel that I need to say something. God help me.
“Good morning,” I say in a throaty voice. Jonathon smiles at me and then he leans over and lightly kisses me on the cheek.
“Good morning Ashley,” he whispers as his lips leave my skin. I burn. Man it’s hot in here. Or maybe it’s just me. It’s like a hundred degrees outside, and here I am cooped up in bed with a thick, heavy quilt fixed over my body. I let the fabric fall away from my body. Jonathon smirks and I blush. Our sweet moment is interrupted by my thoughts of last night. I need to explain or at least say sorry.
“Jonathon…” I begin to say, but he stops me by placing his finger over my lips. My eyes widen and fix on his. He raises a dark eyebrow and I swoon.
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