“And you shall never have to,” he said, bringing my hand to his lips for a kiss.
“If Lowell ends up anything like you, he shall have a very lucky bride,” I said. Immediately, I wished I hadn’t. We’d been having such a wonderful time here together, and now I was thinking about my baby again.
“Do you think he’s all right?” I asked.
Jasper squeezed my hand. “Darling, I’m sure he’s fine.”
I nodded. “Yes. Of course. You’re right.”
But what if he wasn’t? What if he had woken up without me, wondering where he was? What if he was crying for me, unable to communicate his desires?
What if something had happened? What if there had been a fire? It wouldn’t be the first time at Wolf’s Peak. What if he had suffocated in his crib? What if he had rolled and got his arm stuck? What if he had gotten sick? What if Ingrid had been holding him and she tripped, dropping him to the ground?
What if Seth had someone still on the outside to help him, and he sent his accomplice after Lowell? Or what if Seth had escaped from capture and gone after Lowell? What if he killed Lowell to keep Jasper and me from testifying against him?
My head was spinning, and I was struggling to breathe. It felt like someone was crushing my chest. My heart was beating erratically, and my breaths came in short gasps. I clutched the edge of the polished table, trying to steady myself, my knuckles turning white as I tightened my grip.
“Christine?” I could hear the alarm in Jasper’s voice. He leapt from his seat and rounded the table, sliding in next to me. He put his arm around me, pulling me into him. “Christine, what’s wrong? What’s going on?”
“We need to go home,” I said, looking at him with wide eyes. “We need to go back to Lowell.”
“Christine, I’m sure he’s fine.”
“No, we need to go!” My voice was thin, nearly breaking, far too high.
“All right, all right,” Jasper said. He motioned for the waiter to bring the bill. He pulled some money from his pocket, not bothering to count it, and slapped it down on the table. Jasper helped me out of my seat and guided me out of the restaurant, practically carrying me as we rushed out the doors.
I still struggled to breathe as he helped me up into the carriage. I knew we were on our way back, but we were still going too slow. Really, the horse could be running as fast as possible and it still wouldn’t be fast enough. We had a twenty– to thirty–minute ride back, and the entire time I couldn’t keep my hands from shaking. Jasper held me tightly, alarmed, but not arguing.
“He’s fine, Christine,” he murmured in my ear.
I knew he was trying to soothe me, but it only served to put me more on edge. As my hands squeezed his even tighter, he must have realized he was only making me more anxious, and he stayed quiet for the rest of the ride. He simply sat with me, an arm around my shoulders, holding my hand.
I worked as hard as I could to steady my breathing, but nothing seemed to help. No matter how many deep breaths I took or how many times I counted to ten, I still felt like I was dying. There was a part of my brain that knew I was overreacting, but I couldn’t help myself. I was panicking, and the only thing that would make me feel better was to hold my son.
So many emotions were running through my head that I thought I was going to vomit. Panic was the dominant one, but I also felt foolish and guilty. I had ruined my night with Jasper. We so rarely had time to spend together, and my anxiety had ripped our night to shreds.
I knew I was being stupid.
I knew it.
But I couldn’t stop.
As soon as we reached Wolf’s Peak, I leapt out of the carriage. I didn’t bother to wait for anyone to open the doors for me. I tore through the nearly melted snow and into the house, up the stairs, and into the nursery. Jasper was right on my heels as I burst into the nursery.
Ingrid looked up at me, startled, from the rocking chair. She held Lowell in her arms, rocking him, as Alice played quietly at her feet. I ran to her, my breathing ragged, and she handed him over.
“Oh God,” I said, pulling Lowell to my chest. He squirmed a little, not liking my cold clothes. His warmth against my chest began to help me relax.
“Oh God, you’re safe. You’re all right,” I said, closing my eyes as I stroked his hair.
Jasper didn’t say anything as he put a hand on my shoulder, but I could see the disappointment in his eyes. I tried not to look at him, guilt settling in my stomach. Instead, I tried to focus on my baby.
“The first time away is always the hardest,” Ingrid said, understanding.
She had no idea. I held him close to me. For now, my baby was safe.
Chapter Nine
Only a few days later, I was sitting in the nursery with Annabelle and Ingrid. I tickled Lowell’s tummy as he giggled. Daniel and Alice were playing with a set of blocks in the corner. The playroom was all finished next door, with one exception. The doorway into the playroom had been measured out, but they hadn’t cut the space out yet. They’d do that while we were away in Sweden, and by the time we returned, the playroom and nursery would be connected.
Annabelle got up to break up an argument between Alice and Daniel. We had no idea what they were saying of course, but their tone indicated that there was some sort of disagreement. Lowell watched with a strange fascination while Annabelle took the blocks from the toddler’s hands and placed them out of reach. Both fussed for a moment, but they quieted as soon as she handed them each a stuffed animal. After that, they chittered happily to each other.
“Just a few days left until we leave,” Annabelle said once she sat back down. “Are you ready?”
“Not remotely,” I sighed.
“It could be fun,” she said. “All of us traveling together.”
“That sounds more like a nightmare than anything.”
Annabelle shook her head. “No, it’ll be an adventure.”
“I’ve had enough adventure for one lifetime.”
Annabelle and Ingrid laughed. “Fair enough,” Annabelle said. “But we’re making a stop in London.”
“Well, that might be fun,” I admitted.
“We can do some shopping!”
“Don’t get too excited. That just means you’ll just have to haul all that stuff around.”
She paused. “That’s fair.”
“Have you ever visited the elders before?”
Annabelle shook her head. “No, this will be my first time. Stephen has been, of course.”
The men had gone just a few months prior, needing the elders’ assistance in catching Seth. That was when I had been stashed away. It was supposed to be for my own protection, but Seth had ambushed us on our way home. It was far from one of my favorite memories.
I stretched out my legs, shifting Lowell in my arms. Sunlight streamed through the window behind me, warming the back of my neck. It cast beams of light over by where the toddlers played, giving the whole room a relaxed and happy vibe. Of course, that could only last so long.
There was a soft knock on the door, and Jasper entered. I looked up at him in surprise; he was supposed to have meetings with the council all day today.
“Are you busy?” he asked me.
I glanced down at Lowell, whose eyes were beginning to close. “Not particularly.”
Jasper stepped over to me and took Lowell from my arms, giving him a soft kiss on his fine hair. Lowell looked up at him and offered a sleepy smile. Jasper cradled him, taking a blanket from the crib and wrapping him in it.
I loved watching my husband interact with our baby. There was so much love in Jasper’s eyes when he looked at Lowell. Jasper might have loved Lowell more than he loved me, and I was all right with that.
“He looks like he’s getting tired,” Jasper said.
“I’m sure,” I told him. “He just ate. He usually gets sleepy afterward.”
“Like a good little wolf,” Jasper smiled.
I smiled back, but my chest tightened. I was still tryin
g to reconcile with the idea that in twelve or so years, my son would be a werewolf as well. As if puberty wasn’t complicated enough.
“Why don’t you sit down, Your Grace?” Ingrid asked as she rose.
“I’m fine,” Jasper protested.
“No, go ahead and rock him,” Ingrid said. “I’ll sit on the floor with the little ones.”
She sat down cross–legged on the floor next to Daniel and Alice, and held up a stuffed animal. Alice took it gleefully, squealing. Daniel looked like he was about to cry, so Ingrid reached into the toy chest behind her and pulled out a stuffed giraffe. He took it and stuck its nose in his mouth.
Jasper moved to sit in the rocker next to me. He shifted Lowell in his arms and spread the blanket over the baby’s little body. Lowell’s tiny hand clutched around one of Jasper’s fingers as the baby’s eyes began to close.
Jasper rocked Lowell back and forth, gently stroking the soft strands of brown hair on his head. Lowell let out a contented sigh. A smile spread across my face as I watched my boys together. They were so picture–perfect. I was so in love.
“I hope he does all right with the travel,” I said as I watched Jasper rock.
“I think he’ll be all right,” Annabelle said. “He’s still young enough that he can’t put up too much of a fuss with travel. It’s when they don’t want to sit still anymore that you have to watch out.”
She gave a pointed look at Daniel, who had moved on from the giraffe and was looking at his reflection in the brass bars of the crib. He kissed his reflection with a big, wet, open–mouthed kiss, and then giggled. Annabelle gave him an exasperated smile.
“You’re going to have two soon,” I said to her. Her second baby was due at the end of August.
“Oh, I haven’t forgotten,” she said, twisting in her seat to stretch out her back.
“Luckily we’re taking this trip while you still have one.”
“God, I can’t imagine traveling with two.”
“I would, of course, help,” Ingrid said from where she still sat on the floor.
Annabelle grinned at her. “You’re too kind,” she said. Ingrid flushed.
I glanced over at Jasper and Lowell. The baby was completely asleep, his arm falling heavily over Jasper’s arm. Jasper stood and carefully deposited the sleeping baby into his crib. I watched, breathless, hoping he wouldn’t wake, but Lowell seemed to be a heavy sleeper.
Annabelle and Ingrid stood.
“Come on, loves,” Annabelle said, offering her hands to help the little ones stand. Ingrid and Annabelle each led their toddler out of the nursery and Jasper and I followed behind, shutting the door quietly behind us.
“We’ll be next door,” Ingrid says.
“Not me,” Annabelle said, reaching down and scooping Daniel into her arms. “It’s almost time for this one to take a nap, too.”
I reached over and gave her a hug, and Daniel leaned toward me and planted one of his open–mouthed kisses on my cheek.
“Aw, thank you, darling,” I told him.
“Can you say bye–bye?” Annabelle asked him.
Daniel waved his hand. “Bye!”
“Bye, Daniel,” Jasper and I said.
Daniel turned to his mom. “Go, go, go!” he cried.
She laughed. “All right, we’re going. I’ll see you all later.”
Ingrid led Alice to the playroom, and Jasper took my hand. We followed Annabelle and Daniel down the stairs. We waved as they left out the front door, and then Jasper led me down the hallway.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“The library,” he answered.
“All right.” I followed him, confused, as he unlocked the library door.
“Go ahead and sit down,” he said, motioning to one of the tables. I sat and watched him as he went to the far wall. The shelves here stretched all the way to the ceiling, and he pulled the rolling ladder over and climbed the rungs to reach a book up near the top.
I loved this room. Two of the walls were floor–to ceiling books. Behind me was the loft, and under that was an alcove equally stacked with books. The books had been collected by the Wolfric family for centuries. Some of them were positively ancient. Yet Jasper still continued to add new ones to the collection. It meant that I would never be short of reading material, and that was not something I was upset about.
I watched as Jasper ran his fingers along the bindings. He was clearly looking for something specific. Spring sunlight streamed through the window, but the books that were high up had been seized by the shadows.
“Are you all right, dear? Do you need help?” I asked.
“I’m fine,” he said.
“I could grab you a flashlight.”
“No, I’m all right.”
“Your glasses?”
That was a sore spot. Jasper hated wearing his glasses. He turned back to me long enough to roll his eyes before he went back to his search. He looked about ready to give up. He was climbing down the ladder when he let out an “Ah–ha!”
“Did you find what you were looking for?”
“Yes,” he said, descending the rungs. He held a thick, forest green, dusty book in his hands. His feet hit the floor and he crossed the room to me, sliding the book across the table. I picked it up, brushing dust off the title.
“The Legal Process?” I asked, wrinkling my nose as the dust floated up.
“Yes,” he said, sitting down opposite me.
“All right,” I said, flipping through the pages. The typeface was tiny in the massive book. It gave me a headache just looking at it. “What’s this for?”
Jasper took my hands. “We leave for Sweden in just a few days,” he said. “I want you to read this before we go.”
“This whole thing?” I asked, flipping through the pages. The dust tickled my nose and I sneezed, then sneezed again.
“Bless you,” Jasper said offhandedly. “I know you’re a fast reader. You can do this.”
“But it looks so boring.”
“I’m sure it is.”
I squinted at him. “Jasper, what’s this about?”
“You’ve never been in court before,” he said. “I have, and I just want you to be prepared.”
“By reading this manual?”
“I just thought you might want to know what to expect,” he said.
“Can’t you just fill me in?”
He nodded. “I can, but I thought this would help, too. You can read up on giving your testimony, how to carry yourself, ways to make the jury sympathetic.”
“I can’t just get up there and tell them what happened?” I was already not looking forward to that part very much, and now Jasper was adding strategy to it.
“Of course you can,” he said. “And I’m going to go over everything with you.”
“Great,” I sighed.
“First off, you’ll probably be called on the first day, second at the very latest,” he said. “Wear something in a pale color; it will make you look sympathetic. Blue is good. It’s a trustworthy color.”
“Is that really necessary?”
“It’s psychology,” he said. “They’re going to ask you to explain, sparing no detail, exactly what Seth has tried to do in order to hurt you. You need to tell them absolutely everything. Then, the prosecution will ask you some questions, trying to clarify a few details, that sort of thing. After that, it will be the defense’s turn. They will try to poke holes in your story, try to make you second–guess yourself. This will be the hardest part of the entire process. I need you to stay strong.”
“Of course,” I said, although I was beginning to doubt myself. It didn’t seem that Jasper had much faith in me.
“If you begin to get overwhelmed, you can ask the elders to take a recess, although I can’t guarantee that they’ll grant it.”
I nodded.
“They’ll be interviewing every single person involved in Seth’s plots. Daisy, Christoph, my councilmen, and of course, myself. But eyes will still be on you
as they speak, so you need to stay strong here, too. Crying is fine, but you mustn’t be hysterical.”
I was beginning to get overwhelmed, but I still only nodded.
Jasper rubbed my hands. “I know this is a lot. I know it’s scary. But this is something we have to do. For Lowell. For us.”
I knew he was right, but the more he kept talking the tighter my chest got and the harder it became for me to breathe. If I was already panicking now, how on earth was I going to be able to hold it together on the stand?
“I’ll do my best,” I promised. “But do I really have to read this whole book?”
“I don’t think it will hurt.”
I paused. “You don’t think I can do it.”
“No, no, it’s not that at all.”
I looked into his stormy eyes. “It’s fine. I don’t think I can either.”
“No,” he said, crossing around the table to come sit next to me. He pulled me in close. “I simply want to prepare you. Christine, you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. You have been through more at twenty–five than most people have in a lifetime. I have complete faith that you can do this.”
I felt tears spring to my eyes. His words were so sweet. How could I disappoint him?
“This rests on my shoulders,” I said. “I could be the reason Seth goes free.”
He squeezed me tight. “But you won’t be. You are a strong, educated woman, Christine. If anyone can defeat Seth in the courtroom, it’s you.”
He was only saying these things to make me feel better, but it did help. It was nice that he had such faith in me. Still, I couldn’t shake the fear that continued to linger.
“What if I mess up?” I whispered.
“Then we’ll figure out how to fix it.”
“What if I can’t face Seth?”
“You’ll be able to.”
I looked up at him. “How do you know?”
The Wolf's Cub (The Wolf's Peak Saga Book 3) Page 7