by Jo Cattell
“About what Robyn said last night—?”
He stopped her by coming over and putting his fingers to her lips. “You don’t trust me enough to tell me what happened and I’m not going to force you to. As far as I know, it was just a story she told last night. I told you, I’m not going to walk away just because I start to learn your secrets. Unless you want me to, but I hope you don’t.”
“No, I don’t want you to. What if some of the things were true, though? You wouldn’t think I was some head case?” she asked softly.
He put his arms around her and held her for a minute. “I don’t think you’re a head case. I think you went through something that most people don’t go through at such a young age. For now, I have to go, and if I don’t have my phone taken away, I will text or call you later, if you want to talk. Make sure you drink a lot of water or juice today.” He laughed and kissed her forehead.
She walked him to the door and shook her head.
“What?” he asked laughing.
“Just that you didn’t judge me when she told that story,” she answered. “I’m just surprised, that’s all.”
“That’s because I see the real you. Not some story that someone made up to hurt you. Call me later.” He smiled and started his long walk home.
A short while later, Chloe sat on her front step as the kids went by her house. It was the usual Halloween. It never used to be like this. When her mother had been alive, this was the favorite house to come to. Everyone knew her mother and always came for the homemade treats she would hand out.
The last Halloween of her Mother’s life, Chloe kept the house dark. She had sat by the window, watching the kids go by and wished she could have gone, but her mother needed her. After she died, no one came anymore. She tried to keep up with sitting on the step and passing out candy, but parents had heard different stories like the one Robyn told and avoided her now.
Entranced, she watched a little girl, about Millie’s age, as she stood at the end of the driveway. She was dressed in a princess outfit, carrying a plastic pumpkin filled with treats. She waved at Chloe and Chloe smiled back at her.
Her parents had been talking to someone, and when they saw her sitting there, they crossed the street. That was followed by a car that went by with a bunch of kids from school, calling ‘Corpse Girl’ at her house. She blew if off and started looking through a college brochure that had come that day.
“Trick or treat!”
It startled her, and when she looked up, she smiled at the little pirate who stood in front of her. “I like your costume, Max. Are you having fun tonight?”
“Yeah, I’m cleaning up over here. How come you have so much candy left? There are a ton of kids around here,” he asked, sitting next to her.
“I guess they just don’t like my candy. So, who are you supposed to be?” she asked Nick when he walked up.
“Grounded, and this is part of my punishment. How ya doing?” he asked, taking a lollypop out of her bowl.
“I’m okay. Drank lots of water and just sat around all day, and pretty much all night now,” she explained, putting the book onto her lap and watching yet another group of kids cross the street.
Nick had seen this, too, and knew it had to do with the story Robyn had told. “You want to come around with us? I could use some company as I walk around, and if I get lost, you can help me find my way back,” he suggested.
“Yeah, Chloe, come with us,” Max begged her.
“Okay, it isn’t like anything is happening here anyway. Here,” she said and took Max’s bag and dumped the bowl into it.
They walked and talked a little until Chloe saw Robyn’s house.
There she was, in all her glory, surrounded by friends.
Chloe halted to let Nick and Max walk up a little.
“What’s up?” Nick asked, Then, he saw the look on her face as she watched them goofing around Robyn’s yard.
“You guys go ahead,” Chloe replied. “I’m gonna wait here. It’s Robyn’s house and I really don’t want to go up there.” She watched Nick come back towards her.
“Max, let’s skip this house. They give rotten candy,” Nick said to him and took her hand. She started to pull it back, but he didn’t let it go. “Why are you pulling away from me? Last night you didn’t.”
“I’m trying to trust you. I’m really trying to let you close. I mean, you heard that story last night and you’re still here. I just don’t get that,” she tried to explain.
Nick took a deep breath. “What do I need to do to prove to you I’m not going anywhere? You want to hear something about me?” He would tell her his whole life story if that’s what she needed to hear.
Chloe laughed at that. “I really don’t know much about you. Maybe that would help. But if this turns into one of those boy-next-door story stories, I know you made it up.”
“It’s not going to be one of those stories. You asked me once why I didn’t want to date anyone. I told you a little about Kelly,” he started.
“Kelly? That was your old girlfriend, right?” She tried to remember if that was her name.
“Yeah, that was her. She gave me a note the day before we left to meet her at the Life Guard Station,” he answered.
“So, did you go?” Chloe wondered what she‘d been like and what had happened the day before he left. She also wondered how he really felt about her.
“Yeah, I went. She wanted our last day together to be special.” He remembered aloud.
“Was it? I mean, you don’t have to answer me. I was just wondering. You seem like you really liked her.” Chloe could see that there was something there and wasn’t quite sure what it was.
“I did, I guess, until that day. See, this is where being the kid of a prominent church official and religious family come into play. I’ve been taught too many morals, and when she said that, she pretty much wanted us to go all the way. I said no. I mean, I was raised that this purity promise was special, that it showed the girl we would be with we respected them. Kelly never understood that. And while guys like Josh would have gladly done what she wanted, I couldn’t. There was a lot to Kelly and me. Stuff that I’m not proud of.” He wanted her to see that he had secrets, too.
“What did you do, tell her she was going to hell and leave her there?” She pushed his arm playfully.
“Something like that.” It felt strange even thinking about the stuff he was going to tell her. He had an intense relationship with Kelly, something that bothered him more than good memories. But if this was going to show her she could trust him, he had to keep talking.
“Nick, if you don’t want to tell me anymore, you don’t have to,” she said shyly.
He stopped as Max started talking to some friends from school. “Kelly was my Josh, with the exception of the whole beating-me-up thing. Kelly was popular and had her eye on me the first day I started school. She said she could do things for me to get me into the right crowd, things like that. I had just turned sixteen; she was hot and I fell for her right away. I never had a serious girlfriend, I had some, and we went to movies and kissed, but Kelly didn’t want that,” he explained and looked at Chloe, who was hanging on his every word.
“How long were you together?” she asked him.
“Almost a year, up until we left. After about the third month, she was getting bored with me and how inexperienced I was.” He stopped there. “That was where our relationship got strained. Things started to change after that. She started calling me her science project.”
“That’s odd. I’m surprised you would take that,” she pointed out.
“I wanted to make her happy. I really cannot believe I’m telling you this. So she started my education, so to speak. She showed me what she liked, sexually. Taught me how to do things to her and please her. And in return, when I did them right, she would do things for me. The day in the Life Guard Station, yeah, it was my graduation day, as she put it. ‘Time to throw away that stupid ring and make me a man.’ Do you want to know the
truth?” he asked her.
“If you want to tell me.” Her voice was soft now, the playfulness had left.
“Every time I was with her, it never felt right. I won’t lie. I did get off, but it just felt dirty and wrong. Like I was committing this huge sin and I was going to be dammed to hell. The funny thing was I talked to my brothers about it. And it was actually one of the few times we all sat and talked about how hard this promise was. Mark actually told me he was proud of me for walking away. Kevin joked that we all needed someone like Kelly to show us the ropes, but that he, too, would have walked away.” He laughed to himself and the whole time he was spinning his ring on his finger.
Chloe looked down at her ring and thought about what it meant to her. “I think you’re one of the few people who take this purity promise seriously. Josh said you wore it for show, but somehow, I believe what you just told me. You would be surprised how many just do it for their parents or for show and have done the deed anyway.” She thought about it, and even hers did not stand for the strong belief his held.
“Yeah, I’m not a jerk like Josh. I was raised to believe that it was better to wait. But let me guess who hasn’t stuck by it. Tabitha, I think. She has notches in her ring.”
“Yeah, I heard that too. Tiffany uses sex as a way to control the guys she’s with,” Chloe informed him.
“Tiffany is getting really scary. I’m finding that out more and more as I get to know her. What about Dave and Gabbie?” He had an idea, but he knew Chloe would know for sure.
“Please, they are like rabbits. And they did it the day they put the rings on. She texted me and told me,” Chloe replied. She’d never forgiven Gabbie for that. It was such a stupid thing to do.
“What about you?” he asked shyly. He knew already, but he wanted to know what she thought of it.
“I think you already know the answer. I made that promise, but made it with conditions,” she replied softly.
“Oh, this I got to hear. How do you make the promise with conditions?” He teased her a little now.
“I believe you should wait, but not always for marriage. I really think that is unrealistic. I made a promise to myself that day. That if I didn’t wait, the guy had to be nothing like my father. I want it to be real love, not the guy just saying it to get what he wanted. Knowing that he would do anything for me, that we shared the same dreams, and that I’ll know when I look into his eyes that he feels the same,” she explained. It was a little far-fetched, but this was what she wanted in her life.
“Yeah, but you just got to hope it really isn’t one-sided or you may regret it for the rest of your life,” he suggested.
“If it were real, and for some reason, if it ended, I wouldn’t regret it.” She was being honest with him. “Don’t you think if you really cared about her, you would have?”
“I don’t think she felt the same way about me. I think she was hurt. She tried everything to make me change my mind. I felt bad, but I didn’t feel the way about her like I feel about…” He stopped. It was time to forget Kelly and move on. He’d started to forget about it all last night when he had held Chloe in his arms as they danced, before everything went down with Robyn. They’d almost kissed, so there had to be something.
“Like who?” she asked softly.
He touched her cheek and looked into her eyes. “Like you. Chloe, I told you last night I’m crazy about you. And I’m not going to push you into anything if you’re not ready yet. But I have to know if you feel the same way. If not, I’m fine with just being friends. I just have to know if there is a chance someday that you would want to be with me.” His phone rang and it was his mom, wondering where they were. He looked around and noticed they were back at Chloe’s house. He told her they would be home soon, and then hung up. “Max, we have to go,” he called to his little brother.
Chloe started up her driveway, and then looked back at him.
Nick looked a little defeated that she didn’t answer him. He ‘d been honest with her and told her something that was personal to him in an attempt to make her see that she could trust him. He was trying to get close to her. Maybe he was different.
Nick had gotten to the end of the block by the time she caught up with them.
He looked surprised. “Are you okay?”
She was out of breath and she nodded. “There is a chance. I was on a date with that jerk and all I thought about was you. I need to get through this week, though. I can’t really think about anything until I do. Just show me this week that you really mean what you said. I know it sounds like I’m testing you, but I’m not.”
He grinned and hugged her. “I trust you. You tell me when.”
She pulled away. “Night, Nick, and thanks.”
He waved to her and headed home.
Chapter Five
For the most part, the rumors had been quiet. Every now and then, there was a snicker and someone would point at her. There were a few things left in her locker, but for the most part, Chloe just let them go. It wasn’t until she was called out of her art class that she started to get nervous about what was being said. She had started down the hall and heard a door open.
“Chlo, wait up.” It was Nick, rushing to catch up with her.
“Where are you going?” She was surprised he’d seen her leave her class, but then noticed he had his books with him, too.
“I just got called down to the office. What about you?”
She was puzzled. “I got called down, too. This is strange.”
“Well, look at it this way, we got out of class. You look a little tired today, everything okay?”
“I’m not sleeping well. My mind won’t shut off at night or something. I’ll be okay.” She faked a smile and went into the office as he held the door for her.
They were given a pass and told to go to the parish office to see Father Gabe. It just kept getting stranger because as they crossed the parking lot, Nick swore he saw Millie’s mother getting into a car. When they got to the office, the secretary showed them back to a room where Father Gabe and Nick’s father were talking.
Father Gabe was a short, stout man with thinning red hair and a deep, baritone voice. The first impression you would have of him was that he was stern, but in reality, he was one of the nicest people you would want to meet. “Ahh, here they are. Nicholas and Chloe; please have a seat,” he gestured and watched them sit across from him.
“Dad, is everything all right?” His first thought was that something had happened to someone in his family, but that wouldn’t explain why Chloe was called here, too.
“Everyone at home is fine, sport. Mr. and Mrs. Daniels were just here. I have some sad news to tell you both,” his father started.
Father Gabe took over. “Chloe, Mrs. Daniels came to thank you for everything you have done for her daughter. She said that Millie loved you very much and always looked forward to your visits. She said that the days you would come to visit Millie were the best she had. And when you started going, too, Nicholas, it helped with everything the child was going through.”
“She’s gone?” Chloe’s voice sounded hoarse as she said the words.
“She passed away the other night in her sleep. Mrs. Daniels had wanted to tell you personally, but it was just too much for her. She wanted you to know when everything was arranged, so that you could join them in the celebration of her life.” Father Gabe confirmed her fear.
“She needs my fairy crown. She used to love to wear it when I would visit her.”
“Then, it seems only fitting that she have it. I have excused you both from your classes for the rest of the day. Your stepmother has agreed to let you sign yourself out. Nicholas, you can leave with your father. I gave him the information for the viewing and funeral. I know that nothing makes sense when a child as sweet and Millie is lost, but she is home with our Heavenly Father now and at peace from the pain she was in.” Father Gabe tried to offer some kind of support, but nothing about what he’d said made sense.
When
he left, Nick’s father went to him and placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder. All Nick could do was look at him with questioning eyes. “She was the one you bought all those colored pens for. I remember you talking about her. I called Mom and told her. When you’re ready, we can head home,” he said softly.
“Can we have a few minutes?” Nick asked, still trying to take it all in.
Chloe sat motionless as she stared at the ground. She felt like if she even tried to stand, she would collapse like a house of cards. Nothing made sense to her anymore. Little girls were not supposed to die so young. They were supposed to run in the grass and skin their knees and fall into their mother’s arms for feel-better kisses. She wasn’t supposed to die; she still had so much ahead of her. Why now? Was it some kind of cruel joke God was playing on her. Her own mother had died six years ago, almost to the date that sweet little girl had, too. It wasn’t fair.
Nick touched her hand. He ‘d been talking to her. He was wiping tears from her face.
“I need to go home now,” she said softly, not even hearing what he‘d been saying.
Nick nodded and reached for her hand.
She looked at it like it was some kind of foreign object.
“I’ll take you home,” he offered.
She tried to stand but couldn’t.
He helped her up and then held her.
She stiffened at this and pulled away. “Why are you holding me?”
Nick put his hand to her face. She had to be in shock. “Chloe, Millie died, did you not hear what Father Gabe said?” He seemed confused by her actions.
“I know—I heard him. I don’t want to go alone. Will you go with me?” she asked him.
“Yeah, I was planning on taking you. Do you want to come home with me, just so you’re not alone now?”
“My stepmother is home. I’ll be fine,” she answered and went to the door. “I know she‘s in good hands now. My mother will take care of her.”
* * * *