Made Man Dante

by Liliana Rhodes

  Once the sound of the front door closing reached them, Mitcham stood and walked around to the other side of the desk and sat next to me.

  “You know that’s your chair, right?” he said, motioning to my father’s chair.

  I shook my head. “No, it’s not. It belongs to someone who wants to be there, who knows the politics of the families. I’ve kept myself out of this for too long.”

  “With your father injured, there has to be a strong leader in his place. Someone the other families will respect and not fuck with while he’s recovering.”

  “It’s not me,” I said. “I ran from this life for a reason–”

  “And you came back to it. That’s all that matters.”

  The darkness was hard to fight. Just hearing my father was shot was enough to bring it front and center. I wanted to embrace it and bring those people who hurt my father to their knees, but I was afraid it would consume me.

  “I only came back because it served a purpose, that’s all,” I said.

  “The family has always served a purpose. Whether it’s protecting Gia, your family, the families of the people who work for us, our work has always had meaning.”

  Mitch didn’t have to say that, I already knew it. I would do anything to protect Gia, whether she despised me or not.

  Looking at my cell phone, I thought about earlier. I had been pushing it out of my mind because I couldn’t deal with it now. I needed to focus on the attempt made on my father’s life and the threat placed on her. But her words pulled me away from that. After how I left, I didn’t know if she would talk to me, so I called Sonny.

  I waited for him to answer, expecting to hear the echo of the marble hallway of the penthouse’s foyer. Instead I heard the hum of the car on the road.

  “Is she with you?” I asked, not bothering with formalities.

  “No,” he said. “She didn’t want to go back to the penthouse.”

  “What do you mean? Where is she then? I need her safe.”

  “She’s fine. They’re not going to touch her where I brought her.”

  “Where is she?”

  “She wanted to go back to All Saint’s.”

  I didn’t have any words left. She left. She returned to the convent. She made her decision and she was done with me.

  “Dante, you know this is a tough life for any woman to understand,” he said.

  “Did she say anything?”

  “No. She just wants time to think.”

  “Come back as soon as you can. I have a job for you. I think it’s time for you to move up.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I hung up and let out a long sigh. I wanted to get in the car and drive down to Maryland and bring Gia back, even if she didn’t want to come back. I couldn’t do that though. If she wanted time, then I had to give it to her.

  Mitcham leaned forward in his seat with his elbows on his knees. His hands were open, touching at the fingertips, and he rested his chin on his thumbs. He kept a steady gaze at me.

  “What now?” I said, frustrated and annoyed with everything that happened that day.

  “You’re meant for this, Dante,” Mitcham said. “Don’t you see it? You might have a killer’s instinct, but you know how to control it.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I know you, Dante. We’ve known each other our whole lives. I’m only here because of you. Your father paid for my law school and took me under his wing. He believed in me just like he believes in you. He sees what you have to offer. You told Roman your father has high hopes for him, but I know he’s always had high hopes for you.”

  “What’s your point?”

  “My point is that I know what Gia means to you. I know she means more to you than anyone who came before. I know you’re hurting right now, but that didn’t stop you from thinking about all the things going on and how you’re going to resolve the problem with the Palumbos. You have a plan. You’re up to something, and I know it. Why else would you offer to move Sonny up?”

  “He’s been a loyal associate. It’s time for him to show he can manage his own people and move up to Soldier.”

  “Exactly,” Mitcham said. “For all your fighting about joining the family and moving up, you just made your first decision, Captain.”

  I didn’t look at him as I walked out of the library. I was at war with myself. The darkness was fighting me, but I knew I had to be strategic for the sake of the family.

  Gia flitted through my mind as I entered the family room and sat at the piano. I wished she was there with me. I wanted to hold her, to feel her warmth and smell the orange blossoms from her hair. But she was safe at All Saint’s and I needed to take advantage of that. Being a Gambino was a game of chess. I had to make my moves while my queen was protected.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Gia

  Sister Maureen’s wood paneled office was even darker at night. She sat behind her desk in unusually casual clothes for her, light grey yoga pants and a t-shirt. The faint scent of cigarettes and air freshener came from her and wafted towards me whenever she moved. The scent was a welcome distraction to the usual mothballs and stale coffee her office usually had.

  “I have to say I’m surprised to see you,” she said as her kind brown eyes searched my face.

  “I’m sorry for just showing up like this, but it was kind of a last minute decision,” I said.

  She nodded, making her short wavy grey hair bounce. “No apologies, dear. I can tell by your face that something is going on. Do you want to talk about it?” she asked as she slipped her glasses on.

  “No, not really.”

  Her raised eyebrows told me she was waiting for more of an answer, but I couldn’t give her one.

  “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like. You can even have your old room.”

  “Thank you, Sister.”

  I stood from the creaky wooden chair in front of her desk and turned towards the door. I felt relieved to have a place to stay. Sister Maureen wouldn’t have turned me away, but I didn’t want to assume anything.

  “Gia,” she said, lowering her husky voice. “Whatever happens, you’re safe here.”

  “What?” I asked.

  I heard her, but her words didn’t make sense. Safe? Did she know what I had been through since I left? Why would she say that?

  “All Saint’s is on hallowed ground, like a church. As long as you’re here, no one will harm you.”

  “I’m not in any danger,” I said. “That’s not why I’m here.”

  “Gia,” she said with a sigh, her voice hushed as she walked around her desk and came closer to me. “I may be hours away from New York, but even I have heard things. I assumed that was why you were here.”

  “What have you heard? I’m here to think. I needed some space and wanted to go home. This is the only home I have left.”

  I didn’t mean to sound angry, but I was tired and frustrated. It had been a long day and I just wanted to be alone.

  “Come with me, let’s take a walk.”

  Sister Maureen led me to the back door. The sun had fully set, but the moon was bright enough that we didn’t need light. I wanted to ask where we were going, but I had a feeling she was waiting before she spoke again, so I kept quiet.

  As we followed the brick path, the sounds of crickets softened then rose behind us. We walked past the vegetable garden and into the rose garden, a place where I used to spend a lot of time.

  The rose garden always made me think of my mother. Whenever I felt lonely or really missed her, I would go into the rose garden and sit on the one of the benches. Once there, I could close my eyes and pretend I was back home sitting on the front stoop by my mother’s roses.

  I breathed the air in deeply, letting the floral scent fill my lungs. Ahead of me, a spark came from Sister Maureen’s hand as she flicked a lighter with her thumb and then brought it up to a cigarette dangling between her lips.

  She turned towards me as we walked
and held out her pack of cigarettes to me, one cigarette stuck out a little further than the rest. I shook my head and waved my hand, too surprised to say anything. Everyone knew Sister Maureen smoked, but none of us ever saw her doing it.

  “Go ahead, take one,” she said. “You’re going to need it.”

  “No thanks, I don’t smoke. I’ve never smoked.”

  “Never? Oh, that’s right, you’re a good girl,” she said teasingly.

  “I…I’m not a good girl.”

  She rolled her eyes and handed me the lit cigarette.

  “Place your lips around it and suck in like you’re breathing. But go slow. And then let it out. It’ll calm you.”

  I did what she said, and the hot air shot past my throat. The taste was horrible and as much as I tried, I couldn’t stop myself from grimacing before I breathed the smoke back out. I didn’t feel any calmer.

  “You did it wrong,” she said with a smirk.

  Pushing aside some overgrown ivy on a wall at the back of the gardens, she found a doorknob, turned it, and pushed her shoulder against the hidden door. She walked through as it squeaked open, and I couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “To the only place I know we can talk in private.”

  “We were talking in private in your office.”

  Just as the words came out of my mouth, I realized there was probably much more going on at All Saint’s than I ever knew. It never occurred to me that just like everyone knew Sister Maureen sneaked her cigarettes, the nuns knew other things as well. The convent was just like any other place, and people always talked.

  “No one comes back here. Most of the sisters don’t even realize there’s anything beyond the wall,” she said. “I found this shortly after I came here, about twenty years ago. It’s the perfect place to unwind and just be alone with nothing but your thoughts.”

  Just ahead in the field was a small white gazebo surrounded by wild flowers. Sister Maureen climbed the steps into the gazebo and walked over to a hurricane lamp with a large candle in the middle of the floor. Carefully lifting the glass chimney off the base, she set it aside while she lit the candle with her lighter. She pulled out another cigarette, lit it on the candle’s flame, and then placed the chimney back on the lamp. The candlelight was enough to fill the gazebo, but we were too far for anyone at the convent to notice it.

  “I have your cigarette,” I said, holding it out to her.

  “That’s yours now. You can put it out or try smoking again,” she said with a shrug.

  Unsure what to do, I looked at the still-burning cigarette. There was an ashtray on one of the benches, so I tapped the cigarette like I’ve seen done so many times to get the ash off. I could have put the cigarette out, and I thought about doing exactly that, but I didn’t.

  As I sat, Sister Maureen took the ashtray from me and sat on a bench across from me. She crossed her legs and took a long drag from her cigarette as she closed her eyes. When she exhaled, she smiled and a calmness took over her features.

  “I’ve tried giving this up,” she said, admiring the swirling smoke from her cigarette. “But I can’t. I figure God will allow me this one indiscretion, right?”

  I laughed and shrugged.

  “I heard about what happened with you and Terry. I thought that was why you were here–for protection.”

  She drew in a long breath on the cigarette and held her smoke as she looked around the gazebo, making sure we really were alone. A frog croaked nearby and as we sat quietly, the crickets chirped loudly.

  A stream of smoke escaped her nostrils, reminding me of a cartoon bull. I couldn’t help but think of how little I knew about Sister Maureen. She had always been so kind and sweet before, but tonight I was seeing the real her. I couldn’t help but like her even more.

  “I’ve always liked you, Gia. You remind me of myself when I was younger. I saw something in the news earlier about John Gambino getting shot in his house. I thought that might be why you were here.”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head, “that has nothing to do with my being here.” I thought about what Sonny said about Bruno Vitale asking for me. Was I really in danger again?

  “Then why are you here?”

  “I don’t know. I just need some time to think. I needed to get away from everything and just be alone.”

  Sister Maureen took a long drag from her cigarette as she nodded her head. Exhaling, she stood up, stamped her cigarette out in the ashtray, and took what was left of mine from my fingers and put it out as well.

  “I wasn’t done with that,” I said.

  “Well, it was done with you. It was ready to burn your fingers.” She sat back down and pushed her glasses up her nose. “A lot of people come here to escape the outside world. That’s how I first ended up here.”

  Looking at Sister Maureen in the faint glow of the candlelight made me realize how many times she had been there for me during my stay at All Saint’s. I never really opened up to her or to anyone before, but the memory of Ron from high school and his words from earlier kept eating away at me. I needed someone to talk to, and she was the closest thing I had to a friend or mother.

  “Sister, can I ask you something?”

  “Of course. You know I’m here for you.”

  Her words warmed me and replaced Ron’s words from earlier. I felt safe, at home. It was exactly what I was looking for when I asked Sonny to take me to All Saint’s.

  “Have you ever felt guilty about something in your past?”

  My voice lowered as I pushed the words out. It was all I could manage to say as the sick feeling in my stomach threatened to take over again.

  “Of course, dear. Everyone has. But eventually you have to get past it. You can’t live in the past or you’ll never be able to move into your future.”

  I shook my head. I wanted to explain to her how my future with Dante would never be if he knew about my past, but I couldn’t get the words out. I felt like Ron was shutting me up again. I looked down at the gently flickering flame of the candle.

  “Gia, you spent four years here. I know you. Whatever bad thing you think you did, I’m sure it is nothing in comparison to the punishment of the guilt you’re feeling.”

  “If Dante found out…”

  “If Dante found out and couldn’t accept you for you, then he’s not worth another minute of your time. No one is. No one is perfect, Gia, and we’ve all done things we’ve later regretted.”

  “But–”

  “No buts,” she said. “Nobody’s perfect, period. You can still be the good girl and not be perfect, Gia. It’s what makes you human.” She stood up and hugged me tightly. “Stay as long as you’d like and let me know if you need anything. I didn’t see a bag with you, but I’m sure some of the sisters would be more than happy to lend you clothes and whatever else you need.”

  She smiled warmly at me, her eyes wrinkling in the corners. I wished I could believe what she said, but the guilt always sat just under the surface. Dante thought I was a good girl and perfect, but it was far from the truth.

  ***

  The days seemed to run together while I was at All Saint’s. It had been five days since Sonny dropped me off and I didn’t know where the days went. I was stuck in some kind of time warp. Had I even left All Saint’s? Did everything with Momma, Terry, and Dante really happen? Maybe that was all a dream and I had been in Baltimore all along.

  The purple and yellow wildflowers swayed in the warm afternoon breeze. I went to the gazebo everyday to think, but I didn’t feel any better. My head told me Dante was better off without me, but my heart wouldn’t let him go.

  The sun reflected against the emerald stone in Dante’s grandmother’s ring. I still wore it everyday and it made me feel close to him even though he was hours away.

  It had been five days since I last saw him. Five days since we spoke, but it felt like an eternity. I wanted to call him, but I owed him an answer that I didn’t know.


  Clicking my cell phone, I checked to make sure I had a signal. It was something I did every few minutes. I couldn’t help myself. Why hadn’t he called? Maybe things were really over between us and I just didn’t realize it. Was I in denial?

  I looked at my phone again and wished it had a dial tone I could listen to to make sure it was working. I checked my texts, my calls, nothing from Dante. I couldn’t take it any longer so I tapped his name and chewed my bottom lip while I waited for the phone to ring.

  “Gia?” Dante said.

  Hearing his deep voice on the other line made my heart jolt. I was alive again when I didn’t know I was dead. What was I doing here? Why wasn’t I with Dante?

  “I miss you,” I blurted out, unsure of what else to say.

  “I miss you too. I can’t talk right now, I’m in a meeting.”

  A meeting? Now I had heard everything. Dante didn’t have meetings. He had to be blowing me off. It must be over. My heart sank. Finding myself unable to breathe, I gasped for air.

  “Do you want Nonna’s ring back?”

  “I only want it back if you’re coming with it.”

  The line went dead. Did he hang up on me or was it the connection? I fought with myself to not call him back. I didn’t understand what was going on, but he said enough. He wanted me back. He still loved me.

  I looked outside the gazebo at the buildings that made up the convent. For four years it had been my home, and I came back now because I needed that, but it wasn’t my home anymore. I had changed too much.

  Four years ago I ran away to All Saint’s to make my family happy and because I thought it would make me happy. I was happy then, but not happy like I was with Dante. Dante made me happier than I had ever been in my life.

  Ron popped into my head again with his angry words, and for the first time in five days, they didn’t hurt me. Even the guilt was held at bay. I needed to tell Dante everything and if he didn’t accept it, I knew I was still going to be okay.

  ***

  Staring at my phone, I willed it to ring, to have Dante call me back. It didn’t happen. I wanted to talk to him again, to hear his voice, but I knew by the tone of his voice that he was in the middle of something important.