Starting From Broken

by F. T. Zele

  “Yeah, I know what you’re saying. I really do. I’m trying, but honestly, it feels like someone is holding my head under water. I’m fighting to get back up, struggling for my next breath.” I keep wishing that this too shall pass. I was finally moving on, getting out, not throwing my whole being into work, and starting to take a stance over my life. Then, the letter I found deflated me. I thought losing Jacob was the hardest, but realizing he wasn’t even mine to lose, crushed every trusting bone in my body. The shock has worn off, and I’m left with the truth that my life was nothing but a façade.

  “Tonight, we celebrate you. Celebrate you still being here, and you still having a chance for a new beginning sometime in the future.” Sophie raises her glass, and I can’t do anything other than clink my glass to hers. She has more confidence in me than I do, and if she can see something good in my life, then I attempt to feel that way. It’s hard not believing her, as positive energy radiates off her like wildfire.

  “What’s been going on since I crawled back under my rock?” I make small talk and shift away from this constant serious tone.

  “Same old. Oh, wait, but I have been spending some time with Tyler, the bartender.” The wary smile I see displayed on her lips is one I’ve never seen on her before. She has never been shy about a guy or letting me know about her hooking up with one. Something tells me she’s a little more than just randomly shacking up with him for a fun time, but I don’t pressure her about it. I don’t want her to think this is a big deal; she tends to retreat from any sort of relationship with guys when there’s pressure.

  “I’m gonna run to the ladies’ room. Order us another round,” I say, getting up and making me way through the crowded room, looking for any sign pointing me in the direction.

  I haven’t really taken the time to look around this place before. Boasting a contemporary design, Jade is decorated with square furniture in different shades of gray and red. Dark cherry wooden floors sprawl out from wall-to-wall, and elegant crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceilings lighten what would normally be a dark interior.

  Exiting the ladies’ room, I begin to walk back to the bar, when suddenly a hand reaches out and grabs my own. Defensively turning, not knowing whom it could be, I open my mouth to protest when I find Braxton standing in front of me. I snap my mouth closed, unsure of what to do or say.

  “I keep seeing you around. If I wasn’t mistaken, I would think you’ve been following me,” he says in a low, seductive voice into my ear. His breath tickles my neck just below my ear, sending shivers all over my body. Exactly what I don’t need— an arrogant asshole.

  “Don’t flatter yourself. It’s quite unappealing,” I sass, pulling my hand from his grip and walking back to the bar.

  Once I’m sitting back in my seat, I take a moment to compose myself. I grab my drink and take a sip, letting the cold liquid cool my overheated body. Desperate to relax a little, I raise my glass to Soph’s new piece of man-candy, signaling another drink.

  “Who is that?” Sophie asks me. Puzzled, I look at her.

  “Who are you talking about?”

  “Um . . . the guy across the bar who couldn’t be any more obvious staring you down?” She tips her head to whom she is referring, and my eyes follow. Standing there is Braxton. He leans against the counter of the bar where we are sitting. I grow uncomfortable with the intensity of his stare. The entire time I’ve been watching him, he hasn’t looked away. I turn back at Sophie and shrug my shoulders, trying to play coy. “Why am I not convinced?”

  “Because I’m certain you would do anything to see me interested in another guy. I think it’s seriously making you imagine things,” I say nonchalantly. Truly, I don’t have a clue who he is, but a piece of me wants to know. I lift my eyes and look to find him walking this way. Shit! I drop my eyes and turn toward the bar quickly.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t catch your name.” Braxton extends a hand toward me. I look at it, and being the ever-so-polite person I am, I grab it cautiously.

  “That’s because I never gave it to you. I’m Liz, and this here is Sophie. Sophie, this is Braxton.” Braxton shakes her hand, never taking his eyes off me. I wonder why he won’t look at her, and then it clicks. I mentally kick myself. He never told me his name. I heard it at the coffee shop. Yeah, now I look like a huge fucking stalker. Just great.

  “Why, yes, that is my name, but I don’t recall giving it to you either. Funny, maybe I was right about you following me.” The laugh that follows his words is smug, and I couldn’t be any more humiliated.

  “So, what can I do for you? I mean, help you with?” Well, this is getting off to a great start. I avoid Sophie’s look, considering I just flat out told her I didn’t know who he was. Can you say shit storm about to happen when we leave?

  “I just wanted to introduce myself. I sounded like an asshole back there. Forgive me?” He sports some overly dramatic puppy dog eyes, which are hard to resist.

  “Yeah, sure, no problem, no harm done. Thanks.” I turn back to the bar and grab my drink to do anything other than participate in this awkward situation. Sophie nudges my foot under the bar, and I turn toward her. She mouths something I can’t quite make out, then uses her eyes to hint to Braxton. She’s having a great time with my embarrassment. I ignore her, but I still feel Braxton’s presence standing next to me.

  “As a peace offering, drinks are on me tonight.”

  “That’s nice of you, but you don’t need to do that. We were just getting ready to leave anyway.” Picking up my purse, I pull out my wallet and call the bartender over. Tyler walks to me, and I go to hand him my card.

  “Really, it’s no big deal.” Braxton turns to Tyler. “Tyler, it’s on the house. Close out their tab and bring me the receipt when you count out.” Directing his attention back to me, he says, “So, I’m sure I’ll see you around again, and this time, don’t pretend you don’t see me like you did at the coffee shop.” That last part he whispers into my ear, probably trying not to mortify me any more tonight.

  “Of course.” I stand up, signaling Sophie to get her ass out of the seat. It’s time to go. “Thank you for the drinks, but you really didn’t have to. Manager’s perks?” I quietly say, walking away.

  “No, managers aren’t allowed to comp tickets. Maybe a drink. But being the owner, I’m allowed to do whatever I want. Now, those are the perks, and I have many more.” He winks at me, and I keep walking. I wonder how many girls he gets all liquored up so he can take them home. Yeah, talk about perks.

  When we’re finally inside the car heading out, I quickly put Sophie in her place about what we aren’t going to talk about on our way home.

  “I don’t even want to talk about it. I will tell you later when I can figure it out myself,” I calmly state.

  “Sure. Don’t think I’ll forget, though.”

  Smiling, I lean my head back against the cool leather seat and recollect the evening. Surely this will make sleeping at night harder than it already has been.

  Since Braxton introduced himself to me two nights ago, I haven’t been able to get him out of my head. I constantly think about him and what it would be like to have more than one person to talk to, someone to take the edge off of my already too intense life. I called Sophie earlier and asked her if she wanted to go out with me, so I can discuss this with someone. Of course, she agreed. She loves going out and finding new conquests.

  This time, though, since she knows Braxton owns Jade, I protested going there. I need to clear my head, see if I’m even ready to entertain the idea of conversing with the other sex. So, I decide on going to a new place across town called The Hudson, which I spotted on my way to work earlier. It’s a block down from my office in a safe area, and I watched the construction of it.

  At eight o’clock, I pull up and get a little intimidated by the flashy cars arriving at the same time. There is a line of people waiting to get inside. I don’t know how the bar has a line this long. You usually see this at clubs, but this place see
ms to be where everyone wants to be. I take a deep breath, letting the oxygen flood my lungs before I get the nerve to head toward the door.

  It’s a shame that going to have a drink with someone causes me so much distress, but since the events of my past, I have to stay hesitant and not let people in. I’m sick of losing people I care about, and most recently, those who betray me. The men that look at me like I’m a piece of meat on a stick place me on high alert, but in the name of needing something new and fresh in my life, I force myself out into the world.

  My phone dings right before I hit the doors, and I check it. There is a new text from Sophie.

  Sophie: Inside already. Your name is on the list. Just come to the back.

  Tossing my phone into my bag, I reluctantly head toward the intimidating bouncer dressed in black. I walk up, and before I can say anything, he says, “Name?”

  I clear my throat, as it instantly becomes dry. “Umm . . . Liz.”

  “Just Liz?”

  Fumbling like an under-aged high school girl who is about to get busted, I stammer, “Yeah, sorry. Liz Murphy.” I quickly hand him my ID. When he hands it back to me with one hand, the other opens the ropes, letting me into the bar. I nod my head slightly, and once I open the door, I am hit with loud bar patrons talking over one another, competing to be heard. Walking forward, my step falters, and I trip over my own feet. Looking around to make sure nobody caught that while trying to regain my composure, I straighten my back and stand up taller, imagining I fit in here. I walk as confidently as possible through the crowd toward the back, trying hard to see over everybody and spot Sophie. She is sitting at the bar, chatting it up with the bartender, as usual. A new day for her, a new guy. Once I reach her, I notice Tyler is the bartender.

  “Hey, I made it. Hi, Tyler, what are you doing here?” I say, eyeing him as I try to figure out why he’s here and not at Jade.

  “You want your usual?”

  “No, just a glass of white wine, please.”

  “I just started here on my nights off from Jade. Let me grab that for you. Be right back.”

  “Did you know he worked here?” The look I get from Sophie lets me know she knew, but something is hidden behind her eyes. I can just tell.

  “Yeah, I knew. That’s why I was eager to get here before you.” She smiles mischievously.

  Knowing now what the look was behind her eyes, I sit and ignore everything around me and enjoy my wine and my friend. I finally see a spark that ignites something in her, one that I have rarely seen from her. It makes me somewhat enviousness that she allows herself to feel it.

  I scan the room while Tyler leans over the counter whispering into Sophie’s ear. The giggling sounds coming out of her makes me a little uncomfortable. Once I hear the chuckles die down, I turn my head to join my company again when something catches my eye. Standing up, I keep my eyes trained on the spot as I excuse myself from the bar. “I’ll be right back.”

  As I make my way closer to the spot I am fixed on, goose bumps cover my arms. I involuntarily shiver as I stop in front of someone holding up a newspaper. “Excuse me. Who is following who now?” I spit out as I see golden eyes hovering the top of the paper, and there is no mistaking them. My lips betray me as they curl into a smile. I’m a little taken aback that I didn’t think I would want to see him again after the ass I made of myself a couple of days ago.

  “Well, that’s debatable. See, this is my place. Since your friend has been so enamored with my boy Tyler over there, I was sure you knew this was my newest place.” The sexy grin he’s sporting makes my insides ignite. My body is definitely playing tricks on me when my head is trying to play the uninterested role.

  “I would say I was set up and dragged here, but since I pass this place on my way to and from work every day, I have been waiting for it to open. I just didn’t know this was your place.”

  “Don’t look so disappointed to see me. You know what that’s doing to my ego?” he says with an overly dramatic roll of the eyes as he clutches his chest.

  “I assure you and your ego are just fine. Well, I just . . . I got to get back to Sophie. It was nice seeing you.” I toss him a little wave and turn to go back to Sophie when he stops me.

  “Have a drink with me. By the looks of it, she doesn’t seem to miss you too much.” He points to where I was sitting. Sophie stands up, looking our way and holding up a finger signaling me she’ll be right back. If I were comfortable sitting alone at the bar, I would just go back to my seat, but something about being by myself at a bar doesn’t sound like fun with drunken men around.

  “Okay, I’ll stay, but just until she gets back.” I look back, watching Sophie walk away with Tyler, and I don’t even want to know where they’re going.

  I go to pull out my chair when Braxton jumps out of his seat. “I’ll get that.” He pulls out my seat and gestures with his hand for me to sit.

  I sit down and fold my hands in my lap nervously. At this point, I don’t think sitting alone was such a bad idea after all. I’m terrified I might say something stupid and make even more of a fool of myself than I did the other night. This isn’t something I’m used to. I don’t even know what to say.

  “What were you drinking?” he asks, eyeing me.

  “Oh, that’s okay. I already have a drink at the bar.”

  “Since you already have a drink, just sitting at the bar where anybody could have put something in it, I think you need a new one.”

  I do a mental facepalm, certain I might have just sounded like the most clueless bar patron ever. Shows how much I have gotten out in the last two years.

  “Of course, you’re right. I’ll have a white wine.” Anxiously, I watch my hands, unable to keep my eyes on Braxton for more than a second when we aren’t talking. He stands, and I look up to see him taking off his sports coat revealing a black T-shirt that wraps tightly around the mass of his arms. I have never been one who’s into big muscles, but the definition of his arms makes it hard not to stare. Since I have always seen him in a suit or some sort of coat, I have never noticed his build.

  I watch him walk over to the waitress, giving her our order and pointing over to our table, and that’s when I notice a tattoo peeking out from under his sleeve. My mind entertains the thought of wanting to lightly trace the outlines with my fingertips.

  I jump when he sits back down, feeling guilty with the thoughts I was just having. I try to remember I don’t know this guy, and so far, everything about him is something I should stay far away from.

  “So, Liz, you said you pass by here on your drive to and from work. What do you do?” He sits back in his chair and rests his ankle on his knee, looking relaxed while waiting for my response.

  “I’m in media buying. I buy airtime for television commercials. Long hours, but it’s a welcome distraction from my everyday life.”

  “Interesting, is that where you met Sophie?”

  “No, I’ve known Sophie since we were kids. She’s like a sister to me.” Not wanting to go any deeper into my life, I quickly change the focus off me. “So, you have Jade and this new place here. Are these the only places you own?” I say, wanting to know before I end up at another one of his places.

  “Just these two, for now. Once this place is up and running on its own like Jade, and they don’t need me as much, I plan on opening a restaurant on the other side of town, but I haven’t had much time to start planning that yet.” As he talks, I see a light touch his eyes, like there’s a reason opening this restaurant is a dream of his.

  “Well, this place is beautiful. Did you design it yourself, or do you have someone who comes in and does all the interior decorating?” This place is nothing like Jade; it’s warm and inviting, screaming come in, relax, and don’t take life too seriously. Jade is dark with just the perfect amount of lighting to make it not seem depressing but sophisticated.

  “I’ve designed and decorated every square inch of this place all by myself. I put everything I have into making my places what they a
re. You like what you see?” He drops the tone of his voice with that last question. Suddenly, I feel as though he doesn’t mean his bars, but there is an insinuating tone behind that vague statement.

  Obviously I do like what I see, but liking what I see and knowing what isn’t right for me are battling in my head right now.

  As I start getting comfortable sitting here with Braxton, I notice Sophie walk back in. Since this was supposed to be a girls’ night, I don’t want to leave her hanging, so I hop up.

  “Well, it’s been nice chatting with you. Thank you for the drink,” I say as I hold up my glass, “but I’ve got to get back to my friend.”

  “Wait, maybe we can do this again sometime?”

  Although he strikes me as one who doesn’t have to ask twice, and there is what I would like to describe as a look of him hoping I would say yes, I just can’t. This was a complete random night, and I didn’t plan on sitting here talking to him. I didn’t realize that look in his eye he got when talking about opening a restaurant would incite the want to get to know him more and figure out what it is that has him so determined to do that. But right now, walking away from him is what I know I need to do. I’m still not ready for these wants.

  “I don’t think so, but it was nice seeing you again.” As hard as it is to say that, it’s harder watching the disappointment cross his face when I say no.

  I quickly turn and walk back to Sophie. Once I sit next to her, I have this feeling to flee before anything else happens tonight. This has been more excitement than I planned on having for one night.

  “Sophie, I’m calling it a night. I’m tired.”

  “So, you think I’m just going to let you leave without you telling me all about your conversation with Braxton?”

  “You betcha.” Sophie looks shocked, like how could I have the audacity to keep my talk with Braxton a secret. But honestly, there isn’t much to talk about.

  “Fine, but you will tell me sometime. I know you. You can’t hold it in too long. Night, babe,” she says as she sits back down, turning toward the bar. I’m sure she’s staying here until Tyler gets off work. At least I hope she is, so she has something else to do than worry about me.