by F. T. Zele
I have barely spoken to Sophie in the last couple of days, and I don’t think I’ve even mentioned this thing between Braxton and me. I want to keep it between us for now, fearing if I say something, I’ll jinx us before we become anything.
“Liz, I was at the bar all day today doing what needs to be done. Don’t worry. Things are running fine there without me. I want to make sure you’re okay, so please for my own sanity, let me do this and stop subtly telling me to quit being concerned, because I won’t.”
Without any energy to fight him on this, I wave my white flag, saying, “Suit yourself. I’m not going to be much company. You can sit here and listen to me snore if that’s what you want to do. It gets loud sometimes. I mean, from what I’ve been told,” I joke.
“If snoring is the only thing you can think of to make me leave, then you better think of something else, because that isn’t going to make me think any less of you, little piggy. I have to run out to my car real fast. Be right back.” He disappears again.
When he comes back inside, he’s carrying a black duffle bag and sets it down next to the oversized chair. He grabs something out of it and heads off to the bathroom. He returns wearing a pair of dark blue sweat pants paired with a black ribbed sleeveless undershirt that looks like it is going to rip right off him. Since the lights are on, I can finally look a little closer at his tattoos. The second my eyes linger a moment too long, he looks over, as I quickly divert my eyes, acting as if I wasn’t just caught.
“I hope you don’t mind me assuming I was going to stay here tonight. I’ll sleep here in the living room, but I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“Well, I don’t think I really have a choice, and if it makes you feel better, that’s fine.”
He walks over to me, taking a seat beside me on the couch and getting comfortable. He then reaches down, grabs my legs, and places them on top of his lap. He pulls the blanket over me and tucks it under me, leaving my feet out and rubbing them. I’m in heaven, and it feels nice being taken care of, even though I was protesting it earlier.
His hands wander up my legs, and I start to panic. The last time his hands were all over me, things went wrong very fast. I want it to be perfect next time, but not while I’m sick. I do, though, think about it often. How much I need to feel something and have my heart beat so hard it could jump out of my chest. How sexy it is when he takes charge.
We need to talk about the letter he found, but I’m afraid I’ll lose him the second he learns more to the story. How unstable it will make me sound. How he will never treat me normally because he will always have it in the back of his head that I might attempt that again.
I’m not the same person I used to be. I learned a lot about myself, and yes, it’s been hard, but I never want to lower myself to that level again. It’s always going to hover over us because I know it’s in his head, and I act like it didn’t happen.
I start to feel drowsy and can’t keep my eyes open.
“Sleep.”
“I’m just resting my eyes.”
That’s the last thing I remember.
The next morning as I wake up, I stretch and bump into a body. Once I open my eyes and see Braxton sleeping sitting up, it comes back to me. He starts to stir, and I try not to move so I don’t wake him, but it’s too late.
“Good morning, beautiful. How are you feeling?” he rasps while he stretches his arms over his head. My god, that voice I thought couldn’t get any sexier, does in the morning.
“So far so good. I think I need to lie low today.”
“Yeah, it’s probably best. Are you hungry?”
“A little. I’ll be right back.” Getting up, I make my way to the bathroom to quickly brush my teeth.
When I’m done, I make my way out of the room, and the smell of food cooking fills my nose. My stomach growls, proving I’m hungrier than I thought. I round the corner and quietly stand there for a moment, staring as he fluidly works his magic around the kitchen. He definitely looks like he’s enjoying himself, so I walk in before I get caught watching him.
“Smells good in here. What are you making?”
“Eggs, toast. You didn’t have much to work with.”
“I order in a lot. I’m not a fan of cooking because I always seem to burn something. I try to spend as little time in the kitchen as possible.”
I watch his shoulders bounce as he tries to keep his laugh contained. If I had him in my kitchen, though, I would spend a lot more time in here. As I take a seat on one of the barstools at the breakfast bar, he places a plate of food and a cup of orange juice in front of me.
“Thank you. So, what do you have planned today?” I ask as I take a bite.
“I have to go check in with my mom for a bit and head over to Jade and check on things with Tyler. If you need me, I can put them off.” He takes a seat next to me.
“No, you need to do those things. I was gonna call Sophie and see if she wanted to stop by. I haven’t talked to her very much this last week.”
“Okay, well, you know if you need anything, just call.”
“I know, thank you. I have everything I need, so I’m just going to hang out here today and rest since I have to work tomorrow.”
When we are done eating, he grabs his bag from the living room. We have been getting along great lately, and things are better when Braxton is around. I don’t have all this time to feel sorry for myself, stressing how I can figure out my life. It just works.
When I walk him to the door, he pauses with his hand on the handle before he opens it and says, “I’m glad you’re feeling better. It’s nice to hang out somewhere other than Jade. I’m enjoying the quiet a lot more than I thought I would.”
“Thank you for taking care of me and for breakfast. I enjoyed it, too.”
He wraps his arms around me, sending jolts of electricity throughout my body. When he releases me, he sweeps my hair behind my ears. When I think he is going to kiss my forehead, I look up as he places his lips on mine, leaving his mark. He lingers for a second and then rests his forehead on mine as he stares into my eyes.
“I’ll call you later.”
“Sure,” I say breathlessly as he turns and leaves.
As soon as the door closes, I close my eyes as I feel my still tingling lips and try to slow down my racing heart.
After I arrive home and shower, I go outside, finding my mom soaking up the sun. “Hey there. How’s your day going?” I ask as I take a seat next to her.
“I’m good. Did you just get home?” She breathes deeply as she talks.
“Yeah, I stayed at Liz’s house. She wasn’t feeling well, so I wanted to stay with her and make sure she was okay.”
“That’s nice. I hope she’s feeling better.”
“She is. I think she was just worn down. She works a lot, but I think she was getting sick of me crowding her. I have stuff to do tonight, but I’m spending the day with you.”
“Are things going well between you two? She seems like such a nice girl. I enjoyed getting to know her.”
“Things are going well, and we’re taking it slowly. I’ve never met anybody I wanted to spend more time with. I just feel like I can’t get enough time with her.”
“I can see why. So, why don’t you go spend the day with her?” she asks with a smile.
“Today is your day, and I have to go to the bar later. Liz has gone through a lot. I don’t want to push my way in, and I think I’ve done enough of that already. Want some lunch?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
“Sure, push me inside.” I stand up and push her wheelchair inside the house and make her some lunch.
After lunch, we hang out in the living room and watch some of her favorite crime shows before she falls asleep. She doesn’t do much without getting tired. Funny how it reminds me of Liz lately, always falling asleep.
It’s past six o’clock, and I have to get to the bar and make sure everything is going well there and count out the week. I quietly leave, careful not to wak
e up my mom.
I only stay at Jade for a little while and then drive over to The Hudson to see Tyler and how everything is going there. Once inside, I’m surprised by how busy it is on a Sunday night. I’m not complaining since Tyler handles things well here. He is why The Hudson is thriving. I sit down at the bar, and he comes over.
“Hey, what’s going on?” he asks as he wipes down the counter in front of me.
“Nothing. I just came by for a while. Can you grab me a whiskey?”
As he starts pouring my drink, I take the time to do what I do best. I look around and study the place, always looking to improve and change things.
“Here you go, man. How are things going with Liz?”
“Good. Why do you ask?”
“No reason, just haven’t seen you around much lately. I just worry.”
“I know, man, but things are good. I’ve been trying to get everything finalized for the restaurant, so we can start the construction.” I finish my drink and raise my glass, signaling Tyler to get another.
He slides my drink over to me, keeping his worrying eye on me, but I can’t tell him any other way that I have things under control. He’s going to have to trust me. I take my phone out of my pocket, getting ready to text Liz when somebody sits in the chair next to me. I look over and see Sasha. Fuck! Not what I need.
I’ve made it clear to her time and time again we’re done. Just when I start to calm down the asshole in me, she shows her face. She used to be clingy and annoying, but since she could possibly be the downfall of Liz, my anger escalates.
“Long time no see, stranger. Where have you been hiding?” she purrs.
“What are you doing here?” I ask through my clenched teeth.
“Nice to see you, too. Don’t pretend to dislike me that much. Remember, I know what gets you going.”
“Cut the shit, Sasha. What do you want?” I demand, growing more irritated by the second. She places her hand on my leg, and I flinch.
“You seem tense, and I know how to cure that.”
“Sasha, you might be a little delusional. I’ve made it obvious I want nothing to do with you anymore. You fucked that up. I told you the last time you called, I’m seeing someone, and I don’t have time for this shit.”
“She’s wrong for you, Braxton. I know firsthand she won’t make you happy,” she pleads.
“It’s time for you to leave and don’t come back here. Stay away from me. We will never be anything. You were someone to pass the time, nothing else,” I say, smashing my hand down onto the bar, startling a few people around me.
Tyler walks over, looking from me to Sasha. “I think it’s time for you to leave,” he says sternly.
“You’ll need me, just like her husband did,” she quietly says as she trails her hand across my back.
The second she brings up Liz is where I draw the line. This girl has already had a part in destroying her life, and the last thing I’m going to do is get caught around her and ruin everything I’ve worked so hard to regain.
“That’s it! Get the fuck out of here!” I yell as I stand up quickly, knocking the chair over behind me.
“Braxton, get a grip! You’re causing a scene,” Tyler chimes in.
Adrenaline pumps through my veins, and I can’t seem to get my shit together. The fact Sasha had the nerve to look offended when I demanded her to get the hell out of my bar makes me want to do it again. It’s easy to be on my best behavior around Liz, but I don’t deal with this shit well. Clingy fucking girls drive me insane while they look fucking desperate, thinking it looks cute or something.
“That wasn’t cool, man. You can’t be doing that shit here. This is our business. You need to calm the fuck down.” Tyler looks pissed while he tries to reprimand me.
“I was cool until Sasha mentioned Liz. Putting her down like that isn’t going to make me take her back. The fucking nerve.” I finish my drink and debate having another.
“You want to hear what I think?”
“Not really, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me anyway.”
“I don’t think you would have gotten so mad if you weren’t hiding the fact you know Sasha from Liz. I think you’re scared for Liz to find out, and I think it’s time for you to be honest so she doesn’t learn this one day and hate you for it. You don’t like the fact she won’t tell you everything, but you aren’t being honest either.” He takes my glass and puts it inside the dirty bucket.
“Didn’t I say I didn’t want to hear that? Look, I can’t tell her. It’s been this long, and I haven’t said anything. You don’t think telling her now would fuck it up?”
“Nah, I think you being honest with her might get her to open up to you, but hey, that’s just what I think.”
I check the time on my phone and see it’s already pretty late, and I need to get going and get my head straight. “All right, man, I’m out of here. I’ll call you later.”
“Talk to you later,” Tyler says as he shakes his head at me like I’ve done something wrong.
Once I leave, I drive around in circles as this situation replays in my head, and I weigh out the pros and cons about telling her. I fucking hate to say I think Tyler is right, and I need to come clean. I just don’t know if Sasha is the vindictive type. The last thing I want is Liz hearing this from someone other than me.
I drive to her house and knock on her door, waiting for her to answer. Everything I do seems to be impulsive when it comes to her, and I can’t control it. When the feeling strikes, I instantly react. She opens the door, and I look at her, hoping this isn’t the last time I see her.
“What’s wrong?” She studies my face while she asks.
“I need to talk to you, and it can’t wait,” I quietly say.
Her face pales, and sadness takes over. “Is everything okay with your mom?”
“What? Yeah, my mom is fine. That’s not what this is about.”
“Oh, thank God. You scared me there for a second. Come in. I don’t know if I should be nervous. Should I be?”
We make our way into the living room, and she sits down, tucking her legs under her. Normally, I would have no objection about sitting next to her, but I’m not sure how she’s going to take this news, so I sit on the opposite side of her.
“I’m just going to say what I have to say, no beating around the bush. I know Sasha, and I messed around with her for a little while. I swear I didn’t know you had any connection to her until I read that letter.” I look her in the eyes. “And I didn’t want you finding this out from anybody else other than me,” I finish. Her face turns emotionless. There is nothing to read, which is odd.
“Wow, okay . . . um . . . I don’t know what to say or what you want me to say.”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier, like when I figured all this out. I just . . . I didn’t know how, and I didn’t think it was something you would want to hear.”
“I can’t change your past, and I don’t really care to revisit mine. Thank you for telling me. I guess this is where you want me to explain the letter you read?”
“Nope, when you’re ready to tell me, I’ll be here to listen to you. I don’t want you to if you aren’t ready, and I didn’t come here expecting you to tell me anything. This is not what this is about. She showed up at the bar tonight, and I had to kick her out.”
“Frankly, I know nothing about her other than my ex-husband was seeing her behind my back. I found out when I came across that letter. I must be the most naïve person not to have known this was going on right under my nose,” she says as she takes a huge breath. The last thing I want her to do is feel stupid.
“I know he’s no longer here. She said that when I told her I was talking to you, but I would rather hear it from you. It’s your story to tell, not hers.”
“He was killed in Africa on a charity mission trip with his dental office. We were not as happy as I pretended we were. When he was gone, I found out I was pregnant. I thought a baby was going to be the one thing that
brought us back together, to save our marriage. I was going to surprise him when he got home. You know, as a last-ditch effort. I started not feeling well, and I lost the baby before I could tell him. I was crushed.”
“I’m sorry, Liz. I had no clue.”
“The next day I got the phone call, and my world stopped. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Jacob was my only family. You don’t know how important that was to me. All I wanted was to have a purpose, have a child, and show that child everything I never had. Someone to love and love me back. I didn’t think I would ever be able to move on. I didn’t want to move on. My heart died that day.”
I watch the first tear fall, and I rush to her, wrapping my arms tightly around her, showing her she matters, showing her how much she means to me.
“Liz, you matter, so much. You are so fucking strong. You just didn’t know you were,” I say as I run one hand through her hair, hoping this is bringing her some sort of comfort.
“You aren’t going to like what I’m about to tell you, and I understand if you want nothing to do with me when you hear the rest,” she states, sobbing into my chest.
“I could never feel that way about you. Please understand that.” My heart feels like it’s being torn from my chest. It kills me that she could ever think like that about herself.
“The day of his wake was more than I could handle, so I did the only thing I thought I could do to end the pain. I took a handful of pills, trying to kill myself. Only I couldn’t do that right. Sophie came over early to help me get ready and found me. She saved my life and stayed by my side every moment of the day for weeks. I spent a while in the hospital recovering, and then I was moved to a psychiatric ward and placed there for observation until I wasn’t a danger to myself anymore. I spent the first year after the attempt in therapy, dealing with it and figuring things out, so basically, the last two years of my life I’ve been in a fog.”
“You think that would scare me away? There’s nothing you could say to me to keep me away. It’s unimaginable what you’ve gone through, but you’re here. You need to believe in your own strength.”