Wanted: An Outlaw Anthology

by Lane Hart

  "Yup, I'm being a slave driver since you don't want to talk about hot men with me."

  I can't help the giggle that works out from between my lips as she pouts. "If something ever happens between Hawk and me, you will be the first to know. Although I can almost guarantee you nothing ever will. He's club-oriented, all the way."

  "So is Jackson, but he still fucks like a champ."

  Again, I spit out the drink of coffee I've just taken. "Bella!"

  "Sorry girl, not sorry. You need to release some of that tension, and Hawk Lee is the man to do it for you."

  I do my best to ignore her as I start up my computer and pull the file I need to work on towards me. But in the back of my mind, I don't wonder if she isn't right.

  Chapter Three

  Hawk

  As I pull into my brother's driveway, I can't help but feel a clenching in my gut. At twenty-six he's got everything I want: a home, a woman to come home to every night, and a ten-month-old baby boy who looks up to him like he hung the moon.

  All my life, I've wanted to be settled. To have exactly as an adult exactly what we never had as children. I never expected Dominic to beat me to it, but he met Alyssa, and it was all over from there. Earlier this year, they welcomed Jacob, and now they are the perfect family.

  Parking my bike, I shiver in the cold for a moment before walking into the carport and knocking as I enter.

  "Y'all home?"

  Immediately I hear the excited squeals of my nephew. At ten months he's verbal as hell and already starting to walk. Last time I was over here, he made it up a few of the stairs on his own, scaring the hell out of Alyssa.

  "In the kitchen," I hear her voice.

  Scooping up Jacob, as he toddles towards me, I loudly kiss his stomach as we make our way down the hall and into the main room that houses an open-concept kitchen, living room, and dining area. Alyssa smiles from where she stands at the stove.

  "You here for dinner?"

  My stomach growls loudly. "If there's enough, I'd love to stay. Just came by to say hi and see little man, but I won't say no to food," Jacob giggles as I turn him upside down, holding him by his ankles.

  "Be careful," she warns as she watches the two of us.

  "Like I'd ever harm a hair on his head," I pull him back around, kissing the blonde hair he has on his head. Get's that from Alyssa, Dominic and I have dark, almost black hair.

  Her voice softens as she looks over to where I hold him. "I know you wouldn't. You're a great uncle, and one day you're going to make a great Dad."

  "As long as I have Dominic to show me how," I nod to my brother as he walks down the hallway, apparently coming from a shower as he rubs a towel over his head.

  "You don't need anybody to show you how. I promise, once you have your own, you're gonna want to everything differently than our parents did it. Trust me; you'll be great at this."

  Jacob reaches for his Dad, so I hand him over. Watching them as Dom holds him close, running his hand over Jacob's blond hair. It's evident in the way my big brother holds his son like he's the most precious thing on earth, that he loves him. Dom is an excellent example of not doing what you've been taught. I don't ever recall being held by our dad or hugged by our mom. I'm sure we were at some point but damned if I can remember it. "Whatever you say, big bro," I grin as I take my jacket and cut off, hanging it on a back of one of the kitchen chairs. "Need any help?" I ask Alyssa.

  "If you can grab the bread out of the oven, I'll get the rest of this over to the table," she indicates the pan on the stove.

  "What are we having?"

  "Easy tonight, it was a rough day today. Hamburger Helper, salad, and some garlic bread."

  Doesn't even matter to me what it is. If I were responsible for feeding myself, it would have been through the closest fast food drive-thru as I was heading back to the clubhouse. I'm one of the guys who lives in the dorm section of our clubhouse, but I don't typically join everyone or food. It makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Another carry over from my childhood.

  "Why so rough?" Dom asks as he puts Jacob in his highchair and then comes over to grab the pan from Alyssa's hands.

  I watch as he sets the pan down on a trivet, she's put on the table to protect the wood. Then he pulls out a chair for her to have a seat.

  "People don't seem to understand that glitter dipping and monograms aren't something that can be done in less than thirty minutes," she sighs. "The store was jam-packed."

  She mentions her store which specializes in custom dipped drinkware and all things monogrammed. Because we live in the south and monograms are a way of life, it's trendy.

  "Tell them to get on your fuckin' list and deal with it," Dom growls as he brings the salad to the table and I bring the bread.

  She makes a noise. "I mean I make a good living from the orders on the internet. My Instagram and website are super popular, but now people are coming into the storefront. Which was amazing when I had product built up, but we're getting closer to Christmas and inventory is dwindling. I might need to hire help."

  "Whatever is going to help you," Dom hands out plates. "If I knew what to do to help you, I would."

  Alyssa laughs loudly. "I'm scared to let you touch anything that anybody orders."

  "Hey, I do my job quite well at the shop," he defends himself. "I'll have you know I'm one of the best at pinstripes we have. Steady hand and all that shit."

  Alyssa and I glance at each other, both of us rolling our eyes as we laugh. Throwing a piece of bread at him, I cough. "Bullshit. What we do and what she does are two totally different things."

  "I love you for wanting to help me," she grabs his wrist, bringing him down to her level.

  I watch them as they kiss. Not because I'm pervy or anything like that, but because I wonder what it would be like to have this with another person. Given our childhood, I was surprised when Dom introduced me to Alyssa. From the time he introduced me to her, I could tell she was it for him. Just the way he smiled at her, the way he talked about her, and the protective way he'd held his arm around her, I knew she was it. Leaning over, I help give Jacob his baby food. These two deserve some time on their own, and I know they don't get nearly enough. I'm sometimes convinced they call into work and then take him to daycare so that they can have free days.

  "Who was helping Racer with the cars this morning?" Dom asks as he has a seat and the two of them start serving dinner.

  "Banner," I answer carefully as I take a bite of my food.

  For my brother I might as well be a plate glass window, he can see through me so well. There's never been anything I've ever been to hide from him, and this is something I don't want to tell him about.

  "She's grown up, huh?"

  His tone is conversational, but I know my brother. He's obviously seen me looking, and he's trying to gauge where I am in my feelings for her.

  "Wouldn't know, she's the club princess."

  "Mmm hmmm," he takes a drink of his beer.

  Alyssa glances at me. "Hawk, do you like her? She's turned into a gorgeous young woman. That dark hair and those green eyes? Most people would kill for that combo."

  How do I answer without giving everything away? This is the most uncomfortable I've been in a while. "She's pretty…"

  Dom laughs loudly. "Pretty? You forget, Racer's not here. You can be honest with us."

  Sitting under both their gazes is almost painful as I shift in my seat. "I'm interested, and I think she is too, but it's never going to happen because of who I am and who she is."

  "Just like neither one of us were ever going to have a normal life after the childhood we endured? Most people are molded by their circumstances Hawk, the two of us? We said fuck those circumstances and we've been making our own way since we left home."

  While I understand what he's saying, I'm unsure of how it can work out for Banner and me. Racer's one rule around the clubhouse is not to touch his daughter.

  "If wishes were stars that floated in the sky, maybe I'd
believe it could happen," I give him a grin. "But they aren't, and we're not that lucky."

  "I was," he gives me a pointed stare as he grabs Alyssa's hand. "Maybe you can be too."

  My gut churns as I look at the two of them, a feeling I've had off and on throughout my life. "Anytime something good happens to me, something bad happens too," I sigh. "I'm not sure if I want to mess with the universe like that. What I have going on right now, seems better than I'd ever hoped for as a kid, so I'm thinking I'm going to be happy with what I have."

  "Don't settle," Alyssa shakes her finger at me. "Don't settle Hawk. You deserve the best."

  As I take another bite, I wonder who I'm supposed to explain to them that every time I get something I want, something I need is ripped from my grasp. This time feels no different, and honestly, I'm just not sure I'm willing to lose anything at this juncture in my life.

  Chapter Four

  Banner

  It's been a long day, but honestly, the best end to a long day is to spend it with my family. Most twenty-one-year-olds are looking forward to leaving the nest, going out and experiencing all the joys of not living with parents anymore. I love it, love being around my family and knowing I'm safe.

  Moving out isn't even on my radar.

  "I'm home!" I yell as I enter through our front door.

  I saw both my parents' vehicles outside, so I know they're home.

  "We're in here," I hear my dad's voice towards our kitchen.

  Taking off my jacket, boots, and gloves, I hang the coat on the hook by the door. I hadn't been sure I'd have to use them when I left early this morning, but snow started around two this afternoon and looks to be sticking. Carefully I put my boots on the rack, and my gloves on the catch-all table. If there's one thing, my mom's always been a stickler for it's that everything has a place and it should all be in that place. Once I'm down to my clothing, I walk to the kitchen.

  "Something smells amazing," I sniff as my stomach growls loudly from the aroma in the air.

  "Decided to make chili," Mom says as she grabs a potholder, opens the oven, and leans in to get something out.

  "Did you make cornbread too?" I'm doing my best to look in, but she's blocking me.

  "She sure did," Dad grins from where he sits at the breakfast bar, looking over some papers. "I don't know about you, Ban, but I'm starving."

  "Me too," I hop up beside him and have a seat as I watch my mom work around the kitchen.

  Melissa Coleman works a kitchen like no other mother I've ever seen. From the time I have memories, this has always been the center of our home. Didn't ever matter what dad or my grandfather did for a living. It didn't matter if they'd come home with blood on their hands – and don't get me wrong – sometimes they did. The heart of this home has always been here with my mom. Everyone swears I look like her, but I only see a portion of it. I swear she's a seventies hippie who never grew out of it – even though she was a teenager in the eighties. Mom has never had short hair in her life. It's always been long, dark, curly or braided. And feminine, she's always feminine. She doesn't look a day over twenty, even though she turned forty-one this year. I hope I look like her when I get to be her age.

  "I hope you two are hungry, I think I made too much," she laughs as she puts the chili on the bar, along with the cornbread.

  "You always do," Dad reaches out, grasping her fingers in his. "I'll just take the rest to the shop for lunch tomorrow."

  "Good, you know I worry that some of them don't eat enough."

  Without saying it, I know she's referencing Hawk. Since Dominic and Hawk showed up around seven years ago, she's always worried about them. I can't even count on both my hands the number of times she's accidentally made extra food or accidentally bought a shirt too small for my dad and taken it to them.

  Since Dominic got married two years ago, she's been a little better, but she still worries about Hawk. Truth is, I do too, so I totally get where she's coming from.

  "Melissa, he eats," Dad knows exactly who she's talking about too.

  "I worry. Most everyone else in the club has someone to lean on, and he doesn't."

  "He has his brother," I remind her as I take a bite of my chili. What I wouldn't give to tell them I'd like for him to lean on me, but so far my Dad doesn't actually see me as an adult. So it's possible putting that out in the universe is going too far right now.

  "Yeah, but he just always seems so sad."

  "Woman," Dad puts his spoon down. "That's how Hawk is. He's never been the type to smile freely, even when he's really happy about things. That kid is a closed book. Whoever gets him to open up will be a very special person."

  Desperately I want that person to be me.

  "But until that day comes, we've got to respect his boundaries. Which means, not forcing the happiness we feel on him. Maybe he's not ready for it."

  "Who's not ready for happiness?" Mom argues.

  "Lots of people. Not everyone knows how to process it. Just let him live his life," he laughs when mom sighs heavily. "He'll be fine, as he gets older and when he finds that woman, he'll figure it out."

  "Just hope I'm alive to see it," Mom mumbles.

  Dad lays a firm hand down on the counter. "Look, I know he's become your pet project over the past couple of years, but honestly you've got to give him space. If he feels smothered, he might run, and that's what none of us want him to do."

  "I know," she pouts slightly as she takes a bite of her cornbread.

  "Stop," Dad reaches over, touching her under the chin.

  It must tickle, she tries to hold it back, but a giggle escapes her mouth.

  This right here, this is the relationship I want: the giggles, the being brutally honest with each other, the way the two of them look at one another. I want it all.

  Sighing, I lower my eyes and go back to work on my bowl of food.

  Later on that night, I've taken a long bath, and I'm laying in bed watching Netflix when I hear my phone ping with a text message. Not getting up, I struggle to reach over and get it. With the tips of my fingers, I pull it towards me, looking to see who texted. When I see it's Alyssa, I grin and quickly unlock the phone.

  A: My moody brother-in-law just left. When are you going to finally tell him how you feel and fuck that bad mood out of him?

  I can feel the warmth flood into my cheeks. As far as I know, Alyssa's the only person who knows about my crush on Hawk. She swears up and down he has one on me too, but nobody, and I mean almost nobody can read the man.

  B: Ha! He has to notice me first. We talked a little today, but I can never really tell what he's thinking.

  A: He practically lives here, and I can't tell you what he's thinking. The way he watches us with Jacob though, I get the feeling he wants what we have. He just can't say it.

  B: I would give him that and more.

  Gladly. People say I'm young, and that's fine, but I know what I want. I work hard for what I have, and I'm never afraid to. But Hawk, he's different as Dad said earlier tonight. If people start to smother him, he'll fly away. That's not what I want. I want him here, in my life.

  A: I know you would, and that's what I want you to do. Next week, we should get together and make a plan. You'll be twenty-two soon, and you're coming into your own more and more every day.

  B: It's not soon. Valentine's Day isn't soon.

  I roll my eyes, because someone like her, in love with her husband and kid? Every day is Valentine's Day.

  A: Sooner than you think! But really. Lunch next week?

  B: Sure, just let me know when and where. Bella won't mind.

  A: Cool, Jacob is whining I gotta go put him down for the night. I think Hawk is doing another job tomorrow. Maybe look extra cute when you show up to teach Jackson? Since ya know – Hawk might be there.

  B: Good night!

  I would love to say that I paid no attention to what Alyssa told me. I would love to say I rolled over and fell into a deep sleep until morning. Truth is, I get up out of bed, l
ooking through everything I own.

  Eventually, I settle on a pair of black tights, a red long-sleeve dress, a black leather jacket, and a pair of black boots. I braid my still-damp hair tightly so that it'll be curly in the morning, and I do a little plucking of my eyebrows.

  "You're stupid, Banner," I tell myself.

  He's not going to notice. He's never noticed before. But this night, for some reason feels different. Like a tide is about to turn – the only problem is I can't tell if it's for better or worse.

  Either way, I tell myself I'm going to make some sort of move. I'm not sure what that move is going to be, but I will make it. Come hell or high water – that is if I don't chicken out first.

  Sighing deeply, I just know I'm going to chicken out first.

  Chapter Five

  Hawk

  Snow falls softly as I drive towards Gatlinburg. It's a wet mixture, causing me to have my wipers on, and to drive with caution. The thump thump of the windshield wipers calms me as I navigate the winding roads leading out of Red Creek. I can remember learning to drive on these after Dom, and I came here. They scared the hell out of me, but now they have a calming effect. Like I know where each turn is, and instead of anxiety at not knowing what's around it – I feel peace as I clear every blind spot.

  Early this morning I got a text from our informant. There's a car very high on the parts list from our brokers in St. Thomas. Parts are hard to get there, especially since the hurricanes, and they pay top dollar. Not to mention, most of the time, nobody wants to go to a US Territory to find stolen car parts.

  It's not often that I have to drive myself, but the entire club is busy today doing other stuff that needs doing. Usually, when I go on my own, it's because I have things I need to think about. Today is one of those days.

  Since last night at Dom's dinner table, I've been thinking about what he said. How maybe I can change the narrative of our lives. How maybe Banner could be mine if I gave her a chance to be. If I'm a man worthy of her, Racer would never say no, that I'm sure of.