by Lane Hart
Assuming that's what the Deputy in front of me is going to ask, I smile at him. But that's before I see his face. This look? It feels different.
"Hey, Tommy." My smile is faltering as I see the look in his eyes. Tommy Lightfoot is an acquaintance; we make small talk every time he comes into the office. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"This ain't a social call Banner, this is business," he takes off his hat, wiping his hand along the polyester material of his uniform pants. It's still cold outside, so I'm wondering just what in the hell he's sweating about. Taking a closer look at him, I see that his face is grim and there's a hollowness to his eyes. Tommy is usually happy-go-lucky and has a joke for me every time I see him. It's at this point I start to worry.
Before he can tell me what's going on, Bella comes barreling out of her office, into the common area, tears streaming down a face that's decidedly paler than usual. An unspoken message seems to pass between the two of them. "I heard it on the scanner," she whispers.
Fear grips my stomach, twisting it with such strength that I almost cry out with the pressure of it. I manage to push words through my tight throat. "Somebody tell me right now what the fuck's going on."
"I'm doing notification, Banner." Immediately I go to a place I don't want to go to. Notification means injury or even death. Closing my eyes, I try to stop my hands from shaking, try to stop my insides from quivering with the fear gripping my body. I figure my dad is safe, as are most members of the club. If not, Bella would have told me. The suspense is damn near killing me as I breath out. "Just tell me."
"Early this morning, a coal truck crossed the center line out on 101. The driver hit a patch of black ice and overcorrected. It hit a motorcycle carrying Dominic and Alyssa Lee. They were pronounced dead at the scene."
Numb. It's all I can feel. I try to form words with a mouth that won't work, as the feelings and reality of what I've been told washes over me.
"What about Jacob?" I whisper.
Officer Lightfoot cleared his throat. "It's my understanding CPS takes him tonight. Tomorrow the will is to be probated. I believe Bella is the attorney of record on that."
The roaring sound of a motorcycle cuts the air before she can answer.
"That's Jackson," Bella breathes as she rushes out of the office and onto the street. She's wringing her hands, waiting on her husband, to park. As soon as he's off the bike, they cling to one another.
Hanging back, I watch as Bella holds her husband in her arms. Even from a distance, I can see the moisture rolling down Jackson's face. Very few times have I seen a member of the Red Creek Renegade's cry. In fact, I can recall one time, right this moment. Gathering himself with a deep breath, he faces me and opens his arms.
Most of the guys have known me since I was born, or at least since they were Prospects. Many of them treat me like the sister they never had. With these guys, I'm home, and with Jackson's arms circling me, I finally feel as if this crazy ride I've been on the past twenty minutes is slowing down. I hold on for dear life, fighting to control my emotions, Jackson struggling to control his.
"You've got to find Hawk," he wipes his eyes, before he puts his hands on my shoulders, forcing us to face one another. "No one has seen him for the past few days, and I know you and Alyssa were close. Maybe she told you of someplace he might go that only she and Dom knew about. He's not in any of the places we normally look."
This is honestly the last thing I want to do, considering how we left each other, but if he has to hear this from someone, I want him to hear it from me.
Quickly, I grab my car keys and purse, knowing I won't stop until I find him. "Where do you want me to bring him once I find him?"
"Back to the clubhouse," Jackson instructs. "He'll need his family, and we need him."
Truer words have never been spoken.
As I drive through the town I was born in, have grown up in my entire life. I notice everything looks different, after the devastating news we've all just received. The anger I'd felt earlier in the day has been replaced with dread, an urgency to get to the man I want to hold me. The man I want to hold, even if he pushed me away days ago. When I'd gone to work this morning, it'd been a bright day full of sunshine, totally not matching my mood. The afternoon has taken on a gray cast, almost like God knows we're upset and mourning.
Today I'm feeling my own mortality. My friends weren't much older than me – and now they're gone. Dead. Never coming back.
When I get to the intersection of Spring Street and River Road, instead of going straight to head towards the clubhouse, I hang a left, heading further out into the county. A conversation with Alyssa replays in my head as she tells me how much Hawk loves the banks of Red Creek. There's a camping spot, not far from here, and maybe, just maybe he's there.
It's been years since I've been back to this plot of land. The last time my dad got it in his head, he was going to teach me how to fish. That had ended up with him throwing my pole in the creek, and we'd never been back. As I climb further in elevation, passing landmarks I've heard about or seen my whole life, I turn onto a dirt road and thank God it's not raining or snowing. Turning the bend, it's like I've stepped into an alternate universe, this part of the county is untouched by civilization. Not many people come to camp out here, but those who do, value their privacy.
People like Hawk.
Driving further into the campground, I get to a lot, where I see his bike parked, and I know I've found him. With a sigh of relief, I park next to it. Shutting off my SUV before I send a quick text to Bella, letting her know he's been found.
"Hawk!" I yell as I get out of SUV, carefully walking towards the tent he has set up.
He doesn't answer right away, but I know he's here. I can feel him. Ceasing walking, I listen carefully, not hearing him in the tent. Instead, I walk towards Red Creek, and that's when I see him. He's got a bonfire going to ward off the coolness of the winter day. He sits in a camping chair, his long legs stretched out in front of him, taking a long drink from a bottle of Beam.
"Leave me alone, Banner," he warns, throwing a glare in my direction.
His brown eyes are icy and hard, not the usual warm color of whiskey I'm used to seeing, as I threaten to come closer. Anxiously closing the distance between us.
"Neither one of us needs to be alone right now," I reason with him. "You just lost your brother, and I just lost a really good friend."
"You think I don't know that?" he spits the words at me, taking another drink off the bottle. "They notified me two hours ago," he whispers as he glances at me. The pain there is enough to break me in half. "I tried to go see Jacob," he admits. "They wouldn't let me. Said I had to wait to see what the goddamn courts gonna do. He needs his family. What's gonna happen with him?" His moods and words flipped like a light switch. It's hard to keep up.
I wish I could answer that question. I want to know what's going to happen to him too. He needs to be with people who know and love him. Not in some home where they don't know his favorite cartoon or the specific pajamas he likes to wear.
"Bella said there's a will that needs to be probated and they are going to start those proceedings tomorrow. Hopefully, we'll have some answers soon."
He looks back up at me, his eyes as vacant as I've ever seen them. "There are no answers, darlin'; they're dead."
I know he's right, but this one time in my life I need to be someone else's cheerleader. "They are, but you're not, and you have a nephew who needs you. Take tonight and do whatever you have to do to get through this, but you better be the man he needs by the time the morning comes around. So help me, Hawk. You have to fight for Jacob."
Given the amount he's probably drunk, he's up and standing in front of me, quicker than I expected him to be. "Nobody is gonna stand between that kid and me. If they think so, they're going to die."
The words are said with such casualness it chills me to the bone. Not able to help myself, I reach out, putting my hands on his stomach, pushing my arms around him
, I grasp him tightly. Holding him fiercely to me. Trying to take his pain away, hoping he can take mine too.
"This hurts," I whisper, letting tears sting the back of my eyes.
"It does," he agreed.
With a mind of its own, my mouth finds his, settling into a place that had once been his and only his. Possessively, he grasps me to his body, moving his hands down my back to cup the globes of my ass. Feeling the flex of his fingers, I moan into his mouth.
"This isn't a good idea, Hawk," I shake my head, trying to tell myself we're just reacting to the shock of losing people we love so dearly.
"The best idea I've had all day is picking you up, carrying you into that tent, and burying myself balls deep in your body. Maybe it'll take the way the emptiness I'm feeling, the complete devastation that has wracked my body since that damn Sheriff did a notification at my door. I don't know about you, darlin' but I need to feel alive and the only other time I've ever felt alive – besides being on the back of my bike – was with you."
I'm speechless, trying to form words, but my mouth is so dry I can't. I can only nod and grasp him around the back of the neck as he picks me up and carries me towards the tent. This isn't the smartest thing we've ever done, but sometimes a body just needs the comfort of another. Closing my eyes as our lips meet again – yeah that's it I need the comfort of another body, no matter who that body is.
Chapter Nine
Banner
Bella and I sit in her office waiting for Hawk to arrive, so we can start the proceedings of getting Jacob back where he's supposed to be. It's quiet between the two of us; you can hear a pin drop as I keep crossing and uncrossing my legs. Bella plays with the paper in her file folder.
"I wish you had been able to convince Hawk to come by the clubhouse last night. I don't like that he stayed by himself," Bella worries, shuffling the paperwork in the file, and then putting it back in her lap. Her hand smooths over the top like whatever's inside holds the cure to all our problems.
I shift uncomfortably in my chair. The soreness between my thighs is proof that Hawk was anything but alone last night. It'd been by the skin of my teeth I hadn't had to make a walk of shame and end up wearing the same clothes today as I'd worn yesterday.
"I'm sure he was fine."
Judging by the look on her face, Bella wants to ask more questions, but someone coming into the office stops her. Getting up from her seat, she throws the file folder down and hugs the person fiercely. Even if I didn't feel it in my bones, I'd know that was Hawk anywhere. The sharp smell of spice and aftershave, along with a hint of leather, announce him wherever he is.
"Honey, are you okay?" Bella asks, hugging him tightly in her arms.
For just a moment, he lets her hold him before he pushes her away. His voice is rough and tight as he asks the question I'm sure he's been wondering since this whole thing started. "Have you heard anything about Jacob?"
I give him credit; he looks presentable, much different than the way I left him this morning. His hair is still damp from a shower he's apparently taken. The dark strands are slicked back. His face is shaven clean of the stubble he usually prefers wearing. As my gaze slides further down, I take notice of the nice jeans and button-down shirt he also wears. His leather cut is still in place, but I have no doubt he'll take it off if we have to go to court.
Look at me, Hawk. I silently beg him. Let me know you're okay.
Finally, as if he hears me, his eyes lift to mine, and I can see they're bloodshot. No doubt the result of the drinking done the night before, and the late hour we'd gone to sleep.
"We're waiting on his court-appointed advocate to get here and then we'll do a reading of the will. By any chance, did Dom and Alyssa talk to either one of you about the provisions they put in the will?" Bella asks as she looks back and forth between the both of us.
"It wasn't something we talked about. Ya know, what would happen with the kid if they died," Hawk admits as he has a seat next to me.
I chance a look over at him, hoping he'll give me something. Maybe a little smile, a wink, any indication that he knows I'm here with him if he needs me.
"What about you?" she looks at me.
"No, Alyssa and I never discussed that in any of our texts," I cross my legs again, putting my hands between my knees as I squeeze them tightly, hoping the pain will take away the queasy feeling that's beginning to take root in my stomach.
"Oh dear God," Bella breathes.
"What?" I ask, sitting forward in my chair, not able to sit still, as I wrack my brain over what she may be slightly freaking out about.
"We'll talk about it when the advocate gets here," she mumbles, running a hand through her hair."
The group of us sit in silence until the door opens and a sharp dressed woman in a suit comes breezing in. She's older with gray hair at her temples, black wire-frame glasses perched on her nose. I can almost feel her looking down at the three of us. Everyone in Red Creek knows who we are.
"Jane, nice to see you," Bella stands up, shaking the other woman's hand.
"You too," they greet each other as warmly as expected. "I know that we're all anxious here, so let's get started," she has a seat and motions for Bella to take the floor.
Bella has a seat at her desk, running her hands along the folder that's now placed in front of her. She caresses it like it's a Bible that holds all the answers to all the questions in the world.
Not sure why I feel my stomach cramp again. I'm scared about what's in the folder, worried I'll never see Jacob again, as I watch Bella open it, and level a look towards Hawk and me.
"Seeing as how Dominic and Alyssa never talked to either one of you about the contents within this folder, I want to first say I'm sorry to spring this on you. I told the two of them when they made this will; they should talk to everyone named in it so there would be no surprises. The only thing I can assume is they figured they had more time."
A feeling of melancholy lands over the room at those words. It's not hard to believe they assumed they would have forever – that life wouldn't end that morning on their motorcycle. As a young couple, they probably thought they had all the time in the world. Imagined they would see Jacob go to kindergarten, graduate high school, get married, and have kids of his own. Unfortunately, that would never happen for them.
"What's in it?" Hawk finally asks.
His voice causes the hairs on my arm to stand on end. It's rough, raw with emotion, and thin like he's barely holding it together. So badly, I want to reach other and grab his hand – offer him comfort in any way possible. The only issue is if he would return or welcome that show of comfort. I've spent most of my adult life getting my heart stepped on by Hawk, and I'm not sure if I can handle more right at this moment.
Bella clears her throat. "It's funny how things work out, ya know? A month ago, Dom called me up and said that he and Alyssa wanted to make a plan in case something happened to them. None of us ever thought we would be reading this piece of paper so soon. It's hard for me to read it because I know the finality of it all and I'm sorry to have to even do it."
My throat clogs when she opens the folder, and I can make out the words Last Will and Testament it's so final, so unexpected.
"I'm going, to be honest here, I advised them against doing this, but they wanted to, they felt in their hearts this was the right decision for them to make. For themselves and for their child. We can go back to everything else, but in the case of Legal Guardianship of Jacob Lee they've named Hawk Lee and Banner Clark as co-guardians."
"What?" I breathe, glancing at Hawk. An equally shocked expression looks back at me. I imagine between the two of us; it looks as if we're looking in a mirror.
"They were very clear in what they wanted, and they wanted the two of you to have Jacob if something happened to them."
"But, but, we're not even together!" I protest.
"You don't have to be together to take care of a child," Bella points out. "As far as everything else goes – I hate to
say this, but Dom and Alyssa didn't have an overabundance of money. The mortgage won't be covered should you decide to stay in the home – which I think Child Protective Services will want you to do."
"Wait just a second," Hawk holds up a hand. "Stay in the home? I think you're assuming we understand what you're saying and I know I sure as hell don't."
Jane interrupts. "What she's saying is Child Protective Services will want him to remain in an environment that he used to. They'll want him to be comfortable. They will be doing welfare checks that are unscheduled to make sure he's being taken care of. The two of you will need to work this out. You have a lot to think about, and I want you to be sure you can handle it. Jacob is a ten-month-old little boy who goes to daycare. That will have to be paid for. He needs diapers, that's another cost. He needs food and medicine and someone who will get up with him in the middle of the night when he's sick. If either of you can't do that, then you need to tell me right now."
"Can you give me just a minute?" I ask, getting up and walking out of the office. More than anything I need a breather from the heaviness of the situation.
I feel like I'm either in an alternate universe or hyperventilating, as I walk around outside the office in a circle, on the sidewalk. Bending over at the waist I breathe in huge gulps of chilly air that's ushering in fall. Tears burn the backs of my eyelids.
The door to Bella's office slams shut and I hear the hard echo of motorcycle boots smacking against the concrete. I fight against the urge to turn around and face him.
"What the fuck where they thinking?" he growls. I hear him grab what I assume is a pack of cigarettes out of his pants pocket. The sound of him thumping the hard box against the heel of his hand sounds like slams of a hammer on a pine box. Quickly he puts one up to his lips, lights it with the flick of a lighter, taking a deep inhale f the nicotine.