Gideon's Bride

by Amelia Autin

  But she knew this wasn’t the right time to say those words out loud. Nicki wasn’t ready to hear them. So Rennie turned her attention back to Andrew for now, promising herself that someday she’d find the key to Nicki.

  Nicki moved a little ways away from the others, her emotions in turmoil. She knew she was behaving badly, even if Daddy or Aunt Emily didn’t say anything. Shame flickered through her, to join the ever-present sense of fear and guilt. Mama would be ashamed of her if she knew.

  Dry-eyed, Nicki watched Trina cry, wishing she could cry, too. Tears burned the back of her eyes so badly they ached, and her throat felt scratchy, but she knew the tears wouldn’t fall. She hadn’t cried the day they buried her mother, nor any day since. She wouldn’t cry now.

  Daddy had cried. She’d only been seven, but she’d known even then how he’d tried to be strong for her and Trina. But when the men had lowered Mama’s coffin into the ground, she’d seen the solitary tear that had defied even Daddy’s strength of will to hold it back.

  But she hadn’t been able to cry. Not then, and not now. Tears were lost to her, just as her voice was lost, just as Mama was lost. And now she was losing Daddy, too.

  Trina’s sobs finally ceased, and Gideon wiped his daughter’s face with his handkerchief. He kissed her once more before handing her to Jim Holden. Rennie reluctantly gave Andrew to Emily.

  Gideon grabbed Rennie’s hand and tugged. “Let’s go.”

  “But—”

  “Come on.” He carried her along with him on the tide of his urgency, outside, through the crowd milling around in front of the church and down the steps. Cheers from the crowd followed them. When Rennie attempted to free her hand one last time, he growled, “If we’re going to go, let’s go!”

  “But I—”

  Gideon opened the passenger door of Rennie’s sports car. He seated her and shut the door on her protest. He folded his tall frame into the driver’s seat, slammed the door and held out his hand.

  “Keys.”

  “Keys?”

  Somewhat impatiently, Gideon explained. “Where are the car keys?”

  Rennie licked her dry lips. “They’re in my purse.”

  “So?”

  “So, I tried to tell you. My purse is back in the church.”

  Gideon cursed briefly, a pithy Anglo-Saxon word, and pounded the steering wheel in frustration. “Great. Just great. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  “I tried!”

  Recognizing the truth of her words, Gideon felt a touch of shame in blaming Rennie for their predicament. She had tried, he just hadn’t listened. But there was a limit to how much he could take, and that scene with his children in the church vestibule was it.

  His head pivoted to the car window. The throng of people was still there, waving and cheering, waiting for them to drive away. Only they couldn’t go anywhere without the car keys.

  “I can’t go back in there,” he admitted without turning around.

  “I’ll go. You stay here.” She didn’t wait for an answer.

  His gaze followed her as she slid out and around the car, gliding gracefully through the crowd. The full skirt of her lavender dress swirled seductively around her slender legs. She disappeared momentarily inside the church, then reappeared, clutching an enormous purse.

  Someone must have made a joke because Rennie laughed. Her reply made everyone around her laugh, too. Then she waved and walked away, toward the car, toward him.

  Gideon absently watched her approach, and found himself admiring her as any man would. A stirring in his loins confirmed it.

  She’s pretty, all right. Not beautiful, like Jo, but there’s something about her....

  Rennie slipped into her seat and handed him the keys, but when he inserted them into the ignition she put her hand over his to stop him.

  “Seat belt, please.”

  “What?”

  “This car doesn’t move unless all occupants are wearing seat belts.” Rennie buckled hers as she spoke.

  Gideon said nothing but did up his own, then started the car. As they drove away from the church and the waving townsfolk, he drew the first easy breath he’d had in days. He looked over at Rennie and cocked a quizzical eyebrow.

  “Why the big deal about the seat belt? Don’t get me wrong, I usually wear mine and I always make the kids wear theirs, but...”

  “I guess I’m a fanatic about it since my accident. I was lucky I was wearing one. If I hadn’t, I’d probably be dead.”

  Gideon’s face went blank, all expression wiped clean as he clamped down on memories he thought he’d put behind him.

  Instantly Rennie realized what she’d done and mentally berated herself. Why had she brought up the subject? For the past week since she’d returned from Los Angeles she’d made a point of avoiding any mention of her own accident. And now, in a moment of forgetfulness, she’d opened the door to painful memories for both of them.

  She glanced out the window, then back at Gideon. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For what I said. For making you remember your wife.”

  Gideon’s response was slow in coming. “It’s okay,” he said finally, relaxing the tight control over himself just a little. “To tell you the truth, I was already thinking about her.”

  “Oh.”

  “Now I’m sorry.”

  “Why? It’s perfectly natural. I should have expected it. I just didn’t think, that’s all. I know you loved your wife. Still do, for that matter. You don’t have to watch everything you say for fear you’ll say something that hurts me.”

  “You mean that?”

  “It’s not as if we’re in love, or anything. To tell you the truth, as you’re so fond of saying, I admire you for your honesty.”

  “Lack of tact, you mean.”

  Rennie placed her hand on his coat sleeve in an earnest attempt to convince him. She squeezed the taut muscles beneath the gray wool.

  “Please believe me, Gideon. I meant what I said.”

  Their eyes locked for a moment. “Okay,” he said in his deepest voice, with just the hint of a smile touching his lips. “I believe you.”

  Rennie smiled, slowly, sweetly, the first real smile she’d given him all day, and Gideon’s body responded with a flush of warmth. Though it might be weeks or even months before he could act on his attraction to Rennie, he felt good about it. Damned good.

  He had to force his attention back to the empty road in front of him. When Rennie removed her hand from his forearm, he wanted to put it back.

  “Gideon, can I ask a favor?”

  “Sure.”

  “In the future, would you tell me if something I do or say upsets you? I’ll promise to do the same. It’s bound to happen, and I’m not very good at reading people’s minds.”

  “You’re doing a pretty good job of it so far.”

  “Please. If we can agree on this one thing, I think we’ll have nipped at least a part of our potential problems right in the bud. If our marriage is going to be a success, we have to establish a few ground rules, and this is one of mine.”

  “A little late for ground rules, isn’t it?”

  Although his tone was dry and his expression solemn, Rennie saw one corner of his mouth twitch as if he were holding back a smile, and knew he was teasing her. But this was important, too important to joke about.

  “No,” she said quietly. “I don’t think it’s too late.”

  They were fast approaching a slow-moving truck ahead of them on the highway. Gideon flicked on the turn indicator. Although there wasn’t another vehicle around for miles, he checked his mirrors, anyway, then passed the truck before responding.

  “Okay. Suppose I agree. Any other rules I should know?”

  Rennie had given this a lot of thought in the past two weeks. “You’ve already promised to respect me, never to hurt me deliberately, to be faithful, and never to lie to me. I promise you the same.” Rennie shivered inside as her conscience pricked her. Did
withholding part of the truth constitute a lie? She hushed her conscience and hurried on.

  “In addition, I promise to do my best to be a good mother to your children.”

  “If I didn’t already believe that, I wouldn’t be sitting here.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Is that all?”

  Rennie felt suddenly warm and knew the color in her face betrayed her. If only he would keep his eyes on the road and not look at her! Unfortunately, Gideon ignored her silent plea. His eyes slowly perused the betraying flush and the tightly clasped hands in her lap.

  She cleared her throat. “There is one other thing.”

  “Well?”

  She swallowed, the dryness of her throat uncomfortable. What was worse, the flush deepened, but she forged ahead bravely. “I also wanted you to know that I intend to be a good wife to you. Just because we won’t sleep...that is...just because we’re not...I mean...you promised...” Her voice trailed off miserably, and he took pity on her.

  “I promised not to...ah...claim my conjugal rights until we’re both ready,” he said, not quite smoothly.

  Rennie nodded, unable to utter a sound.

  He reached over and covered her clenched hands with his large one. “I gave you my word, Rennie,” he said very gently. “I don’t give that lightly. I meant it.”

  She found her voice. “I know.” Her words were soft but sure. “If I didn’t already believe that, I wouldn’t be sitting here, either.”

  “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

  She turned her hand and slid her fingers through his. “But I do want to be a good wife to you. In other ways.” He smiled at her. “I know. You will be.” There was assurance in his voice, and something more.

  They were silent for a moment, each considering everything the other had said. But when she started to draw her hand away, Gideon retained possession.

  “Rennie, I need to ask you something.”

  For no reason at all, she was suddenly nervous. “Yes?”

  “You...you’re not a virgin, are you?”

  Warmth flooded her face like a tidal wave. Before she could even marshall her thoughts to respond, Gideon hurried to clarify his question.

  “I’m not trying to embarrass you, or pry into your past life. It’s just, well...hell, if you are a virgin, I need to know, so that when...if we do...” He stopped, and Rennie detected the faintest tinge of red beneath his tan. His embarrassment mitigated her own.

  “No,” she said gruffly. “I’m not a virgin.” Rennie couldn’t leave it at that, however. For some reason she didn’t want Gideon to think her promiscuous. “I haven’t slept around, if that’s what you’re wondering. I was seventeen when I... Well, it wasn’t such a great experience that I was tempted to do it again.”

  Gideon digested this in silence. So that explained her extreme shyness in reference to the sexual side of their marriage. He thought back to the coarse suggestion he’d made to her the day they met, and cringed mentally. She was practically a virgin, despite her disclaimer. Once at seventeen and nothing in the intervening years said a lot about the first experience. A sudden distasteful thought occurred to him and his face darkened.

  “You weren’t ra—”

  “No!” Rennie cut him off. “No. I thought he loved me. He didn’t. It wasn’t rape, but it wasn’t very pleasant.”

  Gideon turned her words over in his mind, realizing how difficult it must be for Rennie to have to tell him these very personal things, even if he was her husband. He decided to honor her confidence with one of his own.

  “Johanna was the only woman I’ve ever slept with.” Startled brown eyes rose to meet hazel ones. Gideon smiled ruefully before turning his attention back to the road. “Don’t spread that around, okay?”

  “I would never...” Her voice trailed off, but he could feel her eyes on his face. “Why?”

  “Why am I telling you this, or why was she the only one?”

  “A little of both, I guess.”

  “As for the first, I thought you should know I haven’t been parking my boots where I shouldn’t,” he said whimsically. “I know we passed our blood tests, but a woman’s bound to wonder, anyway. I guess I wanted you to know you don’t have to worry about that.” He cleared his throat. “As for the second, Johanna was the only woman I’ve ever loved, and I’d known her all my life. I never really wanted anyone else.”

  Rennie felt her heart turn over. The very simplicity of his words convinced her he was telling the absolute truth. Oh, to be loved like that, to have the single-minded devotion of a man like Gideon. For the first time, Rennie felt a stab of jealousy toward Johanna.

  “Thank you for telling me.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say, and this time when she drew her hand away, Gideon let it go. She moved slightly, tucking her right hand under her cheek against the car window, and stared at the passing scenery.

  To some people, northern Wyoming’s terrain may have seemed harsh, bleak and unlovely. But for those who cared to look, there was beauty to be found. The folds of the earth, both shallow and steep, the scattered green vegetation among the brown, a lone tree struggling for existence in an arid climate—these things offered a unique, Spartan beauty that refreshed the soul. And after years in a city where smog and skyscrapers choked off her view of the sky, Rennie’s eyes drank in the boundless blue overhead.

  She sighed softly. If she pretended hard enough, maybe she’d convince herself she was sighing over the scenery, not Gideon’s last statement and her unexpected reaction to it. Jealousy wasn’t an emotion she had a lot of experience with, especially not jealousy over a man. But Gideon wasn’t just any man, she reminded herself. He was her husband.

  “Hey.”

  Startled, Rennie looked up.

  “You’re awfully quiet. You’re not falling asleep, are you?” She shook her head, and he said, “We’re coming up to a rest stop. Do you need to use the ladies’ room, or anything?”

  “No thanks. I’m fine.”

  He spared her a glance from his concentration on the road, and her faraway expression made him ask, “Is something wrong?”

  “No. I’m a little tired, I guess.” She searched for a safe topic of conversation. “I didn’t expect so many people at our wedding.”

  “Yeah, well, neither did I.”

  “But they’re your friends. They obviously care about you and want to see you happy.”

  “I could do with a little less of their attention. You’d think nobody else ever got married in Carter’s Junction.”

  The corners of Rennie’s mouth turned up in a tiny smile at his disgruntled expression. “I didn’t mind them being there. I thought it was nice, actually.”

  “You seemed pretty nervous, though.”

  “Not for that reason.” She was skating onto thin ice, and she knew it. Time to change the subject again. “I’m sorry your brother, Caleb, couldn’t make it to the wedding. I would have liked to meet him.”

  “I called, but he was out of town. So I wrote to him.” Then it struck him. “Wait a minute. How did you know I had a brother?”

  “You’d be surprised at the things I know about you.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Gideon was willing to be diverted. “Like what, for instance?”

  “Oh, like what you and your twin did the night before your high school graduation.”

  The look Gideon gave her was full of consternation, and Rennie chuckled. “That’s not all I learned about your wicked past,” she teased gently. “I know you used to smoke but quit before Nicki was born. You have an interesting scar on your...um...posterior from the time a horse threw you into a fence post. And I heard all about how your father grounded you for a month when you came home from Cheyenne Frontier Days with a tattoo of an eagle on your left arm.”

  “You’ve been busy,” he said dryly.

  Rennie feigned astonishment. “You don’t think I asked about these things, do you?”

  “Then how did you dig up all this ancient his
tory?” Gideon took his eyes off the road again. “You’ve scarcely been here a week!”

  Rennie’s brown eyes twinkled. “It’s fairly difficult to keep a secret in a small town, Gideon. Once people heard we were getting married, they just came up to me and volunteered all sorts of interesting tidbits.”

  Knowing his neighbors, Gideon was forced to admit Rennie was telling the truth. There were few secrets in Carter’s Junction. And Caleb’s name on Rennie’s lips reminded Gideon of other teenage escapades better left unmentioned.

  “So what else did my friends tell you?” His discomfiture was obvious.

  “Oh, come on, Gideon, it’s not that bad. Everybody has embarrassing incidents in their past.”

  “Maybe,” he conceded. “But no one’s going around telling things about you.”

  “I could tell you my most embarrassing secret.”

  That got his attention. “Do you have one?”

  “Of course.”

  “Okay, let’s have it.”

  “You’re not the only one with a tattoo.”

  Gideon blinked, then grinned. “I’ll be damned! What is it?”

  “A butterfly.”

  “No kidding. Show me.” Rennie blushed and Gideon shot her an amused look. “Oh. One of those, huh?”

  She cleared her throat. “Yes.”

  “Will I ever get to see it?”

  “I imagine you might. Someday.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  Chapter 4

  It wasn’t what he said, Rennie decided, it was the way he said it that made her breath catch in her throat. And the way he looked at her didn’t help matters. Not at all.

  A vision of the two of them in the kind of cozily intimate situation where her little butterfly tattoo would be visible floated into her mind, and it took all her self-control to block it out. This certainly wasn’t the time to be entertaining fantasies about Gideon, even if he was her husband.

  Despite her best efforts, her cheeks barely had time to cool down before they drove into Wagon Wheel Gap.

  They had reservations at the Pronghorn, one of the town’s two tourist motels. While Gideon checked them in, Rennie looked over the meager supply of postcards the lobby had to offer, then followed him outside when he was done. They drove around the side of the building and parked in front of rooms ten and twelve. Gideon handed her both keys.