Trying to Survive (Part 2)

by C. J. Crowley

  I soon regretted not having someone there to help me. I had to take my hand away for what seemed like fifteen long seconds as I cut a new square of gauze and got the pieces of tape ready.

  For the sake of appearance, I made the square a little smaller and tried to place the tape neatly.

  I didn’t do anything else except attempt to fix my hair a little before I left the bathroom. There was no need for me to be all wrapped up anymore… Just have to get ready for all the stares I’ll be getting for the next few days…

  When we first broke into the house, I noticed some books and magazines had been placed on the tables in the living-room for decoration. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, but I also needed to rest my leg so I headed for the big couch with the reclining seats.

  While passing through the kitchen, my head suddenly jerked left when I heard a faint yell come from outside. I rounded the corner – I came to a stop and my eye widened… The front door was just hanging open.

  As I brought my rifle around and stepped outside, I heard another yell that was suddenly cut short. It was dark and too far away for me to see any real details, but I could tell a shredder had someone pinned to the ground. I could see the white of their sneakers flailing around underneath it.

  I raised my rifle, but I didn’t have sight of its head so I aimed for the middle of its back. When the bullet struck, it fell to the side, immediately jumped back to its feet and starting running toward me at full speed. I fired again and hit it in the neck, only staggering it for a second.

  I nervously slid another bullet into the chamber with a shaky hand, held my breath and then pulled back on the trigger – this time getting the headshot because the last bullet actually slowed it down a little.

  Before I even took my first step, I could see that whoever it had gotten to wasn’t moving… It only takes them a few seconds to kill someone… I assumed one of the guys stepped outside for a smoke, or to take a piss. I selfishly thought – Please, don’t let it be Walt…

  I quickly limped forward a few feet and something caught my eye. When I looked to my right and saw the gutted dog nearby, I knew exactly who it was… Anthony…

  The pain in my leg disappeared and I suddenly found myself half-way running. It was dark, but I could see the blood all over his neck and torso. When I picked him up, his arm was almost completely detached from his body and only hanging on by some skin. I had to find a way to hold it up before I headed back to the house so it didn’t tear away.

  I knew the gunshots had woken everyone up, and that they were all probably on their way downstairs, so I began to yell out to them. “Get the medical supplies! Get the medical supplies ready!”

  The adrenaline and panic made Anthony’s frail body seem as light as a feather. When I was no more than five feet away from the door, Jessie ran out, came to a dead stop, aimed just to the right of me and fired a single shot. I glanced back to see that another shredder was running up behind me.

  I moved past Jessie as he fired again, making it so all could hear is a high pitched ringing. When I made it through the front door they were all there waiting. Melanie and I practically ran into each other.

  The lack of light in the house made it even more difficult to see exactly what had happened to Anthony… but Melanie saw enough to make her start sobbing and crying out hysterically as she tried to take him away from me.

  Brian had to hold her back so I could get Anthony over to the couch.

  I yelled out “There’re candles all over the place – gather up as many as you can so we can see!”

  I could feel that my hands, arms and shirt were wet with his blood. There was so much of it that I found myself assuming he was already dead.

  Just as I was about to check his breathing, a hand grabbed the back of shirt and pulled me away. Jenny took my place and yelled out “Hurry up with those candles!”

  I backed away… That’s right. Jenny mentioned that she had medical experience…

  As Walt and I surrounded Jenny and Anthony with candles she continued to give him CPR, and the others had all gathered. Melanie dropped to her knees next to the couch and was tightly grasping Anthony’s hand. She buried her face into one of the cushions to drown out her heavy sobbing.

  The candle light only revealed Anthony’s imminent death… The shredder had almost completely eaten away his right shoulder. His arm was out of the socket and only hanging on by a single chunk of skin. He wasn’t breathing.

  When I heard the short, delicate footsteps behind us I knew it was Clara. I turned to Walt “Make sure she doesn’t see. GO!”

  Jenny pushed on his chest several more times and then leaned down to try and breathe the life back into him. Just as a look of despair spread across her face, Anthony started coughing and moving around.

  At first, I was happy and relieved. When he began to panic and scream out in agony, I realized what we’d done… He was going to die – it was just a fact. But instead of dying without having to feel any more pain, Jenny brought him back so he could experience several minutes of torture before he took his last breath.

  My eyes began to water as the tears streamed down his face and I saw how terrified and confused he was… It must have happened so fast…

  I felt myself stop breathing when I thought – Is this my fault? Should I have known he would try and go get that dog?

  After another few moments he began to quiet down and tried to speak, but all he could do was let out a series of groans and a few chopped up words. He was shaking as though he’d caught a chill and rapidly blinking from the shock setting in.

  Brian’s shallow voice came from beside me. “I think he’s asking for Clara.”

  Jenny and I glanced at each other. She said “What should we do?”

  Jessie reached in the duffle bag and pulled out a towel. I could see all the muscles in his face trying to fight off the tears starting to collect in his eyes. He stood mournfully over Anthony, then leaned down and covered his shoulder and arm with the towel.

  “They deserve to say goodbye to each other. Clara will never forgive us if we hide her away and she misses her chance… I know I wouldn’t.”

  Melanie took a deep breath and wiped her face dry. Her legs trembled as she rose to her feet. Jenny looked up at her and said “Hurry, he doesn’t have long.”

  I knew it was foolish to ask, but I didn’t care. “There’s nothing you can do?”

  Jenny avoided any eye contact as she shook her head. “If we were in a room prepped for surgery right now – maybe… I just don’t have what I need and he’ll be dead before we could drive to a hospital.”

  Brian remarked “And it could just be full of shredders.”

  “The bleeding has slowed down quite a bit, but he’s going into shock, which means he’s lost too much blood. Even if I could keep him alive” I interrupted her. “We have alcohol, antibiotics and painkillers.”

  “I’m aware of that.” Jenny bit down on her bottom lip and tightly shut her eyes. “I can’t help him – he’s just too badly injured.”

  When I glanced down at Anthony he was slowly looking around the room, but he wasn’t focusing on us, or anything else in particular. I took his hand and squeezed down, but he didn’t really react. He just kept looking off into nothing with his mouth hanging open – he was somewhere far away.

  When I heard Melanie and Clara approaching, I lowered my head and muttered “What is she even going to be saying goodbye to? Anthony’s conscious but he’s not really here. He won’t even know and it’ll just traumatize her even more.”

  Jessie sternly said “Trust me, man. I’ve had people I love leave this earth without getting the chance to say goodbye. It fucks a person up.”

  Maybe he’s right…

  When Clara saw all the blood, she came to a stop. Her brow crinkled as she stared. Her head turned slightly towards Melanie, but her gaze stayed on Anthony as she asked “Melanie, is… is he dead?”

  I clenched my teeth, and felt the tears finally leave
my eye and stream down my face as Melanie replied “Not yet, but he asked for you. He wants to say goodbye.”

  All eyes were on Clara and Melanie for quite some time. We all just sat there, surrounding Anthony in the fluttering candlelight and waiting for Clara to approach.

  When I looked back at Anthony, I found that he’d faded away while we were distracted. His chest had stopped moving and his head was leaning to the side. The flames from the candles were dancing in his eyes and giving the appearance of movement, but in reality they were completely still.

  He can’t anymore… I muttered “He’s gone” and they all turned back to him.

  Clara just held Melanie’s hand and stared from afar. She wasn’t crying or making a scene, but when she finally started to approach I could see that same dead look in her eyes. A look that had only recently faded.

  We failed her… No, I failed both of them…

  Chapter 7

  Jessie and I carefully wrapped Anthony’s body in some black bed sheets that Walt found in a hallway closet. At first he came back with white ones, but Jenny pointed out that they’d just turn red and sent him away to search for another color.

  Melanie and Clara were sitting in the large chair across from him. Clara refused to leave the room – all she wanted to do was lean up against Melanie and watch as we prepared Anthony to be buried. She hasn’t said a single word since she asked Melanie if he was really dead...

  Even though the hole didn’t need to be very large, it took what seemed like forever to dig it out with our rifles. The others tried to make me stop because they could see it was severely aggravating my leg, but I just lashed out in anger, refused to stop and kept digging.

  As I helped Jessie lower Anthony’s body into the grave, Melanie and Clara were bringing out the lit candles from inside so his funeral wouldn’t be taking place in the pitch-black.

  I was still battling with whether or not it was my fault… Would Melanie have known not to turn her back on him after he showed concern for that dog?

  Jessie finally asked “Why the hell would he have gone outside?”

  Brian said “He was a little kid… Who knows?”

  They both turned to me when I blurted out “He was trying to save a dog that was wandering around outside.”

  Jessie frowned in confusion. “How do you know that?”

  After a long pause, I replied “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to go downstairs and hang out – maybe read one of the books lying around. When I walked past Melanie’s room he was at the door… When I asked what he was doing he told me about the dog, so I promised him we’d try to bring it back when we went out to search for food... Then I told him to go back to sleep, and he shut the door so I didn’t give it another thought.”

  I looked down to the ground and clenched my fists. “When I got done checking my bandages in the bathroom and walked out into the kitchen I heard him yelling. I should have known he would try and go out to find it. It’s my fault.”

  Jessie turned to me and started waving his hands. “Whoa, whoa, man. What the hell are you talking about?”

  Brian said “You’re just upset, James. Don’t add to it by blaming yourself for something you couldn’t possibly have known was going to happen… I wouldn’t have thought anything of it either.”

  “Exactly.”

  I wanted to believe them, but I didn’t… Jenny walked up behind me and put her hand on my back. Melanie was standing on the other side of the freshly dug grave with Clara. When I could see that she was about to speak, I froze and just stared – Will she blame me?

  Her voice was shaking as she said “James, your conversation with Anthony woke me up… When you were done, he came to bed and acted like he was going back to sleep. I didn’t think anything of it either and just closed my eyes again… So no, James. It’s not your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault – it just happened.”

  Melanie sucked in air through her nose to clear out the congestion. “Just like when Chris couldn’t get the car turned around fast enough to get away… It wasn’t his fault our girls got pulled from the windows. It would have been the same story no matter who had been behind the wheel.”

  Melanie looked down at Clara and said “No blame tonight. We should only be thinking about Anthony.” She kneeled down, dug her hand into the loose dirt and threw the first handful onto the sheets covering his body.

  Clara did the same, and then we all joined in as Melanie began to say a prayer for him.

  Chapter 8

  By the time the sun came up, everyone but Melanie and Clara had gathered in the living-room. Very few words were uttered, and no one even mentioned food. Even though I’m sure their stomachs were growling just like mine – the want to eat wasn’t there.

  We sat around the living room and exchanged awkward, saddened glances until Melanie finally came downstairs, claiming Clara refused to leave the room. “I just wanted to let you all know we’re okay.” She looked at Jessie and then Brian. “As soon as she’s feeling better, you’re going to teach us how to shoot.”

  They gave each other a quick glance and Jessie said “Melanie, I know you’re upset, but I think she’s too small to fire any of the guns we have.”

  Jenny was standing by the large front window that she seemed to favor. When she heard the subject of the conversation taking place, she turned around and came walking over.

  She pulled up her pant leg to reveal a pistol strapped to her ankle, and then proceeded to remove it from the holster. “She can handle this for now and work her way up to an M4.” Jenny held up what appeared to be a 9mm. “No matter how hard we try, we won’t always be able to protect her. A time could very well come when having a gun and knowing how to use it could save her life… or even one of ours.”

  I said “Do it, Jenny. Teach her. I was only a little older than she was when I learned.”

  Jessie turned to Melanie. “Looks like it’s settled. I’ll teach you – if you want.”

  Melanie nodded and said “Thank you.” She moved her woeful eyes to Jenny. “Just give her a few days.”

  Jenny’s voice was clearly demanding as she replied “We start tomorrow.” She looked over to Jessie. “We’re staying here for a few more days.”

  “Whatever you say.”

  As Melanie walked away, she seemed to be in a daze – I even noticed her stagger a bit. I knew she was taking it harder than anyone else, possibly even Clara. Even though she hadn’t known Anthony for very long – to her, it was as if she’d lost another one of her own children. If Clara wasn’t still around to keep her going, I’d genuinely be worried that she might hurt herself…

  The rest of us sat down and Jenny continued to stare out of the window. Brian said “Jenny, what are you doing? That’s all you’ve done since we got here.”

  She stood perfectly straight, with her arms folded over her chest and the sinister looking M4 strapped across her back. From being in the military, her back and shoulders were noticeably larger and more toned than the average woman’s.

  I saw her tense up, but she didn’t turn around. “I’m watching for more shredders… This place might appear to be empty, but we’ve already had contact with four so far – so, obviously that’s not the case.”

  Jessie said “I say we just get out there and start searching houses. It’ll help take our minds off everything.”

  Walt pushed himself up from the couch and remarked “I’m with you on that. I need to get outta this house for a while. So, who’s gonna stay behind?”

  Jessie’s eyes moved to me. “Sorry, James… Do you wanna go or stay, Jenny?”

  “I’ll stay.”

  Fuck… Due to their experience and training, I was hoping she’d go and Jessie would want Walt to stay behind. I knew the area was mainly empty, but that fact provided me with very little comfort.

  Walt, on the other hand, was clearly happy to get back out there. I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to spend the entire day sitting around in the room where Anthony bled to death �
�� looking at the dark-red stains on the lightly colored couch.

  “Do you guys have an extra rifle? We’re almost out of bullets for these anyway.”

  Jessie gave Brian a quick nod and he headed for the front door. Jessie said “Glad you said something. We have the two long-range rifles we picked up off the guys who tried to rob us, but we’re out of rounds and they’re totally custom… I don’t even know what they take.” He looked over at me. “Go tell Brian to get you one too... Never know when we might run into a situation where those single shot rifles come in handy – they have noticeably better accuracy and knock down power at long distances.”

  Walt put his hand out to stop me as I went to get up. “Your leg. I’ll go tell him.”

  “Thanks.”

  Jessie must have noticed me glaring at him. I wasn’t angry with him – I was just angry in general and he was in my line of sight. “James, I know it’s killin you, but you have to heal so you can really be of help to us.”

  After just having to bury Anthony and now knowing that Walt was going out there without me, I wasn’t in the mood to say more than a few words. “I know.”

  I’ve accepted that it wasn’t completely my fault – completely being the key word – but the pain is just as strong as it was when we buried him. The guilt may have somewhat faded, but the torment remains the same.

  It brought me back to the night I hid in the room at that Vet’s office to keep myself away from Walt, fearing I might turn. Clara’s face and her little hands pounding on that window relentlessly flashed before my eyes… Now, I was having the same types of lucid visions of Anthony. The only difference was that this time I couldn’t do anything to help. I couldn’t just go back…

  Walt and Brian came lumbering through the front doorway and Brian tossed me an M4. I was immediately surprised by how light it was and how good it felt in my hands. There was a small scope mounted on top, but it had an unmagnified lens with crosshairs for medium range. Which really, was much better for our current situation. Almost every shot I’ve taken has been from less a hundred yards.