The Afterlife Series Omnibus: Heaven, Hell, Earth, Wasteland, War, Stones

by Mur Lafferty

  “He sounds like a bear,” Daniel said, sitting up.

  “More like a very angry tree,” she said, cinching her belt. She tossed him a fresh robe and filled him in on the more gruesome details of Prosper’s existence.

  “Dude. That’s harsh,” he said, shuddering.

  “I know. And I don’t know if he is naturally like that or just has been like that because of what these people have done to him over the years. He wasn’t really up for a discussion on the subject.”

  “What are his people like? Pious like yours? Rebellious like mine?”

  Kate thought about the people who ran Prosper’s temple. “They’re farmers. They didn’t say much, don’t get surprised by much. They just kinda took him in and nodded to me. They said they knew how to take care of him.”

  “Well, it was farmers who caught him to begin with, right?”

  Kate groaned. “Farmers and tinkers, yeah. Shit. Let’s go.”

  The scream resonated through the temple again, causing the walls to shudder. Kate and Daniel burst from the room to find her priestesses gathered together, whispering, their eyes wide.

  “Anyone know what Prosper’s going on about?” Kate asked. They shook their heads quickly. She sighed. Her backpack lay on a chair next to her bedroom; she rummaged through till she found a dagger with a white hilt. “Gamma, I need you.”

  The thin, muscled warrior goddess appeared in front of her, bowing.

  “Gamma, Daniel and I are going to go to see Prosper now. I need you to find Barris and Fabrique. Get one of the priestesses to make sure that the Sheridan, the airship we arrived in, is ready to go today. Alicia is the captain. And, uh,” she looked at the slightly rocking urn in the corner, then at Daniel. “Have I forgotten anything?”

  He sighed. “Have that loaded on the ship. If the guy inside manages to break out, kill him.”

  Gamma smiled, her teeth glittering. “My pleasure, Daniel.”

  Kate and Daniel headed for the door and to the stairs that wound around the temple exterior. “You sure that’s the best plan?”

  “I’d rather have him nearby than out of sight. And if we’re going to put all the gods on one airship, wouldn’t we want him near the people who can handle him or not?”

  “Point,” Kate said, squinting at the sunrise. She’d been to LA once and saw the sun rise through smog, beautiful and smudged, and decided this morning was reminiscent of that. “Does the sunrise look weird to you today?”

  “Huh. Do we have smog here now?”

  “That’s what I thought,” she said. “I hope this doesn’t mean —” Kate’s thought was interrupted by a tall, top-hatted man on the stairs below them.

  “My Lord, My Lady!” he bowed in front of them, mustache twitching. “I have a matter to discuss with you, of some great importance.”

  “Well, it’s not the best time,” Kate began.

  “Oh, but it is very important,” he repeated.

  “Hey, you’re that Professor Burns guy, aren’t you?” Daniel asked. “The Idea Emporium.”

  Professor Burns smiled and bowed again. “I am honored to be remembered, sir.”

  “Oh, right!” Kate said. “What’s wrong, Professor?”

  Burns grimaced. “It’s about the sun god, Barris. I fear he is in real trouble.”

  * * * * *

  Kate paced around the high priestess’s office, arms crossed. Daniel still stood behind the desk, his eye wide.

  “Wait, wait. Barris is a junkie?”

  Professor Burns sat in a chair facing the desk, his top hat in his lap. “Ideas can be addictive, especially if you don’t use them.”

  “And Barris doesn’t do a goddamned thing,” Daniel said, rubbing his chin.

  “I have only a few clients who have problems with this, and I do not usually interfere, but I realized this client’s addiction could harm others.”

  “Yeah, like everyone else in the world. And the world,” Kate said. “Goddamn, Barris, can you fuck up any more? Really?”

  Gamma stepped through the open door. “Apparently, he can,” she said through clenched teeth.

  * * * * *

  “I looked in all the usual places I see him: On the temple roof, in Lathe, on the airship deck. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I attuned myself to every weapon I could touch, then, and found a place I’ve never visited. Leviathan City.”

  Kate stopped her pacing. “How in the hell did he get there?”

  “I don’t know. I saw him imprisoned by seven guards. He looks, well, weaker than usual.”

  Kate felt her grip on reality slipping. “So he’s a junkie and he’s imprisoned under the ocean by a race of people who pretty much hate any god who’s not Ishmael or the moon. Anything else? Did he knock up a nobleman’s daughter while he was at it?”

  “Not that I know of,” Gamma replied.

  “There’s one more thing,” Professor Burns said.

  Kate groaned.

  “At his level of addiction, there’s going to be a nasty withdrawal coming soon,” Professor Burns said.

  Prosper howled again, and the walls shook. Kate held her head in her hands. Wasn’t there something else to worry about? Like all of heaven and hell under siege? A big scary entity that killed her?

  But she needed these gods on her side.

  “Gamma. Get Fabrique and get the Sheridan ready. Daniel, go with Professor Burns back to his Emporium and try to figure out how to deal with this addiction and withdrawal and stuff. See if they have a clean needle program or something. And everyone —” She included Burns with a look. “Meet on the Sheridan by noon.”

  Daniel smiled slightly. “What will you be doing?”

  She sighed and stood up, smoothing her robes. “I have to deal with Prosper. He’s coming too.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Kate had briefly visited each of the temples during her stay there, but it always surprised her how different they all were, for being in the same building. Prosper’s temple was the largest. Unlike Kate’s, which was spacious, white and church-like (which frankly irritated her), Prosper’s was more like a greenhouse mixed with a children’s nature museum. The sun shone in through glass walls to create a greenhouse effect, and a wooden roof honored their god.

  Within the temple, priests tended holy plants honoring their god. Vegetables, vines, flowers, grasses, trees (Kate was amused to see a grand bonsai collection), and even carnivorous plants grew from elaborately painted plots.

  Kate choked as the humidity of the temple assailed her and took a moment to compose herself. One of the priests saw her standing in the doorway and approached her.

  “Goddess, it is a sad day you grace us with your presence,” he said, leaning his hoe against the glass wall.”

  “Is he really no better?” Kate asked, frowning.

  The priest shrugged and wiped his hands on a dirty rag sticking from his back pocket. “We managed to get enough wine into him to calm him last night. But he has been in captivity too long; he doesn’t know what to do now that he’s free.”

  “Is his physical form any better? What was he supposed to be like before he was caught?”

  The priest winced. “I admit we do not know. He’s always been depicted as a god with bark-like skin and vines for hair. We do not know if that is his corrupted form or his natural.”

  “Take me to him.”

  Prosper’s temple had no rooms, just areas separated by trellises and vines. The priests slept in a back area with an honest wooden floor. Prosper had been placed directly onto the dirt of a somewhat private area near a breathtaking orchid display.

  Kate looked at the orchid roots and swore she could see them visibly growing, inspired by the proximity of the divine. Smart of the priests to put him near plants with roots that got moisture and nutrients from the air, and not the soil. Or the body of a god.

  The plants all faced the god, who sat cross-legged on the dirt floor and glared at Kate. He didn’t look much better. His skin still looked to be made of bark, and
vines grew from his head where hair should be. His chest had healed where the vines had sprouted from him, at least, and Kate silently thanked the priests who had put a loincloth on him. She hadn’t even realized he’d been naked when she’d rescued him.

  All in all, he was much less craggy and chaotic than he’d been when she’d found them. Sadly, he didn’t look much happier.

  “Take me back.”

  She blinked, and then knelt in front of him to look into his golden eyes. “You…want to go back.”

  “Take me back. This is not my home; that was my home. You took me from my home.”

  Kate glanced up at the priest. “Prosper, these are your priests. They worship you. They are your people — if you’re not home, then at least you’re as close as you can be in your current state. They’ll take care of you here.”

  He opened his mouth again, showing her his yellowed, fibrous teeth, and screamed again. She winced, but waited patiently until he stopped.

  “Are you done?” she asked. He glared at her. The orchids began to shudder and strain as they grew, then, bursting from their pots. Thick, white roots sought Kate and began to wrap around her again.

  “No,” she said, willing her skin temperature to searing temperatures. The priest swore and fell backward as the orchid roots burst into flame. “Not this time, Prosper. I’m not as powerless here as I was there.”

  She stood, still white-hot, and put her hands on her hips. “This isn’t going to be easy.” She turned to the priest, who hovered at a safe distance, gripping a shovel. “Give him a robe, a large pot full of soil, and some seeds. He can choose which ones. Have him ready in ten minutes, or we’re coming in to get him, ready or not?”

  “Where are you taking me?” Prosper demanded.

  Kate glanced back at him. “Does it matter? You seem to be happiest as a slave, so you’re going to do what we say.”

  He pursed his lips, then blurted out, “And what if I don’t?”

  Kate incinerated another orchid, this time with a glance. “I don’t want to hurt you, Prosper. But the things we’re trying to achieve are so much bigger than a petty god’s tantrums. You’ll help us. You have no choice.”

  She strode out of the temple, not looking back. “Fucking gods,” she muttered.

  * * * * *

  Daniel whistled as he and Professor Burns entered the Idea Emporium. “I see you’ve made some changes.”

  “The blessings of the sun god do much to help my business, I will admit,” he said, locking the door behind them.

  He went over to a case and pulled out several small boxes and slipped them into the pockets of his purple waistcoat. “I take it where we’re going is dangerous?”

  Daniel squatted in front of a display case, fascinated by the intricate origami. “Oh, did we not tell you? We’re going to Leviathan City to save Barris and Ishmael. We’ve not had the best of luck with people from there.” He straightened. “Well. We’ve only met one person from there, but it didn’t go very well.” He rubbed his wrist absently.

  “Leviathan City?” Professor Burns turned white, but did not protest. “We’ll be needing diplomatic ideas, then.”

  “Hey, I’ve wanted to ask you. Why do you sell the bad ideas? Why not just toss them?”

  “You can’t destroy an idea,” Burns said, handing Daniel several small scrolls tied with red ribbon. “Someone will find it. This way I can tell people they’re bad, and sell them as novelties. If I throw them out, then they’re released into the world and you don’t know who’s going to get them and follow through.”

  “Huh. I see your point. So what are we going to do about Barris? Are these for him?”

  Burns looked surprised. “Goodness no, sir. These are for us. Battle ideas, diplomacy ideas, and culinary suggestions — in case the food in Leviathan City is unpalatable.”

  Daniel laughed. “You think of everything.”

  The tall man bowed. “It is my job. Now, for Barris, we need to get him to drink this.” He held up a crystal vial of blue liquid. It shone the same blue as the energy that had trapped Daniel, who involuntarily took a step backward.

  “What is it?” Daniel asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

  “It’s a distillation of the energy that comes from the Dark. Since the ideas are formed from a chaos battery, then so does the antidote come from the same stuff.”

  Daniel managed to laugh, a short barking sound. “Like how snake bite serum is made from snake venom?”

  Burns pocketed the vial and smiled. “Something like that, yes. It’s rather strong, though, and could…damage him.”

  Daniel grabbed his arm. “Whoa, wait. What do you mean? This is the sun we’re talking about. If we lose him, we are pretty much screwed. And by ‘we,’ I mean the whole planet.”

  Burns nodded. “I understand that, but the damage will come mentally. He won’t be able to ever hold another idea. He won’t get the high from the ideas, but he won’t think for himself very well.”

  Daniel frowned. “Is there no other way? Weaning gradually?”

  “Normally, yes. But we would have to hope he’s getting his fix in Leviathan City of ideas. And I don’t like to brag, but I invented the Chaositron Idea Generator. It’s one-of-a-kind. If they have one in Leviathan City, I’ll frankly be shocked.” Burns closed the blinds down, darkening the interior of the shop. He pulled out a “CLOSED TO SAVE THE WORLD” sign from beneath the counter and replaced the sign on the door.

  Daniel read the sign. “Is, uh, that a sign you have to use often?”

  They exited the store. “Only once before,” Burns said, as he locked the door. “I like to be prepared.”

  “Good idea,” Daniel muttered, wondering how they were going to prepare themselves for the tasks ahead. Allies were good. Allies not hopped up on weird drugs would be better, but they’d take what they could get.

  * * * * *

  Kate felt absurdly like a CEO being addressed by her nervous vice presidents.

  Fabrique was first. She put her carpet bag on the conference table and opened it. “What I wanted was access to my house. I could make tools out of just about anything, but really I am more efficient with my tools. However, even though I’ve expanded the interior of this bag, I still don’t have enough room for everything I want. So I created a doorway.”

  She pulled a flimsy series of linked brass tubes that reminded Kate of a weapon she’d seen in martial arts movies. When Fabrique removed it, it looked like a chain with large links, but when she got it out she shook it once, like airing out a towel, and it snapped into place to form a brass rectangle about three feet wide and five feet high, with a small square battery on the top right hand corner.

  Fabrique flipped a switch on the battery and the brass rectangle began to hum, and the interior of the rectangle shimmered. The space beyond faded, and Kate saw what was clearly a workshop, littered with tools and wires.

  “It’s still untested, but I think it will be useful if I need something my tools. Just pop over to my workshop for whatever we need.”

  “Wow,” Kate said. “But, uh, untested?”

  The sword across her back trembled, interrupting her, and she drew it. The divine energy that was Gamma poured out of the tip, and the warrior goddess faced her. “The Sheridan is prepped and ready to go. I took the liberty of loading the traitor into a locked room as Daniel requested. Captain Alicia has procured a submersible for the trip to Leviathan City.”

  Kate blanched. How could she have forgotten that? She would have to remember to thank Alicia, captain of the Sheridan, for realizing that they’d need a way into Leviathan City. Kate was pretty sure she and Daniel could divinely worm their way in, but she didn’t like to assume, especially here.

  “Good,” she said. Now can we test that doorway thing before we—”

  “No time,” Daniel said, appearing in the doorway. Professor Burns followed him, combing his mustache with his hand. “We need to get there as soon as possible. Barris needs us. When withdrawal sets
in, that guy is going to be hurting. And the antidote isn’t pretty.”

  Kate stood. She took a deep breath. “Okay, then I guess we’re going. Let’s go downstairs and get Prosper and then head out. Anyone need to pee or anything?”

  * * * * *

  The one true goddess spoke to Sam, deep within the urn in which the broken false god had trapped him.

  His back had been on fire, giving him a constant agony. The urn was stuffy. He trembled with the thought of the loss of Prosper, his vineyards, his casks of wine, and the second god he’d captured. He had no idea what the god wanted him for.

  But now, deep within the urn, unable to move, barely able to breathe, he felt her presence.

  “Goddess? Cotton?” He blinked and thought he saw a glowing orb in the complete blackness within the urn.

  An amused, muffled voice answered him. “Not anymore. But no one has visited me before. Either they come to stay or don’t come at all. Why are you on the border of life and death?”

  “Am I dying? Or dreaming?”

  “You would have to tell me, my child. Who are you?”

  “My name is Sam, Goddess. I’ve been most horribly wronged by the false broken god Daniel.”

  She was silent. He whimpered. “Goddess? Are you there? Please don’t leave me alone!”

  “Daniel is not false. He’s quite powerful. But you must have a great grudge against you if you hate him with such force.”

  “Yes, Goddess!” He began to weep. “He took everything from me, and then imprisoned me. I can’t escape.”

  “Shh … if you can pledge yourself to me, become my first priest, I can free you come nightfall.”

  His heart leaped. Was she serious? Would she give him such an honor? “Yes Goddess.”

  “Good. When you get free, I will have a mission for you. Fulfill it and I will reward you. Fail or change your mind, and you will wish you’d stayed in the urn.”