Love at the End of Days

by Tera Shanley

  The fly made a tiny sound against the surface of the bubbling stream. “Oh, we do good, Daddy, but sometimes you have to go away and sometimes I want to stay with one mommy instead of three.”

  Sean stood from the bag chair he’d been settled into and crouched down in front of her. With gentle hands against her fragile shoulders, he searched her dark eyes. “Honey, getting a new mommy isn’t as easy as all of that. Your mom was so special to me that when she passed away, it made it hard for me to find someone who would make me as happy. I can’t promise you we’ll have a family like you want, but I can promise we’ll do the best we can, just like we always have, okay? And whenever you need girl time, Laney, Mel, and Eloise are always there to talk to. Just let me know what you need, and we’ll get you to ’em, okay?”

  She nodded. “’Kay.”

  He frowned at the fishing line, tugged by the current and waves, but nothing else. “We haven’t caught any fish, Ade. I don’t think they’re biting this late in the season.”

  “Oh, I know, but Laney told me I need to keep practicing with the fly so I’ll be a fish denominator come spring.”

  “A fish dominator?”

  She pulled the line in. “That’s what I said.”

  “You need to stop growing, Ade.” He scooped her up and tickled her face with his whiskers. “Stop it this instant. I demand it!”

  In a fit of giggles, the little girl placed her tiny hands on each side of his face and graced him with a smile that mirrored his own. “I missed you, Dad.”

  “Oh, I’m Dad now? No more Daddy?”

  “Nope.” She burst into another round of laughter as he tickled her ribs.

  Her laugh filled the forest, reverberating off giant pines and landing in his heart. God, he’d missed that sound. It rubbed layers of angst and uncertainty from him. That tinkling sound made everything clearer and brighter somehow.

  He set her upright and folded up the chair before sticking it in the hollowed-out tree stump where it belonged. How many hours had he and Adrianna sat in this very spot while she honed her fishing skills? How many times had he tied flies and helped her with her swing, and unhooked tiny cutthroat trout from her line? This was what surviving the outbreak was all about. Life was hard when you were the rarest species on the planet, but this was the point, wasn’t it? It was all about having this completely happy moment with someone who fought the darkness with you.

  She shouldered the fishing pole and slid her little hand into his as they headed up the trail toward their cabin.

  Movement up the trail had him shoving Adrianna behind him before he had a thought. He’d probably do that for a week before he settled back into the safety of Dead Run River. That’s the way it had always been when he went on supply runs.

  Laney hiked the trail toward them, visibly rounder than when he’d seen her the week before. How had she grown so much in such a small amount of time? Her walk seemed uncomfortable, and she kept her gaze downcast at the trail she approached. Something in him stirred, but it wasn’t what he thought it would be. Instead of a pang of loss or lust, there was just relief. Relief to be home to see people he knew out on a trail he walked. Relief to see someone who cared about his daughter. Relief at seeing a friend. But most of all, he was relieved that he saw her as he was supposed to see her. Like he saw her before she left with Mitchell all those months before. No longer did he feel like he’d lost out or missed the boat. She was just Laney. Not Laney-the-one-who-got-away—just his friend, Laney. The week had changed his heart.

  No, it was more than a week off from the regret.

  Vanessa had changed him.

  Laney waved as she caught sight of them. “What’re you doing this far up the mountain?” he asked.

  Her breathing was heavy, and she stopped and waited for them to reach her. “I came to say welcome back and to see how the supply run went. Also, I wanted to tell you all of the stuff we did that you wouldn’t approve of before munchkin over there did so I can explain myself before you explode.”

  “Ha! Okay, spill the beans, ladies.”

  “I shot a crossbow,” Adrianna offered.

  “I can deal with that as long as you only do that with Laney or Finn.”

  Laney shot a conspiratorial grin at his little girl. “She got to carry around a pocket knife when she was around me or Mel.” She handed him a small red Swiss Army Knife. “It’s hers. Mitchell and I picked it up for her at the last colony we were in.”

  “You know this isn’t a toy, right?” he asked.

  Adrianna nodded with wide, serious eyes riveted on the tiny weapon in his hand. “Laney taught me all about how to use the tools, and I even cut my finger once, see?” She held up a nicked finger as proof. “I know how to be real careful with it.”

  “Mmm,” he said, eyeing the tiny cut. “If you prove you can be responsible with it around me, maybe in a year or two, you can carry it on you all the time.”

  “Also,” Laney said slowly, “I took her to work with me two days this week.”

  “Work?” he asked as a panicked feeling sank into his gut like a stone in the river. “Work, like with the cattle? Outside of colony gates? Are you testing me?”

  “A little,” she admitted. “Mostly, Eloise was sick, and Mel was up to her eyeballs in colony business, and my workload is light on account of—” She gestured to her expanding belly. “Plus it was a big adventure for her, and she got to feed a late spring calf, and Mitchell and Guist were both on guard duty there, so she was completely protected. And yeah, maybe a little piece of me wanted to see if you’d flip out like the old days because I’ll tell you, this new zen Sean is kind of freaking me out.”

  With his eyes closed tightly shut, he counted to ten before he opened them and smiled (some would call it a grimace) at her. “No more of that. The other stuff is fine, but I don’t want her outside of colony gates unless I’m the one who takes her.”

  Laney’s dark eyebrows arched. “That’s all? No yelling? No mental mind bullets fired my way?”

  “Please don’t test me with her anymore, Laney. I want to keep trusting you with my daughter, but that was crossing the line.”

  “I understand. And I swear I won’t test you anymore. Ow!” She doubled over and gripped her belly.

  Hunching, he held her elbow in case she went down. “Laney, what’s wrong?”

  “Oooh, it’s the baby. Doc says it’s just those false labor pains because it’s way too early, but dang it they hurt. Whoo!” She straightened but didn’t remove her hand from her stomach.

  “How far along are you?”

  “Only seven months. If this is what I have to look forward to all through the last trimester, this is super lame.”

  “I remember Aria getting the false labor pains, but she didn’t get them until later in the pregnancy.”

  Laney had a faraway look and a slight frown when she said, “Maybe if I eat again, I’ll feel better.”

  “Okay, let’s get you to the mess hall. I have nothing in the pantry at the cabin.”

  “Ew, Dad, feel how tight her belly is,” Adrianna cooed with her hands plastered on the front of Laney.

  Nope. No way was he pushing that boundary. He’d just learned he didn’t have the intense feelings about her he used to. He wasn’t tempting his heart to soften to her mothering side. “I’m good.”

  Static crackled over the radio. “Sean?” came Brandon’s weary voice. “Sean, are you there?”

  “I’m here. How is he?”

  Brandon sighed. “He made it through surgery. Doc says if he lives through the night, his chances are good.”

  “Good,” was his only reply. He wasn’t thanking the little prick. He was the one who’d shot Steven in the first place, and honestly, Sean had counted down the days to when he didn’t have to be stuck on a mission with Brandon and his hundred daily complaints. Next time Mel asked him to tack a civilian onto his team, he was flat out refusing. If he hadn’t learned his lesson the first time, he’d sure learned it this go ’
round.

  “Someone’s hurt?” Laney asked.

  “Uh.” He frowned at the radio. “Yeah, this supply run was rough. Lost a man, and now we might lose another.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

  Shaking his head, he led them down the trail toward the mess hall. “No use apologizing for something you didn’t have a thing in the world to do with.”

  “I’m not apologizing for that. I just know how hard you’re being on yourself for not getting your entire team back here, and it makes me sorry it happened.”

  “Laney, please. I don’t want to talk about this.” Huh. That was a lie. He just didn’t want to talk about it with her. Vanessa was the only one he could think of to balm the ache of loss and fear.

  Maybe there was hope for him yet.

  Chapter Fourteen

  VANESSA FINALLY FELT HUMAN AGAIN. It only took an hour of scrubbing in the shower until her skin was raw and prickled and the water ran cold, but it was worth it. Sean hadn’t sent word if Steven was going to live or not, so she was taking matters into her own hands. A quick trip to ask Dr. Mackey herself wouldn’t be too pushy. She had a right to know, after all.

  Stalling as long as possible, she’d dressed in a cherry red, fitted sweater and even applied makeup for the first time in weeks. Her blond hair, usually hidden into a ponytail for guard training, was allowed to dry in sloping waves and left down for the wind to caress.

  Nelson had welcomed her home but had only stayed for half an hour before running off to plans with his friends. The week apart had done wonders for his independence, but she had to admit, it stung a little when he left so soon. What if she’d died out there? She almost had on several occasions. Maybe he just didn’t understand the gravity of her job.

  The leather of the holster squeaked as she tightened the belt around her waist, and as she slid her Glock into place, a soft knock thrummed against the door.

  Sean stood on the other side when she opened it, and the shock of seeing him here, at her room, left her with a skittering feeling of panic. His face was shaven clean, and he smelled crisply of soap and shaving cream. She fought the urge to reach out and touch where his beard had been this morning. When she lifted her gaze back to his, she was helpless to look away. His expression was so penetrating and consuming that she was unable to do anything but hold his stare.

  He cleared his throat and looked every bit as taken aback as she felt. “You look beautiful. Nice. You look nice all dressed up and with your hair like that.” He tossed a glance heavenward and cleared his throat again. “Look, Steven made it through surgery, and I thought we could go see him together. I brought you this.” In his hands were two metal plates of food. “I saw you weren’t at dinner, and we hadn’t eaten yet either.”

  “We?”

  One side-step revealed his dark-haired daughter peeking out from behind his legs.

  “Hi,” the girl said with a shy wave.

  “Hi.” Vanessa cast an angry glance at Sean for throwing the temptation to invest herself more deeply into his life and squatted down in front of the girl. It wasn’t the child’s fault her father couldn’t follow directions. “What’s your name?”

  “I’m Adrianna Joy Daniels, and I’m four years old.”

  “Four? That’s the perfect age, did you know that? I’m Vanessa Dawn Summers, and I’m twenty-four,” she offered with a grin. “I don’t know if you remember, but last year I painted your nails while you were spending the day in the cabin a couple of doors down.”

  “I remember. I picked bright red like your shirt. Do you shoot guns? Because Laney and Finn are teaching me to shoot guns and crossbows, and if you don’t, then I can teach you.”

  A little pang of something green and jealous nipped at her insides, and she spared a short look for Sean. “I do shoot, but probably not as well as you. Are you going to come with us to visit Dr. Mackey?”

  “Yes. One of Daddy’s friends got shot up, and he needs to see if he’s okay.”

  What a sad thing for a child to say offhand. Before the outbreak, children worried about Halloween candy and misplaced stuffed animals. Now, the cruel reality was that children learned about death almost from the moment they were born.

  “Let me grab my jacket, and we can go, okay?”

  Adrianna poked her head into the room as she pulled her black, fitted winter coat on carefully, so as not to pull her still tender injuries from the week. “You want to come in and see it?”

  “Can I, Daddy?”

  “Sure,” Sean said, looking decidedly uncomfortable.

  Begrudgingly she offered, “You can come in too if you like. It’s not much, so it’s not like the tour will take that long.”

  The room was tidy for the most part. Adrianna fingered the endless drawings and lists that dotted her table, and showed Sean a picture Vanessa had drawn of the inner workings of her Glock. The sketches weren’t anything to write home about, but Sean held it and looked at it for a long time.

  “Can you draw me a horse?” Adrianna asked.

  “Sure.” She tore off the bottom half of an unfinished list and sketched a cartoon horse under an apple tree with a happy sun and smiling clouds.

  Across the bottom, she scribbled:

  To: Adrianna-the-Gunslinger

  From: Vanessa

  The little girl stared at it with wide eyes before breathing a thank you and folding it lopsidedly. She shoved it in her pocket. Vanessa couldn’t help the satisfied smile that played at the corners of her lips, though she tried. Sean was watching her with the most disconcerting look on his face, like he’d just witnessed her surf the English Channel on the back of a polka-dotted porpoise or something.

  How did the man fill up the entire room? Sure he was six-foot and muscled, but not overly so. He wasn’t thick like Finn. He was lithe like a panther, and his eyes slanted slightly in a very jungle cat like fashion. The man wasn’t born to be anyone’s prey. His presence felt bigger than her eyes perceived, as if his force of personality stretched far beyond the confines of his flesh. Those unnervingly blue eyes followed every movement she made and did so with no apology. Just frank curiosity, like he was trying to figure out the end of a mystery movie.

  The thick, delicious scent of him filled the small space and penetrated her mind until she imagined she couldn’t breathe without wanting him. Without a word, she stepped out the front door and took a long drag of cold, cedar-scented mountain air to clear her drunken head of Sean’s effect on her.

  Her stomach clenched, like the loss of his scent left some unattainable craving she couldn’t comfort.

  “What’s wrong,” Sean said in a low rumble from just behind. She would’ve jumped if she didn’t want him that close so blasted much.

  “The walls were coming for me.”

  He stood there, just behind, and so close, she could feel his warmth. Electricity floated just above her flesh like blue lightning had struck somewhere nearby and the current had settled into the space between them. She’d give anything to feel his lips against her neck right there, in that moment.

  His fault. She’d asked him not to torture her, and he hadn’t even listened for an entire day.

  “Vanessa,” he whispered against her neck.

  “Don’t.” She spun and lowered her voice. “I told you before—I’m no man’s second choice. I asked you not to pull me any closer, and then you bring your daughter for me to fall in love with. Backhanded tactics, even for you, Daniels. Let’s go.”

  She would’ve maintained her anger too if Adrianna’s little hand hadn’t slipped into hers on the trail. The child was like this magical anger tamer, and Vanessa threw one more mental curse into the sky for Sean. If he kept it up, she’d be playing mistress to the man in love with another in under a week. At the thought of Sean’s voice against the back of her neck, warmth pooled inside of her. She couldn’t trust herself around him. And the worst part? He probably had this effect on all women. Oh, she’d seen the way the ladies of the colony basi
cally launched their pheromones his way when he passed. And the man didn’t even seem to notice! A sure sign that he could have, and probably did have, any woman he wanted. She’d liked a man like that once, and he chose another. Heck no was she playing second fiddle to other options again.

  She felt as if she were catching fire. Like the whole forest was going to burn around her because of the tidal wave of gasoline-soaked flames that licked at her body when he was around her, looking at her like that. Like he couldn’t help himself.

  Stupid man was going to be the death of her sanity.

  A million years later, when they opened the door to Dr. Mackey’s medical cabin, it was abundantly clear they’d waited too long. Steven sat weakly on a bed, slurping down chicken broth of his own free abilities. She’d wanted to be there when he woke up.

  “Hey,” he croaked in a tired voice. “Summers, you look hot. And are you wearing makeup? Doc, I thought you said I lived. Clearly I didn’t.”

  Dr. Mackey scribbled away on a desk in the next room. “Heaven wouldn’t hurt so much, Steven, remember?”

  Steven winced. “Good point. I feel like I’ve had someone’s finger stuck in my abdomen all day.”

  Sean was setting up a table in Doc’s office for Adrianna to eat, and Vanessa took the seat beside the bed.

  Steven’s sandy brown hair was mussed and sticking up in all directions, and his twinkling hazel eyes had lost some of their vigor to the weakness that wracked his body, but he was still breathing, and that was good enough for her.

  “You scared me today,” she admitted.

  “I scared me too.”

  “I swore to Brandon I’d kill him to avenge you if you died, and I thought you were really going to make me follow through with murdering that dork.”

  A short laugh turned to coughing and obvious pain, and she squeezed his hand. “I haven’t eaten yet, so I’m going to give you some space. Yell if you need anything, okay?”