Principal for the Day

by AJ Stern

  “I don’t know exactly,” I admitted.

  “We should probably go,” Elizabeth said, looking at the clock. I could not believe it! This was the most interesting thing she was ever going to see in her worldwide life, and she wanted to go? I did not want them to leave. I wanted them to see more about my job and be a little more impresstified with all my office business. I had to do something to keep them there. Just for a few minutes longer. And that is why I put my hand on the beautiful red handle.

  “Let’s see what happens when you pull it,” I said. I expected Millicent to say no because she is very rule-ish, but she didn’t. No one said anything. The three of them looked at me with their impresstified eyeballs. That is when my hand felt a little nervous about what my mouth had just said.

  CHAPTER 11

  I was holding the handle so hard, I thought I could feel the red of it on my hand. I wondered if holding the handle was against the law.

  “Are you really going to pull it?” Elliott asked me, like he really wanted me to say yes.

  I had a bad day feeling on my skin. And that bad day feeling on my skin said, “Are you absolutely positive you should be doing this?”

  Millicent looked at the clock, and I had to get her attention. That is why I ignored the bad day feeling and pulled the handle all the way down.

  You will not even believe your ears about what happened: An actual alarm went off! When you fire someone, everyone in the entire world must know because that is how loud exactly the alarm sounded.

  Everyone was so shocktified that we couldn’t move for an entire year. Millicent put both hands over her ears and then so did Elizabeth. That’s when I got the geniusal idea to push the handle back up so the horrendimous noise would go away. But when I pushed the handle back up, the horrendimous noise continued! There was no stopping it at all.

  A few seconds later, we heard Principal Wilkins yelling for Cora. And then, a few seconds after that, Principal Wilkins’s shadow was at our feet, and when we looked up, he was standing over us. His face was as big and red as the firebox, and his mouth hung open in a you kids are in a year of trouble! expression.

  Two centimeters of a second later, Cora appeared behind him wearing the exact same face as Principal Wilkins. We did not know what to do. Except for Elizabeth. She knew what to do, and what she did exactly was point a finger at me to say “She did it!”

  Instead of yelling at us, Principal Wilkins ran to his desk, opened his secret drawer, pulled out the microphone, and started to shout into it.

  “Please stay where you are. This is a false alarm. There is no fire, and this is not a fire drill. Please stay where you are!” Principal Wilkins shuffled us out of the office and into the hall. We followed him down to the lunch room where fifteen million kids were wondering what was happening. Some looked scared and confused. Principal Wilkins waved his arms in the air. He was yelling, but it was hard to hear him over the loud, screaming alarms. He was trying to tell everyone to stay where they were.

  Some kids heard, but some didn’t, and that is why they were acting jumpy and worried. I looked over at all the crammed kids and saw a girl crying. Her friend had an arm around her, and when she saw me looking, she explained, “She’s really scared of fire.”

  “There isn’t really a fire,” I told the crying girl. “This is just a big mistake.” But she didn’t seem to believe me because she cried even harder.

  Suddenly a lot of kids ran to the windows. When I looked outside, my head almost fell off my body. Three fire trucks were pulling up right in front of our school!

  CHAPTER 12

  A millionteen and seven firemen wearing black and yellow bumblebee uniforms got off the truck and raced inside the building. Principal Wilkins ran after them, trying to explain that this was a false alarm, but they said they still needed to check out the building.

  I turned around and saw Elliott, Millicent, and Elizabeth. They were all looking very worried, but not in a “there might be a fire” kind of way. It was a “I hope I’m not going to get in trouble” type of way! That’s when I realized I wasn’t going to be the only one who got in trouble.

  But I wouldn’t let that happen. I would just explain everything to everyone and any confusified feelings would just go away.

  Suddenly, my ears felt like they were filling up. Something was different. There were big sighs of relief all around me, and that’s when my ears realized that they weren’t full at all, but empty. The alarm had stopped, and the firemen were leaving the school. A lot of the kids waved to them, and they waved back. Even though I love waving at firemen, I didn’t because of the bad day feeling.

  “Can I have everyone’s attention?” Principal Wilkins called. “I know that was frightening for some people, but everything is okay now. That was a false alarm. I don’t want anyone to worry. Now, we have only six minutes left of lunch, so please hurry and finish your food. We’ve lost some time, but that does not mean you can be late for your classes.”

  “Six minutes?!” someone called out with a lot of complaining in his voice.

  “That’s not enough time!” someone else called.

  “No, it certainly isn’t, but we must face the facts, and those are our facts. Now, hurry up and get back to your tables,” Principal Wilkins said.

  My line started to hurry up and move, and I jogged to keep up because they were going really fast. Just as I was about to pass Principal Wilkins, he said, “Not so fast, young lady.” Then he signaled for Elliott, Elizabeth, and Millicent to come over. Once they reached us, Principal Wilkins said, “You know you are not supposed to leave the cafeteria without adult supervision.”

  “But, Frannie—” Elizabeth interrupted, but Principal Wilkins put his hand up to stop her.

  “You are your own responsibility, and Frannie is her own responsibility. I want the three of you to write me a composition on why you think I have this rule in the first place.”

  The three of them okayed Principal Wilkins, and he told them they could get back in line, but I could not. I followed behind him as we went back to my office, which was really his office. When he sat in the chair that I’d been sitting in all day, a big disappointment puddle dripped at my feet.

  “Have a seat, Frances,” he said. Uh-oh. Principal Wilkins Frances-ed me. That is never a good sign.

  Principal Wilkins looked at me with a very sad day kind of face.

  “Am I in trouble?” I asked.

  “Yes, Frances. You’re in quite a bit of trouble,” he said. That sentence did not make me feel very fantastical. “It’s quite serious what you did. What if there had been an actual fire somewhere else?”

  This was confusifying. “What do you mean?”

  “All the firemen in Chester were here with all their equipment, but there was no fire to put out. What if, across town, there had been a fire—a real one? Who would have been there to put that fire out? Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  I did indeed and nevertheless see what he was saying. But when he said this, I understood just how seriousal of a crime it was I committed.

  “I’m glad that no one got hurt,” I said.

  “Me too. You were very lucky that no one got hurt. I’m afraid this is your third strike, Frannie.” I hung my head.

  “What is going to happen to me now?” I asked. I really did not want to go to jail.

  “Since you were Principal for the Day, and it’s the principal’s job to discipline the students, I’d like you to come up with your own punishment.”

  My eyeballs almost popped off my entire face, and I took off my glasses.

  “Punish myself?” I could not even believe my ears about this news.

  “Yes, Frances. Please go join your class, and when you have come up with a suitable punishment, come back and tell me what it is,” he said.

  “Okay,” I said. I walked out of his office with my face hanging down to my shoelaces. I passed Cora but was too humilified to say good-bye. I had been fired from the best job I barely even
had.

  CHAPTER 13

  I did not like all the looks my classmates gave me when I slunked back into Mrs. Pellington’s class. They murmured and even mouthed things to me, but I pretended not to notice. I sat near Elliott, and he stared at me so hard I knew he was trying to get inside my brain. I was too embarrassed to look at him. Instead, I wrote something down on a piece of paper and passed it to Elliott. The paper said, “I was fired!”

  In a halfteen second I got a note back from Elliott. It read, “That is too bad. I am a little bit mad at you.”

  When I read those words, my stomach almost burst into tears. I did not like when anyone was mad at me, but especially Elliott. I looked at him with the saddest eyes of the world, but he didn’t look back.

  As we were walked to art class, I went over to Millicent, Elizabeth, and Elliott.

  “I’m very sorry that I ruined your entire lives,” I told them. “If it makes you feel better, I got fired.”

  Elizabeth and Millicent gasped, but Elliott didn’t because he already knew about that part.

  “I forgive you, Frankly,” Elliott said, even though I could tell he wasn’t all the way back to happy.

  “Me too,” Millicent said. I looked at Elizabeth.

  “I’ll think about it,” she said.

  I told them that I had to punish my own self. That is the part Elizabeth seemed to like best. She sat right next to me in art class and said she would help me with some ideas.

  “How about if you have to apologize to me, Millicent, and Elliott again?” was Elizabeth’s very terrible idea.

  “But I already did that,” I said.

  “Well, I didn’t accept!” she said.

  “I am very, very sorry, Elizabeth,” I said. “I really did not mean to get you into trouble.”

  Elizabeth scrunched up her mouth in a way that said she did not like that I did exactly what she wanted. She is very confusifying in this way.

  “Okay . . . ,” Elizabeth said with a big sigh. “You are forgiven. Sort of.”

  “What if . . . ,” Millicent started before staring into space.

  “What if, what?” Elliott asked her.

  “What if”—Millicent turned back to us—“you had to work at the fire department?”

  I loved that idea, but my parents would never, ever let me. “I’m not even allowed to turn on the stove by myself,” I told her.

  “Me neither,” said Millicent.

  “How about you have to clean Principal Wilkins’s house for a month?” Elliott asked, but I scrunched my face at that idea.

  “Or mow his lawn for twenty-four years?” Elizabeth threw in.

  I did not prefer any of these suggestions whatsoever.

  That is when I came up with my own idea.

  “What if . . . ,” I started as they leaned in to hear what geniusal idea I was going to have. “I agreed not to work again for anyone else, for at least one entire week?”

  “That’s a really good idea!” Elliott said, nodding. “That would be really hard for you since you’re very jobbish.”

  “And punishments are supposed to be hard,” I added.

  That’s when I asked our art teacher for a hall pass. I had to speak to Principal Wilkins about very important and very principalish business!

  CHAPTER 14

  I was so excitified to tell Principal Wilkins my punishment, but Cora made me wait for a year and a hundred. Finally, she let me talk to Principal Wilkins. I sat down in the chair where the bad students sit and looked at him right in the eyeballs.

  “Principal Wilkins,” I began. “For my punishment, I will not take another job, anywhere in the world, not even president of the United States, for one entire week. That is seven whole days.”

  “Frannie, that is not a punishment,” he told me.

  “Yes, it is, Principal Wilkins, because I am a really jobbish person, and a punishment is when you make someone do something that is hard for them. Not working is really hard for me.”

  “Do you have any job offers?” he asked.

  “No,” I told him.

  “Don’t you need to have something before it can be taken away?” he asked me.

  That question stumpified me.

  “A punishment is hard because you have to make a sacrifice. A sacrifice is when you give something up that you don’t want to give up. Like an event.”

  I looked at him very hard because I wanted to read his brain notes to see what he was talking about. But they were too far in his head for me to read.

  “Think about things that you were looking forward to doing and don’t want to give up. Perhaps giving up one of those things would be a good punishment. Do you have anything coming up that you were looking forward to?”

  I shook my head no.

  “Well, why don’t you think about it and come back when you find something.”

  “Okay,” I told him and slunked toward the door. I could barely believe my own ears that he didn’t love my idea. Just as I was walking out the door, I thought of something.

  “My presentation,” I said.

  “Frances,” he said. “You had three strikes. You are no longer allowed to give a presentation.”

  “Maybe instead of a presentation, I can apologize to everyone?” I asked.

  “That sounds good to me,” he said.

  “And I could also come in on Saturday and help clean up the school,” I offered.

  “Frannie, I think we’ve found ourselves the perfect punishment.”

  CHAPTER 15

  Principal Wilkins gave me twenty minutes to write my speech. When the bell rang for the afternoon assembly, I followed him to the auditorium with a very bad day feeling on my skin. From behind the curtain I saw all the kids file in and take their seats. My entire insides were filled up with moths and butterflies. Then things got quiet and my hands got sweaty and my mouth got dry. I did not even hear what Principal Wilkins said into the silver ball of the microphone. I just saw him wave me out onto the stage.

  Not even one person clapped for me.

  I stood up on a special box so I would be taller and put my mouth near the microphone.

  “Hello to everyone,” I said.

  “Hello,” they mumbled back.

  “I did not do a very good job as Principal for the Day. A for instance of what I mean is that I got fired.” Everyone made shocktified noises. “I got fired because I pulled a handle that was actually the fire alarm.”

  I looked over at Elliott, who still looked a little upsettish with me.

  “I was trying to show off, which is why I got into trouble. I did not think about what I was doing. If I had, I would not have pulled the handle. I know now that what I did was very dangerous because I used up all the firemen in town for a fire that wasn’t a fire. I am very sorry. I hope that you will forgive me. Thank you very much for listening to every single word that came out of my mouth. I hope you will not fire me from your lives.”

  I got off the stage and joined my class. Elliott looked at me and gave a little bit of a smile, but he did not give me a thumbs-up. The bad day feeling on my skin did not go away.

  Principal Wilkins had called my parents and told them what happened. That is a for instance of why my mom picked me up from school, and I didn’t go home with Elliott like usual. She had her scoldish face on when I got into the car. That is why I told her that very first second that I already did my punishment and that I came up with it all by myself.

  “I heard,” she told me. “I bet that was very hard for you.”

  “I was humilifed when no one clapped for me,” I told her. “I’m glad it’s over. And I have to go to school on Saturday.”

  This was something she didn’t know about.

  “I said I’d help clean up the entire school on Saturday.”

  My mom leaned over and patted my leg. “Good job, Frances. I’m proud of you for that.”

  We drove away from school toward home. Nearly halfway there, we saw the fire station, and just as we were about
to pass it, I got a geniusal idea.

  “Pull over, Mom!” I called. She smiled without looking at me, like she knew exactly what I was going to do. She pulled over near the fire station, and we got out. The big, red garage door was rolled all the way up, so there wasn’t a door or anything for me to knock on. We just walked straight in. All the firemen were there, and they turned and smiled at us.

  “The tour doesn’t start until five PM,” one called out.

  “I’m not here for a tour,” I said.

  “Oh? Then how can we help you?” the man wanted to know.

  “I was the one who set off the fire alarm at Chester Elementary School today,” I confessed.

  “Why would you do that?” a youngish man asked.

  I looked down at the ground. “I thought it was what you pulled when you fired someone. I was showing off because I was Principal for the Day,” I explained.

  A couple of them laughed.

  “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry I ruined your lives and made you come out there when there wasn’t a fire.”

  “Can I tell you a secret?” one of them asked.

  I loved secrets, so I nodded very hard.

  “It happens a lot.”

  “It does?” I asked, my eyes so big they almost flew out of my head. “But it’s very dangerous.”

  “It is very dangerous,” one of them agreed. “I’m very glad you know that. Maybe you can help us spread the word.”

  I loved the idea of helping the firemen by spreading the word.

  “How about we give you a tour, anyway?” one of the firemen asked.

  “I’m in the middle of a punishment,” I explained. “Can I come another time?”

  “Sure,” they said.

  I looked at my mom and then back at the firemen.

  “That might not be for a lot of years,” I said. “But I’ll see what I can do.”

  THE END.

  Want more Frannie?