Fixing Forever

by Caroline Lee

  “What?” Although she knew the answer.

  He turned to her, his confusion and anger and fear slamming into her when their eyes met. “I shouldn’t be here,” he whispered.

  “Andrew. Andrew.” They were still holding hands, so she reached up and cupped one of his bearded cheeks with her palm. “Breathe.” She inhaled and exhaled slowly until she was sure his breathing had slowed. “That’s it. It’s okay now. We can leave Quinn Valley if you want, but…”

  He blinked, his earlier panic receding with the deep breathing, and frowned down at her. “But what?”

  The deep breath she took then had nothing to do with helping him, and everything to do with preparing herself. She knew what she was about to say could break whatever trust they’d hesitantly built up between them.

  “But I think you might feel better if you told someone,” she said quietly. “You keep saying you think what we have between us is special, but this is my home, Andrew. I’d really like to know why it causes you to—to freak out.”

  He closed his eyes on a wince. “It’s not the place, Rachel. It’s…” He exhaled. “It’s the people. It’s my family. I see them, and I wonder— I can’t help but think they agree with Bob. They think…”

  When he swallowed, and didn’t continue, Rachel looked around for inspiration.

  There!

  “Fresh Brew has great hot drinks. Why don’t we go sit down, and I’ll buy you a coffee and a Milky Way bar and we can talk?”

  When his eyes opened, she saw something new in their green depths. The worry was still there, but now there was…thankfulness? As if he was thankful to her for the suggestion.

  “I think…” He inhaled slowly, holding her gaze. “I think that might be a really good idea. Thanks for remembering my favorite.”

  It took a few minutes to get inside, divest themselves of their coats and hats, and order. The familiar bustle calmed Rachel’s nerves, and seemed to help Andrew as well. But all too soon, they were seated across from one another, her with a hot cocoa and him with his coffee-and-Milky-Way-combination.

  Andrew gripped the mug between his palms, staring down into the dark depths of the liquid. He breathed deeply, but Rachel couldn’t tell if he was trying to steady himself, or was just inhaling the coffee scent. Finally, he began to speak.

  “My sister Heather and I have always been close. We both got jobs in Riston while our younger siblings were still in school, and we’ve always been there for each other. But when she got married—pretty young—we both realized she no longer needed me. She had Roger, and her life began to revolve around him, the way any young couple does, I guess.”

  The way he was staring at his coffee made it clear he wasn’t seeing it.

  “I saw less and less of Heather, even when she was pregnant with Sean. I remember visiting her and the baby in the hospital, and holding him, and realizing this kid was going to be one of the most important people in my life. That’s when I told Heather I wanted to be a bigger part of his life—the way we used to be. And she…” He winced, and lifted the mug finally. “She wasn’t enthusiastic about the idea.”

  He sipped the coffee, and finally met Rachel’s gaze. She’d been sitting there, wide-eyed and attentive, wondering if she was finally going to hear what had Andrew so angry at his family. She gave a little nod to let him know she was listening.

  His tongue flicked out over his lips, catching the last few drops of coffee. “I’m sorry. This is…” Exhaling, he put the mug down once more. “It’s hard. Okay, so fast-forward a few years, Sophie is born, Heather is still in her own little world, and she became…” He shrugged. “Withdrawn, I guess. Kept coming up with excuses not to see me, or when she did, it was always without Roger. I figured something was wrong, you know?” His green eyes were full of pain.

  Rachel nodded again, her stomach already churning. She knew where this story was going. “I think I understand,” she whispered, pushing the cocoa away from her.

  He nodded. “Yeah, Roger was—” One hand was still gripping his mug, while the other slowly clenched into a fist beside it. “He was hurting her. Not the kids, thank God, but she was ashamed. By not telling me, or anyone, I think she was protecting him. I don’t understand it, and don’t think I ever will, but we ended up arguing a lot. I wanted her to take the kids and leave, and she wouldn’t.”

  Her heart ached for Heather, and what she’d gone through. “Maybe it was some sense of loyalty?” she offered.

  Andrew nodded and sighed. “It took a lot of arguing—I was so worried she’d choose him over me and just shut me out!—but finally she agreed to go to the family. If she wouldn’t accept my help, maybe she’d listen to them. But instead of going to our parents, she went to the ranch to talk to our grandparents. Bob was there, and I don’t know who else, because she went alone.”

  His hand began to shake, and his voice deepened with gruff anger. When he met her eyes once more, there was bitterness and disgust in those green depths. “She told them what was going on! She said she told them Roger was hurting her, and you know what our uncle told her? Bob told her marriage is forever!” He slammed his fist down on the table top, making Rachel jump. “He sent her back into hell! He sent her back to Roger’s abuse, because marriage is forever and she needed to work it out with her husband!”

  He was breathing heavily, and Rachel’s heart was slamming against the inside of her chest. “No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “No, he wouldn’t do that. He has daughters.”

  “And I thought he was a decent human being, until I heard that.” Andrew’s lip was curled in disgust. “He—the whole family!—is so wrapped up in this idea of the perfect marriage, he didn’t stop to think that maybe, maybe staying married wasn’t the best idea. It’s been years, and I still can’t believe he did that.”

  Rachel shook her head again. “I’ve worked with him closely since his health scare—he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t knowingly hurt his niece—hurt anyone! He’s not like that.”

  Andrew didn’t seem to care about her protests. He leaned over the table, his fist still between them. “After she told me that, you know what I did?” He didn’t give her time to answer, but continued, “I bought Sean a cell phone and told him to hide it from his father. The kid was seven, and I had to do that for him. He knew my number was programmed in it, and I’d drop everything and come get him and his sister if they ever needed it. He was seven!”

  Breathing heavily, Andrew sat back in his chair. His eyes, which had been flashing in anger at Rachel, slowly lowered to the coffee mug. Rachel stared at him, her pulse hammering, not sure what to believe.

  You know Bob’s a good guy.

  You know Andrew wouldn’t lie.

  Who did she feel more loyal to? Her boss or her—her boyfriend?

  No, what she felt for Andrew went beyond “boyfriend.” This was the man she was falling in love with, wasn’t it? This was the man who was finally opening up to her, and explaining why he’d avoided his family for so long.

  And the horrible part was; she totally understood.

  It took two tries to make her voice work, but she wanted to hear all of it. “Did he use it?”

  Andrew’s knuckles whitened on the mug, and he nodded. “A month after she went to the family for help, a month after Bob sent her back to Roger, my phone rang. I’d started leaving it on at all hours, and this was at midnight after a fourteen-hour shift.”

  When he closed his eyes on the memory, Rachel found herself dreading whatever he was about to say.

  “Roger had broken Heather’s leg, badly. Bad enough she had surgery and used a walker or cane for a while after. She was on the floor, screaming in pain, so Sean called me.”

  “Stop,” Rachel whispered, shaking her head again. “I understand. I’m so sorry.” Without thinking, she lunged across the table and closed her hand over his fist. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated, willing him to believe. “But I don’t think Bob knew—he wouldn’t have—”

  “He
did,” Andrew all-but-snarled. “He might not have known, but he didn’t bother to find out, and he sent his niece back into hell because of it.”

  She was close to tears now, for his pain and her frustration. “He’s a good man,” she whispered.

  “Fine!”

  Without any warning, Andrew stood up, knocking the table and causing the mugs to wobble. “Fine!” He was breathing heavily as he stared down at her, his hands still clenched into fists. “You think he’s such a good man? You think he’s innocent? Let’s go see how much he really knows about Heather, yeah?”

  And without waiting to see if she would follow, Andrew wrenched his coat from the back of his chair and stormed out of the coffee shop.

  Rachel watched him go in shock, wondering if he really meant to confront Bob like this. Wondering what Bob would do or say if his nephew suddenly showed up and accused him of something so horrible.

  Whatever was about to happen, Rachel knew one thing: She needed to be there. She needed to stand beside Andrew, to show him her support. She needed him to need her.

  Jolted into motion, Rachel scrambled for her own jacket and scarf, then raced out the door after him. Whatever happened, she needed to stand beside the man she was falling for.

  CHAPTER NINE

  “Excuse me, sir! You can’t go in there!”

  The young man working at the front desk of The Quinn Hotel and Spa did his best to stop Andrew from seeing Bob—he really did. But he didn’t take into account the fact Andrew was older, bigger, and angrier.

  Andrew ducked around the kid and stomped down the hallway leading to his uncle’s office, glad he remembered the way from last time. Glad, too, for the bubbling furnace of anger in his stomach now, which kept him moving, kept him willing to confront Bob, even if part of his mind was screaming this was a terrible idea.

  No!

  He’d seen the look in Rachel’s eyes when he’d told her what Bob had done. She hadn’t believed him—didn’t want to believe him! That’s when Andrew’s control had snapped. He’d wanted to show her, to show Bob, to show the whole family, that he’d been right. He’d stayed away all this time because their precious Bob had done something unforgivable.

  If Rachel wouldn’t believe him, then the rest of the family wouldn’t—

  No, he repeated in his mind. No, he was doing this for Rachel, not his family. His family didn’t miss him or Heather; they’d gotten on fine without them. No, this was for Rachel, whom he wanted to build a forever with. He wanted her to believe him.

  Build a forever with.

  The thought caught up with him as he had his hand on Bob’s doorknob.

  Is that what he wanted? A forever with Rachel? He’d been looking for so long, and here she was.

  Marriage is forever.

  Marriage. He could marry her, could build a forever with her. But…but marriage wasn’t forever, was it? Heather had thought it was, and Bob thought it was, and look what had happened.

  “Andrew!”

  Behind him, he heard Rachel’s breathless call, then her quiet murmuring to the kid at the front desk. A small part of his mind heard it and wondered if she was talking him out of calling security on this nut-job who just busted in to see the General Manager… But the rest of him was thinking about Bob and marriage.

  Marriage is forever.

  Is it?

  Taking a deep breath, he pushed open Bob’s door without knocking, stepping into the room before he thought better of it. He tried to wrap himself in his earlier anger, tried to feel the same sense of disgust he’d felt when he’d seen Bob at the interview…but instead, he felt confused. Angry, sure, but not the same white-hot anger of before.

  If he wanted a forever with Rachel, did that mean Bob had been right in what he told Heather all those years ago?

  “Andrew?” Behind his desk, Bob slowly stood up, his expression wary. “I didn’t expect to see you again.”

  Taking a deep breath, Andrew stepped into the room. The comforting anger he’d carried for years refused to boil to the surface. He reached up and pulled his toque off, clutching it in front of him with both hands, his insides a mass of confusion.

  “My boy?” his uncle prompted.

  Where to start? “Heather…”

  Bob’s brows clanged together. “Heather? What’s wrong? Is she okay?”

  No.

  “No, she’s not okay.” Andrew took another deep breath. “She’s divorced, you know.”

  Bob’s frown deepened. “Yes, I know. We all know. A real shame—and her with kids too.” He shook his head. “Marriage is a commitment, a commitment to those children, and—”

  Oh, there was the anger.

  A part of Andrew rejoiced as he wrapped it around himself once more. “Marriage is forever,” he snarled at his uncle, stepping closer to the desk. “That’s what you told her, when she came to you, didn’t you?”

  “What? What are you talking about?”

  “Andrew!”

  Dimly, he was aware of Rachel rushing breathless into the room behind him. The anger pulsed behind his eyeballs, and he was torn between crying and yelling at his sanctimonious uncle.

  But then…but then…she stopped beside him. She should’ve stood between them, or with Bob, her boss. But no, she’d chosen to stand with him.

  Slowly, Andrew turned disbelieving eyes on her. Her cheeks were darker than usual—flushed from chasing after him?—and she was breathing heavily. Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears…for him?

  And then she nodded and slipped her arm through his, and Andrew realized he could do this. He could get through this, he could say what needed to be said without lashing out, because he had Rachel by his side.

  In one jerky movement, he untangled their arms and reached down to twine his fingers through hers. Neither had taken the time to put their gloves back on, and this connection felt as strong as it had the first time he’d touched her, that evening outside the Chinese restaurant in Riston.

  This connection—her touch, her faith—gave him strength.

  He took another deep breath and turned back to his uncle. “Heather came to see you—well, she went to see Grandma and Gramps—but you were there, weren’t you? She told you what was happening, and you told her marriage is forever. It’s what I always believed too, but—” He broke off, shaking his head. “That’s not what she needed to hear.”

  Bob relaxed slightly, but he still carried that same confused expression on his face. “I remember that day, Andrew. It was the last time I spoke with her. She needed someone to talk to, and I told her about the hardships all relationships endure. All of us argue from time to time, all of us hurt one another’s feelings. Being in love—being committed in a marriage—is all about forgiving and—”

  Hardships?

  “Hardships!” Andrew growled, jerking forward, only to be tugged back by Rachel. “Hardships?”

  He turned agonized eyes to Rachel, not sure what she could do. But at least she could see he wasn’t crazy, he hadn’t made this up. What Heather had endured wasn’t “hardship.” It was…

  He shook his head in disbelief, helpless to explain.

  Rachel smiled at him. It wasn’t a bright smile, more of a sad one. An understanding one. Then she nodded, and squeezed his hand. She understood. She did.

  “Wait,” she said, taking a deep breath, “I think I can help.” She turned back to her boss, but kept her grip tight on Andrew’s hand. “Bob, Andrew and Heather have been estranged from the family because of what you said to her during that meeting.”

  “What?” The confused frown was back on Bob’s face. “Because of what I said? What did I say? I certainly never intended…” He shook his head again.

  She stepped forward slightly, turning so she was standing between the two men, but open to both. And she was still holding Andrew’s hand.

  “Bob,” she said gently. “What did Heather say was wrong in her relationship with Roger?”

  “She said she was hurt. I told her all husbands
accidentally hurt their wives’ feelings from time to time, and it was probably unintentional, and just something marriages needed to work through. Heaven knows I’ve hurt April Lynn’s feelings before.”

  Andrew began to feel sick to his stomach. Rachel didn’t let the issue go.

  “And after you said that to her?” she asked gently. “What did Heather say?”

  He shook his head. “I—I don’t remember. It was a long time ago.” His eyes slowly unfocused, as if he was seeing the past. “I think she maybe cried a little? I remember giving her a hug, although she didn’t seem to want it. I don’t think she said anything, just nodded and left, still crying.” He sighed. “I remember feeling sorry I couldn’t explain better.”

  Rachel turned pain-filled eyes to Andrew, and shook her head once as well. Telling him not to react? Telling him she was sorry? Telling him to keep quiet?

  His heart was beating so strongly against his chest, Andrew wasn’t sure he could say anything, even if he knew what to say. And the queasiness in his stomach was still there. He had the horrible feeling he knew what his uncle meant.

  “Bob…” Rachel took another breath and turned to her boss. “Heather’s feelings weren’t being hurt. She was. Roger was hurting her, a lot. He was abusing her. And when you told her all that, she took it to mean she didn’t have the support of her family, that her family wanted her to go back to her marriage with a husband who abused her.”

  “So she went back to him,” Andrew said in a strangled whisper, bile rising in his throat, “And almost didn’t survive.”

  Around him, the office fell away, the years fell away, until he was standing in the snow at the front door of Heather and Roger’s house, all those years ago. He’d kept the line to Sean open, even though he’d had the boy packing emergency bags for himself and his sister. So when he banged on the door, the boy had answered. The expression of determination on his tiny face barely hid the terror in his eyes.

  “Where is she?” Andrew had growled, and when Sean pointed to the living room, he’d stalked that way.