Charmaine closed her eyes for a disappointed second before straightening her face into perfect blandness, looking up from her embroidery with a polite smile.
“I beg your pardon?”
The duchess ignored the gracious retort, instead closing the door to the small salon before turning around, determination written all over her ageless face.
“At first I thought it was because you were too affected by what had happened to your sister, and being the considerate person I am, I held my tongue. But then days turned into weeks and I started to wonder if maybe it was your nerves. It couldn’t have been easy for you, leaving everyone and everything you were used to and moving into an unknown home with people you’ve barely met before. But now it’s been two whole months, and I can’t keep making excuses for you. Something is definitely wrong with you, and I want to know what.”
Charmaine folded her needlework neatly into a perfect square, placing it beside her on the sofa. Desperately she collected every ounce of strength she could muster to hold on to her indifference in front of the duchess.
She should have seen this coming, but she had been too focused on her sister, spending most days and nights with her. She had hardly spoken to anyone else, especially not to the man who now was her husband.
Not that he had wanted to spend time with her. The few times they’d happened to meet he had only greeted her coldly before turning his back to her, showing exactly how despicable he found her.
His family behaved politely toward her, she had to give them that, but not one of them showed her any of the affection they openly showered upon Penelope. Her sister was already a part of this colorful family, as she had been coming here all her life. Penelope would always have a home here at Chester Park, even if she didn’t marry Rake. She belonged here. Charmaine didn’t.
Unfortunately Charmaine had no right or means to go anywhere. She was caught in this old castle, surrounded by obnoxious Darlings. Life here was proving to be a bit of a strain for her serenity, but she was determined to see it through because, in the midst of all the bad things happening, something good had emerged—she finally had time to spend with her sister.
“I have tried to talk to Sinclair, but it’s like talking to a brick wall. He’s not opening up at all,” the duchess said as she sat down beside Charmaine, casting a suspicious look at the perfectly folded needlework. “The other day he sneered at me when I asked how he was feeling, and that is not the Sinclair we all know and love. So here I am, asking you what has made him so full of hatred. No, don’t you deny it, my dear. Sinclair was a very levelheaded man before he had to marry you, and now he’s practically seething with anger.”
The duchess was genuinely worried about her grandson, and such devotion was admirable. Charmaine’s parents had never left her alone for a minute, always there telling her what to wear, what to do, and what to say. But not once had they uttered a word of love.
The Darlings, on the other hand, were constantly showing affection without either embarrassment or vulnerability. Maybe they bickered a little too much for her sanity, always discussing everything so thoroughly. At first the chatter had made her head ache, but after having all her meals with them for the last couple of months, she was becoming accustomed to it. To her surprise she even found it hard to stay serene sometimes when they were teasing each other, as many of them could be quite outrageous.
Meeting the duchess’ worried gaze, Charmaine dug her nails into her palms in an attempt to not show any emotions. “I wish I could help you with the answers you seek, but as I have not seen nor spoken to Sin much since the day we were...married...I don’t think I can be of much help.”
“Something happened between the two of you, something which made Sinclair so furious with you he hardly can stand looking at you, and I want to know what.”
“It is not my fault.”
“What is not your fault?”
“That Sin can’t stand looking at me. I have to admit I find it most disheartening. I’m used to men adoring me, telling me how much they admire me. But ever since I came here, not one of you have told me how beautiful I am, even though I am certain you all must think about it constantly.”
This time it was the duchess who stared blankly at Charmaine, hiding her thoughts behind a mask. Not that it was hard to figure out what the older lady thought. Charmaine almost blushed at the mere thought of how selfish and self-centered she must seem, just as Sin had said.
“I can’t help but wonder what—” The duchess interrupted herself and cocked her head to the side, looking Charmaine up and down as if silently measuring her.
“Yes?”
“What possibly could have happened that made a good girl pretend to be a bad girl?”
This time Charmaine couldn’t stop the telling blush that crept warmly over her cheeks, and the duchess smiled knowingly, obviously quite pleased with her ability to pinpoint the problem.
“You don’t have to say anything.” The duchess brushed aside Charmaine’s effort to come up with some explanation of either her blushing or her behavior. “As long as I know you are not what you pretend to be, it’s fine. My beloved grandson hasn’t married the dimwit he thinks he has. Thank goodness for small blessings.”
“Your Grace, you have misunderstood—”
“Stop it.” The duchess snorted. “You are only going to snare yourself with more lies if you try to talk your way out of this mess. You will have to tell me the truth about it later, mind you, but for now I don’t want the why, I only want to hear about the what. What can we do to make Sinclair stop blowing steam out his ears?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“Of course you do. You are the one who made him this angry from the beginning. What did you say to him to make him this furious?”
“Nothing, I…”
The duchess grabbed the needlework and threw it into the fire with one swift, angry movement. “Stop it! Why are you still saying you don’t know, when we both know you do?”
“Your Grace, I was merely—”
“Your Grace me here, Your Grace me there.” The duchess leaned back against the sofa, crossing her arms over her chest. She looked more like a surly child than an urbane matron of society. “If you are going to be a part of our family, you have to start treating us as such. You insist on keeping your distance, keeping everyone at least an arm’s length away, but I think life here would be so much better for you if you just opened up a bit, instead of pretending to be something you aren’t.”
The duchess leaned forward and patted Charmaine affectionately on the cheek, silently offering what the girl desperately and secretly had yearned for since her arrival at Chester Park, the touch of a human hand.
Sin had not been an option there, since she had destroyed her every chance with him when tripping him into marriage. Not the best beginning.
“Tell me,” the duchess begged. “I can sense the turmoil in your heart. Who knows, maybe letting some of it out will make you feel better in the end.”
“I tripped him.” Charmaine blanched as soon as the words left her mouth, regretting it immediately, but it was too late.
“Excuse me?”
“Sin. I tripped him so he would fall down on top of me.”
To her surprise, Charmaine felt almost relieved when admitting what she had done. As if one of all the burdens on her shoulders had fallen to the ground, leaving her still weighed down but a little lighter.
“You forced him to marry you?” The duchess asked quietly, without her usual drama, and Charmaine rushed to explain her actions.
“I was desperate and acted before I thought it through thoroughly. I regretted it the moment the deed was done, but then it was too late, as Lord and Lady Newbury had already seen him covering me and wouldn’t listen to anything he had to say to his defense.”
“Being forced to marry someone against your own will surely is a perfect reason for feeling resentment.”
The duchess was too cooperative, and Charmaine felt h
er eyes narrowing as she gazed suspiciously at the older woman. “You knew I tripped him. He’s already told you as much.”
“Yes, he did.”
“So why have me confess what you already know?”
“I wanted you to open up a bit and maybe learn there is nothing wrong with letting someone know what’s in your heart now and then,” the duchess said with her version of an impish grin, and Charmaine felt a shiver run down her spine.
“Please do not force me into explaining myself to you,” Charmaine whispered, catching the older woman’s game.
“Why not?”
“Please…”
With a sigh that could have lifted the roof of Chester Park, the duchess forfeited. “All right. It will probably kill me, but I promise I will not ask you too many questions. But don’t you look so relieved yet, my dear. In return for not tormenting you, I want you to do something for me. I want you to talk to Sinclair.”
“No.”
“You have to.”
“No. I refuse.”
“You have to.”
She felt like pouting. From the outside Anna Darling seemed soft and kindhearted, but now Charmaine knew that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The Duchess of Berkeley was the toughest, most nosy woman she’d ever met, and it didn’t end there—the woman didn’t know when enough was enough.
“I can’t. And besides, even if I did talk to him, he wouldn’t listen to me. He hasn’t uttered one word to me for two months, not since our wedding day.”
“Still, you have to talk to him. This cannot continue. You two are married. You can’t go through life avoiding each other.”
Charmaine sighed, dejected. “Why not? It’s not as if there is any love between the two of us.”
The Duchess looked a bit strange for a moment before nodding in agreement. “Yes, you do have a point there. This is clearly not a marriage sprung out of love. But who knows? Maybe it will be one day. You can’t deny the possibility the two of you will get over this and find a way into each other’s hearts.”
Fall in love with Sin?
Charmaine frowned. Was it possible for her to start loving her husband? She honestly didn’t know. Up until their wedding they hadn’t interacted much, only dancing now and then.
She’d always felt relieved when she noticed Sin’s name on her dance card, as he didn’t flirt with her. He barely said a word to her, and for a young woman who constantly had admirers whispering pretty words in her ear it was pure heaven to dance silently for a while and enjoy the music.
There was one thing she had noticed about him, though, now as she thought about it—his large, warm hands. They made her feel safe.
“My dear, what are you thinking about? You look almost terrified.”
“I-I…” Charmaine didn’t know what to say. She was too shocked at her own realization. She, who had spent the first nineteen years of her life constantly feeling insecure and afraid, had felt safe with Sin.
No one but her sister Penelope had ever made her feel that much at ease, not even Lord Dane in his best moments. The mere thought of him made her heart pound harder, and mentally she shoved him further back into her consciousness, just as she had done every day for the last year and half. This was not the time to dwell in the past. Lord Dane was no longer a part of her life, and now he definitely would never be.
“Is it the thought of falling in love with Sinclair that terrifies you so?”
Charmaine awoke from her thoughts, staring in confusion at the duchess. What was she talking about now? Terrified to fall in love with Sin? It took her a moment before she remembered what they had been talking about from the beginning, and she reached out a hand toward the duchess.
“No. Not at all. I was remembering Sin from the past and my memories wandered—” She interrupted herself before she spilled too much, but the duchess already smiled compassionately.
“You started to think about the one man you did love.”
Not trusting her voice, Charmaine nodded, grateful for not having to elaborate more.
“There’s nothing wrong with remembering good times. But be careful you don’t let old memories remove your chances of future happiness. No matter how it happened, you are now married to Sinclair, and if you want to be happy, it has to be with him, I’m afraid.”
“I know.” As much as it pained her to admit it, the duchess had a point. Charmaine had to talk to Sin. Not because she wished for marital bliss, but because she was in desperate need of emotional peace. Maybe Sin would still refuse to hear her out, but then she would at least have tried.
“May I ask what happened with Lord Dane?” the duchess continued, not ready to leave the delicate subject just yet. “It was obvious the two of you were deeply in love with each other, everyone waiting most eagerly for your engagement to be announced. But then, from out of nowhere, he marries someone else, and you continue with your life as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.”
“Not all fairytales have happy endings.”
“But yours was supposed to.”
“Was it?”
The duchess shook her head. “You know this doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy ending with someone else, someone like Sin.”
Charmaine sniffed softly, unable to put her serene face back on as the need to tell the truth overwhelmed her. “I don’t believe in true love any longer. If Lord Dane had loved me, truly loved me, he would have fought for me. But he didn’t. Instead he left me without a word, and the next thing I heard was that he had married someone else, only one measly month after proposing to me.”
The duchess stared with disbelief at Charmaine. “He proposed to you? I thought he hadn’t, as we never heard a word about it. But what happened? I can’t think you would have told him no, not if you were as much in love with him as I think you were.”
Charmaine swallowed hard, not used to opening up this much to anyone other than Penelope. But then again, telling the duchess about Lord Dane was an easy price to pay if it meant she could keep the more important secrets behind lock and key.
“Charmaine, please indulge me. What happened when Lord Dane proposed to you?”
“He never proposed to me directly. As tradition demands, he went to my father first. I-I don’t know wh-what exactly was said between them, but it ended with Lord Dane leaving London. Leaving me. Father ordered me to never talk about it again.”
The duchess, too angry to sit still, paced to and fro in front of Charmaine. “Of course it was that father of yours. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. Considering how badly he treated Penny, it shouldn’t have been so hard to figure out he went after you too in some way. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” Charmaine whispered, a bit surprised at how the duchess’s anger made her feel a bit better. It was nice to have someone standing up for her, when she usually had to fight her own war.
“Am I wrong if I assume he is the reason you remained unmarried? You must have received hundreds of proposals over the years, all of them politely rejected. Why would a father keep a daughter unmarried? Especially yours, having such a gem as you.”
Charmaine breathed deeply through her nose, not wanting the duchess to notice how much the subject upset her. “He had someone else in mind for me.”
“He had? Who?” The duchess gazed encouragingly at her, impatiently waiting for an answer.
“I don’t know the man personally. My father thinks quite highly of him, though.”
“How strange.” The duchess frowned, pondering Charmaine’s answer. Suddenly she clasped a hand over her mouth, her eyes frightened. “Oh, dear God, don’t tell me it’s Lord Bolton?”
“No, it’s not Lord Bolton.”
“Thank the good Lord.” The duchess let out a relieved breath. “That would have been horrendous.”
“Horrendous, indeed,” Charmaine echoed, another shiver running down her spine.
“Poor, sweet little Penny,” the duchess sighed absentmindedly, but Charmaine had no
problem following her train of thought.
Lord Nester had never hidden the fact he didn’t care much for his younger daughter as he kept busy doting on Charmaine. His indifference toward Penelope had never been more obvious than the day an old acquaintance of his, Lord Bolton, demanded Charmaine for wife. Too impressed by the extremely rich man, Lord Nester wanted nothing but to oblige him, but to give Charmaine away was not an option. In an effort to avoid Lord Bolton’s wrath, he offered Penelope as compensation, not as a wife but to use in any way the sadistic Lord Bolton wished.
Luckily, Penelope had managed to escape from Lord Bolton’s luxurious home and had found refuge with the Darling family. Lord Nester forbade his wife and Charmaine to ever contact Penelope again, to treat her as persona non grata. It had been a horrible time, both for Charmaine and the ailing Lady Nester, losing a loved one and unable to do anything about it.
That changed six months later, when her father managed to recapture Penelope and race toward London to pay his liability to Lord Bolton. For once throwing all caution away, Charmaine had run through the dark night to Chester Park, informing the Darlings about Lord Nester’s plan.
Rake and his relatives rushed toward London, and she had known Penelope would be saved, and then, exhausted, she had fainted dead away. The kindhearted Lady Newbury had ordered her son to take their guest to a bedroom where she could rest, and as Sin had helped her into the room she had repaid his kindness by tripping him.
One week later they were married.
“When I think about what could have happened to our precious little girl… My heart dies a little every time.” The duchess closed her eyes as if in deep pain.
“It won’t happen again,” Charmaine vowed solemnly, guilt over what her sister had had to endure clutching her heart. “I promise you I will do whatever it takes to make sure he never hurts her again, even if it means giving him what he desires most.”
“You are such a good, devoted sister,” the duchess praised through grateful tears, completely misunderstanding the meaning of the vow.
Charmaine, who had been speaking more to herself than to the duchess, accepted the compliment with a gracious nod. A quiet knock on the door ended the conversation as a footman informed them the duchess was wanted in the duke’s study.
The Beauty of You Page 3