“I’d better go,” the duchess sniffed, drying her tears with an exquisite handkerchief. “My husband obviously is in desperate need for me to save him. I overheard Diana mention that she needed to talk to him about her charities, and I guess he didn’t hide well enough.”
After a roll of her eyes as she spoke, the duchess floated out of the salon, leaving Charmaine alone with her thoughts. With a dejected sigh, she slumped back into the sofa.
Why did they all persist with asking her why?
Why this, why that…
She didn’t know what to say. Soon she would run out of excuses, and what was left then? The truth? No, honesty wasn’t an option. She knew they would never believe her, especially as she hardly could believe it herself.
Shivering as if an icy wind passed through the cozy little salon, she thought of Sin’s large, warm hands. If she told him the truth, would he be as disgusted with her as she was?
She sighed deeply, knowing she couldn’t.
How could she admit to him the sickening reason she had not married sooner, despite receiving hundreds of proposals? The very same reason she so desperately had used him as a way out, when he unbeknownst had offered it to her?
The mere thought of looking into Sin’s dark eyes and telling him how her father kept refusing her suitors because he eagerly waited for her sick mother to die—it made her feel like fainting again.
Lord Nester wanted many things in life, but there was just one thing he passionately had declared himself unable to live without, and that one thing was Charmaine.
Chapter Four
Slowly, the carriage rocked down the dusty road, and Penelope growled with frustration as she tumbled to the small floor for the umpteenth time.
“It’s bloody impossible. This infernal rocking should be making me drowsy, but all it does is making me nauseous. If we don’t arrive at Pendragon soon, I promise you I’ll throw up all over your beautiful gown.”
“I’m sorry.” Charmaine offered her sister a helping hand and Penelope scoffed, amused, as she accepted it.
“You’re sorry? How can the condition of the Herefordshire roads be your fault?”
Charmaine laughed over her sister’s teasing, so relieved over their travelling north and further away from their father that she could have danced in joyful celebration.
“I’m just sorry you’re feeling sick. As for the roads, there is not much I can do about them, unfortunately. At our last stop, I overheard Lady Newbury tell Sin it was not much more than a few hours left, which would please you, I hope.”
Penelope nodded absentmindedly, her thoughts already moving to the next subject of her heart. “Talking about that husband of yours, when are you and Sin going to reconcile? You can’t continue with this strange marriage of yours—it’s driving both the two of you and the rest of us crazy. There must be something you can do to make it better, isn’t there?”
Charmaine blushed under her sister’s probing gaze. Of course there was something she could do, but even though she more or less had promised the duchess to talk to Sin, she wasn’t going to. It had been hard these last days, not being able to hide from him as they all were bunched together, travelling to Francesca’s new home to visit the triplets she had given birth to a couple of weeks ago.
When Charmaine had heard about the trip they were planning, she asked the duchess if she could stay behind, without mentioning her need of space from Sin. Unfortunately he overheard her, and immediately she was ordered to pack her things. It was quite clear he enjoyed putting obstacles in her way.
What Sin hadn’t thought about, when he stubbornly refused to let her stay behind, was how confining a carriage could be when one was travelling for days. After spending two days alone with Charmaine and stubbornly ignoring her presence, he had changed place with Penelope for the last day, instead joining his parents in their carriage.
He still hadn’t said a word to her directly since their wedding day, not even answered the few questions she had dared to ask him in a desperate attempt to start some sort of conversation.
But to no avail.
His seething anger didn’t seem to ease with time, and again she found herself alone and miserable. Thank goodness her sister Penelope was travelling north with them.
The duchess, as the sneaking matchmaker she was, although her two victims already were married, had made sure Sin and Charmaine would travel alone in one carriage. She had probably nourished a wish that the confinement would force them to interact. But the duchess had failed miserably with her attempt, as Sin kept to his side of the carriage stoically, turning his broad back toward Charmaine as much as he could.
Even though she wouldn’t admit it, she was relieved he mulishly had brought her with them. With the entire Darling family visiting Pendragon, she would have been too exposed to her father, something she hadn’t considered when she first asked to be left behind.
In a way, they both had got what they wanted. Charmaine smiled wryly at the thought. She desperately wanted Penelope as far from Lord Nester and Lord Bolton as possible, and Sin just wanted to spite her. Against her will she had to admit being impressed at his ability to hold a grudge. Not once did he stray from his decision to ignore her, leaving her to spend the days reading and sleeping.
But now and then, when he thought she didn’t notice, she could feel him watch her from the side, just as she couldn’t stop looking at his hands when he gazed out through the window. His large, warm hands, which made her feel protected against everything evil, like her father.
“I’m afraid it is too late for me to repair the damage between the two of us,” Charmaine admitted now to her sister sadly. “He’s so angry, stubbornly refusing to talk to me, which doesn’t make it easier for me to reach out to him.”
Penelope frowned slightly. “Don’t you find it strange that we both have problems with our loved ones? Me with Rake, who’s in London fighting himself black and blue because he’s so bloody angry with me, and you with Sin, who is hiding in the other carriage with his parents.”
“I don’t love Sin.”
“Of course you don’t.”
“It’s the truth. I don’t love him. I hardly know him.”
“I agree with you.”
“No, you don’t.”
Penelope arched an amused eyebrow so much like Rake’s that Charmaine almost smiled. Almost. “Yes, I do. You don’t love Sin, which I can well understand, as you have never had any close relationship to him before. But…”
“There is always a but when it comes to you,” Charmaine teased, and Penelope put on a grave face.
“Life is filled with ‘but’s.”
Penelope was such a silly minx sometimes, and Charmaine had missed her much during the time they were separated. Not that they ever had been able to be as close as she would have wished, but still…
Somewhere between their father and his sick infatuation and their mother’s quiet, helpless effort to save Charmaine from him, their sisterly relationship had stayed solid. Penelope was probably the only person in the whole world who really did love her unselfishly, without strings.
“But...do you think you can love him?”
Charmaine woke up from her straying thoughts. “Who?”
“Sin.” Penelope rolled her eyes, unamused by her sister’s lack of attention.
“I…don’t…know. I’ve never thought about him like that before, and as for now… He’s not so very lovable when he glares and snarls at me as soon as we meet.”
Penelope laughed out loud, yet gave her sister her very best upset face. “Glares and snarls? Are you calling your husband a dog?”
“Why, yes.” Charmaine laughed. “I think I am. He reminds me of Old Ben’s retriever, the one who kept barking wildly, giving me his meanest eye, whenever I came too close.”
“You loved that dog.”
Charmaine blushed. The insinuation couldn’t be clearer, and Penelope grinned more wickedly than Rake ever could have.
“I d
id,” she admitted with an embarrassed grin. “At first I was terrified of him, because he sounded so angry and ready to take a bite of me if I ever got close enough. But when I got to know him, he turned out to be the friendliest and cuddliest dog you could imagine. I cried for days when he died.”
“So maybe you should give Sin a chance? He might be treating you like something the cat dragged in, but when you get to really know him he will be the dearest man—trustworthy, reliable, and caring.”
“You make him sound quite dull.”
“Maybe dull is what you need?”
“You don’t think I, like all other young ladies, wish for a knight in shining armor—a real Prince Charming—who’ll take me by storm and whisk me away to live happily ever after?”
Penelope cocked her head to the side, looking at her sister with a calm, steady gaze. “No, I don’t think you do. You have already tried that once, with Lord Dane, and look where that ended. He rushed off to become someone else’s knight, leaving you alone and miserable. No, I think you need someone you can rely on. Someone who will take you seriously and who needs you. Desperately so.”
“Now you make me sound dull.”
“I think somewhere, deep beneath that shiny exterior of yours, there hides a little scared girl who doesn’t want to be the center of everything but would rather be a part of something.”
It was such a correct insight of her deepest wishes it left Charmaine stunned. She had never asked to be the Incomparable Queen of the ton, put on a pedestal, always looking down on others, never belonging.
If the choice had been hers, she would have preferred to be unseen by the masses but cherished by a few. Like Sin’s sister Francesca, who was no great beauty but highly loved by her closest family and her dearest friends.
Penelope too had a better life than Charmaine did, even though she didn’t think so. Penelope had always been left on the outside of their small family circle, but in the end it was that separateness which had saved Penelope.
“What makes you think I don’t thrive when surrounded by admirers?”
“Because you are the least self-centered person I know, and you have never, ever used your beauty to grant you something. Ever.”
“Maybe I just succeeded with fooling you too?”
Penelope chuckled softly. “You can’t fool me, sister dear, because I love you too much to let your lovely face stand in the way of thinking straight. You are not what you pretend to be, and you are bloody good at hiding it.”
The duchess had said the same thing the other day, and Charmaine couldn’t help wondering why she didn’t fool them. What had changed? Why did they think so much more of her than she wanted them to?
“Most people pretend to be more than they are.”
“Yes, they do. But the strange thing with you is that you pretend to be less. It’s like you don’t want anyone to like you for who you really are, instead wanting them to dislike you for being something you aren’t.” Penelope patted her tenderly on the knee, taking the edge off her words. “If they all knew the Charmaine I know and love, they would love you too. But now most people think of you as a harpy who looks too good for her own good.”
Charmaine arched her eyebrows, surprised over her sister’s choice of words. “Harpy?”
Penelope shrugged, just as dainty and uncaring as Charmaine when she wanted to underline how spoiled and selfish she was. “Yes. That’s what you want them to think, isn’t it?”
“It might be.”
“Aha!” Penelope waved her index finger excitingly. “You just admitted that you do want everyone to think less of you.”
“No, I did not.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Not at all.”
“Did too.”
Charmaine sighed. They were too old for this kind of argument. She was nineteen and Penelope eighteen, two grown-up women who should argue with more finesse than “did too.”
As the carriage slowed she looked out the window, bending her head back to be able to see the whole front of the magnificent castle that was home to the Duke of Herefordshire.
“Oh, my, what a lovely home they have,” she breathed, and Penelope leaned forward, gasping excitedly. It was like a castle out of a fairytale, with uncountable towers and pinnacles. As the carriage stopped at the front stairs, Francesca and her husband came out, closely followed by what looked like most of the staff.
Penelope opened the door with a shriek, throwing herself out from the carriage into the waiting embrace of her best friend. Charmaine moved back into the shadow, her heart aching as she watched the happy reunion in the courtyard.
What would it be like to be a real part of the big, loving family crying and laughing happily in front of her? For Penelope it was easy, being such a lovely person. For Charmaine it was harder. No matter what the duchess and Penelope thought, she wasn’t able to remove the hideous version of herself she had created. It was stuck, and now she had to live with its side effects.
“Get out.”
She winced with surprise. She hadn’t noticed Sin coming up to her, being too occupied staring at the happy reunion in front of her. She looked down, meeting his icy stare.
“I beg your pardon?”
He growled impatiently and, before she had a chance to react, grabbed her hand, dragging her harshly closer to the door. Unprepared for his rude yanking, she fell forward with a yelp, landing in a quite unladylike fashion in his arms.
The feel of his body against hers made her knees go weak, and if he hadn’t been holding her she would have fallen quite ungracefully down to the stony ground of the courtyard. Dazed, she looked up into his face, and for a moment he lost all anger. Something burned in his eyes, and, mesmerized, she stared at his full lips, silently demanding him to kiss her.
He looked as if in pain as he lowered his head, obliging her, but just as his lips almost touched hers, a sharp voice interrupted the moment.
“Sinclair Darling, for goodness’ sake!”
Lady Newbury marched up to them and grabbed her son’s arm, forcing him to release Charmaine and step away from her.
“That, my dear, is something you save for the bedroom instead of doing publicly in the courtyard of Francesca’s new home, and especially not in front of all their servants,” she hissed, and to Charmaine’s surprise Sin’s ears turned red.
“It won’t happen again,” he bit out before turning and heading straight to his sister, ignoring Charmaine, who stood still where he had left her.
Lady Newbury mumbled something, which may have been an apology for her son’s outrageous behavior, before following him back to her daughter.
“What was that?” Penelope whispered excitedly as she joined Charmaine. “It looked like he wanted to eat you up. Am I wrong if I assume you two were this close to sharing your very first kiss?”
Charmaine’s cheeks grew hot, and Penelope clapped her hands together. “Really? Ah, this is so marvelous. Maybe some time away from home was what the two of you needed. A chance to get to know each other on neutral ground.”
“Penny, you put too much into it.”
“So you weren’t standing there, in front of everyone, staring up into Sin’s hot eyes with shivering lips? I recognize the look, you see. Rake stares at me just as hotly all the time. Sin definitely wants you.”
Charmaine couldn’t stop herself. “He does?”
Penelope smiled excitedly. “Oh, yes, he does. Lady Newbury almost fainted when she noticed how he ogled you.”
It was amazing how giddy her sister’s words made her feel. Why was she this happy over Sin wanting her? Yes, he was her husband, but that didn’t change the fact he still was Sin—the man she’d known her whole life and had never looked twice at.
To be completely honest, she had not looked at him a first time, either. Sinclair Darling had never been someone who made her heart flutter before. So why did he now? Why did he make her feel like she was falling in love with him?
She frowned, feeling a bit
in despair.
Was she falling in love with her husband?
That thought scared her more than anything. She couldn’t fall in love with him. She was nothing like what he needed, and he was far too good for her.
“Watching you...interact...with your wife tells me you won’t be too upset about us running out of guest rooms. I need the two of you to share one so we can fit all of you into the castle.”
Francesca’s teasing voice to her brother broke through Charmaine’s erratic thoughts, and she froze. Was she supposed to share a room with Sin? Share a bed with Sin?
“Oh, no,” she whispered breathlessly.
“There must be one more room...” Sin too seemed a bit distressed by his sister’s information, clearly not eager to share a room with his wife.
“Unfortunately not,” Francesca said, seeming a little bit too pleased with herself over that revelation. It was almost as if she wanted them forced to share a bedroom, which surprised Charmaine.
Francesca had never hidden the fact that she couldn’t stand her best friend’s sister, and they had avoided each other as much as possible over the years. Charmaine had always been a bit jealous over Penelope’s and Francesca’s closeness, as it was something she’d never had herself—a best friend.
Sin stared, outraged, at his sister. “Really? Not one room left in that grand castle of yours?”
“No.”
“How about a sofa?”
“No.”
“A comfortable chair?”
“No.”
Sin’s frown deepened as he glared. “A bloody carpet, then?”
“Does she snore?”
Francesca’s question caught him off guard, and Sin looked just as confused as Charmaine felt. “What?”
“Your wife.” Francesca nodded lightly toward Charmaine. “Does she snore?”
“Eh…” That was one question Charmaine knew he couldn’t answer, as they had never yet shared a bedroom.
“Maybe she speaks in her sleep,” Devlin suggested kindly, and his wife nodded in agreement.
The Beauty of You Page 4