“That must be it. Why else would he be so upset about having to share a room with the woman he married?”
“Indeed, why else?”
Sin glared at his sister and brother-in-law, and if looks could kill... They left him no choice. He had to share a room with Charmaine. To refuse wasn’t an option, not if he didn’t want to embarrass himself, Charmaine, and his whole family in front of the servants and fuel gossip throughout the neighborhood.
“I want to see the babies,” Lady Newbury squealed, effectively changing everyone’s focus. Within minutes the courtyard was empty, leaving only Sin and Charmaine standing there, side by side, staring at the front door through which the family had disappeared.
“I can sleep on the floor,” Charmaine offered softly, not wanting to destroy the fragility of the moment.
“Oh, yeah?” He snorted. “I don’t think so. I sure as hell won’t give you one more thing to complain about when it comes to me.”
She looked at him from the side, following the lines of his proud face. “I have never complained about you.”
“No? Well, there must always be a first time.”
She put her hand on his arm, trying to reach through to him now as he finally was talking to her, but he shrugged it off, turning his back to her again.
“You can’t hate me forever,” she cried out to his retiring back. He stopped midstride without turning around, his large shoulders heaving with his deep sigh.
“I don’t hate you.”
She tried to get rid of the lump in her throat by swallowing, but her voice still sounded small, miserable, and pathetic. “But you despise me.”
He glanced at her over his shoulder with unreadable eyes. “No, I don’t.”
“You said you did.”
He sighed again. “I was angry.”
“You’re still angry.”
“No, I’m not.”
She took a step toward him but stopped as he stiffened. An overwhelming feeling of hopelessness filled her as she looked at his proud, strong back.
At that little moment when she had tripped him, she hadn’t considered him or his feelings about being forced into marriage. All she had thought of was Penelope and her own last chance for redemption. It hadn’t occurred to her that with her choice of action she effectively destroyed all the plans he might have had for his life.
Somehow, deep inside of her, she knew she could be happy and content with him, if she only let him through her walls. But could she throw every caution aside for her own happiness?
As long as her father was out there searching for a way to get to her, she couldn’t rest, especially as Penelope still wasn’t married. In the eyes of the law, Lord Nester was her sister’s legal guardian, and if he demanded the Darlings send her to him, they would have no choice but to comply.
And then Charmaine would have to go to him.
A long time ago she had promised herself to never let Penelope know the truth about him, that Lord Nester wasn’t their real father. He was only the heir who had inherited the title and its poverty when their real father died. Charmaine had been a mere baby and Penelope still growing in their mother’s womb.
Elspeth de Vere, Lady Nester, had been just as beautiful as Charmaine when younger, before pain took over her body, turning her into an old woman ahead of time. As soon as the new Lord Nester laid eyes on the young, grieving widow, he had to have her. Without mercy he persuaded her to do what was best for her children—marry him.
When Charmaine was a child, he had constantly told her how beautiful she was, and stupidly she had been proud over his praise. When she grew older, she realized it wasn’t the outside that counted but what was in your heart, but then it was too late already. She had already destroyed all her chances to find a friend among the girls in the county, always acting as though she was more than they were.
She didn’t know when Lord Nester’s fatherly pride had turned into a man’s desperate need, but she was sixteen the first time he tried to enter her bedroom. Lady Nester had been in shock when she found her drunken husband outside her daughter’s bedroom, yelling about how much he loved her and wanted her.
From that day Charmaine was never alone.
Either her mother or her mother’s sour-faced maid was constantly with her, as her stepfather showed no remorse when he sobered up and realized the truth was out. Instead he seemed relieved over not having to pretend, and he tried harder to get to Charmaine, amused by his wife’s desperate attempts to save her daughter.
“Why don’t you just die, so I can marry Charmaine instead,” he had told his wife over and over again, but Lady Nester never answered. She looked at Charmaine with her grieving eyes, silently promising she would never give up, never surrender to her husband’s sick needs.
When Charmaine debuted into society, no one could have been prouder than Lord Nester, and he thrived as he watched how admired she was. One man after another went to him, asking for her hand in marriage, and every single one Lord Nester refused on her behalf.
She was his and his alone. No one else was to have her. At first Charmaine hadn’t cared much about his efficient way of getting rid of her suitors; she hadn’t considered any of them anyway.
But then she met Lord Dane…
As if sensing the turmoil inside her, Sin turned and, for the first time since their wedding day, looked straight at her without an insult.
“I’m not angry,” he repeated hoarsely. “Only disappointed.”
“Disappointed?” She stared at him in confusion. “Why are you disappointed with me?”
“Because you are not what I thought you were.”
His strange admission made her frown. “What was I supposed to be, then? As beautiful on the inside as I am on the outside?”
He had at least the decency to blush.
“Something like that.”
She wanted to laugh hysterically. When had her life become this twisted? As ever, it was her bloody looks creating the problem. First it was Lord Nester, possessively estranging her from everyone else to keep her. And now it was her husband who didn’t want her, as she didn’t live up to his high expectations.
“I’m sorry,” she choked, tears filling her eyes.
He made a painful grimace. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”
“Then why do you keep telling me it is?”
“Why? Because you were the one who made this marriage happen, not I. You were the one telling me you didn’t even care if it was me you married. Of course I think it’s your fault. If I’d had any choice I would never have married a woman claiming she doesn’t care if I am the one who is her husband.”
His jaw twitched with every harsh word he spoke, and his whole face became as hard as stone and just as cold. All his earlier embarrassment was long gone, and she knew she had to get away from him before she started to cry.
Because every word he said was true.
Not only had she behaved irrationally and selfishly toward him—she had behaved exactly as her stepfather did against her.
She bowed her head as she walked past him, wanting nothing more than to find somewhere to hide and lick her wounds. Without a word he reached out, grabbing her waist. He dragged her closer to him, pressing her soft body against his, and an unfamiliar feeling of excitement rose inside of her, scaring her more than anything else.
She wanted him.
Looking up into his dark eyes, she shivered with anticipation as she opened her mouth, searching for the right words to demand her release. Slowly he leaned forward until his lips were only a breath away from hers.
“Please,” she whispered, and he lifted his free hand, planting it tenderly against her face, gently rubbing his thumb against her soft cheek.
“Tell me you want me.”
She shivered as his thumb moved down over her mouth. “I want you.”
He leaned down, brushing his lips against hers, and she whimpered for more, unable to hold back the feelings he created in her.
&nbs
p; “No. Tell me you want me.”
She couldn’t resist his gentle demand. Dazed, she put her arms around his neck, pulling his ear closer to her lips. “I want you, Sinclair Darling.”
With a growl coming from somewhere deep inside of him, he hardened the grip of her face and pressed his lips against hers, claiming her mouth.
His tongue made sweet love to hers, making it impossible for her to think of anything but kissing him back. Her knees went weak, and upon noticing how affected she was by his kiss, he growled again, behaving more like a savage claiming his woman than a civilized man of his time.
“Sinclair Darling, what are you doing?”
The high-pitched voice cut through their dazed minds, effectively ending the kiss. As Charmaine looked toward the front door, she saw Lady Newbury standing at the top of the stairs, staring at them in shock.
“He’s just fondling his wife.”
Lord Newbury came out through the door behind his wife and made a little beckoning gesture with his head toward Sin. “Come. Fanny is getting quite hysterical because you haven’t seen her precious babies yet. You can kiss your wife later, preferably in your room. With the door closed, mind you.”
“George!”
“Yes, dear?”
“Didn’t you notice he was kissing her?”
“Yes, I did.”
“In the courtyard!”
“Yes.”
Lady Newbury frowned at him, tapping her silk-clad foot impatiently. “And?”
Her husband walked up to Sin, patting his shoulder. “Good boy, well done.”
Lady Newbury rolled her eyes. “Fools. I’m surrounded by fools.”
Lord Newbury chose to ignore his pouting wife, who disappeared into the castle again, expecting them to follow. Instead he sent his son a look that said, “Come before her nerves unleash hell upon us all,” and Sin let go of Charmaine.
“I’ll be right behind you,” he told his father, who nodded before following his wife, leaving Charmaine alone with her husband.
A husband who had just kissed her.
She felt her cheeks growing warmer as he turned to look at her with his serious, dark eyes. He was such a nice-looking man. Why had she never noticed that before? He wasn’t overwhelmingly good-looking, as she was, or as Devlin Ross, Francesca’s husband. Sin was taller and leaner, more ruggedly handsome than magnificently beautiful.
He had a lovely smile, which one appreciated much more when it wasn’t so often bestowed upon you. He was a man who preferred to spend his time dealing with the Berkeley estate rather than throwing his time away on every assembly to which he was invited.
When Francesca had been in London for her first season, he had been much more in attendance than earlier, of course, because his mother had required him to stay near his sister and protect her from all the fortune hunters.
The backside of being an heiress, Charmaine presumed. She had never had that problem herself, as her family was rather infamous for their poverty.
“I’m sorry,” Sin said, looking as cold and repudiated as before his parents interrupted them.
Before the kiss.
His odd behavior made her feel uneasy, but she was too used to hiding her true emotions, so instead of letting him sense her insecurity, she smiled brightly.
“It’s not your fault your parents decided to reappear at just that moment.”
“I meant the kiss.”
Oh.
“Nothing to be sorry about.”
His eyes narrowed with suspicion, and a vein twitched at his temple. He had a really hard time coping with her indifference, she realized, and was already rebuilding the wall between them, the one the kiss for a moment had removed.
“Too used to sharing kisses with men, I presume?”
His nastiness created a lump as large as England in her throat, but she determined not to allow it to prevail, and swallowed it. This wasn’t the time or the place for her to fall into pieces, in front of him.
For one small moment she had felt at home. For the tiniest of minutes she had felt blessed to be this man’s woman. She had actually felt safe, something only he seemed to be able to make her feel.
“Of course not,” she answered softly, in an attempt to not irritate him more. But it seemed he had decided that anything she said was wrong, as he looked patronizingly at her.
“All those suitors, and not one who has dared to kiss those lush lips of yours?”
“Unfortunately not. My father has been quite good at keeping a distance between me and my beaus.”
Or me and anyone.
“I don’t believe you, especially considering how you used to blush whenever Lord Dane was in sight.”
Of course he had to bring Lord Dane up. She wished she had the ability to cut off all old emotions and leave them behind.
It wasn’t as if she hadn’t tried. Oh, how she had tried. When she first heard about Lord Dane’s Yorkshire wedding, she had been devastated and had cried for days. She hadn’t stopped until her father quite harshly told her to look uncaring at least when out amongst people, or he would punish her—or Penelope—badly.
“Lord Dane is a married man.”
Sinclair snorted angrily at her. “And what says you’ll let that obstacle stop you? You are now a married woman, which opens doors you never had before.”
“I would never…”
“Never is such a strong word,” he interrupted rudely. “Don’t you think I’ve seen how all those so-called happily married women flirt with other men? As soon as they’ve given their husbands an heir, they behave worse than the most confirmed bachelor, roaming the ton for a man to satisfy their needs.”
“I’m not like those women.”
“Sure you aren’t.”
The insult in his voice was almost too much for her. Tears started to fill her eyes, and she looked down at her hands in an effort to hide her fragility from him.
She had to be strong.
Or he had to think she was, so he would leave her be. As soon as Penelope was married to Rake—or anyone else of her choosing—Charmaine would be able finally to rest.
She didn’t know what she would do then, or how she ever could restart her own life again, but she would no longer have to watch out for her sister. She didn’t care about herself. If her stepfather got to her, so be it.
She had long ago realized how unimportant she was, and in her darkest hours she had almost looked forward to finally giving in to Lord Nester and letting him have her. Then, maybe, for a short while, she would feel loved and cherished.
But as long as there was the smallest chance her stepfather could destroy Penelope’s life in his quest for Charmaine, she had to stay alert. And that meant not letting her new husband make her sway from her mission.
“If you’ll excuse me,” he said with a small, insulting bow, “I think I will go where I’m wanted. Why don’t you find the room we are supposed to share, and make yourself comfortable on the floor, because that, my dear, is a bed you’ll never have to share with me.”
She returned his bow with a graceful curtsy and watched him stalk away from her. A footman beckoned her to follow him, a look of pity hinted on his face.
As she walked through the grand foyer of Pendragon, she knew she couldn’t sway from her destiny, couldn’t give Sin what he seemed so desperate for—the truth.
Penelope deserved happiness. Charmaine didn’t.
As she passed the open door to the salon where the Darling family had gathered to admire and welcome to the world the three beautiful small babies, she saw Sin in the middle of the group, and her heart stopped beating. He sat beside Francesca, one of the lovely baby girls resting peacefully in his strong arms.
The love on his face and the pride in his smile was endearing, and for a small moment she imagined it was their baby he held so carefully. That it was their baby who had so mesmerized him.
She didn’t know how she got to the bedroom, following the footman in a daze. When she noticed she was
alone, she sat down on the bed, hiding her face in her cold palms, trying to breathe through the painful sobs tearing through her body.
The emptiness inside her echoed her tears until her whole body screamed with distress over the path she was forced to walk in life. Exhausted, she fell back into the waiting bed, letting sleep save her from reality, taking her into a world of peace and harmony.
A world of love.
Chapter Five
“I think she will crack the windows.”
Charmaine looked up at Sebastian Darling, Sin’s younger brother, who had come to join her at the back of the music room.
“She’s not so bad,” Charmaine said, trying not to flinch as Miss Annabelle Overton most impressively stretched her vocal range even higher.
He looked at her with an amused arched eyebrow, reminding her much of his uncle Rake’s arrogance.
“Really? You actually think the girl can sing?”
“No, but she...sounds...quite…clear. That’s always something.”
He grinned mischievously, his green eyes dancing with mirth. “I think I’ll have to agree with you there. The girl does indeed sound clear. Very much so.”
He winced as Annabelle reached the final part of her song and screamed out the last high note as well as her poor, strained voice could muster before looking expectantly at the shocked audience, who needed a minute to catch on to what she was waiting for. Politely, they clapped their hands, trying to look as though they had enjoyed the performance.
“If she sings one more song I will cut my ears off,” Sebastian groaned, and Charmaine couldn’t hold back an amused laugh. He was such an impish young man, Sebastian Darling, quite the opposite of his older brother—and in her current state of mind exactly what she needed. Someone who didn’t care about why.
“I think your sister desperately tries to repress the same urge.” Charmaine nodded toward Francesca, who was almost pushing the young woman from the temporary stage. Sebastian grinned as the offended Annabelle sat down beside her proud mother, who showered her with praise.
“A mother’s white lie,” Sebastian whispered, and Charmaine giggled again.
“I wouldn’t call it a white lie. That would be insulting the real white lies. Poor Mrs. Overton’s tongue is probably black.”
The Beauty of You Page 5