No Regrets (Live Today #2)

by Savana Jade

  “Alright.” I say with a heavy sigh. I lean against the bench and watch him reunite with his daughter and “sister”. After a few minutes, I push myself away from the bench and tuck my hands in my pockets. She always gets on me for doing this when I’ve got something bothering me. The woman knows me way too well. She looks in my direction and when our eyes meet, she leaves Matt and Danika and makes her way to me. My heart is pounding a mile a minute. I’m not sure if she is going to yell and scream at me or give me the silent treatment.

  “Hey.” I say meeting her half way.

  “Hey.” She responds. We stand in an awkward silence for what seems like forever until Matt breaks the silence.

  “I’ll tell you what guys. I’m going to take my daughter in the house so I can spend some time with her. That way you two can have some privacy.” He says kissing Jenna on the cheek. I give Danika a quick kiss as she smacks my face making me scrunch my nose at her causing her to giggle. He nods in my direction and takes her back to the house.

  “Um… Can we talk?” My voice is shaky with every word I say. Of course we need to talk. I’m so fucking stupid sometimes.

  “I think we need to, so yeah.” She states the obvious and turns toward the shoreline. I take off my shoes and leave them by the umbrella before catching up to her. We walk side by side for about five minutes before I take her hand in mine, surprised she didn’t pull away. I need this connection more than anything right now.

  “Listen Jenna. You know as well as I do that I’m shit at this so I’m just going to get it out okay?”

  She stops, but keeps her hand in mine. The water brushes up against our ankles, slowly burying our feet in the sand. “Okay.”

  “I’m sorry for not telling you about Carmen. I realize now that I should have said something to you before, but because he isn’t mine… oh.” I pull out the test results and hand it to her. She takes it with shaky fingers. “I made sure this was done before we left.”

  “I don’t need this Gabriel.” She says softly. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “I want you to read it. I want to read it together.” I insist. With a deep sigh, she lets my hand go and begins to open the envelope. I move to stand behind her and instinctively, she leans her body against mine. As we both read the paper that says that the results show that LG isn’t my child, we both release a huge breath we’ve been holding in. Well, that’s one down, I think to myself.

  “Why didn’t you say something before?” She asks. I’m waiting for her to yell at me and tell me she hates my guts.

  “Because I was already fighting my family about the issue. I didn’t want to lose you too.” I finally answer as honestly as I can.

  “Do you think we would have thought any less of you if you would have told us?” She turns to face me. “Because Gabe, it’s not the fact that he is or isn’t yours. What bothers me the most, is you kept something so important from me… Us. Our lives are based on honesty and you took that away from us.”

  “Jenna, I didn’t lie. I never did. I may not have told you the entire truth. But I never lied to you.”

  “You know. You had me thinking.” She lets out a small laugh. “I was wondering how many other women out there will be throwing this in my face everywhere we go.” Her face looks so sad right now, all I want to do is make this better.

  “There won’t be any women doing that Jenna.” I grasp her arms forcing her to look at me. “I can promise you that.”

  “But Carmen was just one of many.” She continues, as if I said nothing. Immediately, I remember the letter that Carmen wrote for Jenna. I reach into my back pocket and hand it to her. Without thinking she takes it. “What’s this?”

  “I don’t know. It’s been burning a hole in my pocket since we left moms house. She insisted on explaining things to me the day we left. I wanted nothing to do with her, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Maybe it will help ease some tension. I don’t know.” She steps away from the water and sits on the sand. I stay where I am. Not sure what she will do once she reads the letter.

  My eyes remain on hers as she opens the envelope and reads what Carmen wrote to her. “Did you know about this?” she asks when she finishes the letter. I don’t answer her at first. I shake my head. She hands it to me to read. I stand in front of her, still afraid to sit and take it from her and read it.

  Jenna,

  I know that I am the last person you want to hear from right now, but I think it’s important that you know the truth.

  Gabriel and I dated for two years. I used his popularity to gain respect for myself. He acted as if I was more a sister than a girlfriend at times. We went to places together. He would always treat me like a lady, but when I wanted more from him, he always found a reason to back away.

  Gabriel, as you know has one of the biggest hearts around. There isn’t a day that goes by that he always tries to do the right thing, not just for himself, but for others as well. I think our “relationship” only lasted as long as it did because he couldn’t find the courage to break it off.

  So, about a year before he moved away, we were at a party that he didn’t want to be at. He left after he found a friend who offered to take me home. That’s when I first got together with LG’s real father, Danny. One of Gabriel’s best friends. It started off as great companionship, but when Gabriel wouldn’t give me what I wanted, I turned to Danny. I’m not sure when or if Gabriel will give you this letter, so I will keep what I know to a minimum, but please know this…

  Gabriel loves you with all he has. I only wish he looked at me with a quarter of the affection and love he does just thinking about you. You bring out the best in him. Yes I thought I could try to get that back when you all were here, but I was very much mistaken. So I wanted to apologize to you as well for trying to cause anything between you two. You mean the world to him, you always will. A love like that just doesn’t disappear over time.

  So if you don’t forgive him, just remember that whatever he says is the truth. I don’t think there is anyone else meant for him other than you. I’m hoping he gave you the paternity papers by now proving that LG is not his son. I told him it wasn’t needed, but he insisted to prove legally that he never touched me. I know you probably don’t want to listen to me, but if you do please listen to this. Forgive him. He did what he did to protect you, him and his family. He was only doing what he thought was the right thing.

  I’m sorry,

  Carmen

  Once finished, I drop my hands and look down at Jenna. She sits in silence and stares out into the ocean. She’s thinking about something. The “something” is what I would give anything to find out. If I wasn’t so fucking scared of her reaction, I would ask her. So, like the coward I am, I just stand there and wait for her to make her move. Deciding I can’t look at her without the urge to take her into my arms, I drop the letter at her feet, tuck my hands back into my pockets and turn toward the water, once again letting the water and sand take over my feet.

  “So what now?” she asks. I can’t help but chuckle and shrug for an answer. She knows I can’t answer that question. The ball is in her court now. “Gabe?” Her voice is now directly behind me. “Please help me out here.”

  “What do you want me to say that hasn’t already been said? What do you want me to do Jenna? Start from the beginning?” I turn toward her and look into her eyes.

  “I want… I want… I don’t know what I want!” She yells. Good she’s yelling at me. I deserve it! “I want you to tell me what the hell happened! I don’t want to hear it from anyone else.”

  “I told you!” I try not to get angry, but the tension is taking over. “I never laid a finger on her. I never laid a finger on anyone Jenna. What do you want from me?”

  “Don’t lie to me Gabe!” She hollers, waving her hands. “How in the hell can you tell me that you never laid a finger on anyone when I saw the texts? I saw the girls that would meet you after each gig. Are you telling me you never touched any of them?”

 
“I didn’t!” I take a step toward her. “So yes! I’m telling you that!”

  “STOP. LYING. GABE!” I’ve never seen her this angry before, but I deserve it.

  “I’m not!” I take her by the shoulders and continue to yell. “I have never lied to you! Yes I kept LG from you. But I only did it because the kid isn’t mine! I dated Carmen, yes. But I never touched her Jenna. When I left Kansas seven years ago, I was a virgin!”

  “Like I said before Gabe, how can you guarantee that some groupie isn’t going to pop up in the future and try to pull the same shit on us?” Tears are streaming down her face now. I need to calm her down before she cracks right before my eyes.

  “Because. I. Never. Touched. Any. Of. Them.” I try to contain my voice, wiping the tears off her face with the pads of my thumbs.

  “How can you say that and look me in the eye when I know better?”

  “Because Jenna! Ugh!” I turn away from her taking a few breaths. “Why is this so hard?”

  “What’s so hard Gabe?” She yells. “I gave myself to you back there! I have nothing else to give to anyone anymore! I just knew you were the one! No matter what happened between us in the future, I knew it was you. I was even considering making a future with LG if he was truly yours. But I can’t take the lies Gabe!”

  “Dammit Jenna!” I turn toward her. “I gave myself to you too! Only you! I Nev…”

  “What?” Her voice is softer but confused. “What did you just say?”

  “Yeah,” I snap. “Only you. I took those girls out only to get you jealous. The worse I ever did was kiss them. I never touched anyone but you Jenna.” I slouch with exhaustion and find myself sitting where she left the letter. “That’s what I was trying to explain to you in Kansas. But you never gave me the chance.”

  “So you’re saying… You’re saying you were…”

  “A virgin?” I finally find the courage to look up at her and meet her eyes. “Yeah. I was. When I left Kansas seven years ago, after Carmen did what she did to me, all I wanted to do was to get even with her and fuck anyone who walked past me. But when I made it to California, I was so wound up in playing the guitar, being with a girl was the last thing on my mind. I was focused on making it big.”

  “But then I met you. And yeah, like some love sick fucking puppy, I made the decision to wait as long as it took until I could call you mine.” God, I sound like a pussy.

  Silently she walks to me and sits by my side. “I… I just thought with all the women…”

  “That I was a man whore?” I ask, finishing her sentence. “Yeah, I know.” She shrugs and I can’t help but laugh. “Did you ever wonder why the guys would just laugh at me?”

  “Oh my God!” She covers her mouth. “All those ‘If you only knew’ comments?” I nod when she finally puts two and two together. “You know I’m going to kick their asses for this, right?”

  “Only if I get to watch?” She laughs. I smile down at her. God I love to see her laugh. She can change any room with just her smile. Suddenly she moves her tiny body and throws a leg over me. I’m in complete shock, I thought it would take weeks for her to forgive me. My hands automatically rest on her hips. “For eight years, I’ve waited for you. I would wait a lifetime to be with you Jenna, my Angel.”

  “So, is there anything else you need to tell me?” She raises an eyebrow, waiting for my response.

  “Besides the fact that I’m going to marry you so I can guarantee you won’t leave me again?” Her eyes widen as I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me. “This has been the longest few weeks of my life.”

  “I know. There were so many times I wanted to turn around and either beat the shit out of you or hold you in my arms.” She admits, running her fingers through my hair. “When you fell to your knees that day, I almost broke then and there. But, I needed this.” She confesses. “I needed time to get my head straight. To really think clearly without you or Brennan blurring my judgment. Drew helped me with that. He’s always been a neutral source when it comes to any of us. As much as I needed you to be with me, I needed him to help me with my problem. I just want you to understand that. I wasn’t lying when I said my love for you hadn’t changed.” She smiles down at me when her fingers play with the hair at the nape of my neck. My favorite place.

  “I wasn’t lying when I said that I was never letting you go in that text.” I reach into my pocket and pull out the ring I’ve been holding onto for years. “This is yours.” She takes the ring and looks closely at it. “But only when the time’s right. Will already gave his blessing. Brennan said no, of course. But I’m working on him.” I chuckle. “Slowly.” Her eyes gloss over while she inspects the ring. Her breath hitches when she reads the inscription on the inside of the ring.

  Only You, Angel

  A tear escapes her eye again and with the brush of my thumb, I wipe it away. “Baby, don’t cry.”

  “I can’t believe this.” She whispers. I reach to take the ring back and she pulls away. “Oh no. This is mine.” Her teary eyes narrow down at me. I bark out a laugh.

  “You know, Brennan will definitely take a testicle when he sees it on you?” I mention as a fact.

  “I don’t care Gabriel.”

  “Well, I do.” I gently take it from her. “Tell you what?” I ask, taking her hand in mine. “Let’s make this a promise ring?” I take the ring and slide it onto her finger.

  “Jenna Lynn Munson, I promise to do my best to make you the happiest woman in the world. I promise to stand by you and support you in all things. I promise that I will make mistakes.” She giggles, but I continue, “Because we both know I will. But I also promise to make it up to you when I do. I promise to love you in the morning when your hair is all ratty, and I promise to make love to you and only you for the rest of my life.” I push the ring onto her finger. “Will you accept my promise to you?” I won’t lie, tears have formed in my eyes as well.

  “Gabriel Antonio Gonzales.” She kisses my forehead. God have I missed her lips. “I promise to remind you of the mistakes you make so you can make them up to me immediately. I promise to stand by you and support you in everything you do.” She kisses my cheek. “I promise to beat the shit out of you when you wake me up in the morning and make fun of my hair. But I also promise to make it up to you afterwards. ” Kissing my other cheek. “I promise to make love to you and only you for the rest of my life.” Her soft lips finally make their way to mine and I can’t help but let out a small groan. “Do you accept my promise to you?”

  Pulling her into me as close as I can, I take her face in my hands. “I love you Jenna.” I kiss her with more passion than I thought I had in me. She groans and deepens the kiss just before pulling back and whispering her love for me in return.

  “Well, I see you two kissed and made up.” A very familiar voice comes from behind us.

  “Your timing is impeccable Brennan.” Jenna says as she rests her forehead on mine smiling. I have missed this smile.

  “What can I say?” He laughs. “I was born to interrupt you two… Ouch.” He cries. Causing us both to look up at him, realizing Ashley smacked him in the chest.

  “Ashley?” Jenna say’s surprised.

  “Be nice to them.” She says before turning to us and giving Jenna a wink. “Gabe and Brennan thought it would be fun to have another woman around.”

  I help Jenna onto her feet and suddenly she’s in the arms of her brother, but not before giving my sister a welcoming hug. He chuckles once she’s planted firmly in his arms. “I missed you too.”

  “Thanks for not killing him.” She says. I laugh wrapping my arm around my sister. We all begin to make our way back to the house for lunch.

  “Day’s not over… Ouch!” He cries again. “Stop that!” He grabs Jenna’s hand that was twisting his nipple. “What the fuck?” He says in surprise when he notices the ring and begins charging my way.

  I take a step away before I raise my hands in defense. “Brennan. Bro, it’s not what you think
!” I say.

  “Better start fucking explaining right now Gabe. Because you are two steps away from dying.” Jenna pushes him back breaking his eye contact form me.

  “Brennan. Stop.” She says forcefully. “I refused to give it back to him.”

  “It wasn’t supposed to be shown to you until I gave permission.” He points toward me. “He…”

  “I didn’t propose man!” I try to calm him down. “Well, I kind of did, but didn’t. I did show it to her yes.” He takes a step toward me, I push Ashley back a step with me. “And yes, I told her I was going to marry her.” Another set of steps are made. “But I swear man. It’s a promise ring.”

  “He’s not lying Brennan.” Jenna says pushing him away. Brennan takes a few huffs before he begins to calm down.

  “Better not fucking be!” he says before looking down at her. I take a deep breath, glad I dodged that bullet. “Are you sure this is what you want, Jenna?”

  She turns to my direction and wraps her arms around my waist. “Positive. I love him.”

  Reunite

  Jenna

  We’ve spent most of the day reuniting with the parents. Gabriel and I haven’t had much alone time, but that’s okay. As far as I’m concerned, we will have the rest of our lives together. So spending a few days with the parents is worth it. Even though Gabe hasn’t left my side much, I have to admit having his sister Ashley around is refreshing. Matt’s been in the kitchen making dinner with his mother for the most part while Danika runs around from room to room not sure who her next head patting victim will be. Brennan and Drew are sitting on the pack patio with Pastor Johnson. He still insists on us calling him Andrew, but it feels a bit uncomfortable calling him by his first name. Drew’s mom, Beth, decided that since everyone is occupied, it would be a great time to escape for a bit to take a nap.