Check My Heart

by Christi Barth

  “Hell, yes, I did.”

  The vociferousness of his reply surprised Lisette. She canted forward to look into the hallway. There wasn’t a visible box by the front door. “Where is it?”

  “San Francisco.”

  “You lost me.”

  He popped back up and started pacing. “I got you a job. With my old team.”

  This wasn’t a present. It was a miracle. “You what?”

  “I felt horrible that you couldn’t find a new job. That you might have to go back to your old one. So I called up the Quakes and wrangled you a spot on their medical team.”

  Lisette didn’t know what to process first. Gratitude? Confusion? Frustration? Befuddled amazement? Her indecision must’ve dragged on too obviously long. Kurt dropped to his knees in front of her.

  “Say something.” With a shake of his head, Kurt grabbed her hand. “Shit. How did I screw this up? I thought you’d be happy. Don’t you want it?”

  Of course she wanted a job. But...then the true implication of his remarkable offer hit her.

  “No.” The word, the honest truth, popped out before she could stop it. “Oh my gosh, that sounds horrible. Ungrateful.”

  “But is it true?”

  In a near whisper, she said, “Yes.”

  Kurt rocked back to sit on his heels. “So you want a job. You need a job. But you won’t take this one? The pay’s decent, I promise. And San Francisco is a great place to live. I’ll bet there’s even a bartender out there who could stir up a Sazerac for you.”

  Flustered by the magnitude of what he’d done for her—and by how confused he looked, still at her feet—Lisette rose. Pacing the same path he had didn’t hold any appeal, so she crossed to the built-in bookcase. Then she trailed her fingers along the silver-edged frame holding a photo of her and Noelle the day she graduated from nursing school.

  “It isn’t about the place,” she said softly. “It’s about the people. My people, to be precise. My sister’s about to be married. And not too long after that, her first child will be born.”

  “They’re not slave drivers, for God’s sake. They’ll let you take off for the wedding and to visit after the kid’s born.”

  “I believe you. But that’s not enough for me. I want to be a great aunt. Not a birthday phone call and Christmas card type of aunt. I want to be involved in this little one’s life. Not visit for milestones. To me, every day I get to see him laugh and grow will be a milestone. And I don’t want to miss a single moment.” Although Lisette didn’t want to poke at a barely scabbed-over wound, she had to tell him the truth. The magnitude of his gift demanded it. “All my time spent skirting the edges of death taught me that. To grab on to love and life with both hands, all the time.”

  Scrubbing his hand through his hair, Kurt said, “Let me get this straight. You’re turning down a prestigious job with more than decent pay and benefits in a kick-ass city...to be with your family?”

  Lisette could only nod. Because she knew it wasn’t necessarily the smart answer, or the strategic answer. Not the career-oriented forward-thinking answer. It wouldn’t solve her needing-a-rent-deposit problem, or give her health insurance. In fact, the more she added up all the reasons she should leap at this job, the singular reason why she wouldn’t seemed pretty weak. She didn’t blame Kurt for not understanding. Or even for being a little pissed at her.

  The rustle of his shorts gave her the only indication he’d moved before a big hand enveloped hers, lifting it from the picture frame. Kurt brought it to his lips and kissed each of her knuckles before sandwiching his other hand on top of it.

  “You’re amazing.”

  Totally not the response she’d expected. But the sincerity was easy to read in his pale blue eyes, in his touch, in the husky depth of his voice. Still, Lisette had to make sure. “You’re not mad?”

  “Why would I be mad?”

  Because a lot of guys would be. Mad, or at least hurt that she hadn’t bent over backward to jump all over the gift. However, not wanting to lump him into such a generalized pool, Lisette chose her words carefully. “Because you called in a favor. You went out of your way to do something remarkable for me, and I’m turning it down flat. I’m ever so grateful and appreciative and touched beyond belief. But I can’t accept it.”

  A shrug appeared to be all the credence he’d give her statement. “It’s not the right fit for you.”

  “Like a pointy-toed shoe,” she murmured. “They look so fashionable, but even the right size pinches my toes and makes blisters.”

  Kurt shifted from foot to foot with a grimace. “Since I’m a guy—a professional athlete, no less—I wouldn’t have gone with the shoe analogy.”

  Aaaand there he went being all adorable again. Lisette stuck out her tongue. “Too bad. It works.”

  “Well, it’s your present to describe however you want—and to toss back at me.” Kurt laid a hand on his chest and let his head fall back with a sigh, seemingly despondent at her refusal.

  But she knew he was just teasing now. What Lisette didn’t know was how she’d lucked out finding a man who understood why she turned the job down. Maybe missing Jasper helped him to comprehend how strongly she felt about staying involved, at being present as her sister’s family grew.

  Going up on tiptoe, she kissed the rough brown stubble on his cheek. “Thank you. Truly. I’m sorry I can’t say yes.”

  “You already quit once because it was the wrong fit. I don’t want you to have to do it again. I’m just sorry that I hadn’t learned enough about you yet to realize how close you are with Noelle. I didn’t mean to put you in an awkward position.”

  Biting back a giggle, she said, “Kurt, you can’t apologize. I’m apologizing.”

  “For being brave and strong and knowing exactly what you want? Hell, no. I can’t let you apologize for that.”

  “Well, I can’t let you apologize for giving me the best present ever.”

  “Guess we’re at a standoff.” Kurt pulled her flush against his chest. “Wonder what we’ll have to do to break the deadlock.”

  “Actually, I have something for you. It’s handy that you stopped by, because I was going to ask you to come over in about an hour anyway.”

  His eyebrows waggled. “I thought you said we had to stay dressed because your sister’s coming home to get sick from eating an entire cake all by herself.”

  Lisette didn’t know if she should accuse him of beating a dead horse or having a one-track mind. Either way, he’d gotten to her. As soon as Noelle did arrive, and have her first piece, she’d ask if Kurt could have a slice. Because if she was in charge of his smile practice, carrot cake was evidently just the thing to kick his smiling into high gear.

  “We’re staying dressed and fully vertical.”

  Heat pulsed and flared behind his eyes. “Technically, that’s just a challenge, not an absolute shutdown of the prospect of sex.”

  In the space of a single lurching heartbeat, Kurt morphed from being sweet, cute, thoughtful guy into a molten sex god. It reminded Lisette that long before she’d become aware of his true heart and the ever-increasing occurrences of his wry wit, she’d crushed all over his muscles and handsome face. She’d liked him when she was nursing Jasper. She’d grown to like him a heck of a lot more over the past week. But she’d wanted him for much longer. Craved him. Fantasized—more than a little—about what it would be like to writhe around naked under him.

  Now he’d made her think about it all over again. Lisette wouldn’t call him cocky about his talent in the bedroom. More that he was matter-of-fact. Like there was no doubt in his mind that he could rock her world upside down and sideways.

  She couldn’t wait for him to be proven right.

  Lisette wriggled backward out of his embrace. Because she wouldn’t be able to focus on anything but her out-of-control desire as long as they were touching. “Look, I did some digging. Well, I had my sister do some digging. I don’t think I told you, but she’s a college counselor at St. Mary
’s High School. Noelle knows how to work the system. How to get a higher education regardless of financial or time issues. If there’s a student who wants to learn, she finds a way to help them do just that.”

  “What does this have to do with me?”

  Maybe nothing. Maybe he’d just keep looking at her with that blank stare even after she spit it all out. But Lisette had a knack for knowing what people needed even before they came around to noticing it themselves. It was super handy in nursing patients who weren’t ready to accept their new realities. Hopefully, it was equally handy with her brand-new sort of boyfriend.

  She clasped her hands tightly in front of her belly. The one doing nervous flip-flops and cartwheels. “First off, let me assure you that she’s promised not to say anything to anyone. I threatened her. Said I’d buy the baby a drum set every year for Christmas if she breathed a word. I guarantee her lips are sealed.”

  “About what?”

  “About you going to college. It turns out that you have options.” Now she gushed everything out, hoping to get through it, get through to him, before Kurt just walked out on her big leap of a plan. “First of which being that you don’t have to quit the Rage. You can stay on the team and start taking courses online. It’ll take longer, but that way you can stick your big toe in the water without fully committing until you’re sure it’s what you want to do. Or you could quit hockey, stay in New Orleans and go to Tulane. They’ve got a special program that’s adapted for adults who return to college after spending time in the real world. You get credit for life experience.”

  Kurt wasn’t walking out in a huff at her presumption. But he wasn’t saying anything, either. Or changing at all the blank mask on his face. So Lisette pressed on with the why.

  “I know you said you’re only kicking around the idea of giving up hockey. But I also know that sometimes a big change freezes you in place. I learned that from my patients. The scope of doing something, whether finishing a bucket-list item or just connecting with a long-lost friend, would keep them from being able to act at all. So talking through all your options with Noelle should make things easier. She’ll break it down into more manageable pieces for you to think over.”

  That was it. Her whole spiel. Finished, Lisette had no idea what to do or say next. Except maybe go into her bedroom and bang her head on the wall at her stupidity if Kurt took any longer to figure out a response.

  He walked a couple of steps toward the door. Her heart sank. Then he pushed his palm over his forehead, over the top of his head, down his nape and around his jaw to finish with a grip on his chin. Kurt spun on one heel to face her. And his expression had finally changed. It was the look of being utterly flummoxed and caught off guard. The wide eyes and slack jaw made her think of a lottery winner, or the recipient of a surprise proposal on the jumbotron at a baseball game.

  “I’m blown away by your thoughtfulness.”

  Such a relief that he’d taken her suggestion in the spirit in which it was intended. That was enough for Lisette, knowing that she’d helped. Actual thanks weren’t necessary. “Oh. Well, I’ve got a connection on the inside. It really isn’t that big a deal.”

  “It is a huge deal,” Kurt insisted with an almost fierce edge to his voice. “You listened to me. You didn’t get hung up on how this crazy idea of mine would take a massive bite out of my paycheck. You didn’t laugh at the idea of a guy who shoves a puck around finally working out his brain for a living.”

  Kurt sounded like he’d been doubting himself. She had to nip that in the bud. “Because those aren’t obstacles. Not if you truly want to do this. You’re smart enough to know what you want. And determined enough to go for it. That’s all that matters.”

  “Not to most people. I’m so lucky that’s all that matters to you. Thank you. You’re the only one who cares about me, who sees past the fame and the jersey to the man inside.”

  The raw emotion in his eyes and thickening his voice had Lisette almost ready to well up. Which she couldn’t do. She couldn’t risk showing Kurt how much he affected her. It might hasten the inevitable. So she swallowed back the lump in her throat and took the safest tack.

  Drawing her finger slowly down his chest, Lisette said in a seductive tone, “I’m always far more interested in what’s under your jersey.”

  “What about Noelle?”

  “Oh, she’ll be ready to talk to you once she gets home. But I’d say we have a good ten minutes before that happens. How about I show you a side benefit to being a hot college stud?” She pushed him onto the sofa, straddled him and noticed that Kurt was already rock hard as she settled her core onto him. Their mutual attraction, the heat that burned between them, was the easy part. The feelings Lisette stuffed down were...as hard to ignore as the man beneath her.

  But she had to. To protect both of them.

  Chapter Seven

  Kurt’s thighs burned as he raced down the length of the rink against the F-Bombs, Finn and Flynn. His lungs burned as he gulped in the icy air.

  God, he freaking loved it.

  Okay, it was probably the endorphins talking. But there was something about pushing himself to the limit—and skating right past his two best friends at the same time. Hard and exhausting? Hell, yes. Almost to the point of making his stomach turn inside out? Yeah. Totally worth it, though.

  Kurt slapped the edge of the rink with his glove as he whipped into a turn. Damn. If he left the team, he’d miss this. Or maybe he didn’t have to leave, yet. He could keep going with this dream while chasing another. Talking to Noelle had opened up a whole realm of possibilities for him. So many that he hadn’t been able to sleep for two days going over everything in his head.

  Well...fantasies of Lisette had something to do with keeping him awake, too. Proving how mixed-up he was, the only thing that helped Kurt get to sleep was hopping into the shower, picturing her luscious curves and taking care of business. He couldn’t wait to do it with her for real.

  Cheers brought him back to the ice. Since official training hadn’t kicked off for the new season yet, things were looser. Most of the Rage sat on the bleachers set up around their training rink, whistling and shouting. He and the F-Bombs had the first round of tequila shots riding on the outcome. But their teammates were all betting dinner at Charlie’s Steakhouse on them. It gave an added edge to workouts. Something to make up for missing the excitement of actual games.

  Ice flying from his skates, he stopped hard and heard the sharp breaths of his friends as they joined him a full two seconds later. At least if he did leave hockey, it’d be all his choice. Because Kurt was at the top of his freaking game. More fit than ever before.

  Just not as focused. He’d have to figure out what that meant and what to do about it before official training did start. Not now, though. Kurt couldn’t look any further ahead than the party. It was the last thing he could do for Jasper, and he was damn well going to do it right.

  Good thing he was still gloved up. Flynn’s high five would’ve split his palm otherwise. “Tight race, Hawk.”

  “The only thing better than beating your sorry ass is beating Finn. What’s that forty-dollars-a-glass beer we saw on the menu last time? ’Cause I’m ordering that. On your dime, naturally.”

  “Fine. And when I beat you next time, I’ll order a bottle of Cristal and slide the bill over to you with a shit-eating grin.”

  “Trash-talk all you want. In fact, if you moved your legs as fast as you flap your gums, maybe you could beat me for once.” Kurt used his forearm to wipe the sweat from his forehead as the insults flew.

  “Nah. Finn’s gone soft around the edges. Love turned him into a marshmallow.”

  Finn whipped around as fast as if he was blocking a player rather than just Archer’s infamous bad mood. “Really? You want a go, Archer? Maybe if you were getting laid as regularly as me, the stick up your ass might finally fall out.”

  “No more racing right now. I want to talk to everyone.” Kurt stuck two fingers between his lips a
nd whistled his friends into silence. “I’ll send out an email with the details, but I wanted to ask you guys personally to do me a favor. I’m throwing a party a week from Saturday, and I want you all to come.”

  Flynn bonked him on top of his head. “Going to a party’s the opposite of us doing you a favor. Hot babes, good food, free-flowing booze...go on, twist my arm some more.”

  “I’m gonna have to, because this party’s only got one out of three,” Kurt said with a wince.

  Finn’s green eyes narrowed. “Which one?”

  Shit. He was sunk. “The food should be decent.” Thanks to Lisette.

  Kurt’s big plan had originally been to bring in bags of burgers and nuggets. He didn’t remember exactly what she’d lined up, but she deemed it kid-friendly, theme-appropriate and adult acceptable. Not to mention heads and tails better than his sorry-ass idea. All that mattered to Kurt was that it was out of his hands. He wouldn’t have the chance to screw it up. Which apparently he’d been well on his way to doing before Lisette got on board.

  Flynn moved his hand as if erasing everything Kurt had said so far. “How about this? You give us your credit card, and we’ll teach you how to throw a real party.”

  “I’ve already got a party planner.” A thought occurred to him. One Kurt didn’t like at all. “And all of you had damn well better keep your hands off of her.”

  “Forget the lame party. Now I want a crack at the planner, if she’s got the Hawk all tied up in knots,” Archer said with a leer all over his ugly mug. “Must be smokin’.”

  “Keep Lisette out of it,” Kurt growled.

  “Smokin’ name, that’s for sure.”

  How’d he get pulled so off track? Lisette had a way of taking up all the available space in his head. Probably because it was damned confusing wanting her so much...while knowing he’d always remind her of the sadness she was trying so hard to leave behind. In other words, being with her was really fucking selfish.

  Kurt just couldn’t force himself to stop.