Picking up the Pieces

by Louise, Michelle

  The walk to Penny’s was quick, as usual, and we spent the majority of it discussing what this back to school bash is all about. We mostly just hope it will bring in a better crowd than what we saw the other night. When we reach the building, there is a line outside the door, which is promising, so we join in at the end.

  While the line slowly moves forward we have been carrying on like a bunch of twelve years old, probably annoying everyone around us.

  “Damn, could this line move any faster? My feet are starting to kill me.” Cheyenne whined.

  “Hmmm. Wish I could sympathize, but my feet are feeling pretty dang comfortable in these old boots.” I look down and kick my heels together causing Becka to laugh.

  “Guess she has us there, Cheyenne. Maybe she was on to something with that whole ‘comfortable’ thing.” Becka even threw up her air quotes.

  “Not a chance. These ‘come fuck me’ heels will get me more action than those damn boots any day.” Chey replied using her own drunken air quotes. “And that’s what really matters.”

  We all take a step forward, edging toward the entrance.

  “Well then, it’s a good thing I am not looking for action.” I responded as we all looked down at each other’s shoes. The childish giggling has returned and none of us notice the couple in front of us disappear inside, leaving us at the front of the line.

  “Well that’s definitely good to hear.” Holy hell, that voice, I must be drunk. Lifting my gaze from the ground, my eyes drink in his work jeans and tight black security shirt that is hugging his muscular body. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. His chest and those biceps with his arms crossed like that are enough to send me into convulsions. There is no mistaking as reality sets in and my stare lands on the most familiar deep blue eyes and dimples. Standing in front of me, smirking, because he caught me checking him out, is Austin Davis, the boy who stole my heart and never returned it.

  Eight months ago….

  Rushing around the store trying to get everything closed up, I can’t keep my eyes of the clock. I am supposed to be meeting Austin at our spot by the lake and as usual am running late. As it seems to always happen lately, something came up and my sister couldn't make it in to cover for me so I could leave early. Then I got stuck with chatty customers who kept me even later. I was already twenty minutes late and had sent Austin a text half an hour ago apologizing and warning him about my status but I never got a response.

  Finally being able to walk out the door and lock up I pulled out my phone to call him. After several rings his voicemail picks up. "Hey babe, I am so sorry for running late but I am on my way as we speak. I hope you are still there. See you in a few. Love you."

  Things have been a little tense the last few months with us and I know I haven't done much to improve the situation. He has been home on winter break and it seems I can’t find the time to see him with Martha constantly slacking off on her responsibilities. I wanted tonight to be special so I asked Austin to meet me at the lake so we could finally have some much needed one on one time. I have missed him so much since he left for school but in just a few more months I will be transferring to State to join him and Cheyenne. Once we are back to being in the same town, I know things will go back to normal for us. I just think that now, after almost a year and a half, the distance is starting to wear on us. Visits became less and less and then even phone calls and texts stop being as frequent. I know I am just as guilty of the slack off, because at the end of the day, I am just plum exhausted between school, my shift at the shop, chores at home and then homework. Austin also keeps a very busy schedule, but we both love each other and knew this was not going to be easy.

  I park outside the garage next to Austin's truck and head for the trail to the lake. He is still here, which is a good sign that I can still salvage this night. The moon is bright, so I am able to see Austin before I make it out of the woods into the clearing. He is sitting on the tree swing typing on his phone unaware I am watching him. Just the sight of him always makes my heart smile and I don't think I could ever get tired of looking at him. His face breaks out into a big smile while still looking at his phone and it seems he is in a good mood so I continue my way over to him.

  Just as I am getting close, Austin looks up and instantly drops his previous smile which causes my stomach to do the same. He's upset.

  "Sorry our night was ruined, but I am here now and I am happy to just be able to spend time with you." I give him a nervous smile as I make my way to the swing. Just as I am about to reach him he jumps from the swing and walks to the water’s edge staring out passed the lake.

  "Really Sawyer? Because lately I feel like I may as well be the farthest thing on your mind. I have been here for a week and this is only the third time I have seen you and the other two times were cut short because you had to run home or run to the store." Okay, so he isn't upset, he is pissed and he is pacing. I don’t know that I have seen him like this before.

  "I know and I am sorry. I will make it up to you, I promise. It's just been crazy lately, but soon I’ll be in Avalon with you. Right where I belong." Reaching for his hand I give him a weak smile and just as my fingers graze his, he pulls away, something he has never done before. "Austin, what's wrong? Are you really this upset with me? I can't tell you how sorry I am."

  "I can't do this anymore Sawyer." He says still looking passed the lake.

  "Can't do what Austin?" I can feel my hand start to tremble afraid of where this is now headed. How can I fix this, there has to be a way to make it right again.

  "This," he said turning slightly and motioning his hand between us, "Us. It's just not working anymore. Recently, I feel as though you have hardly put in any effort to make this work."

  "You can't mean that. You know how much I love you," I plead, my voice cracking as I blink away my tears. "We have made it this far, babe, you can't give up on us now. Please, don't give up on us. I will do whatever you need me to do and once I move everything will be back to normal. Pleas--"

  "No, Sawyer I am sorry but it’s too late," he cuts off my begging. "I have so much going on at school as it is and the added stress of this relationship isn't doing me any good." During this entire conversation Austin hasn't once looked me in the eye.

  At this point I can't even form a response. Tears are pouring out of me and I am on the verge of hyperventilation. This wasn't supposed to happen and it's all my fault. I pushed him to the back burner thinking it would be all right. I never understood where the term heartbreak came from until now. At this very moment, I could feel my heart cracking and the pieces falling apart.

  Austin pulls me into his arms and I bury my head in his chest while my fists cling to his shirt. "Come on Sawyer, I didn't mean to be so harsh." I can feel him kissing the top of my head and it gives me a little hope. "I don't want to hurt you but I think this is what's best for now." There goes my hope causing me sob even harder into his chest. "Shhh...Baby don't cry. We both need this time apart and who knows, maybe later on down the road this will end up working out, but for now I... I just can't." Austin pulls my head back and for the first time, looks down at me and wipes my wet cheeks. He leans forward to kiss my forehead and his lips linger there while he disengages my fists from his shirt, "I'm sorry." He whispers against my skin. "I gotta go. Bye Sawyer." And with that, he turns and walks away from me, from our relationship, and I collapse to the ground, heartbroken.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  "Shit." Hearing Cheyenne's curse brings me back to the present time. "You've got to be shittin' me."

  "Ladies," Austin tips his head and then looks right over to me, "Sawyer," he's looking me up and down appraisingly, "you know what they say, you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl."

  Damn. I had known that this day was going to come, but after eight months of nothing from him after he broke my heart and walked away, how was I supposed to react? My first instinct is to throw myself in his arms and wrap mine around his neck and never let g
o. Then there is still the side of me that wants nothing more than to slap the shit out of him. Considering neither one of those options are very good choices right now and I do not trust what may come out of my mouth I choose to stay frozen silent. Austin was the boy I planned my forever with and standing here before him all feelings that I have tried to store away and lock up come bubbling back. He still looks like my Austin and damn if he doesn't still smell like my favorite cologne I get him every year for Christmas.

  "So Austin how's that girlfriend of yours?" All sense of nostalgia is doused with water when Cheyenne drops that bomb.

  "Cheyenne, always so brash." Austin glares at her. "Well ladies tonight is a packed night so entry is limited. But since you are friends of mine I can add you to the list."

  "Oh sweetheart, that won't be necessary. Go ahead and look on your little list under Preston and you should find us already there.” Cheyenne happily informs Austin. Knowing Cheyenne this conversation was going nowhere good fast but I was still wasn’t able to say anything, stuck just standing there like an idiot.

  As Austin starts flipping pages on the clipboard I elbow Cheyenne to warn her to knock it off and she just turns to me smiling and shrugs her shoulder.

  “So is Preston one of your new friends, Cheyenne?” There is no mistaking the hidden meaning in Austin’s question. Many of his friends in high school had fallen victim to Cheyenne’s heartbreaking ways. Even Sam was a good friend of Austin’s.

  Without missing a beat Chey smiles and winks at Austin. “No, actually he is a friend of Sawyer’s.” As the words leave her mouth I watch as Austin’s jaw tightens and his eyes turn hard. I don’t know what I was expecting the first time I seen him but this was definitely not it.

  Austin drops his glare from Cheyenne to the paper again as if checking to make sure he really saw our names there, letting what he just heard sink in. When he looks back up, his gaze comes straight to me and his eyes are now filled with sadness. I get a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach seeing him hurt like this and just as I am about to finally open my mouth, Becka saves me.

  “Well I don’t know about you guys, but I hear a shot calling my name.”

  “I hope you ladies enjoy your evening.” Austin lets us walk by and his eyes never leave mine. As I am walking past him he reaches over and lets his fingers graze my hand giving me instant goose bumps. Without looking back at him I keep walking forward into the bar.

  Talk about a confusion filled mind fuck. What do I even do with what happened just now? Austin was acting as though nothing was wrong, as though he didn’t recently tear my heart out. Did I mean so little to him after all those years that he wasn’t effected by the break up? Then again, he was the one who not long after already had a new girlfriend, who obviously didn’t take up to much of his time or distract him from his school work.

  “That was awkward. Are you alright?” Becka turns to ask me after we get inside the crowded bar. Preston was not kidding about it being busier tonight.

  “Yeah, I’m good. It’s just been awhile since I have seen Austin and I was totally caught off guard by him tonight.” I look over to Cheyenne and give her a pointed look, “Think maybe you could retract those claws?”

  “What? That? Back there?” Cheyenne points back to the door. “That was me being pleasant. Trust me, I had plenty more I wanted to say.”

  Without responding, because it’s a lost cause, I shake my head and make my way through the crowd to the bar. Cheyenne has always been protective and would not hesitate to take someone down who hurt a friend and I would do the same. Even after everything that has happened I consider Austin, if nothing else, a friend. We have a deep history and I still feel the urge to protect him, for whatever reason. He will always hold a special place in my heart. Someone isn’t in your life for that long without leaving their mark.

  There is a small space at the bar where we are able to squeeze in and wait for Preston to notice us. It doesn’t take long until he looks from the other end of the bar and smiles the minute he sees me, quickly making his way over.

  “You ladies look beautiful this evening. And thirsty.” Preston says as he wipes the bar in front of us. “Two vodka cranberries and a MichUltra?”

  “You remembered? I am impressed.” I lean a little over the bar. “And, thank you.” Usually I wouldn’t have an issue with a little flirting, but knowing that Austin is just right outside changes things.

  “Of course I remembered, gorgeous.” Preston leans close smiling his sexy smile, before turning to make our drinks.

  “Man the sexual tension is making it hot in here.” I turn my glare to Cheyenne who is fanning her face with her hand.

  “Chey, will you knock it off.” I snap at her. I know I am being a bitch but after what happened outside, I’m over it.

  “Fine. Okay. Since I am being such an asshole start our tab on my card.” She pulls it out of her wallet and hands it over to me.

  “A table just opened up by the dance floor, guys. I am going to go snag it real quick for us.” Becka says, always the one to neutralize tense situations.

  I take Cheyenne’s card from her and reply to Becka, “Sweet, take Chey with you and I will bring the drinks over.”

  Cheyenne smirks and blows me a kiss before walking away with Becka. One of the things I love about our friendship is the fact that we could be raging mad at each other one minute and then the next, with one blown kiss, I am laughing at her crazy ass. I turn back to the bar just when Preston is setting the drinks down.

  “Alright, here are the two vodka cranberries and,” he pops the top off my bottle, “a MichUltra for the beautiful cowgirl.”

  “Thanks pretty boy. You can start our tab on here.” I pass over Cheyenne’s credit card.

  “You got it.” Preston lays his hand on top of mine before pulling away with the card causing me to blush before grabbing the drinks and walking away.

  I down half of my beer as soon as I get to the girls. Being so close to Preston gets my nerves all in a bunch. Add that to the run in with Austin and consider me a hot mess tonight. I still haven’t figured out what it is about Preston that has me so attracted and drawn to him. It’s uncanny.

  “Sawyer, I know I was being a bitch earlier, but I don’t want you to let yourself fall into who knows what with Austin and miss out on a chance with Preston. He seems like a really great guy.” Cheyenne says with concern.

  “I appreciate that you are looking out for me, but I have no intentions of doing anything with Austin. And as far as Preston goes, I am not even sure what is going on there. So far, it’s been just some innocent flirting, which is probably how he is with all girls.”

  “Umm, did you notice sexy bartender flirting with Cheyenne or I? Hell, I don’t think he has ever even looked in our direction with you around.” Becka reassures me.

  “Well, who knows what will come of it. For now ladies, I am just ready to let loose and shake my booty!” I get up and grab both Cheyenne and Becka by their hands and drag them out to the dance floor so we can dance our asses off.

  While getting lost in the beat of the music I also couldn’t help but to get lost in my head with thoughts of the two men who have been consuming it. Seeing Austin has been something that I have been yearning for since that night at the lake. I think of him often; missing him, wanting him. If someone were to hand pick the perfect guy for me, it would definitely be Austin. We both come from the same family background and have the same values in life. Austin knows every little thing there is to know about me and we just always clicked. Everything about him is comfortable and familiar. He’s my home; the home that I decided to leave in the past.

  Preston on the other hand, seems completely different than most all the guys I know. I am used to being around rugged, hardworking guys who are not afraid to get their hands dirty. Preston, as far as I can tell, comes off more as a pretty boy; clean cut and polished. He has an amazing personality and I am sure he can charm the pants off anyone. It didn’t take him long to g
et me ready to ditch mine. I have never had such thoughts about any other guy besides Austin, before I walked into Preston. And since then, I haven’t been able to get him out of my head.

  I came here with all plans of moving on from my past and so far I had done a damn good job until the past just slapped me in the face. I can’t let one encounter ruin my chances of moving on. I need to finally let go of Austin and our history together, as hard as it may be.

  After a few dances, I was in need another beer. I tell Becka I am headed to the bar and gesture to Cheyenne who is grinding up on some guy she has just met. I still hope one day Cheyenne can find a nice guy to settle down with, though I know it’s a fat chance.

  Someone abandons their seat at the bar allowing me to sit down while waiting for Preston. He glances down the bar and smiles when he sees me. Before heading over he pulls out two glasses and fills them with ice. He reaches for a bottle of vodka and next thing I know he is throwing it in the air, flipping it around and then pouring it in the glasses. After topping them off with a splash of cranberry juice he brings them over to me and I can’t help but laugh.

  “Wow, you are a natural Brian Flanagan I see, pretty boy.” I tease.

  “Ah, a Cocktail fan. You just get better and better every time I am around you. And what’s with the ‘pretty boy’ nickname? You are killing my ego”

  “Oh I am sure your ego is fine. It’s nothing bad. You are just more of a pretty boy than I am used to, especially where I come from. But I like it; it’s intriguing.”

  “Oh Sawyer, you have no idea.” I love the way my name just rolls off his tongue. We’re both leaning towards each other on the bar as we were earlier and suddenly I feel a distinct heat on my back as if someone is burning a hole there. “Let me just grab your beer.”