Silenced

by Leddy Harper

  Her lids grew heavy once more, visually shielding herself from my promise. Or possibly, shielding me from her rejection. Her head shook from side to side on the comforter below her, hard and fast as if trying to convince me of her resolve. Or…convince herself. She released her grip on my hair and blindly found my shoulders. Her nails dug into my skin as she silently pleaded with me to slow down.

  “Rylee…” I stopped my movements, still seated deep inside her.

  “No, Killian. We can’t do this. I can’t do this.” Her eyes flew open and locked onto mine. “I can’t survive this—I won’t survive it again,” she cried, her words garbled with tears and tense with her grimace. The demons were launching an all-out attack on her psyche and she allowed them to breech the boundary. Her legs never released me. She needed me to win the battle for her—to slay her inner dragon.

  One by one, I took her hands in mine and moved them to the bed on either side of her head, pressing them into the mattress. She didn’t struggle, didn’t resist being consumed by my restraint. When I slowly pulled away from her core before I rolled back in, meeting her flesh to flesh, she didn’t deny me. Instead, she tightened her legs around me and clenched her pussy around my cock. Inviting me to stay. Begging me to make good on my promises.

  I pulled almost all the way out. “I’m not…” Then I thrust back into her with committed drive. “Leaving you.” I drew my hips back again as I said, “Ever. Believe me…” My pelvis ground into hers. “When I say that.” And back out again. “Believe me when I tell you”—I slid my knees closer to her body, keeping my back arched while hovering over her—“you’re mine.” With her ass practically on my lap, lifted off the mattress, and my face inches from hers, I had more leverage to illustrate my intensity. Which I did as I gritted out, “Believe me when I say…” Instead of the fervent aggression, I tamed my actions, slowed it down and carefully dragged my dick along her inner walls until only the head remained consumed by her warmth. Then, as if the clock had stopped and we had all the time in the world, I slid back into her until my tightening balls met her bare ass. “I love you, Rylee.” I stilled, unmoving, and grazed her lips with mine while whispering, “I’m not leaving. Ever.”

  More tears came, followed by a hiccupping sob. I closed my mouth over hers, attempting to coax her into returning the affection. I held my lips firmly against hers while my hips pressed eagerly into her as though I tried to meld our bodies into one unit.

  Leaning back on my haunches, I released her hands and gripped her hips, fully aware she’d be marked with bruises where my fingers sunk into her skin. My pace quickened until I rocked into her with such great intention it left her extending her arms above her to brace her body with the headboard in an attempt to keep still. Giving her the freedom to push into every thrust, intensifying the impact.

  Her sharp inhale, followed by the lack of exhale, coupled with the way her pussy gripped my cock, eluded to her impending orgasm. I kept up the pace, pummeling her, until I ripped garbled moans and impassioned whimpers from her. Her head tilted back, her chest lifted, showcasing her hard nipples through her thin shirt. I couldn’t stop myself, and leaned forward just enough to take one of the peaks between my teeth, pinching it through the thin fabric barrier. A deep roar accompanied her tight cunt as she fell over the cliff of ecstasy. I’d be right behind her, but I wasn’t ready for this to end.

  As soon as her back met the mattress again, her body going soft beneath me, I released her hips and slid my knees apart enough to close the gap between us. I roughly gripped the back of one thigh and pushed her leg against her heaving chest, opening her so I could go deeper.

  “One more, Rylee,” I panted against her face once I settled into position. I supported my weight by one side—an arm and a knee—and despite my strength, I worried I wouldn’t be able to hold myself up much longer.

  Being with her again left me weak.

  Desperate.

  Frantic.

  “Come for me one more time,” I ordered in a biting tone, baring my teeth like some kind of wild animal. But that’s what she did to me. Not only did she possess the ability to call to the child within me, she also brought out the beast—the one I’d discovered in her absence. The one I never wanted her to see. But here I was, fucking her like we had a camera on our every move as she unleashed the villain from inside.

  “Killian…”

  “That’s right. Say my name. My name.”

  “Killian…” she repeated once more, forced out through a labored exhale.

  I tucked my face in the crook of her neck as I continued my assault. Our breaths were frantic—hers causing her chest to rise and fall unnaturally, and mine billowing against my face in plumes of humidity, clammy and suffocating. I dug my fingers into her meaty thighs, harder, claiming her.

  Possessing her.

  Taking her.

  She grabbed my back and held me closer. Nothing had ever felt that amazing. She could say she didn’t want me or that we couldn’t be together until she was blue in the face, but her body spoke a different truth. Her actions proved her words wrong as she clung to me, biting into my skin through my shirt. Leaving her mark on me. Claiming me as her own.

  Her body arched into mine until we were chest to chest, and her pussy gripped me so tightly I couldn’t hold back any longer. When she fell, I fell. When she groaned, I groaned. We were in sync, united, coming apart and coming together as one. I pumped into her until her tight cunt milked every last drop, emptying myself into her core. I wanted her filled with me. Overflowing. I wanted to drip from her pussy for days so she couldn’t deny what I’d always known. So her lowlife, piece-of-shit boyfriend would know.

  She was mine.

  Once we caught our breaths again, she carefully rolled me off her. My dick slid out of her, causing her to wince. I fell to the bed next to her on my back and stared at the ceiling. A chill flitted up my body, reminding me of the absence of her warmth. I couldn’t do anything other than concentrate on getting hard again so I could be buried inside her, needing to never be apart from her.

  “Dammit, Killian!” Her anger tore me from the thoughts of making her come again. She slid off the bed and turned in a circle, searching for something in my room. “You fucking came in me. I can’t believe I let this happen again. I can’t believe I’d be so stupid.” She covered her face with her hands, but it didn’t hide the fresh wave of tears and pain.

  I pulled my shorts up and moved to stand in front of her.

  Before I could utter a single word, she began a physical assault on me, slapping and punching my chest. Even though I could barely feel her attack on the outside, it tore me apart inside. I always thought the term “breaking my heart” was weak and made no sense, but watching Rylee shut down and push me away truly cracked, fissured, and splintered the essence of my being. My lifeline was tied to her—always had been—and she threatened to take it all away.

  “I can’t believe you’d put me in jeopardy like that. No concern for my health or safety. You’re an asshole. A selfish piece of shit.” Her shoulders dropped and her back hunched forward, quivering with the torment taking hold of her. “And I’m the idiot who let you. The weak girl who didn’t stop you.”

  When her knees gave out, I wrapped my arms around her and lowered us both to the floor. “What do you mean I put you in danger? Does he hurt you? Has he ever laid a hand on you? I’ll fucking end him. He won’t take another breath. I’ll protect you, Rylee. I’ll keep you safe.”

  “No.” She pulled back and locked her dark-brown, glistening eyes on mine. “Not against him. Against the time you were away. I don’t know where you’ve been, who you’ve been with. And given your penchant for going bareback, I don’t even want to think about what you could’ve passed on to me.”

  The thought never entered my mind. Not once. But hearing her accuse me of being unsafe with other women and infecting her in the process gutted me. “You know where I’ve been, Rylee. I didn’t put you in any danger. I swear.”<
br />
  “You can’t promise me that.”

  “Unless I contracted something from you, I can.”

  Her eyes widened and her mouth hung open. She didn’t even bother to cover her shock. It painted her face in red and pink hues, lined her features with creases. Her eyebrows raised into perfect arches, like two inky brushstrokes on creamy paper. “You…haven’t…?”

  “No, Rylee. I haven’t. It’s only ever been you. And it’ll only ever be you.” I couldn’t even allow myself to think of where she’d been. Couldn’t entertain the thought of her and Josh. The possibility made me sick to my stomach and left me seeing red, desperate to rip him apart limb by limb.

  “Where the hell have you been for five years?” Her need for answers lilted her question into a high-pitched squeal. “What have you been doing? I don’t understand. Did you leave so you could turn into some angry fighter? It doesn’t make sense, Killian. You’ve never been a violent person. Why do this? Why morph into this alternate persona?”

  So many questions had been launched at me, I wasn’t sure which one to tackle first…or how. There was only so much information I could give. “You knew I needed to go home. I needed to be where my parents were, needed to see it all with my own eyes.”

  “So you went back to Pennsylvania? This whole time you’ve been in New Hope, hours away from here?”

  “Not the whole time.”

  Rylee opened her mouth to say something else, but must’ve thought better of it because she shut it and quickly stoned her expression. Her posture stiffened moments before she launched herself to her feet, abruptly standing and leaving me on the floor.

  “I can’t do this, Killian. I can’t go ‘round and ‘round with you over where you’ve been. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is you left. You walked away and left me alone. For. Five. Years. The where and why and hows don’t change it. It doesn’t fix it or make anything better.”

  I stood and reached for her hand, but she yanked her arm behind her to prevent me from touching her. “Rylee…don’t leave.”

  Her eyes softened, as well as her shoulders and lips. But just as I’d allowed my hopes to take root, she said, “I can’t stay. I can’t do this with you…now or ever. This was a mistake, and it can’t happen again. You chose to leave, remember? I asked you not to. I begged you to wait. And now, as you’re asking me to stay, I’m choosing to leave.”

  Eighteen

  Rylee

  I walked around his statuesque body and found my shoes on the floor at the end of his bed where they’d fallen from my feet during his attack on me. My keys lay next to them—not sure how they ended up there, but thankful they did so I didn’t have to ask for them.

  Silence came from him as I left his room. No padded steps behind me, no pleading requests for me to give him another chance or stay and hear him out. Nothing to indicate any effort on his part to come after me. It was what I wanted, but at the same time, it pushed the knife in that much deeper. My chest couldn’t take any more. My heart couldn’t handle it.

  Thankfully, the woman we encountered earlier was nowhere in sight while I quickly made my way to the front door. I made sure to open and close it as softly as I could, not wanting to garner her attention. It was bad enough I’d been in Cal’s house with Killian, but having a witness made it that much worse. If Josh ever found out…I didn’t know what he’d do.

  Tears leaked from my eyes during the entire fifteen-minute drive home. I was filled with anger and grief, elation and sorrow, all warring with each other. I had no idea how to feel or what to think. My body remembered his as if not a day had gone by without his touch. But it had. More than a day. More than a hundred, five hundred, a thousand days. Too many to count. And none of them could’ve been given back.

  However, I couldn’t stop dwelling on one piece of information: his confession of never being with anyone else. Only me. It didn’t make sense no matter how I looked at it or how much I picked it apart. When we were younger, he was sexually driven. The amount of porn he watched could attest to that. Not to mention, how obsessed he was with touching my body at each stage of our relationship. From the moment I’d given him the green light to have sex, he wanted it all the time—which was fine by me, because I felt the same way. Whenever we had a chance, a free moment, he was in me, dragging out as many orgasms as he could. So the idea of him refraining from sex for so long astonished me.

  When I pulled up to my building and found a spot along the curb, I was surprised to find Josh waiting on the front stoop. He never showed up without calling first, and not normally this early in the evening. He took his training seriously, and with a tournament approaching, he should’ve been in the gym. Instead, he sat on the top step with his phone in his hands.

  He glanced up when I approached, but his face was void of any happiness. No smile curled the corners of his lips and his blue eyes seemed dull. “Where were you?”

  Stunned by his harsh tone, I stopped a foot away from the concrete steps. “I was working, Josh. It’s a Wednesday. When haven’t I worked on a Wednesday?”

  “You weren’t at the office. I tried there when you didn’t answer any of my calls. They said you left early. That was over an hour ago. Where were you?” The way he demanded an answer left me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that he somehow knew I was with Killian.

  Thinking quickly on my feet, I said, “I left early because I had to meet with a family to close a case. I came straight home after it was over. Why are you so mad?”

  He hung his head, seemingly in defeat. “I’m sorry. I was just worried about you. I didn’t know where you were and you didn’t answer my calls.” When he lifted his head, he regarded me with utter heartache. The cuts on his face had started to heal and scab over. Some were still taped with butterfly strips, and the bruises had turned a lighter shade of green. Ever since the fight with Killian, he’d been a different person. Aggressive at times, argumentative, and like the flick of a switch, he’d become calm, apologetic, caring, and attentive.

  I opened my purse and pulled out my phone, remembering I hadn’t had it on me while I was with Killian. Sure enough, on the screen displayed numerous missed calls and unread texts from Josh over the last hour. As I scrolled through them, I could practically feel his growing anger through his later messages.

  “Josh…I’m sorry. I had my phone on vibrate and in my purse. I didn’t bother to check it when I left my meeting. I was too focused on getting home. I feel like crap…maybe I’m coming down with something.” I feigned fatigue with my hand wrapped around the back of my neck.

  He stood and reached out to help me up the stairs and into the building. “Come on, let’s get you inside. I’m sure it’s nothing a hot bath, a bowl of soup, and a movie won’t cure. We can take it easy tonight and just curl up on the couch together.”

  His kindness twisted the guilt rooted in my chest. Tears sprang to my eyes at the mere thought of what I did with Killian behind Josh’s back. It gutted me, shredded me, left me hollowed and covered in filth. Not that Killian made me feel dirty, but knowing I’d been with him behind the back of my boyfriend, and he’d come inside me…it left me feeling cheap. Soiled. No good and a worthless piece of shit.

  But Josh could never know.

  He could never find out.

  It’d be something I’d have to live with.

  Josh helped me into my apartment and immediately went to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. I preferred soda or tea, but always kept bottles of water stocked for him, knowing it was the only thing he drank. In the four months we’d been dating, I’d never seen him so much as touch a drop of alcohol. I assumed it was because of training, but never bothered to ask.

  I hurried into my room and closed the door. I needed to clean myself off, grab a pair of panties, and change my clothes before Josh came in. I knew if I locked the door and he tried to open it, it’d only piss him off to know I’d purposely kept him out.

  Luckily, he didn’t come in until after
I was halfway dressed. I’d already pulled on a pair of panties and a plain T-shirt after cleaning Killian off my thighs and swollen sex. Josh crossed the room with hooded eyes until he met me on the other side of my bed. He took my cotton shorts from my hand and knelt down on one knee to help me into them.

  The guilt burned brighter as I held onto his hard shoulders and stepped into the leg holes of my shorts. His fingers skimmed my bare legs on his way up, pulling the elastic band over my hips and backside while he raised to his feet in front of me. He caressed my cheek with the backs of his fingers and held his lips to my forehead.

  “You don’t seem to have a fever, so I don’t think you need any medicine. I have soup heating on the stove—your favorite: chicken and broccoli—and I grabbed that soft blanket from the closet and put it on the couch for you.” He reached behind me and took my pillow off the bed before lacing his fingers through mine and leading me to the living room.

  After he situated me on the couch, he found the remote and handed it to me. “Pick whatever you want to watch. Your choice. The girliest movie you can find if that’s what’ll make you feel better.” He walked away.

  I turned on the TV and then scrolled through the guide without once looking at the words on the screen. My vision blurred with tears, proving they hadn’t dried up yet. I tried to sniffle as quietly as I could, not wanting him to hear me. He’d know something was up and would pull it out of me—and I didn’t want to outright lie to his face. What I did was bad enough. I didn’t care to add lying on top of my deceptions for the day.

  By the time he came back with a bowl of soup and piece of toasted bread, I’d successfully wiped away the evidence, although I continued to hide from him. I had no idea what movie I’d settled on, if it was even a movie and not a TV show, and spooned as much of the chicken and broccoli into my mouth as I could. Truly, my stomach was upset. But not because of a bug. It was twisted and knotted, and it wouldn’t surprise me if every last bite came back up later.