Flesh and Delirium_Under the Skin Serial Part Six

by K. B. Ladnier

  His lips parted, and he ran the tip of his tongue along the edges of his teeth. “What about me?”

  Because of the way he stared at me so intensely, I chose to be blunt with what was on my mind. I wanted to know what this was, or wasn’t. “I don’t understand you. I know I sort of crashed unwanted into your life, but I figured after the day I told you I knew nothing of your case, you’d just move on. Why are you still around?”

  I expected him to shrug off my question, or even maybe laugh a little that I’d asked it at all. What I didn’t expect, was for him to put his hands right back on the sides of my face, in what apparently was his favorite spot to put them, and for him to step into me closer. His chest now pressed to mine, and hips trapped me between him and the counter.

  He angled my head to look up and his mouth lowered only a breath away from mine. “The fact that you have to ask, querida, means I’ve not made my intentions with you clear,” he whispered huskily. The warmth of his breath passed across my lips.

  I didn’t know what he just called me, but I didn’t care. I could only concentrate on the electricity that sparked everywhere he touched me. Had I really missed any signs he was interested in me as more than a friend?

  “And… what are those intentions?” I asked, my voice rough with anticipation.

  “Nothing good,” he replied in barely a whisper. I felt, rather than saw, the smile return to his face as his mouth crashed down.

  While his hands were tender as they dove into my hair, his kiss was beautifully punishing.

  His tongue was sweet velvet as it slid into my mouth and caressed mine. His lips pushed hard, but they were so soft it wasn’t bruising. My hands dug into the sides of his shirt, trying in vain to pull him closer to me, but failing. He was already flush against me, but I wanted more.

  His hands slid from my hair, down to my waist. He grasped it and roughly lifted me to sit on the counter, before stepping in between my legs. I crossed my ankles behind his waist and kissed him deeper. I felt one of his fangs nick my tongue and I jumped, startled by the sensation. He smiled against my lips, then sucked my bloodied tongue into his mouth, tasting more of me.

  It’d been so long since simply kissing someone had felt like breathing for the first time. That’s what Diego made me feel. Like I was too strong to drown from these memories, and instead I would rise above them. I felt alive in his arms the further I sank into them. I wanted to keep sinking.

  God. His mouth tasted so fucking good! I wanted him to take me right here on the counter; that’s how good it was. I would’ve gladly stripped my clothes off for him if he asked.

  But what about Brahm? My traitorous mind decided to ask. He wouldn’t like this. At least, not without saying something to him first. But fuck… Diego just tasted so good!

  Diego’s mouth slowed against mine and he pulled away. I held back a whimper at the loss of his lips.

  No. Come back!

  I opened my eyes with disappointment shining through, to see his were still closed. He rested his forehead against mine.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” he said breathily.

  “Why do you say that?” I asked. Was he not as into that as I was?

  He lifted his head and flicked his eyes back and forth between mine. “I can practically feel the confusion coming off you in waves. I know something is going on between you and Abraham. He’s your maker. Your connection with him is complicated.”

  “I’m not confused,” I argued. “Look at me. Right here, totally wanting you to kiss me!”

  Diego smiled and leaned in again, but his lips had barely just begun kissing mine when he pulled away again.

  “No,” He shook his head and took a deep breath in. “We need to wait.”

  I groaned. “Seriously. Stop stopping.”

  He chuckled and rubbed his hands down his face. “I’m sorry. But it doesn’t feel right doing this when I know the way he feels for you.”

  I tilted my head to the side. “He’s mentioned his feelings for me? To you?” I asked with disbelief, and if I was being honest, a bit of aggravation. Abraham never exposed his emotions; especially to people he seemed to not particularly like. Diego was like a frenemy to Abraham. He could tell him his feelings for me, but not me.

  Asshole.

  "Yes, he did. And as much as I want you, I don't want to get in the middle of something I don't understand. I left my maker because she wasn't a good person. I wasn't built to kill humans left and right. I have always been a protector. Because of our opposite natures, I rejected that connection with her. You and Abraham are strong together, even when fighting. I can see that."

  If I thought it was hard not to want Diego before, this made it even more so.

  "Ugh. Fine. You’re right. But, I want you too, you know. I don’t know if Brahm and I will ever figure shit out between us." I said sadly as the reality of the situation sank in.

  He chuckled and placed his hands back on my waist, then kissed my cheek. "I know you do. But, I need to step back and let you two deal with things, no matter how long it takes. I could make it worse, and that’s something I couldn't do to you." He released my hips from his hands and pulled away. He walked over and grabbed his jacket, then slipped his arms in. "I'll see you at the wedding tomorrow? I hear I’m walking with you." He said with a smile.

  “You’re a groomsman? Since when?” I asked him in surprise.

  He laughed. “Since Vex has no friends Lucy trusts to walk down the isle without making an ass out of themselves.”

  I giggled and bobbed my head in agreement. “Yeah, I could see how that would be a problem.” I followed him to the door and smiled when he winked at me before opening it. He stopped just as he made it to the stairwell, then turned back to me.

  "You know, you're the first woman I've kissed in twenty-five years,” he stated. “I may be backing down now, but once you two have things figured out, I will be throwing myself into the ring to win you over."

  My mouth fell open a little at his assertion. He gave me a mischievous grin before starting down the stairs. I turned and went inside. As soon as I closed the door, I fell against it and placed a hand over my racing heart.

  Well, this just got more difficult.

  "How the fuck does Lucy do this?" I asked out loud. With a huff, I walked to my closet and grabbed my clothes.

  It was time to shower and get to work, then hopefully have a conversation with Abraham about where the hell we go from here; without me ending up in tears if possible.

  Chapter Three

  Diego

  Seriously? You’re a fucking idiot, I chastised myself as I drove to the precinct.

  I had no idea what possessed me to kiss Claudia. The urge to kiss someone had left my system a long time ago. I’d not felt that in so long, it came completely out of left field for me. I just jumped in head first without a thought and ravished the ever loving shit out of her mouth.

  That beautiful mouth…

  “Fuck!” I shouted as I slammed my palm on my steering wheel. The action made my car swerve a bit and the person driving next to me to honk. I flipped him off without even looking.

  This wasn’t supposed to happen. That kiss. The words that left my fucking mouth after the kiss. When had I decided to throw myself into the ring for Claudia’s heart? When had my mind decided it was alright to finally move on with my life and let someone in?

  Fucking traitorous mind.

  I argued with myself back and forth between how amazing being with her had felt, and how stupid it was to do that when I knew she was in a shitty situation with Abraham. He wasn’t going to be happy when he found out I kissed her. If there was ever a possessive maker, it was him. How did Hollis manage shit like this with Lucy? Hell, how did Lucy manage it? Is that something Claudia would want?

  I parked my car and jumped out. I strung my badge around my neck as I entered the elevator from the parking garage, and jumped on the balls of my feet impatiently as it went up. I needed to get Holl
is’ view on this. I didn’t really want to ask him, since he was my superior and all, but I wasn’t about to ask Lucy. She’d just make it into a bigger deal than I wanted it to be. Vex and I still had a touchy relationship. I didn’t hate the guy, but it’s not easy to be chummy with someone who locked you in a cell and had his buddies rough you up. Bigones, though. I tried not to hold a grudge. He wasn’t the same guy since being with Lucy. Still a bit too much on the crazy train for my taste, but whatever. I didn’t know Sloan that well, so Hollis was a safer bet.

  The elevator dinged, and I stepped out into the busy office. Several of the agents were getting ready for a night of patrol, while others were already booking in some of the nights first law breakers.

  I found Hollis at his desk in his office, looking over some files. I gave a quick knock and stepped in. “Sup, boss?” I asked.

  He smirked then sighed, before closing the file he’d been reading. “Too much, that’s what. I don’t know what’s in the blood tonight, but we’ve already had several calls of vampire misconduct. I haven’t even managed to get myself a coffee yet.”

  I smirked and looked over my shoulder at the busy office. “Yeah, looks like it’ll be an interesting night.” I turned my attention back at him and cleared my throat. “You got a second to get the coffee? I need to ask you something.”

  He stared at me for a moment with confusion, before slowly grinning. “If you’re going to ask me out, I should probably tell you I don’t swing that way; no matter what Vex claims,” he joked.

  I chuckled and shook my head. “Ha! No. It does kind of pertain to that whole set up you have going on though.”

  His brow kicked up and he stood. “Ah. I see. I had a feeling this was coming.” He walked around the desk and clapped me on the back as he headed towards the break room.

  “Wait. What? What does that mean?” I asked, bewildered by the insinuation.

  As we stepped up to the machine, he shrugged. “I know you’ve been around her a lot lately. Well, a lot for you. Lucy tells me everything, don’t you know that?” He grabbed two coffee cups and filled them with coffee. He handed me mine and leaned back against the counter.

  “Because of that fact,” he continued. “I know you care about her. I also know that she’s in a pretty sticky relationship with Abraham. Which, by the way, you need to be careful with.”

  I nodded along to his advice as I added a bit of blood into my coffee. “Yeah, I had that feeling. How do you handle it, though?”

  He sipped his coffee and leveled me with a look. “You’re going to have to be more specific. There’s a lot of shit I handle in our situation. Like Sloan’s inability to stay on his side of our damn bed. I mean, for fucks sake, it’s the size of two king size beds. He’s way on the other end opposite of me, yet somehow manages to sprawl out over all three of us at some point in the night. That shit, I have no advice for how to handle.”

  I gazed wide-eyed at him. That was a bit more information than I needed to know. I shook the imagery from my mind. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that last bit, and rephrase my question. How do you handle being with her and having to worry about making Vex angry? I know makers tend to be bit possessive over their progenies, especially when in a relationship with them. So, how do you get past that with Lucy’s?”

  Hollis set down his coffee. “Look, the only thing Vex is truly possessive about is Betty. Which, none of us touch. He has a different type of relationship with Lucy than Abraham does with Claudia. Lucy and Vex were pretty much together almost the moment they finally could be. Abraham and Claudia have been toeing around that type of relationship for a long time. Everyone has seen their love for each other, but neither of them have acknowledged it until recently. Abraham is going to be more possessive now that she’s remembering things that happened between them, because he finally can step across that line they’ve been toeing. I don’t know whether he’ll be willing to share her or not. I want to say if he loved her enough he would, but that kind of statement doesn’t apply to everyone. I loved Lucy enough that I could handle others loving her as well. But, I’ve dealt with multiple lovers before while in a relationship with one woman. It wasn’t new to me. This, would be new to both you and Abraham.”

  I stood there and soaked it all in. I knew I couldn’t say for sure if I loved Claudia, but I damn well knew I could. Just the fact that I’d kissed her when I hadn’t kissed anyone since… well…my last love, was enough to tell me I could.

  I thought I’d never recover after I lost the one and only woman I ever loved. I was ruined from what I went through with her. I dove into my work and never looked back. But Claudia, she made it feel possible again.

  “You okay there?” Hollis asked me.

  I looked up at him with pinched brows. “Yeah, I’m just wrapping my head around it.”

  He bobbed his head. “It’s a lot to think about.” He paused for a moment before picking up his coffee again. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something, but wasn’t sure if it was ever the right time.”

  “What’s that?”

  He sighed and downed the rest of his coffee, before tossing the cup into the trash. “You’ve worked with me here for what, fifteen years?”

  I nodded. “Almost sixteen.”

  “Yeah,” he replied. “And in all those years, I have never seen you with another woman. Why?”

  I thought about it for a moment, trying to decide whether or not I trusted him enough to tell him. Then again, we had worked together for a long time. If I could trust him to have my back here and to give me advice on this situation, then maybe it was time to tell someone about my past. Maybe by telling him, it’d make it easier to tell Claudia when she asked.

  I let out a long sigh and drained my coffee in one go. I fiddled with the cup as I began. “I was changed in 1962 in El Paso, Texas where I grew up. I was about twenty-seven-years-old and finally engaged to my high school sweetheart after waiting until she finished her schooling. As I walked towards the movie theater from work to meet her, I was attacked and turned by a vampire. The woman who turned me was a heartless monster. She taught me nothing of control and threw humans at me left and right to feed on. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just kill someone when I was human not long before. So, I snuck away one night and hopped in a taxi and headed home, hoping I could handle the thirst around the love of my life. Thankfully, I made it home just before daybreak. My fiancé… Luiza…” I swallowed. I hadn’t said her name out loud in so long, it felt heavy on my tongue.

  “Luiza… practically fell apart when she saw me. She didn’t know what had happened to me, and couldn’t quite grasp why I wouldn’t let her touch me when I walked in. I was starving for her blood the moment I stepped into that house. I knew then it was a mistake to return. I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I had hurt her, so letting her touch me was a risk I wasn’t willing to make. After I calmed down her hysteria, I was able to explain that I wasn’t me anymore. That I couldn’t be around her and be this. So… I left. I packed a bag and stayed in a hotel room, hoping after a few days it would get easier and I could return. She called me and begged for me to come home, but I just couldn’t. I’d realized during those nights alone, that no matter how well I controlled it, it would never be enough. I would never be enough for her, because I would never let her be like me,” I swallowed thickly. “When the blood haze finally wore off enough I could be around her again, I told her that she needed to move on without me. She tried to talk me out of it and even tried convincing me to change her too. But, I refused.”

  I held back the emotions that hit me as I looked back on those final moments with her. “I left the city for a few years, hoping that in time she would forget about me,” I continued. Hollis watched me sadly. “But, I couldn’t stay away. I went back one night to see her, and found she had met someone else. Someone human. It hurt like hell, but it helped to see she was happy. I stayed away after that, only dropping in every few years to watch her as her life changed and her family gre
w. I watched her hair grey and her skin wrinkle. But the last time I saw her was one I don’t think I’ll ever forget. It was twenty-five years ago, and her and her husband were in a car accident. He died on impact, but she was in the hospital. I snuck into her room one night, just to see if she was okay. She woke up just as I stepped up next to her bed. Her heart rate was slow, and I knew she wasn’t going to make it. She looked up at me … and she smiled.”

  At that I did smile. Having her direct a smile at me after all those years healed the guilt I’d still carried for leaving her.

  “What happened next?” Hollis asked me.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “She thanked me for letting her have the life she did and said she never stopped loving me. I leaned down and I kissed her just as her heart gave way. She died ten minutes later. I haven’t kissed another since that last kiss with her. I haven’t loved someone since her. I haven’t felt anything except devotion to my job. At least, not until Claudia.”

  Hollis let out a loud breath of air. “Shit, man. No fucking wonder. I had no idea. You realize you’re going to have to tell Claudia sooner or later if you plan to be with her, right?”

  I shrugged my shoulders and cracked me neck. “I know. I just haven’t told anyone about her in all my years as a vampire. Never felt I needed to until now. Claudia makes me feel again, and it freaks me the hell out.”

  Hollis chuckles. “Yeah, it’d freak me out too. But you know, even though Abraham is kind of a possessive asshole right now, I have a feeling if Claudia wanted you and him, he’d deal with it. He may need some time, but he’d go to the ends of the earth to make her happy if it’s something she wants. If it’s what you truly want, if she is what you want, then don’t give up. Wait for the right time, then let her know you’re in it.”