A Secret Passion

by Sophia Nash

  “Jane, you obviously have made a decision regarding how you will break the unfortunate news to your father concerning the ending of our betrothal. I shall not interfere.” He paused here. “You may relate to him at the same time that I will desire, or shall I say require, a meeting with him and his solicitor after he has a chance to consider the future.”

  Jane nodded. The earl stood up and pushed the chair to its proper position. He placed his palms on the back of the chair and leaned forward. “May I offer you my best wishes for your future happiness, Jane? I mean that with all sincerity. I shall not see you again, I fear, after the next two days. I wish Godspeed to you and your Mr. Thompson.”

  Jane could not meet his gaze. She heard his departure in the soft click of his heels on the wooden floor and the sound of the door closing. The plate in front of her swam before her eyes, and she felt ill. She had rarely felt so miserable in her life.

  Her stomach churned as she wondered what was the impetus behind her father’s drive down from London? Could he have learned of her refusal? No, that was impossible. Or had the threatened letter from the reverend found him? Dare she wait to find out? Or should she flee with Harry this very morning?

  With a sigh, Jane knew her anxieties would prevent the planned, needed escape to her writing this afternoon. The manuscript had reached a plateau and would need every ounce of her concentration for the completion of the next passage. And all she could think of was the two men, her father and Rolfe, who had caused her to feel such negative emotions—anger and guilt.

  In those moments at the table, Rolfe had known that he loved her. It struck him with a quiet force. As he mounted the stair toward his rooms, for a second he stopped breathing and grabbed for the banister. With sudden realization, the irony of his situation hit him. For twenty-nine years he had never, ever loved another human being in the way he did Jane. And yet he must leave her. He realized that the feeling had been growing ever since he had left Hesperides for London. No, he admitted, it had begun the first day he had seen her, when he had hugged her body close to his and breathed in the lavender scent of her silky blond hair, while she had been forced to share her horse. He doubted he would ever be able to forget her expressive eyes, her delicate beauty, and most of all her proud character. He had tried to exert his will over her. Tried every method he knew. But the fact of the matter was she had no interest whatsoever in him.

  The next two days passed with surprising ease. Jane’s father and brother arrived, along with the household servants who traveled between the houses. She was agitated by the idea of their first meeting, considering the unfortunate circumstances of her departure from London. But she had forgotten her father’s considerable happiness over her supposed betrothal. There were so many effusions of joy on his part that few responses were required on her side.

  Upon his first sight of her, her father shook her hand and even kissed her on the cheek! He told her he was proud of her and complimented her on her great good fortune. He even laughed and accused her of being a “sly thing”!

  Jane was grateful the earl was not present during her father and brother’s arrival. He had retired early and requested a light repast in his apartment. Theo teased her until she could bear it no more and excused herself. Clarissa had gone into town to take herself away from the critical eyes of her brother.

  The following morning was busy with guests from the manse and plans for the trip to Lizard, which was scheduled to take place the following day. Lord Fairchild was late in rising, so Jane did not see him until luncheon. While the foursome ate, the father dominated the conversation with gossip from London.

  Midway through the meal, Theodore Fairchild could not stop himself from bursting forth with Clarissa’s good fortune. “Father, what do you think of Aunt Clarissa’s excellent news?”

  Clarissa put down her fork and knife. Jane hushed her brother and gave him a look. Lord Fairchild, whose spirits seemed boundless these days, smiled at his sister. “What good news, Sister?”

  “I am to be married, Edward,” she responded.

  “Well, who would have thought? You and Jane have been busy this summer. Who is the lucky devil? Mrs. Thompson hasn’t dropped off this mortal coil, has she? The Reverend Thompson is looking for a new wife, is he?” he asked, laughing.

  “No, it is Sir Thomas Gooding.”

  “Gooding? Gooding? Not poor Mr. Gooding from so long ago? The second son of a clergyman, with no prospects? I forbade you long ago to marry the pauper.”

  “Why, yes, it is he. But it is Sir Thomas Gooding now.”

  “I stand corrected. So Gooding improved his lot in life, did he? Do tell.”

  “I shall most certainly not tell, Brother. For it does not matter to me if he were still poor ‘Mr. Gooding.’ And furthermore, I will no longer allow you to impose authority over me. I made a mistake many years ago, and I shall not make it again.” Clarissa stood up and placed her napkin on her plate.

  Jane guessed it was the first time in Clarissa’s life she had stood up to her brother.

  “I have some letters to write. Please excuse me.” Clarissa left the room with her back very straight.

  George, the butler standing unobserved by the door, smiled at Clarissa as she left the room. He leaned forward and whispered, “My humble best wishes to you, ma’am.”

  She looked at him and smiled. “Thank you.”

  “Harrumph,” Lord Fairchild grumbled as he cut into his overcooked roast mutton. Jane surmised that he did not want to show it, but he was in all likelihood secretly glad to be relieved of the burden of providing for a spinster sister.

  “Do tell Cook I am most displeased with the roast, George,” Edward Fairchild said without looking at him. Silence entered the room when the butler left.

  Jane picked at an invisible piece of lint on her sleeve. Theodore looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh.

  “And what are you laughing about?” Lord Fairchild demanded. He held his cutlery in his fists on either side of his plate.

  “Ah, nothing, sir. Nothing at all.”

  “Good. And where is Lord Graystock? I have not seen him a’tall, I swear. Has he gone into hiding, Jane?”

  “No, Father. He is at the inn, seeing Sir Thomas off.”

  Sir Thomas had refused to stay at Pembroke upon the news of Lord Fairchild’s arrival. His bags had been packed, and he had spent the night at the Tabard Inn prior to a departure for London to make several arrangements before the marriage.

  Clarissa and Sir Thomas had talked with Jane before his leave-taking. Clarissa’s desire to stay with her took precedence over his desire for Clarissa to return to Littlefield, where they could see more of one another under the generous hospitality of Lord Graystock. All of Jane’s arguments for Clarissa to follow Sir Thomas had been ineffective. Clarissa had refused, yet she agreed to meet him in a few weeks’ time in Littlefield.

  “Well, I hope Graystock graces us with his presence tonight. I have a few questions for him,” said Lord Fairchild.

  “I believe he will return shortly, Father,” Jane replied.

  “Good. Now, have you settled the date of your wedding? And will it be here or at Hesperides Hall?”

  Jane forced herself to continue eating. She swallowed her bite and answered her father. “We have not discussed a date.”

  “Glad am I to have arrived, then. Left to your own devices, you shall lose him, girl. Don’t you know that unless you fix a date immediately, cold feet can set in?” Jane, unresponsive, drank deeply from her water goblet. Her father grunted and continued, “And why are you wearing widow’s weeds again? I thought we had put an end to that nonsense. You’ll scare him away, looking like an old crow!”

  George, who had returned, could not help but snort at the vulgarity of the advice.

  Edward Fairchild turned to him with haughty disdain. “You may leave us now.” After the butler had departed, her father continued, “And take George with you when you depart for the wilds of Littlefield. I have put u
p with that man’s insolence for almost three decades because of a promise made to your mother.”

  From lifelong experience, Jane held her tongue. She knew her father was well aware that George was indispensable to the running of the entire estate, especially when Lord Fairchild was away on his long stays in town pursuing his political ambitions in the House of Lords.

  “Aunt Clarissa will be wed in Littlefield this September,” Theodore added, turning the subject.

  “Hmmm, interesting. Perhaps we could impose upon the earl to make it a double wedding. Save on all the expense of a wedding breakfast for half the county of Cornwall, we will!” her father responded with a smile. He had yet to understand that his acts of economy would be unnecessary, given the earl’s benevolence.

  Jane could feel her brother’s probing glances. She remained silent and ate everything on her plate without comment. She watched the scene at the table almost as if she watched a play in progress. She became sad when she remembered the calming presence of her mother. That lady had been the proverbial glue in the family, making her husband laugh even at himself at times and showering Jane and Theo with love and devotion. Without her mother, there was a lack of harmony, and no healing balm.

  “Come, Jane, shall we take a ride down to the beach? It has been so very long,” her brother suggested.

  Jane looked up in surprise when she heard the sincerity in his voice. “What a delightful idea. I shall meet you in the stable as soon as I change,” she responded.

  The siblings looked toward their father expectantly. “Go on, then, with you both,” he said. With an air of disgust. he continued, “George informed me I must see our neighbors regarding a faulty irrigation ditch.”

  Jane stopped and turned toward her father. “No need, Father. I spoke with them this morning, and they agreed to clear away the debris on their property.” The father shook his head and returned to his paper.

  The bracing salt air refreshed Jane as she galloped in the sand beside her brother. They separated when large boulders did not allow both to pass through side by side. The palisades grew higher in the direction they were headed. Her young gelding bucked and bolted past Theodore’s beast when a flock of seagulls squawked their disapproval and rose en masse in front of them. Theodore laughed and urged his more seasoned mount to catch up to Jane’s. After a bit, she managed to calm her animal and bring it down to a fast walk. She patted the horse on the shoulder and looked toward her brother as she tried to catch her breath.

  “Good show, Jane!”

  She smiled and enjoyed the exhilaration that a good gallop always brought her. The speed and the edge of danger always excited her and made her feel alive. There was nothing quite like the feel of two tons of powerful horseflesh under her and the sensation of two hearts, one equine and one human, working together as one. That was on a good day, on a good horse.

  “Nothing like getting the butterflies out of the young ones, is there?” added her brother.

  Jane shook her head in accord. “I’m glad you came home, Theo. It has been so long since I last saw you.” She paused to tuck under a lock of hair that had escaped from her hat. “I declare I have seen you only two times in the last three years, once at my wedding and again at Cutty’s funeral. You are running with a popular set, are you not?”

  She looked at her brother’s face and saw a masculine version of herself and her mother. They all had the same hair and eyes and mouth.

  “The joys of London are not to be missed—don’t you remember how Father insisted? But I have missed you too, Jane,” he added. He drew abreast of her mount and smiled. “And I have come in person to witness your newfound happiness.”

  “How noble of you, truly, Brother,” Jane said with a laugh.

  “I speak not in jest.”

  “Then you shall be surprised by the object of my happiness.”

  Theodore looked at his sister, and all sense of a smile dropped from his face. “What do you mean to say?”

  “As I am sure I can trust in your confidence, I will tell you. I am betrothed to Harry, not the earl.”

  “Oh, good Lord, no, Jane! Not Harry Thompson? He’s as likeable as the next bloke, but for God’s sake, what are you about? You cannot throw your life away with him!”

  Jane stopped her horse and regarded her brother coldly. “You sound remarkably like Father, Theo. I have never deemed it appropriate to tell you how to live your life. Please do not start to tell me how I must live mine.” Jane lowered her gaze to the water lapping the sand. “Certainly I have earned the right after my first marriage.”

  It was the closest she had ever come to complaining about her first marriage.

  “Yes, you have,” he admitted. “But I have met Lord Graystock, and he is so much more than good old Harry.”

  “Oh, yes, he has a fortune, to be sure. But he cannot make me happy,” she said. “How came you to know him so well?”

  “In London. We met several times.” Theo paused to dismount and grabbed the reins of Jane’s horse. She looked at him for a moment and then dismounted. His strong arm went about her waist as they strolled along the beach, their horses on long reins following with droopy heads.

  “I must beg your apology, Jane.”

  “Whatever for?”

  “For not being a good brother to you. All these years, you have thought it Father’s fault you had to marry Cutty Lovering. But it was not his fault. It was my fault. I gambled our fortune away.”

  “What nonsense are you spouting, Theo? You are not the gambling sort. Whyever would you protect Father? You dislike him as much as I.”

  “That is true. Actually, I hate him more than you. But it is also true about the gambling. I’ve lost our fortune twice over. On purpose.”

  “But why? Oh, why did you do such a thing?”

  “To punish him, of course. We both know that elevation in politics and rubbing noses with people of good ton is all he cares about. Whereas position means nothing to you and me. By taking away his fortune, I took away his standing and his chances for advancement in the House of Lords.”

  “But why were you punishing him?”

  Jane halted her steps in the sand. She looked behind her and watched the incoming tide wash over their tracks. Theo took her hands, encased in kid gloves, and looked away.

  “He killed our mother, don’t you know,” he replied. Jane strained to hear the spoken syllables. She sucked in her breath.

  “No, it isn’t so,” Jane whispered behind tightly closed eyes. She felt the warm breath of her horse as it nudged at her pocket for the promised hit of sugar. Jane pushed the horse’s head away, but not before it left a long green spittle stain on her riding habit.

  “It is.”

  “But she died while out taking some air. The gamekeeper, Harstead, shot her by accident. She was wearing her dove-gray-and-brown-wool dress that cold morning. I remember it so well. And Harstead mistook the movement and the fabric for a stag. I heard him tell the inquisition authorities myself.”

  “Yes, and when I saw my father and Harstead just after the accident, will you tell me why Har’s gun was cold and clean, while my father’s was dirty? When he wasn’t looking my way, I checked, and the gun had been fired without being reloaded. He killed her and he is a liar.”

  “But why did he do it? It must have been an accident. And why would he lie?”

  “Because it wasn’t an accident. You and I both know they almost hated one another the last few months. He refused to let her live here alone with us while he went to London. And she hated the city. Instead, he made us all miserable with his controlling presence here. Why they had become estranged I don’t know. But he found a convenient, ugly way to get rid of the problem so he could live a life of ease in London. You, of all people, know how he is. If he can’t control you, he wants to get rid of you. And he hasn’t had the nerve to say one word to me about the gambling, which is against the grain of his character. It proves he knows that I know what he did.”

  “You
should have told me. And I am not at all sure you are correct in your assumptions. You know very well there could have been a mix-up with guns or any other number of things.”

  “I didn’t want to burden you. That is why I chose not to tell you,” Theo argued.

  “So instead, I was forced to marry Cutty. Thank you very much, but I would have liked to have known so I could have had your hide whipped. George would have done it for me.” Jane moved to the gelding. With difficulty, she mounted the horse, bouncing several times on the tips of her toes to gain the necessary momentum to hoist herself into the saddle. She looked out to the sea. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you, Theo. You should never have presumed to know what type of punishment to inflict on our father. That was for the authorities to decide.”

  “But Jane, having our father tried before the House of Lords and possibly hanged would have brought unbearable attention to our family. I could not choose that path.”

  “And so you guard and control the family name almost as much as he does, Theo? I didn’t know you were capable of this level of pride. You have proved yourself your father’s son— tenfold!”

  Theo scratched his head and searched for an answer. “You speak of familial pride, Jane? You have it in good quantity yourself if you do not give in and marry Graystock. You speak of control. Do you not desire Harry for the simple reason that you would never be able to control Graystock, yet Harry will bow to your every whim?”

  “I don’t think I will ever be able to forget what you did, keeping a secret of this magnitude from me and then causing my improvident marriage. I loved Cutty, as a daughter loves a good father. But that is not the type of marriage I sought. Your actions brought unhappiness more to me than to our father. You should be ashamed.” She urged her horse into a gallop without a backward glance.

  “Jane, Jane,” he called out to her. “You will not go to the authorities with this information, will you?”