“I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show up.” She yanked open the door and her heart plummeted. Instead of Luke on her porch, a woman about her height stood in the shadows.
Apprehension filled her as Penny flicked on the porch light. A ghost would have made more sense than what she was seeing.
“Hi, baby,” Cheryl Montgomery said. Her auburn hair was streaked with silver. Her familiar brown eyes were so light they were almost tan. Her build was similar to Penny’s, but her clothes were loose around her small frame. Even though it had been over fifteen years since Penny had last seen her, she would always recognize her mother.
That didn’t mean that she could handle it. Her brain went completely blank trying to process this unexpected arrival. She couldn’t think, let alone speak. Her chest burned as if she’d run for miles without stopping. Her hands were cold and clammy.
“Are you going to invite me in?” Cheryl looked around Penny into the house and smiled hesitantly. “From what I see you’ve changed some things since Mom died.”
“You didn’t come to the funeral.” It was her voice, but Penny hadn’t realized she’d said anything. She’d had seventeen years to come up with something to say when her mother finally showed up, but she’d never believed it would actually happen.
Cheryl looked down at her feet before lifting her gaze to Penny. “Do we have to talk about this on the porch? It’s kind of chilly.”
She didn’t want her mother in this house. It was hers now. Anything she’d had as a child, her mother had destroyed, whether she’d sold it so she could buy more liquor or she’d broken it during one of her alcohol-induced rampages. Penny had never had anything until her grandma took her in. The few treasures her grandma had given her were on the dresser in her bedroom.
“I swear I’m sober.” Cheryl held up a coin. “One year.”
Penny wanted to scream and slam the door in Cheryl’s face. Instead she stepped aside and let her in. Blood thundered in her ears as she followed her mother into her living room.
“This is so much better than my mother’s decorations. She never did like much color.” Cheryl moved to the wall of photos. “Is this your daughter?”
“No, I don’t have any children.” Penny stood next to the door frame with her arms crossed in front of her.
“That’s a shame. She’s a pretty girl. I’d love to be a grandma.”
Don’t hold your breath on that one, Mom. Cheryl would likely be the worst grandma in the world. She had definitely never received a Number One Mom mug from Penny.
Cheryl sat in the recliner and looked at Penny expectantly.
There was no way Penny was going to sit down and talk as if nothing had happened with the woman who had abandoned her. As if this was some kind of happy reunion between mother and daughter. As if she hadn’t waited for her for seventeen years. “Why weren’t you at Grandma’s funeral?”
Cheryl sighed and clasped her hands in her lap. “I got into some trouble and had to go into rehab.”
“The funeral was four years ago. You just said you’ve only been sober a year.” It was hard to keep the accusation out of her voice. Penny didn’t want her mother to matter to her. She didn’t want anything to do with Cheryl at all.
“I relapsed, but I went into the program myself afterward.”
“Who’d you end up in bed with?” Penny tried to keep the venom from her voice.
Cheryl lowered her eyes and took a deep breath. “You have every right to be mad at me, Penny—”
“Really? For what, Cheryl? Making me clean up your vomit after you’d partied all night? Or how about how I’d have to skip school to take care of you when you were hungover? Or how about the sleazy men you brought into my life? Thank God you had the decency to give me a bolt on my bedroom door. The handle rattled enough to make me fear going to the bathroom at night because you’d be too passed out to actually help me.”
“I wasn’t a good mom. I wasn’t a good anything.” Cheryl lifted her gaze to Penny. “I want to make this right. I want to start fresh. I want to be a family.”
Penny recoiled as if her mother had asked her to join a cult that worshiped goats and sacrificed bunnies for fun. “What about what I wanted, Cheryl?”
She’d begged her mother not to leave her behind. When they’d lived together, she’d reached out for help for her mother’s addiction and every now and then, Cheryl would clean up and they’d be happy. Until Cheryl let another man into her life, and it wasn’t long after that the drinking would begin again. Even though Penny had hated cleaning up her mother’s mess, she hadn’t wanted to leave her. And she’d never thought that Cheryl would leave her behind.
I love you, Penny. We’ll be together soon. I just need to fix myself right now. The words had echoed in her head for years while she waited for her mother to come get her and for them to be a family again.
“I...” Cheryl looked confused. She flipped the coin over in her hand and closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she raised her gaze to Penny. “I can’t take back the past. All I can do is apologize and try to make you believe that I never wanted to leave you.”
Penny’s lips tightened to a thin line. That was the one thing she would never believe. She stared at Cheryl and wondered what lies would come out of her mouth next.
Cheryl frowned and put the coin in her pocket. “I don’t know what else I can say. I’m late, but Alan says better late than never. So here I am.”
“Alan,” Penny spit out the name. “Is that the most recent in your train wreck of boyfriends?”
She shook her head. “He’s my sponsor. He’s been sober for fifteen years. He’s happily remarried with kids.”
“Good for him.” Everything inside Penny wanted to explode. This wasn’t happening. It was some sort of sick joke. Why was she here after everything? Where had she been when Penny had needed her?
They stared at each other, and Cheryl’s eyes pleaded with her to understand. To forgive. But that wasn’t in Penny. She couldn’t just forget. Not when it had cost her everything.
The knock on the door broke their gazes. Penny took a deep breath and released it as she turned to go answer the door.
“Hey, I brought you—” Luke looked up from the bag he held. “What’s wrong?”
She could feel the sob pressing on her throat. She wanted to hug him and let go of everything, but she didn’t. Luke would save her because that’s what he did.
“My mom is here.” The words came out flat. She couldn’t put any emotion behind them or she wouldn’t make it through the next few minutes. Just hold it together for a few more minutes. That’s all she needed.
Luke closed her door and set the bag down on the table. Then he took her hand in his. It was all things good and warm. She drew strength from him. He would be here for her and that meant the world to her.
She led him back to the living room. Cheryl looked expectantly at Penny and then over to Luke.
“Hello, Ms. Montgomery. I’m Luke Ward.” He didn’t release Penny’s hand to offer to shake Cheryl’s. He stood with her as a united front.
Penny wanted to lean into him, let him take care of this situation, but she hadn’t grown into a wet mop at the sight of her mother. She wasn’t going to start acting like one now because Luke was here.
“It’s nice to meet you, Luke.” Cheryl stood. “I didn’t realize Penny was expecting company.”
Penny couldn’t think of anything to say. She wanted her mother to leave, but that part of her that had taken care of her mother reared up. “Do you have some place to go?”
For a moment, she thought her mother was going to ask to stay with her. Luke squeezed her hand and she realized she had him in a death grip and loosened it slightly.
“I’ve got a room in Owen. I didn’t want to assume that you would forgive me right away.” She l
aughed awkwardly. “I hoped, but...”
Penny’s heart felt as if it had been through a blender today. She shook her head as the tears pressed against the back of her eyes.
“I didn’t think so.” Cheryl took in a deep breath and held her head up. “I hope that you’ll let me come and see you.”
Penny didn’t say anything but stepped out of the way so that Cheryl could leave.
Cheryl sighed and walked to the door. Once there, she stopped and turned back. “I know you don’t believe me, but I love you, Penny.”
Penny had never doubted that. She just wasn’t enough for her mother.
“Good night, Luke.”
“Good night, Ms. Montgomery.”
“You can call me Cheryl.” She smiled wearily. “Penny does.”
With that she was gone. As soon as the door closed, Penny collapsed against Luke.
Chapter Fourteen
It had to be a cosmic joke. Penny could take only so much. Luke folded her in his arms against his chest, and she allowed the first choking sob to escape.
Her whole world had just been shaken. The pain she’d felt when her mother had left her resurfaced. How many nights had she cried herself to sleep in her bedroom? How many times had she sworn her mother would come tomorrow? How many nights had she repacked her suitcase?
Until one day she just knew. Her mother would never come back for her. Just as her father had never wanted her. What had made her believe her mother was any different than him? Just because she was the one who got stuck with Penny? Sure, she’d said she loved Penny. But love was a deception.
“Do you want to go sit down?” Luke ran his hands over her back and brushed her hair away from her face.
“Why are you so good to me?” Penny looked up at him through the tears gathering in her eyes.
He smiled softly and kissed her forehead. “Because someone has to be good to you. It might as well be me.”
Penny backed away out of his arms. She needed to give him something. Something important to her. Taking his hand, she pulled him behind her up the stairs and down the hallway. At the door to her bedroom, she stopped and turned to face him.
“This doesn’t mean anything.” She said the words but knew they weren’t true. This was the one rule she’d held close all these years. If no one came into her bedroom, she’d be safe. She wouldn’t have memories, except of herself, attached to the one place in her world that was hers. If she let Luke in, every time she entered her bedroom she’d think of him in it. Somehow forever seemed bearable when it came to Luke.
She searched his eyes for a long minute. It wouldn’t matter if she looked into them for hours; she wouldn’t know how to find what she was looking for, because she didn’t know what it looked like. At least not as other people did. Love.
Pushing the door open behind her, she pulled him into her bedroom. As he closed the door, her heart shuddered. This was as close as she might ever come to telling Luke she loved him. The words weren’t possible. Not when this all would end. She couldn’t reopen that wound, but she could show him how she felt.
Her room wasn’t much. Bed, dresser, lamp, nightstand. But her treasures sat arranged on a white doily on her dresser. Everything in here was hers and hers alone. No one could take them from her.
She dropped his hand and walked to her queen-size bed. Sitting down with her back against the headrest, she propped up a few pillows beside her and patted the bed. Not saying a word, Luke kicked off his shoes and joined her. Side by side.
Deep breaths. She took his hand in hers, leaned against his shoulder and let out a long sigh.
“You want to talk about it?” Luke rubbed his thumb across her knuckles.
Penny shook her head. “You don’t want to hear about it.”
“Don’t hide yourself from me, Penny.” Luke tipped her chin up and gazed into her eyes. “I care about you, and I know that had to have been painful.”
She wanted to deny it. To press her body against his and take his mouth with hers until they both forgot about Cheryl’s visit. But she couldn’t. Her mother’s visit had unlocked a dam that had been ready to burst for years.
“She left me when I was ten.”
Years ago, she’d told Luke some of the story, but she wanted to get it all out now. As he listened, he held her hand in his and kept rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. His touch gave her comfort and courage.
“Sometimes it was good. It would be me and her against the world. She was fun and a little crazy. We moved a lot. Wherever she could find work. When she first started a job, we’d have a little extra money. She’d buy me gifts and ice cream. I’d go to school like a normal kid.”
She closed her eyes as she rested against his shoulder. Remembering the good times was almost more painful than remembering the bad. Without the good, she would have never known that the other times were that bad.
“We’d spend the weekends like a normal family. I’d join the basketball team at school. Then mom would find a guy. She never really stopped drinking, just drank less during the good times. Things would start to get rough and she’d start drinking more. He’d get sick of her and she’d find herself at the bottom of a bottle.”
“That couldn’t have been easy for you.” Luke put his arm around her and took her hand with his other.
“She’d start getting sick. I’d have to clean up after her just so I could use the bathroom. I’d miss school to stay home to take care of her and make sure she ate and was hydrated. She’d always go right back to the bottle, though, and bring home any guy who would have her.”
A shudder ran through her. “I’d lock myself in my room those nights. But I’d always be there in the morning to help her. I thought that’s what love was. Always being there. No matter what.”
She shook her head. “She’d lose her job and then she’d start selling things to get more alcohol. Everything she’d bought me would be gone within a few days. I’d use any spare money I could find to get us food. Sometimes we only had ramen noodles all week. I cooked. I cleaned. When I was exhausted, I’d reach out for help.”
“You were brave.”
“Not brave. Scared.” She struggled to form the next part into words. “It wasn’t that I couldn’t take care of her anymore. It was that I couldn’t control her anymore. When we had no money left to buy food, I worried that she’d have to start selling herself to maintain her addiction. When she drank heavily, she wasn’t my mom anymore. She didn’t care about me. When she’d sober up, she’d apologize. She’d swear she wouldn’t drink anymore. She’d go out to find a job and then come home drunk.”
She swiped at the tear that had escaped down her cheek. “But I could handle it. I knew she loved me and I was there for her. It was us against everything. I looked into rehab, but every place wanted her to stay for a long time to get clean. How was I supposed to survive without my mom? They would have thrown me into foster care.”
“What about your grandma?”
Penny scoffed. “Grandma threw out Mom when she found out she was pregnant. You remember how strict Grandma had been with me?”
She felt his nod against her head.
“She was that way because Mom had run wild. Not that I didn’t, but Mom had started drinking at fourteen. Grandma had told Mom never to come to her for anything. She’d broken the rules and that was that. Grandma didn’t care what Mom had to do to survive.
“So we had no one but each other. For years we made it work. I don’t know what changed. I thought about it for a long time. Had she gotten sick of me? Had I done something wrong? I was always helpful. I might have talked back a few times, but that wasn’t anything new.”
Penny struggled to sit up straight and put a little distance between her and Luke, but she didn’t let go of his hand. “When she brought me to my grandma, I begged her not to l
eave me. What would she do without me to take care of her? How would she remember to eat?”
Luke squeezed her hand. “Maybe she just wanted you to have someone to look out for you for a change.”
“By leaving me with Grandma? By taking away everything I’d ever known?” Penny blinked away the tears. “She was supposed to come back. She promised. She said—”
Tears choked her and she couldn’t hold them back anymore. Luke pulled her toward him and she fell against his chest, soaking his blue T-shirt with her tears. He gently stroked her hair and made soothing noises.
For seventeen years she’d held it inside. Pushed it down deep so that it wouldn’t consume her. Forced everyone in her life away. Grandma had been easy. She had always kept Penny at arm’s length. Penny had been just another thing she had to take care of, not a grandchild to be loved and cherished. It had probably been better that way. Penny would have pushed back hard if her grandma had wanted any sort of real relationship with her.
“She left me with my grandma. All alone. Maggie and I got to be friends, but for years I could never really make it real because I thought that someday Mom would come back for me. And we’d leave Tawnee Valley and start our lives together. But she never came....”
His warmth penetrated the coldness that had engulfed her when she’d seen her mother. But she still shook as the tears streamed down her cheeks.
“How could she leave me if she loved me?”
Chapter Fifteen
Luke held Penny as she released what had to be years of pent-up emotion. As the sobs diminished, he could feel her body relaxing against his, until her breath became even and slow. He grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and patted her face dry as she slept.
Everyone knew that Cheryl Montgomery had dropped her daughter at her mother’s and run off. A few people remembered she’d had issues with alcohol in high school. Before Penny had been at school a month, most of their classmates had labeled her a lost cause. Probably because their parents didn’t want a bad influence around them. But Penny hadn’t been bad. Not at first.
ONE NIGHT WITH THE BEST MAN Page 11