“Afraid of a little competition?” She relaxed into his side. Her mother and Luke were just too much to take at the same time. She was glad he was here.
“I’m here. They aren’t. No competition there.” Luke stopped the recording and flipped to a movie.
If he didn’t want to bring up the what’s-happening-with-us talk, she was more than willing to let it go. She’d made a few strides forward with one relationship today. She didn’t need to fix this thing with Luke at the same time.
She settled into the crook of his arm and stared blankly at the television. Tomorrow would be soon enough to talk.
Chapter Nineteen
Penny sorted her silverware and placed the napkin in her lap. Cheryl sat across from her, looking at her expectantly. At least Cheryl hadn’t tried to hug her when she’d stopped by the shop to get her for lunch at the diner. Penny was fairly certain a panic attack would have devoured her whole if Cheryl tried to touch her.
“I don’t know where to start.” Cheryl laughed nervously.
Penny smiled tightly but didn’t offer any suggestions. She’d promised Maggie she’d try, but she didn’t have to like it.
“I know you work at the shop, but did you do anything before that? Did you go to college? How was high school? Did you have any serious boyfriends? Who was the guy who came over that night?”
“Whoa.” Penny held up her hands. “One question at a time and I have the right to refuse to answer any or all of them.”
Cheryl nodded. But before she could ask anything, their waitress, Rachel Thompson, came over to take their order. When she left, Cheryl folded her hands on the table.
“Okay, let’s start with something easy. Did you go to college?”
“No,” Penny said and looked out the window, wishing she could be anywhere else but here.
“Why not? You were always such a smart girl.” Cheryl’s brow furrowed.
“I didn’t have the best grades going into high school and apparently all that crap they taught us in elementary school really was the basis for everything we learned later. You don’t get into college taking remedial courses.” Penny stopped herself from adding that her mother was why she hadn’t done well in elementary school. If Cheryl didn’t know that, then they were going to have more than a rocky start.
“What about the community college?”
“Grandma needed help at the store.” Penny shrugged. To be honest, every time she’d thought about taking classes, she’d thought of Luke. He’d been the best tutor she could have had, and taking classes would have only reopened that wound.
“I can’t change the past, Penny.” Cheryl looked down at her hands and had the decency to look remorseful. “If I could have controlled the addiction, I would have. It took me a long time to realize that the addiction was in control of me and not the other way around.”
“Do you still want to drink?”
“Every day,” Cheryl admitted. “It’s easier now than when I first went to rehab, but little setbacks in life have a way of triggering the desire to drink.”
“At any moment you could disappear or, worse, stay around and be drunk off your ass all the time?” Penny didn’t hide her bitterness.
“No. That’s why I go to group and have a sponsor. Someone who can talk me down when I think I need a drink.” Cheryl reached her hand out, but Penny pulled hers into her lap before Cheryl could touch her. Cheryl clasped her hands back together. “I swear I’m here to stay and I know you won’t believe it until you see it, but I promise you—”
“Just like you promised to come back.” Penny’s head was starting to hurt. It didn’t take much for the pain to resurface from all those years ago. “I waited for you. I didn’t even unpack my bag for a year. I was always ready for when you’d come back and get me and we’d be a family again.”
“I’m sorry—”
“That’s not enough.” Penny glanced around the diner and lowered her voice. “Sorry isn’t worth anything. You not being there meant everything was wrong. Grandma kept telling me that I’d seen the last of you and I kept telling her she’d see in the morning. You would be here then and I’d be gone. Do you know what that does to someone? To constantly be waiting for someone who never comes back?”
“No, I don’t know what it was like for you.” Cheryl didn’t move.
“It hurts. I cried every day. I didn’t make friends because I wouldn’t be here long enough. Maggie was the only one who understood me. I didn’t build a relationship with my grandma. I kept everyone away because I would leave as soon as you came back for me.”
Cheryl pressed her lips together, but her eyes looked as if she wanted to say she was sorry.
“Do you know how hard it is to let someone in when you’ve kept everyone away for so long?”
“Yes, I do.” Cheryl’s words stopped Penny cold.
“What?”
“I know what it’s like to shut down and not trust anyone. I trusted your father. He’d been my first love. Sure, my mom called me wild in high school, but I’d only been with him. When I got pregnant and Mom kicked me out, I went to him.”
Penny leaned forward. Her mother had never talked about her father before. She hadn’t even been aware that he’d lived in Tawnee Valley.
“We were so stupid. Or at least I was. He came with me to start a new life. We didn’t get married right away, but we talked about it. We didn’t have much money and I’d already started showing. We needed to save up for you, so we put it off. I was working one night and got sick, so I came home early and found him with someone else.”
Cheryl stopped and took a drink of her Diet Coke. Her eyes were glazed from remembering the past.
“I tore into him. He had become my world. The only person I could trust, and he was sleeping with anyone who made eyes at him. I blew up and told him to leave and never come back.”
Penny swallowed the lump that had formed. She’d never thought her father might have been bad for them. She thought he’d left because of her.
“I wasn’t thinking. All these feelings had been going through me. How could he do that to me? To us? I didn’t think he’d stay away. We’d had fights before, but this was different. I wasn’t even sure I would have taken him back if he’d showed up.” Cheryl’s eyes were filled with regrets.
“Did he ever contact you?” Penny couldn’t help the hope in her voice. Her father hadn’t left because of her. He’d left because he was two-timing her mother. Yet he hadn’t come back to be with his daughter. But it hadn’t just been her.
“No. After you were born, I was sure he’d come back, but he didn’t. At some point I realized he wasn’t coming back and tried to date, but the only thing that made me feel like dating was the numbness of alcohol. I knew it was bad and that I was letting you down, and that made me feel worse so I’d drink more.”
“You tried....” Try as she might, Penny couldn’t forget the good times with her mother. When she’d get a job and drink only in the evenings. Things always seemed better then.
“I did, but it never stuck. I’d meet a guy and start thinking he’d cheat on me or leave me or both and I’d drink.” Tears filled her eyes. “I wanted so badly to stop for you. But I couldn’t go to rehab and take you with me. I was lucky that Child Protective Services didn’t step in earlier.”
Cheryl reached across the table. “I left you so that I could get help to deserve you.”
Penny stared at Cheryl’s open, grasping hand. How easy would it be to just accept what she was offering? Put her hand in hers and have a mom again? How much heartbreak could she stand if she opened herself up to Cheryl and she left again?
She clasped her hands to keep from reaching out and shook her head to remind herself that this wasn’t real.
Rachel stopped by with their food. Penny stared down at the burger a
nd fries. She’d been hungry before, but now with all this new information swimming in her brain, she felt too overloaded.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” Cheryl asked.
“Yeah.” Penny shook herself out of it. “Of course.”
She took a big bite of the burger and chewed. It tasted like sawdust in her mouth.
“Did you go to your prom?”
Penny blushed and finished swallowing the burger. That night she and Luke had had every intention of attending prom, but one thing had led to another... Technically they had gone to their prom. They just never made it into the gym, where the dance was being held. “Yes.”
“Was there someone special?” Cheryl looked more relaxed now that they were talking about little stuff.
Penny wished she could relax, too, but Luke was a sticking point for her. She’d loved him forever and thinking back to high school... It all had been simple until graduation.
“Yeah, I had someone.” She wiped her mouth with the napkin and flagged down Rachel. “Can we get the check?”
“Sure thing.”
Penny placed the napkin on the table. “I really need to get back to the shop.”
Her mother set down her fork. “Of course. I wouldn’t want to keep you from your business. It seems important to you.”
“It is.” It was the only constant in her life. Even now when everything else was spiraling out of control, the shop was still there. All her antiques were on their shelves, exactly where they belonged. And when she was in there, she could try to forget about Luke and Cheryl. It didn’t always work, but she could try.
“I’m glad you have something.” Cheryl smiled. “Could we try to get together again this week?”
The world hadn’t opened up and swallowed her whole from this lunch. Maybe she could rebuild a relationship with her mother. Or maybe she’d be better off cutting her losses now and telling Cheryl to find someone else to make amends to. “I’ll check my schedule.”
* * *
Luke checked his watch. It was only nine o’clock, but all the lights were off at Penny’s house. He knew he should just go home. Sam was doing fine. Instead he parked his car and walked up to the front door.
He pressed the doorbell and Flicker barked from somewhere in the house. A light flicked on in the hallway and Penny emerged in her light blue cotton pajamas. He drank in the sight of her as she made her way to the door. Her ginger hair was tousled as if he’d woken her.
A moment of worry went through him. What if she was sick? What if she was with someone else?
She opened the door after checking to make sure it was him. “Hey.”
“Are you okay? Are you sick?” Luke pressed his hand to her forehead.
She scowled at him and swatted his hand away. “I’m fine. I don’t need you to play doctor.”
“But that’s my best role.” He winked.
She just rolled her eyes. “Come on in. You can watch me sleep if you want.”
“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Luke closed and locked the door behind them. “Usually you don’t go to bed until later.”
“Usually, I don’t have a man keeping me up all hours of the night.” She raised an eyebrow and quirked the side of her mouth up in a little smile.
“I can go....” He put his thumb out to point to the door.
She smiled. “Don’t be silly. You’re better than an electric blanket and the dog combined.”
She grabbed the waistband of his jeans and pulled him down the hallway to her bedroom. “Beat it, Flicker. I’ve got someone who won’t hog the covers.”
Flicker whined and looked at her from the bed with the most pathetic look Luke had ever seen a dog give.
“You had your chance, cover hog. Get!” Penny pointed to the door and the dog huffed his way off the bed and out of the bedroom. She closed the door behind him. “Now, where were we?”
“You were comparing me to heating devices?” Luke leaned against the wall next to her dresser.
“Ah, yes. You are definitely my favorite toy. And to think you don’t even need batteries, and you’re waterproof.” Her pajama shorts revealed her long legs and hung low on her hips. Her top barely covered her breasts.
His body twitched in reaction. “I’d like to think I’m more than just a walking heated toy.”
She advanced on him like a predator. “Mmm...you are so much better than any toy I’ve owned.”
She stopped a hair’s breadth away from him. As he inhaled her sweet scent, her breasts touched his chest. Something was off, though, and it wasn’t just that she’d been sleeping.
“Maybe we should check to see if you need fresh batteries.” She grinned as she cupped him.
He hardened against her hand. It had never taken much for Penny to get him going, but the past few days, she’d been different. More open. More emotional. Now it seemed as if she’d bottled that back up and was using the sexpot angle again. He shouldn’t mind. They had only a few days left together.
Maggie and Brady would be home the day after tomorrow, and he’d need to get back to St. Louis. And this thing between them would end. But should it? Instead of stumbling through life numb, he could have Penny to come home to. It had been almost a decade since high school, and even though they’d changed, the chemistry between them hadn’t.
They were combustible when mixed. He didn’t want to leave her, but would she be willing to come with him? One thing had to be cleared up first.
Penny pressed her body against his and pulled his head down to meet her lips. His arms went around her and lifted her against him for the perfect fit. Her mouth tasted of vanilla ice cream and he couldn’t get enough.
Before he was completely gone, he lifted his head. “We need to talk.”
“Ugh. I’ve talked already today.” She wove her fingers through his hair and tugged his head down. “I just want to play with my toy.”
She nipped at his bottom lip. As enticing as the offer was, he needed to sort this out. Their time together was closing fast.
“I’ll make you a deal.” He shifted his hands to more comfortably hold her against him.
“I’m listening.” She stared at his lips as if waiting for the right moment to pounce.
He gritted his teeth as she moved against him. The importance of talking was slowly ebbing; his body had other things it needed at the moment. “Maybe we can do both.”
“Talk and sex? How original.” She rolled her eyes. “Next you’ll be showing me a new sandwich made with peanut butter and jelly.”
Instead of answering, he kissed her. She murmured something against his lips, but then softened against him. He walked them back until they hit the bed and lowered them both to the mattress.
“Is this really what you sleep in?” He lifted his head and gazed down at her exposed stomach. He ran his palm across it and watched her quake in response. “No wonder you are cold.”
“I suppose you have flannel pajamas instead.” Penny pulled his T-shirt out of his jeans and inched it upward. “Mmm. Maybe you wear nothing at all.”
He helped her get his shirt off, but when she reached for his pants, he stalled her hand. “Not yet.”
She pouted and pressed her hand against his abs, making him tighten them in response. “I guess this is the talking part?”
“The kiss with Sam—”
“Again?” Penny flopped back against the bed and put her arm over her eyes. Her shirt rose, revealing the underside of her breast.
“I just want to understand what made you run before.” He managed to keep his hand on her stomach.
“What makes you think I was running?” She lifted her arm slightly to meet his eyes.
“You went to Sam and kissed him. You knew I would see you.”
She put her arm back over her eyes. “May
be I was drunk. Why are we obsessing over something that happened almost ten years ago?”
“Because it changed us.” He pried her arm off her eyes and held her hand. “I thought we were on the same page. That you were coming with me to college. That eventually we’d get married and start a family.”
“Do I look like a fairy tale to you?” She raised her eyebrow.
“It doesn’t have to be a fairy tale, if it’s true.” Luke rested his elbow on the bed and leaned his head on his hand. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty. I didn’t realize then that I’d been the one doing all the planning. We were following my dream because I thought it was our dream. But the more I talked, the more you acted like this.”
She pressed her lips together.
“You can’t deny that you shut down your emotions.” Luke ran his hand across her stomach to keep from exploring the soft skin under her shirt. “You bottle them up so tight that you practically implode. Like last night.”
“I don’t want to play this game anymore.”
“It’s not a game, Penny. It never was.” Luke used his knuckle to turn her face so she’d look at him. “I love you. I always have. You’re the reason I couldn’t move on. Even after seeing you kiss Sam, I wanted you in my life, but it drove me crazy thinking of you with other guys.”
“But that’s who I am. It’s who I was and it’s who I became.” She wouldn’t look him in the eyes.
Every part of him knew she was lying. “I’d believe that if you hadn’t collapsed after kissing Sam. I’d believe that if I didn’t know that you never looked at anyone else but me when we were dating. I’d believe that if you were a better liar.”
“You believed it then. You believed it all. That I kissed Sam because I wanted to. That everything everyone had said about me was true.”
“I was stupid and afraid.” Luke didn’t stop looking in her eyes. “It was easier to think the worst of you than to admit that I loved you but you didn’t want to be with me.”
“I wanted to be with you. I’ve always wanted you.”
“Then what happened?”
ONE NIGHT WITH THE BEST MAN Page 15