by Ashley Emma
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” She had taken off her kapp, probably so she could see the road better. She had always complained about wearing it. She nervously ran her fingers through her hair, flipping it out of her eyes.
He was a little surprised to see the ends of her hair just brushing her shoulders. Sometimes her bangs hid her eyes from him, so he could stare at her without her knowing it. The sunlight shone on the golden streaks in her chocolate-colored strands, and it looked so soft, he wished he could run his hands through it like he had when they had dated.
This was not the first time he had seen her with her kapp off. They had both known that a woman’s hair was only meant to be seen by her husband and family, but Liv had always been a bit rebellious. She had removed her kapp many times around him. Back then, her hair had been so long it had almost reached her knees, just like his mother’s and sisters’, but Liv’s hair had always been so much more fascinating and beautiful to him. It was so different now—lighter and shorter—and he loved it.
She drummed the steering wheel with her fingers and tapped her foot, even though there was no music playing.
“You’re nervous,” he observed.
“I am not,” she shot back, making a left turn.
He scratched his head and rolled it to the right, looking out the window at the edge of the endless freeway.
“I’d be nervous,” he offered. In the corner of his eye, he saw her glance at him.
“I mean, yeah, I’m a little worried about how everyone will react to seeing me. I mean, I killed Jake.”
He couldn’t stop himself from reaching over and giving her wrist a gentle squeeze. “Let’s pray they have found the strength to forget all that and welcome you back.”
She opened her mouth to say something, possibly an argument, then bit her lip. She let out a deep breath. “You’re right.”
“We’re almost there.”
“I know. I remember the way,” she murmured, a far-off look in her eyes.
Had she come back over the past few years, hoping to return, but chickened out at the last moment? He didn’t feel right asking her. Maybe this place was just hard to forget.
They passed the old Welcome to Unity sign, along with a yellow street sign with a horse and buggy on it. They passed a café and a pizza place that his family sometimes went to, then the modern world slowly faded away as they drove on.
There was no sign announcing that Amish lived there. Besides an occasional horse and buggy going down the road or a few Amish walking by in their old-fashioned clothing, it was not obvious to a passerby that this was an Amish community. The houses weren’t that different, besides the lack of power lines and window shutters, and the farms did not particularly stand out. The road that passed the community had a fast speed limit, so cars whizzed by every day, and sometimes Isaac wondered if the drivers even noticed the community or the serenity that always surrounded the Amish lifestyle.
Then he realized Liv’s hands trembled.
He didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. He couldn’t even imagine what she must be feeling.
*
Liv had no problem running through gunfire to chase a criminal. She was not afraid of wrestling a perp to the ground, nor would she hesitate before putting her life at risk to rescue a victim. But her old home and all the bad memories associated with it made her heart pound and her palms sweat.
She really did not want to take a trip down memory lane.
A deep breath helped calm her as she pictured a clear ocean, white sands, wind in her hair, warm sunlight. No cold weather or snow.
This would be so worth it once she arrested the killer. Her pistol bumped against her leg, and she was calmed by the security of its protection. She took a deep breath. Today, all she would have to do was see her aunt and uncle. She had moved in with them after she became orphaned by the fire. They were like her second parents.
Well, they had been before she had left. She must have devastated them, but it was something she had had to do, and she hoped they had understood.
Memories from the day she had left came washing over her as she drove closer to their destination. She let her mind wander back to the day she had left her community.
Jake had attacked her and accused her of loving Isaac. His blood had encircled his body on the floor after she had stabbed him.
Jake had never loved her.
Olivia had sat on the kitchen floor for several minutes after Jake died, just trying to take in what had just happened.
He was dead.
She had killed her husband. What was going to happen? Would she go to prison?
Olivia sat there, sobbing and shaking. She drew in several deep breaths, trying to lower her heart rate, and tried not to look at Jake. There was so much blood.
She had to do something. Maybe she should leave. Where would she go? She didn’t know much about the outside world, only what she had experienced during the short time she had spent trying it out in her Rumspringa. She didn’t know how to actually live in the outside world and do things like get a job, pay an electric bill, or find an apartment. How would she survive?
All she knew was she did not belong here anymore, and she would rather die out there than continue living a lie here. Would anyone believe her, that it had been self-defense? She had never told anyone about Jake’s abuse except for Diana, who hadn’t believed her, and her aunt and uncle. After Diana’s reaction, she had been too afraid to tell anyone else, afraid the community wouldn’t believe her and that Jake would find out and hurt her more violently than he ever had.
Or even kill her. Which he had tried to do anyway.
Her relatives were out of town. Who could she tell? She had to talk to someone.
Isaac. He was the only other person who knew about Jake and would help her. He would know what to do, and he was right down the lane.
Once her stomach finally stopped churning and her head stopped spinning, she picked herself up and left the house. She didn’t have a plan, but she hoped he could help her figure out what to do.
She pounded on his door. “Isaac? Are you home?”
A moment later he answered her knock, and his face almost turned white. “What happened to you? Did he hurt you?” He pulled her inside before she could even answer. “You’re covered in blood. What did he do to you? If I ever get my hands on that guy—” Isaac’s fists balled up as if he wanted to punch someone. A vein protruded from his neck, displaying his anger.
Liv’s eyes filled with tears, and a lump grew in her throat. “He’s dead!”
“What? How?”
“I stabbed him. He was trying to kill me,” she managed to say between sobs.
Isaac reached out and gently touched her marred neck. “Did he try to choke you?” His voice was soft, and he let his hand rest on her shoulder. He looked her in the eyes.
She nodded, unable to speak. His touch brought back old feelings of the love they used to share. He took her in his arms and held her close, and she drew in a sharp breath. She was pressed up against his tall, wide frame, and all the memories of when they had dated came flooding back. For the first time since her family had died, she felt safe.
She had loved him when they had dated. Truly loved him. And she had thrown it all away for an angry man who had never loved her at all.
She would always regret that.
“I knew he was hurting you. I should have done something,” he said in a low voice.
“This is not your fault. It’s mine.”
“It is not your fault at all!” He pulled away and stared at her. “None of this is your fault.” He reached up and tenderly stroked her cheek where a bruise was forming. “I should have made you marry me. I was planning on asking you when we were dating, you know. I would have loved you unconditionally. I would have taken good care of you. I never understood why you married him.”
His words must have spilled out before he had had the chance to think about what he was going to say, because he blushed a deep
red. “I’m so sorry. That was out of line.” He let go of her and stepped back, looking at the floor.
“It’s okay. I married Jake because he was charming. He convinced me he was head over heels in love with me. He made me believe that what you and I shared was teenage puppy love. He promised me a fairy tale future. It was a whirlwind of romance and fake promises. And then we were at the church getting married. It all happened so fast.” Before she could think twice, she said, “And you’re right. I know you would have loved me if you would have married me.” As she dared to look up at his face, his expression made her smile. In his eyes she saw how much he cared about her.
She desperately wanted to know what it felt like to be loved again. The day’s events had tampered with her brain, and it had stopped working properly. Her heart took over. Her foolish heart that had led her to this—covered in blood and bruises, a widow seeking help from Isaac Troyer.
She grabbed onto his suspenders, pulled him towards her, reached up to hold on to a fistful of his dark hair and kissed him.
This was not right, kissing her former boyfriend less than an hour after her husband had died. After she’d killed him. It was completely wrong.
Liv pulled away. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. You’re upset. And scared.”
“That’s no excuse! This is wrong!” She stepped back a few feet. “I’m trying to figure out what to do. Should I call the police? Should I just leave?”
“Go to the elders,” Isaac suggested.
“No. Not after what happened with my family. I just want to leave and get out of here. I’m afraid they won’t believe it was self-defense. Jake was so nice to everyone. Who would believe that he was abusive?”
“You should have come to me and told me what was happening.” He took a step towards her. “I could have helped you.”
“That wouldn’t have been right.” She crossed her arms over her body.
“Maybe you should go see Diana.”
“I did. You know what she told me? She said she didn’t even believe me!”
His eyes widened. “I’m so sorry, Liv.”
He was going to try to hug her again, and she didn’t want her mind clouded any more than it was. She backed away, tears threatening. “I’m leaving Unity for good. I’m not good at being Amish. I never will be. I don’t belong here.”
“You’re leaving?” he whispered, his face paling.
“There is no way I could live here after this. If no one believes he was abusing me, they won’t believe he tried to kill me, and they’ll shun me for defending myself. I just want to go somewhere else and start over. So many terrible things have happened to me here. So many bad memories haunt me.”
Isaac just stared at her, tears filling his eyes.
“Come with me, Isaac. Let’s leave and never come back.”
“I—I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“My entire family is here. And my work. This place is my life. I’d be lost without it.” He raised his palms.
“Don’t you want to be with me?” A tear crept down her cheek. “After all this time, we finally have a second chance. Jake is out of the picture. We could start over.”
She couldn’t speak. This was happening too fast.
He grabbed her hand. “Come with me! Out there, we can be together.”
“We could be together here too.”
“No. I can’t stay here. My family was killed here, and being here reminds me of it every day. Do you love this place more than me?”
“Liv, it’s not that simple!” he cried. “I could never leave this place. It’s my home. I belong here.”
“Fine. I hate this place. If you really want to stay here, that’s okay. I guess we were never meant to be.” She had to get out of there. Besides, this was wrong. Her husband had just died that day, and she had already kissed her ex-boyfriend.
Everything about this was wrong. Shame filled her, making her heart and feet heavy as she turned away.
“I have to go,” she mumbled and walked out the door.
She stormed out, her heart breaking. She left Isaac standing there, staring at her as she walked away.
Maybe what they shared was an infatuation after all, remnants from their time together as teens. It hadn’t been real, just an illusion. They had just been caught up in the moment.
And he was right. He did belong there. This was for the best.
Liv blushed at the memory and brought herself back to the present. Shame and embarrassment washed over her. Had she really done that? Had she really kissed Isaac and asked him to leave with her that day? Maybe Jake’s death had rattled her more than she thought. Later on, she realized she had been wrong and asked the Lord for forgiveness.
Since then, she had tried to forget about it and act like it had never happened. But this situation brought back the memories and pain all over again.
Now, as she drove, she pushed the memories out of her mind.
Liv looked in the rearview mirror, noting a black car with no license plates following them. Had it been there for a while and she hadn’t noticed? These back roads seemed to go on and on, and one car could easily follow another for miles without meaning to.
Apprehension stirred within her. Why would someone be following them? Had the car been following them ever since they left the hospital and she had been too distracted to notice?
Perhaps they were trying to get to Isaac, or if they knew she was a detective on the case, maybe they wanted to stop her.
She made a sharp left, hoping that the car would keep on going straight, but they followed her.
“This is not the way to Unity,” Isaac told her, confusion in his tone.
“I know. I think that car is following us. I’m seeing if they are.”
She made a right, then several more turns. Though the car fell back a little, it still followed.
“They definitely are.” She stomped on the gas and they flew down the back road, then the roar of the engine behind them grew louder and louder as it got closer and closer. She glanced in her rearview mirror again, and this time the car was close enough to hit them.
Wham!
Liv’s car jolted forward and Isaac let out a yelp, clutching his neck and head in pain as the impact snapped his already sore head forward. The car behind them rammed into them again, probably bashing in Liv’s back fender, but that was the least of her worries. After one final smash, the black car accelerated and drove beside them in the opposite lane. If another car came around the bend, there would be a head-on collision.
The driver, wearing a ski mask, rolled down his window and shouted in a gravelly voice, “Pull over!”
Liv thought of the weapon in her leg holster. Should she shoot at their attacker’s tires and blow her cover? Or try to outrun him?
She couldn’t blow her cover this early on. It would ruin the entire investigation. She had to outrun him.
The black car slammed against the side of her vehicle, disrupting her chaotic thoughts. Fury welled up inside her, especially at the thought of how he could easily kill someone any second as a result of his reckless driving.
“Hold on, Isaac.”
Liv slammed on the brakes, completely throwing the black car off. She whipped the car to the left and swerved onto a side road, then took several random turns in hopes of losing the other driver. When she was finally sure they had lost him, she slowed down the car’s speed.
“What—What just happened?” Isaac massaged the back of his neck, which was probably now sore from the impact.
“I don’t know.” She let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, her pulse slowing to a normal rate again.
“We must leave it all in the Lord’s hands and not worry.”
“Yes. You’re right. All that matters is we’re both alive.”
Yeah. For now. Did this person think that Isaac knew information that could incriminate him? Or did he not know that Isaac remembered nothing of th
e attack? And that even if Isaac did remember, that he wouldn’t tell the police anything?
Liv wasn’t sure, but either someone wanted to scare Isaac into remaining silent, or they were trying to scare Liv away.
Good thing she didn’t scare easily.
Chapter Six
“Want me to go with you to your aunt’s and uncle’s house? Then you could bring me home,” Isaac suggested from the passenger seat of the car.
Liv considered her options. It might make things less awkward if I have someone else with me.
“Sure. Thanks.” She didn’t bother faking a smile as she turned her car onto the dirt road that led to the Mast farm. Fields still partly covered in snow stretched out before them, and one field fenced in several horses. Soon the snow would melt and the fields would come alive with green and the colors of wildflowers, and Aunt Mary would plant her garden.
Aunt Mary and Uncle Gideon had always been there for her, along with their sweet daughter Maria.
“We will always love you,” her Uncle Gideon had told her, his chocolate brown eyes filling with tears. She had been so confused, trying to figure out what to do—leave Jake or try to work things out for the thousandth time.
“If you want to leave Jake, temporarily or permanently, you are always welcome here,” Aunt Mary had offered.
That meant a lot, considering Liv could be shunned for leaving Jake and then Uncle Gideon, Aunt Mary, and Maria would be shunned for speaking to her. Olivia had felt so loved that she had sobbed in their arms. They had always loved her so much, and she had left them abruptly. She hadn’t had the guts to tell them to their faces that she was leaving. A stab of guilt ripped her insides as she tried to imagine their reaction to the letter she had left, thanking them for all they had done for her and explaining why she had to leave.
Tears stung her eyes at her cowardice. They must have been so shocked and devastated.
She wanted to make it up to them, but she couldn’t. In fact, she’d hurt them all over again when her assignment was over and she left. Again. She’d have to lie to them about wanting to rejoin the church. But it was the only way she would be able to get the information she needed to catch the criminal.