Surrender To You

by Janey, C. S.

  “I’m not going anywhere, so you might as well just come out.”

  I knew his words were true. He’d come this far, he certainly wouldn’t give up now. I gave in.

  Standing up, I went over and blew my nose, running cool water over my face as I examined my swollen eyes in the mirror. Walking over to the door, I swung it open and there he stood, waiting for me.

  No smile, no frown.

  He opened his arms to comfort me if I desired it, watching me intently with eyes full of concern.

  So I stepped into them and as his arms enveloped me, I said the one thing I should have said when I first saw him again in that airport.

  “I’m sorry, Stefan. I’m so, so sorry.”

  As the tears fell from my eyes once more, I felt him relax, knowing he knew what I meant.

  Stroking my hair with one hand, he kissed my cheek. “I know honey. No need to be sorry. I always knew you’d come back to me one day.”

  In that moment, I was glad he’d had faith all these years because I’d so obviously lost mine in that alley six years ago.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  We didn’t end up gambling the next morning. I wasn’t really up for it and Stefan made it clear that we could do it another time.

  After staying up cuddling a while and watching some television, we’d gone to bed. Snuggled up against each other, I tried to find the resolve to admit to him what had happened all those years ago. Deciding I would tell him once we were back in town, I slept better than I had in a long time.

  I made my goal for the rest of the drive into a simple one - enjoy our time together. We left the hotel by eleven a.m. and headed out. The sun was shining brightly and we were both in a cheerful mood.

  “So, what are your plans when you get back?” He winked at me. “I hope I’m one of them.”

  “I don’t really have plans other than getting settled in. Oh, except to go see Grace and her daughter Lyndsey.”

  He looked over at me, brows furrowed with confusion. “You still talk to Grace?”

  “Heck yeah. I mean, we went for a little while without talking but she’s always been there for me.”

  Concentrating on the road, he just nodded at my answer.

  “She lives in town. Don’t you ever see her?”

  “Yeah, I guess you could say I do. It’s not like her and I were ever close so it’s not like we’re buddy-buddy.”

  True. Even though she’d been my roomie, we hadn’t really hung out in a group setting.

  “Her daughter is so pretty! I’ve seen tons of pics of her over the years. I can’t believe how time flies.”

  I felt his hand on mine seconds before he turned it over, interlocking our fingers and squeezing. “She is a cutie,” he agreed.

  The silence, for the first time since I’d seen him, didn’t bother me. It was a companionable one. The kind of moment you hope for in your later years of life with a partner who just got you.

  That was us. We just got each other.

  Even though he didn’t know the secret, he still understood me. In my grief, I had forgotten that.

  The scenery flew by and the peace that had been building inside my chest was still growing. I was excited to go home. I wasn’t so thrilled to face my past, but it was time I stopped running from it.

  Hopefully, I’d tell Stefan and he would understand. Then we could move on with our lives.

  We both jumped when my phone rang. Seeing it was my mother, I didn’t answer at first. When it rang again just moments later, I sighed.

  “Hi, mom.”

  “Elizabeth! Where have you been?”

  She sounded panicked and I answered before thinking. “Uhm, well, I’m kinda in a car on my way there. Why?”

  “I’ve been calling but it just went straight to voice-mail. What do you mean you’re on your way here?”

  “It means I’m coming home.”

  I had told her I’d lost my job and might end up moving back home. Guess I’d forgotten to mention to her that was absolutely going to do so. Not shocking since telling her my every move had ended once I’d left home at eighteen.

  “Oh, I see. When will you be here? And why are you driving?”

  “Because I need my car? There are movers that will pack up my house.”

  “Okay. Well, I’ll see you then, right?”

  “Yes mom, you will. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Bye.”

  She hung up and I had never felt so awkward in my life. That was how our conversations always were. She wanted to know where I was and how I was doing, yet never seemed to have anything else to say. That was my fault though and I knew it. The talk with her about what happened long ago was going to be a difficult one.

  “She cares about you, y’know.”

  Looking over at Stefan, I grimaced. “I know, but she’s got a funny way of showing it.”

  He shrugged. “I think we’ve all got our own funny ways of showing we care.”

  Laughing, I pulled my hand from his. “Yeah, I suppose that’s true.” I leaned back against my seat and closed my eyes.

  “Taking a nap already?”

  “Nah, just relaxing my eyes,” I assured him. “So, tell me, what have you been doing all these years?”

  “What do you mean? With work?”

  “Sure. With work.”

  I heard the amusement in his voice as he responded. “I worked at the company I was at when you left for about a year. Then, I decided to start my own company, which is quite the competitor in software engineering. I have three offices across the country now.”

  Impressive. He’d been busy. “What’s it called?”

  “Well, I went lofty just for giggles. So it’s called ‘Pierce & Pierce Enterprise’ which my mother found hilarious.”

  “Hah, I’m sure she did! Why Pierce & Pierce when there is only one of you?”

  “Nah, my brother Evan works there as well.”

  “I see. So that’s how you could afford that room in the hotel, I take it.”

  He threw me a grin, not saying anything before looking back at the road.

  “And you’ve been single the whole time?”

  “Ha! No way. I did some dating here and there, but nothing serious. I went a little crazy for a little while though,” he paused, his hesitation about continuing that line of thought more than evident.

  “Go on. It’s not like we were dating.”

  “Well, I tried to forget you. I also drank a lot. Neither was a good way to do that, I assure you.”

  “So you were being a drunk man-slut is what you’re saying.”

  “Uh…well, no. I didn’t sleep around like that, I just got really drunk and made an ass of myself.” He cleared his throat. “Did you date anybody else?”

  I chuckled. “Yeah, one person last year. That was it. I spent a lot of years in therapy before attempting to date again.”

  “Really? You should ask for your money back.”

  “Funny.” I reached an arm out and blindly slapped at his arm. “It actually helped me a lot!”

  He laughed and grabbed it, kissing the top of my hand before releasing it. “I’m sure it did. What was his name?”

  “Geoffrey. He was okay. We slept together but it wasn’t very good.” Then I mentally slapped myself. Why had I offered up that information?

  “That’s too bad,” he remarked, even as I knew he had to be smiling at the fact he was the only other man I’d ever slept with. “How did you two meet?”

  “Not that its any of your business, but we met in my therapist’s office.”

  “Romantic.”

  With a laugh, I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “It didn’t last long anyway.”

  He didn’t say anything and I was glad for the end of that conversation. My relationship with Geoffrey wasn’t really something I wanted to discuss with anybody really. Yet, I knew now that Stefan owned his own business and was obviously doing really well.

  The silence stretched and with that, the
combination of beautiful scenery and the peaceful quiet in the car had me drifting off as the radio played softly, Stefan humming along.

  ~*~

  One more hotel stay - sans sex - and another long drive later, we arrived in our hometown.

  As we passed the downtown area, my leg shook, giving away how nervous I was. It had been one thing to declare my intent to face my past; it was another to actually arrive here and see it for myself.

  “You okay?”

  I had driven away from the hotel that morning, wanting to give him a break from driving. I wasn’t really great with directions, but Stefan had been patient and we’d only got turned around once when I wasn’t paying attention. However, after lunch, he had gotten behind the wheel again and I’d taken a nap.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied, unable to see much outside the window because it was so dark. “Where are we going?”

  “Well, I’m taking you to your new home. However, I’m hoping you’ll let me stay the night and drive me to my place in the morning. Otherwise I’m going to have to walk there.”

  I smiled to myself, part of me liking the idea even though I’d never do that.

  “Where is your car?”

  “In my driveway. Evan drove me to the airport.”

  “Oh I see. Then he knew you were coming to see me?”

  “I think everybody in town knew that I was coming to visit you.”

  “Visit me? You meant to drag me back here by the hair if you could manage it,” I retorted, even as I smiled.

  “Last I checked, you enjoyed having that lovely brown hair pulled on,” he said with a laugh. “Besides, what else is a man to do with the woman he’s meant to be with when she won’t do as she’s bid?”

  “Do as I’m bid? Please!” I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see the motion. “Next you’ll say I should be in the kitchen naked, barefoot and pregnant!”

  “Nah. You’ll have an apron at least. Can’t have my woman shivering while cooking me some bacon.”

  At that, my eyes teared up as uncontrollable laughter took over. Pressing a fist to my lips, I tried to stifle it, although Stefan had joined in. When he pulled into the driveway of the house, I sucked in a deep breath to try and calm down.

  Rubbing my face with my hands, I had sufficiently soothed my mirth as he turned on the lights inside the car. Turning toward me, he smiled and I struggled to keep a straight face, lest I burst out laughing once again.

  “So, am I allowed to stay the night?”

  I knew that would get me, him staying the night. Even though I had told him we could only sleep together before our return, I knew it wouldn’t stop there. But if it was going to be this way, then it would be my way.

  “Depends.”

  He reached over and took my hands in his. My stomach fluttered with anticipation, breathless as he kissed them and lingered, a smile peeking through the serious look on his face.

  “And what does it depend on, honey?”

  “This is all I can give you right now,” I stated, my own words sobering in contrast to the joking about being his woman. “I-I can’t promise anything else, not even a relationship with you. I’m not sure that will ever happen.”

  He nodded. “I understand. It doesn’t mean I can’t try to convince you otherwise though, does it?”

  “No,” I whispered, the idea of him trying to persuade me sent a thrill of excitement through me. “No, it doesn’t.”

  At my words, he leaned in, bringing one hand up behind my neck to tug my face closer.

  Brushing his lips across mine softly, he smiled against my mouth.

  “Good, because I’m not sure I could resist trying to sway you in my direction,” he confessed, removing his hand and tucking stray hair behind my ear. “Now, let’s get you inside so we can get some rest.”

  And with that, we were out of the car and into the house within minutes.

  I wondered if I’d just signed my body over to the one man who would use it to get exactly what he wanted.

  Me. My heart. My devotion, once again.

  The idea didn’t feel me with as much dread as it had just days before.

  A fact that now terrified me all on its own.

  ~*~

  Stefan’s body was still wrapped around mine when I awoke the next morning.

  Both of us exhausted from the drive, it hadn’t taken long for either of us to undress and pass out after we’d crawled into the bed. He cuddled my body against his, threw his leg over mine and wrapped his arms around my waist.

  The last thing I remembered from the previous evening had been his lips gently kissing my neck just before he whispered ‘goodnight, love’ to me.

  His breathing still deep and even, I knew I’d have to wake him soon. I didn’t even know what time it was, but my mother expected me to arrive some time today. Taking advantage of the opportunity to explore his form, I slid my hand down his arm, which was bare and silky with a light dusting of dark red hair that matched the hair on his head.

  He murmured behind me, pulling me tighter against his body as he snuggled into my back. Chuckling, I wiggled my bottom in response.

  “If you don’t stop that, you’ll find yourself adding a moan to that wiggle,” he growled, the remnants of slumber apparent in his words.

  “Well, let me up. I need to—-” He moved his body before I could finish my sentence and I dashed off the bed.

  Returning a few minutes later, he was still lying in the bed on his back, the blanket barely covering his naked bottom half. Walking over to the bed, I bent until our faces nearly touched.

  “Time to get up, princess,” I said with a laugh.

  He’d always hated when I called him that. When he didn’t respond, I poked him in the abdomen.

  In a flash, he grabbed me by the waist and yanked my body on top of his so I was lying the length of him.

  “Hey!” I struggled to get free, only to have his hands tighten as he stiffened. “Let me go!”

  He opened his eyes slowly, a cocky grin on his face. “You called me ‘princess’ - that can’t go unpunished.”

  Uh oh.

  “No! No! I’m sorry!” I continued fighting, even though I knew it to be fruitless.

  I knew what was coming. He had never liked when I called him that, yet I’d still do it on purpose. Just as I had moments ago. I’d asked for him and damned if I wasn’t going to relish it. I buried my face in his chest, biting back a smile so he wouldn’t know how much I planned to enjoy this.

  His left arm pinned my upper body to his. He lifted his right hand and brought it down on my ass.

  I howled even as my heart sped up, the sting of his hand sending tendrils of pleasure through that region. Still squirming to get free, he wrapped his right leg around the bottom of my legs to keep me stationary before bringing his hand down again and again.

  Then, he was rubbing the area soothingly with his hand, grinding against me.

  “I’ve wanted to do that since I first saw you in the airport,” he stated, his own voice thick with desire. “You’ve no idea.”

  I did though. My body practically hummed with excitement, his words making my stomach tighten with an answering lust. I’d practically been begging for it since the moment I’d opened my mouth; begging for him to do what he’d always done, what he’d invariably been able to do to me.

  Rocking against him, I pushed against his chest and he moved his arm, letting me sit up.

  Reaching down, I grabbed him in my hand. His eyes closed on a moan even as his hands grabbed my hips, squeezing. Lifting up slightly, I put him in place, slowly sliding down. I heard him gritting his teeth, the grip on my hips almost painful in his attempts to let me have control. I moaned at the exquisite bliss, the sensations making me tingle all over as our bodies met fully.

  Stefan brought a hand down to me and played as I lifted up again. Hanging at the edge, I teased him by rotating my hips. Groaning, he surged up even as he pulled my hips down, burying himself to the hilt. My
turn to gasp and moan then. Before I can lift again, he sits up and rolls me over onto my back.

  “Wrap your legs around me, honey,” he instructed with an urgency I shared.

  Doing as he said, he brought his mouth down to mine, forcing my lips open with a thrust of his tongue. Kissing him back, I savored every bit of the moment, alternating between caresses to his back and the dig of my nails into it. His lovemaking had slowed, making love to my mouth along with the rest of my body as he moved in and out at a leisurely pace.

  My breasts were crushed against his chest, the light dusting of hair on his teasing my nipples and making them harden, the sensation bordering on painful. Impatient at his slow pacing, I ripped my lips away and kissed his shoulder before biting it.

  He hissed out a breath before laughing. “Problem, honey?”

  When I bucked against him, he grabbed my ass with one hand and withdrew before sliding home again, even slower this time.

  “Please…” I begged. I couldn’t wait anymore and I didn’t care if I had to plead.

  “Please what? What do you want, Ellie?”

  “Go faster!”

  He grinned even as he stopped moving, the warmth of it echoed in the husky timbre.

  “Only if you promise to tell me your secret soon.” Capturing my wide eyes with his triumphant ones, he brought a hand up to cup my cheek. “I know it’s something big, Ellie, and I deserve to know.”

  He didn’t say anything else, beginning to move again even as he kept his eyes locked on mine.

  Licking my sudden dry lips, I felt tears spring to my eyes. “I’m scared. It’s been so long…”

  “It’s okay honey. Whatever it is, I can handle it.”

  “You promise?” I wanted to believe him, to trust that he’d understand, but I’d told myself the opposite for so long.

  “As long as you promise to tell me, Ellie. I will handle it…we will handle it. Okay?”

  I nodded and he took my mouth with his again, giving me exactly what I wanted with a speed that left me breathless.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Dropping Stefan off at home with the promise to ‘have the talk’ later that evening, I drove to the grocery store.