The Adventures of Sir Launcelot Greaves

by T. Smollett

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  WHICH SHOWS THERE ARE MORE WAYS TO KILL A DOG THAN HANGING.

  Mr. Fillet no sooner appeared in the judgment-chamber of Justice Gobble,than Captain Crowe, seizing him by the hand, exclaimed, "Body o' me!Doctor, thou'rt come up in the nick of time to lend us a hand in puttingabout.--We're a little in the stays here--but howsomever we've got a goodpilot, who knows the coast; and can weather the point, as the saying is.As for the enemy's vessel, she has had a shot or two already athwart herforefoot; the next, I do suppose, will strike the hull, and then you willsee her taken all a-back." The doctor, who perfectly understood hisdialect, assured him he might depend upon his assistance; and, advancingto the knight, accosted him in these words: "Sir Launcelot Greaves, yourmost humble servant--when I saw a crowd at the door, I little thought offinding you within, treated with such indignity--yet I can't help beingpleased with an opportunity of proving the esteem and veneration I havefor your person and character.--You will do me particular pleasure incommanding my best services."

  Our adventurer thanked him for this instance of his friendship, which hetold him he would use without hesitation; and desired he would procureimmediate bail for him and his two friends, who had been imprisonedcontrary to law, without any cause assigned.

  During this short dialogue, the justice, who had heard of Sir Launcelot'sfamily and fortune, though an utter stranger to his person, was seizedwith such pangs of terror and compunction, as a grovelling mind may besupposed to have felt in such circumstances; and they seemed to producethe same unsavoury effects that are so humorously delineated by theinimitable Hogarth, in his print of Felix on his tribunal, done in theDutch style. Nevertheless, seeing Fillet retire to execute the knight'scommands, he recollected himself so far as to tell the prisoners, therewas no occasion to give themselves any farther trouble, for he wouldrelease them without bail or mainprise. Then discarding all theinsolence from his features, and assuming an aspect of the most humbleadulation, he begged the knight ten thousand pardons for the freedoms hehad taken, which were entirely owing to his ignorance of Sir Launcelot'squality.

  "Yes, I'll assure you, sir," said the wife, "my husband would have bitoff his tongue rather than say black is the white of your eye, if so behe had known your capacity.--Thank God, we have been used to deal withgentlefolks, and many's the good pound we have lost by them; but what ofthat? Sure we know how to behave to our betters. Mr. Gobble, thanks beto God, can defy the whole world to prove that he ever said an uncivilword, or did a rude thing to a gentleman, knowing him to be a person offortune. Indeed, as to your poor gentry and riffraff, your tag-rag andbob-tail, or such vulgar scoundrelly people, he has always behaved like amagistrate, and treated them with the rigger of authority."--"In otherwords," said the knight, "he has tyrannised over the poor, and connivedat the vices of the rich. Your husband is little obliged to you for thisconfession, woman."--"Woman!" cried Mrs. Gobble, impurpled with wrath,and fixing her hands on her sides by way of defiance, "I scorn yourwords.--Marry come up! woman, quotha! no more a woman than your worship."Then bursting into tears, "Husband," continued she, "if you had the soulof a louse, you would not suffer me to be abused at this rate; you wouldnot sit still on the bench, and hear your spouse called such contemptibleepitaphs.--Who cares for his title and his knightship? You and I,husband, knew a tailor that was made a knight; but thank God, I havenoblemen to stand by me with their privileges and beroguetifs."

  At this instant Mr. Fillet returned with his friend, a practitioner inthe law, who freely offered to join in bailing our adventurer, and theother two prisoners, for any sum that should be required. The justiceperceiving the affair began to grow more and more serious, declared thathe would discharge the warrants and dismiss the prisoners.

  Here Mr. Clarke interposing, observed, that against the knight no warranthad been granted, nor any information sworn to; consequently, as thejustice had not complied with the form of proceeding directed by statute,the imprisonment was coram non judice, void. "Right, sir," said theother lawyer; "if a justice commits a felon for trial without bindingover the prosecutor to the assizes, he shall be fined."--"And again,"cried Clarke, "if a justice issues a warrant for commitment, where thereis no accusation, action will lie against the justice." "Moreover,"replied the stranger, "if a justice of peace is guilty of anymisdemeanour in his office, information lies against him in Banco Regis,where he shall be punished by fine and imprisonment" "And, besides,"resumed the accurate Tom, "the same court will grant an informationagainst a justice of peace, on motion, for sending even a servant to thehouse of correction or common jail without sufficient cause."--"True!"exclaimed the other limb of the law, "and, for contempt of the law,attachment may be had against justices of peace in Banco Regis. Ajustice of the peace was fined a thousand marks for corrupt practices."

  With these words, advancing to Mr. Clarke, he shook him by the hand, withthe appellation of brother, saying, "I doubt the justice has got into acursed hovel." Mr. Gobble himself seemed to be of the same opinion. Hechanged colour several times during the remarks which the lawyers hadmade; and now, declaring that the gentlemen were at liberty, begged, inthe most humble phrase, that the company would eat a bit of mutton withhim, and after dinner the affair might be amicably compromised.

  To this proposal our adventurer replied, in a grave and resolute tone,"If your acting in the commission as a justice of the peace concerned myown particular only, perhaps I should waive any further inquiry, andresent your insolence no other way but by silent contempt. If I thoughtthe errors of your administration proceeded from a good intention,defeated by want of understanding, I should pity your ignorance, and, incompassion, advise you to desist from acting a part for which you are soill qualified; but the preposterous conduct of such a man deeply affectsthe interest of the community, especially that part of it, which, fromits helpless situation, is the more entitled to your protection andassistance. I am, moreover, convinced that your misconduct is not somuch the consequence of an uninformed head, as the poisonous issue of amalignant heart, devoid of humanity, inflamed with pride, and ranklingwith revenge. The common prison of this little town is filled with themiserable objects of your cruelty and oppression. Instead of protectingthe helpless, restraining the hands of violence, preserving the publictranquillity, and acting as a father to the poor, according to the intentand meaning of that institution of which you are an unworthy member, youhave distressed the widow and the orphan, given a loose to all theinsolence of office, embroiled your neighbours by fomenting suits andanimosities, and played the tyrant among the indigent and forlorn. Youhave abused the authority with which you were invested, entailed areproach upon your office, and, instead of being revered as a blessing,you are detested as a curse among your fellow-creatures. This indeed isgenerally the case of low fellows, who are thrust into the magistracywithout sentiment, education, or capacity.

  "Among other instances of your iniquity, there is now in prison anunhappy woman, infinitely your superior in the advantages of birth,sense, and education, whom you have, even without provocation, persecutedto ruin and distraction, after having illegally and inhumanly kidnappedher only child, and exposed him to a violent death in a foreign land.Ah, caitiff! if you were to forego all the comforts of life, distributeyour means among the poor, and do the severest penance that everpriestcraft prescribed for the rest of your days, you could not atone forthe ruin of that hapless family; a family through whose sides you cruellyand perfidiously stabbed the heart of an innocent young woman, to gratifythe pride and diabolical malice of that wretched lowbred woman, who nowsits at your right hand as the associate of power and presumption. Oh!if such a despicable reptile shall annoy mankind with impunity, if such acontemptible miscreant shall have it in his power to do such deeds ofinhumanity and oppression, what avails the law? Where is our admiredconstitution, the freedom, the security of the subject, the boastedhumanity of the British nation! Sacred Heaven! if there was no humaninstitution to take cognisance of such atro
cious crimes, I would listento the dictates of eternal justice, and, arming myself with the right ofnature, exterminate such villains from the face of the earth!"

  These last words he pronounced in such a strain, while his eyes lightenedwith indignation, that Gobble and his wife underwent the most violentagitation; the constable's teeth chattered in his head, the jailortrembled, and the whole audience was overwhelmed with consternation.

  After a short pause, Sir Launcelot proceeded in a milder strain: "ThankHeaven, the laws of this country have exempted me from the disagreeabletask of such an execution. To them we shall have immediate recourse, inthree separate actions against you for false imprisonment; and any otherperson who has been injured by your arbitrary and wicked proceedings, inme shall find a warm protector, until you shall be expunged from thecommission with disgrace, and have made such retaliation as yourcircumstances will allow for the wrongs you have done the community."

  In order to complete the mortification and terror of the justice, thelawyer, whose name was Fenton, declared that, to his certain knowledge,these actions would be reinforced with divers prosecutions for corruptpractices, which had lain dormant until some person of courage andinfluence should take the lead against Justice Gobble, who was the moredreaded, as he acted under the patronage of Lord Sharpington. By thistime fear had deprived the justice and his helpmate of the faculty ofspeech. They were indeed almost petrified with dismay, and made noeffort to speak, when Mr. Fillet, in the rear of the knight, as heretired with his company, took his leave of them in these words: "Andnow, Mr. Justice, to dinner with what appetite you may."

  Our adventurer, though warmly invited to Mr. Fenton's house, repaired toa public inn, where he thought he should be more at his ease, fullydetermined to punish and depose Gobble from his magistracy, to effect ageneral jail-delivery of all the debtors whom he had found inconfinement, and in particular to rescue poor Mrs. Oakley from themiserable circumstances in which she was involved.

  In the meantime he insisted upon entertaining his friends at dinner,during which many sallies of sea-wit and good humour passed betweenCaptain Crowe and Dr. Fillet, which last had just returned from aneighbouring village, whither he was summoned to fish a man's yard-arm,which had snapt in the slings. Their enjoyment, however, was suddenlyinterrupted by a loud scream from the kitchen, whither Sir Launcelotimmediately sprung, with equal eagerness and agility. There he saw thelandlady, who was a woman in years, embracing a man dressed in a sailor'sjacket, while she exclaimed, "It is thy own flesh and blood, so sure asI'm a living soul.--Ah! poor Greaves, poor Greaves, many a poor heart hasgrieved for thee!" To this salutation the youth replied, "I'm sorry forthat, mistress.--How does poor mother? how does Suky Sedgemoor?"

  The good woman of the house could not help shedding tears at theseinterrogations; while Sir Launcelot, interposing, said, not withoutemotion, "I perceive you are the son of Mrs. Oakley.--Your mother is in abad state of health, but in me you will find a real parent." Perceivingthat the young man eyed him with astonishment, he gave him to understandthat his name was Launcelot Greaves.

  Oakley no sooner heard these words pronounced, than he fell upon hisknees, and seizing the knight's hand, kissed it eagerly, crying, "God forever bless your honour, I am your name-son, sure enough--but what ofthat? I can earn my bread without being beholden to any man."

  When the knight raised him up, he turned to the woman of the house,saying, "I want to see mother. I'm afraid as how times are hard withher; and I have saved some money for her use." This instance of filialduty brought tears into the eyes of our adventurer, who assured him hismother should be carefully attended, and want for nothing; but that itwould be very improper to see her at present, as the surprise might shockher too much, considering that she believed him dead. "Ey, indeed,"cried the landlady, "we were all of the same opinion, being as the reportwent, that poor Greaves Oakley was killed in battle." "Lord, mistress,"said Oakley, "there wan't a word of truth in it, I'll assure you.--What,d'ye think I'd tell a lie about the matter? Hurt I was, to be sure, butthat don't signify; we gave 'em as good as they brought, and so parted.--Well, if so be I can't see mother, I'll go and have some chat with Suky.--What d'ye look so glum for? she an't married, is she?" "No, no,"replied the woman, "not married, but almost heart-broken. Since thouwast gone she has done nothing but sighed, and wept, and pined herselfinto a decay. I'm afraid thou hast come too late to save her life."

  Oakley's heart was not proof against this information. Bursting intotears, he exclaimed, "O my dear, sweet, gentle Suky! Have I then livedto be the death of her whom I loved more than the whole world?" He wouldhave gone instantly to her father's house, but was restrained by theknight and his company, who had now joined him in the kitchen.

  The young man was seated at table, and gave them to understand, that theship to which he belonged having arrived in England, he was indulged witha month's leave to see his relations; and that he had received aboutfifty pounds in wages and prize-money. After dinner, just as they beganto deliberate upon the measures to be taken against Gobble, thatgentleman arrived at the inn, and humbly craved admittance. Mr. Fillet,struck with a sudden idea, retired into another apartment with the youngfarmer; while the justice, being admitted to the company, declared thathe came to propose terms of accommodation. He accordingly offered to askpardon of Sir Launcelot in the public papers, and pay fifty pounds to thepoor of the parish, as an atonement for his misbehaviour, provided theknight and his friends would grant him a general release. Our adventurertold him, he would willingly waive all personal concessions; but, as thecase concerned the community, he insisted upon his leaving off acting inthe commission, and making satisfaction to the parties he had injured andoppressed. This declaration introduced a discussion, in the course ofwhich the justice's petulance began to revive; when Fillet, entering theroom, told them he had a reconciling measure to propose, if Mr. Gobblewould for a few minutes withdraw.

  He rose up immediately, and was shown into the room which Fillet hadprepared for his reception. While he sat musing on this untowardadventure, so big with disgrace and disappointment, young Oakley,according to the instructions he had received, appeared all at oncebefore him, pointing to a ghastly wound, which the doctor had painted onhis forehead. The apparition no sooner presented itself to the eyes ofGobble, than, taking it for granted it was the spirit of the young farmerwhose death he had occasioned, he roared aloud, "Lord have mercy uponus!" and fell insensible on the floor. There being found by the company,to whom Fillet had communicated his contrivance, he was conveyed to bed,where he lay some time before he recovered the perfect use of his senses.Then he earnestly desired to see the knight, and assured him he was readyto comply with his terms, inasmuch as he believed he had not long tolive. Advantage was immediately taken of this salutary disposition. Hebound himself not to act as a justice of the peace, in any part of GreatBritain, under the penalty of five thousand pounds. He burnt Mrs.Oakley's note; paid the debts of the shopkeeper; undertook to compoundthose of the publican, and to settle him again in business; and, finally,discharged them all from prison, paying the dues out of his own pocket.These steps being taken with peculiar eagerness, he was removed to hisown house, where he assured his wife he had seen a vision thatprognosticated his death; and had immediate recourse to the curate of theparish for spiritual consolation.

  The most interesting part of the task that now remained was to make thewidow Oakley acquainted with her good fortune, in such a manner as mightleast disturb her spirits, already but too much discomposed. For thispurpose they chose the landlady, who, after having received properdirections how to regulate her conduct, visited her in person that sameevening. Finding her quite calm, and her reflection quite restored, shebegan with exhorting her to put her trust in Providence, which wouldnever forsake the cause of the injured widow and fatherless. Shepromised to assist and befriend her on all occasions, as far as herabilities would reach. She gradually turned the conversation upon thefamily of the Greaves; a
nd by degrees informed her, that Sir Launcelot,having learned her situation, was determined to extricate her from allher troubles. Perceiving her astonished, and deeply affected at thisintimation, she artfully shifted the discourse, recommended resignationto the divine will, and observed, that this circumstance seemed to be anearnest of further happiness.

  "Oh! I'm incapable of receiving more!" cried the disconsolate widow, withstreaming eyes.--"Yet I ought not to be surprised at any blessing thatflows from that quarter. The family of Greaves were always virtuous,humane, and benevolent. This young gentleman's mother was my dear ladyand benefactress:--he himself was suckled at these breasts. Oh! he wasthe sweetest, comeliest, best-conditioned babe!--I loved not my ownGreaves with greater affection--but he, alas! is now no more!" "Havepatience, good neighbour," said the landlady of the White Hart, "thatis more than you have any right to affirm--all that you know of thematter is by common report, and common report is commonly false; besides,I can tell you I have seen a list of the men that were killed in AdmiralP----'s ship, when he fought the French in the East Indies, and yourson was not in the number." To this intimation she replied, after aconsiderable pause, "Don't, my good neighbour, don't feed me with falsehope.--My poor Greaves too certainly perished in a foreign land--yet heis happy;--had he lived to see me in this condition, grief would soonhave put a period to his days." "I tell you then," cried the visitant,"he is not dead. I have seen a letter that mentions his being well sincethe battle. You shall come along with me--you are no longer a prisoner,but shall live at my house comfortably, till your affairs are settled toyour wish." The poor widow followed her in silent astonishment, and wasimmediately accommodated with necessaries.

  Next morning her hostess proceeded with her in the same cautious manner,until she was assured that her son had returned. Being duly prepared,she was blest with a sight of poor Greaves, and fainted away in his arms.We shall not dwell upon this tender scene, because it is but of asecondary concern in the history of our knight-errant. Let it suffice tosay, their mutual happiness was unspeakable. She was afterwards visitedby Sir Launcelot, whom she no sooner beheld, than springing forwards withall the eagerness of maternal affection, she clasped him to her breast,crying, "My dear child! my Launcelot! my pride! my darling! my kindbenefactor! This is not the first time I have hugged you in these arms!Oh! you are the very image of Sir Everhard in his youth; but you have gotthe eyes, the complexion, the sweetness, and complacency of my dear andever-honoured lady." This was not in the strain of hireling praise; butthe genuine tribute of esteem and admiration. As such, it could not butbe agreeable to our hero, who undertook to procure Oakley's discharge,and settle him in a comfortable farm on his own estate.

  In the meantime Greaves went with a heavy heart to the house of FarmerSedgemoor, where he found Suky, who had been prepared for his reception,in a transport of joy, though very weak, and greatly emaciated.Nevertheless, the return of her sweetheart had such an happy effect onher constitution, that in a few weeks her health was perfectly restored.

  This adventure of our knight was crowned with every happy circumstancethat could give pleasure to a generous mind. The prisoners werereleased, and reinstated in their former occupations. The justiceperformed his articles from fear; and afterwards turned over a new leaffrom remorse. Young Oakley was married to Suky, with whom he received aconsiderable portion. The new-married couple found a farm ready stockedfor them on the knight's estate; and the mother enjoyed a happy retreatin the character of housekeeper at Greavesbury Hall.