Loving

by Steel, Danielle

  "So? Do we get an apartment together?" He looked at her triumphantly and she groaned.

  "Has anyone told you that you're pushy?"

  "Frequently. I don't mind it at all."

  "Well, Ollie"--she looked at him firmly--"I'm just not going to give in."

  "Fine." He shrugged easily. "Then get your own apartment, don't get any sleep, stay here till five in the morning, and then rush home so your son doesn't know you were out, but that will mean another bedroom, you know."

  "Why?" She looked puzzled.

  "Well, you'll have to have Jennifer living in the way she does at the hotel, but I assume she'll want her own room. You can't just run off and leave Alexander in the middle of the night."

  Bettina looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Damn you."

  "You know I'm right."

  "Oh, shit ... well, let me think it over."

  "Certainly, madam. Will five minutes be enough?"

  "Oliver Paxton!" She stood up and shouted, but five minutes later he had her back in bed. "You're impossible!"

  Two days later Ollie solved the problem. He arrived at her hotel suite with a broad grin. "It's perfect, Bettina." He looked victorious as he entered and Alexander immediately threw himself at the large man's endless legs.

  "Stop it, Alexander ... what is?" Bettina was wearing two pencils in her hair. She was deep at work on the new play.

  "I found the perfect apartment."

  She eyed him evilly and sat down on a chair. "Ollie. ..."

  "Now wait a minute, just listen. It's sensational. A friend of mine is going away for six months to L.A., and he'll rent us his apartment. It's absolutely splendid, a duplex, four bedrooms, fully furnished, in a fabulous West Side co-op. The rent is a thousand a month. We can afford it easily. So we take it for six months while he's gone, and try it out. If we like it, we find our own place together at the end of the six months, and if we don't, we each go our separate ways. And if it'll make you less nervous, I'll sublet my own place while we try it, so you won't feel that you're stuck with me at the end of the six months. Sound reasonable?" He looked at her hopefully and she laughed. "Besides, how long can you go on paying hotel bills?"

  "I don't know if you're a magician or a charlatan, Ollie Paxton, but one thing's for sure, you come up with some damn fine ideas."

  "You like it?" He looked ecstatic.

  "I sure do." She got up and went to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "How soon can we take it?"

  "I--uh--I'll have to ask him." But suddenly as she looked at him, she knew the truth.

  "Ollie!" She tried to look outraged but she only laughed. "Did you already take it?"

  "I--uh--of course not ... don't be silly.... "

  But she knew him better than that. "You did."

  He hung his head sheepishly as she grinned at him. "I did."

  "We already have it?" She looked at him in vast amusement.

  "We do."

  "But what if I'd said no to you?"

  "Then I'd have had a very fancy apartment for the next six months." They both laughed for a minute, and then Bettina's face grew stern.

  "I want you to understand something though, Ollie."

  "Yes, ma'am?"

  "We share the rent. And I have Alexander, so I'll pay two thirds."

  "Oh, Christ. Women's liberation. Don't you suppose you could let me handle it?"

  "No, if that's what you want, then it's no go. Either we share or I won't move in."

  "Wonderful. But how about if you just pay half?"

  "Two thirds."

  "Half."

  "Two thirds."

  "Half." And he firmly grabbed her ass. "And if you say another word about it, Bettina Daniels," he whispered as Alexander went back to his own room, "I will rape you right here." But they were both laughing and still arguing as they hurried to her room and closed the door.

  Chapter 43

  "Do you like it?" He watched, hopefully.

  "It's sensational, are you kidding?" She looked around her with delight and awe. It was one of those rare West Side apartments that was more than just elegant, it was absolutely grand. It was indeed a duplex, and the four comfortable bedrooms were all upstairs, but the living room and dining room were downstairs and the ceilings were the height of both floors. Both rooms were wood paneled, and even Ollie could walk in and out of the fireplaces with ease. The windows were long and handsome, and they had a view of Fifth Avenue across the park. There was also a small cozy den, which they could both use for their writing, and upstair's the bedrooms were all lovely and looked terribly French.

  "Whose place is this?" She looked around again with fascination and sat on a beautifully sculpted French chair.

  "A producer I knew years ago in the movies."

  "What's his name?"

  "Bill Hale."

  "I think I've heard of him. Is he famous?" But she knew he would have to be to afford a place like this. When she looked at him, Ollie was grinning, and began reeling off the names of his movies and plays.

  "He's not unlike you."

  "Very funny."

  "No, I mean it. He wrote one play and it was a hit, then he did several movies, then several more plays. Now he works mostly out of Hollywood. But it all started with one success, and then he was on his way." And then he reached out an arm for Bettina and took her in his big loving grip. "It'll happen to you. I'm just waiting to see it."

  "Well, don't hold your breath. What's he doing in Hollywood now?"

  He grinned at her. "Getting married. That's another thing he has in common with you. I think he's about thirty-seven, and this is his fourth wife."

  "I don't think that's funny, Ollie." She looked suddenly very annoyed, and he tweaked her nose.

  "Don't be so uptight, Bettina. You can't lose your sense of humor about it." He said it very gently and the smile returned to her eyes.

  "Besides I only had three."

  "I could help you catch up with him."

  She looked over her shoulder despairingly. "Gee, thanks." She was on her way out to the kitchen, and when she got there she gasped. He heard her calling him as he was trying to help Alexander drag in a box filled with toys. "Ollie, come in here!"

  "I'm coming ... just a second.... " But when he did, he whistled too. The whole kitchen looked like a greenhouse, and there was a closed balcony outside filled with tulips, red, yellow, and pink.

  "Isn't it gorgeous?" Bettina looked at him, enchanted. "I wish we could keep it forever."

  But Ollie only smiled at her. "I'm sure Bill does too."

  She nodded. "At least we've got six months."

  But the months sped by amazingly quickly, and she finished her new play in late May. It was about a woman much like Bettina and she had called it Bird of Paradise. The title made Ollie smile.

  "Do you like it?" She looked at him anxiously as he handed it back to her over breakfast. They were sitting in the kitchen, enjoying the spring sunshine and a bright blue morning sky.

  "It's better than the first one."

  "Do you mean it?" He nodded. "Oh, Ollie!" She threw her arms around his neck. "I'll have a Xerox copy made and send it to Norton today."

  But as it turned out, he called her before the new play reached his desk.

  "How about coming in to see me, Bettina?"

  "Sure, Norton, what's up?"

  "Oh, there's something I want to discuss with you."

  "Me too. I was just about to send you my new play."

  "Good. Then how about lunch?"

  "Today?" She was surprised. He wasn't usually in a hurry, but by lunchtime, she knew why he was. They sat at a quiet table at 21, eating steak tartare and spinach salad, and Bettina looked at him in amazement as he told her what was on his mind.

  "So, that's the offer, Bettina. What do you think of it?"

  "I don't know what to say."

  "I do. Congratulations." He held out a hand. "I suppose you'll have to go out there. But you could wait a few weeks. They don't w
ant to start getting organized until July." It was perfect, that was when she and Ollie had to give up the apartment, but she still didn't know what to say. Everything Norton had just told her was still running around in her head. She managed somehow to get through lunch with Norton, and she hurried to the paper to find Ollie, writing his latest review.

  "I have to talk to you." She looked anguished and he was instantly worried.

  "Something wrong? Alexander ... Bettina, tell me.... "

  But she shook her head vaguely, "No, no, nothing like that. I just had lunch with Norton." And then she looked at him blankly. "They want to make a movie of my play."

  "Which play? The new one?" He looked as stunned as she.

  "No. the old one."

  But suddenly he was grinning at her. "Don't worry, they'll wind up doing the new one too."

  "Ollie, stop that! Listen! ... What am I going to do?'

  "Do it of course, you moron. Do they want you to do the screenplay too?" She nodded and he whooped.

  "Hallelujah, you've made it! This is the big time, baby!" But she wanted to ask him What about you?

  And then she looked at him sadly. "But I'll have to go to Hollywood to do it, Ollie. They're making the movie there."

  "So?" Then that was all it meant to him. Six months of pleasant cohabitation. Now she understood. And she had grown seriously attached to him in the last six months. "Don't look like that. It's not the end of the world."

  "I know that ..." She lowered her voice. "I just thought--"

  "What?" He looked puzzled.

  "Never mind."

  "No, tell me." He grabbed her arm, and she raised her eyes.

  "Ollie, I have to go out there to do it. And I--I didn't really want to leave you."

  "Who says you have to?" He was speaking to her in a whisper as they stood in the busy room.

  "What the hell does that mean?" She was whispering back at him. "What about your job?"

  "Can my job. So I'll quit. So what? It's no big deal."

  "Are you crazy? You're the lead theater critic, you can't just walk out on that."

  "Oh, really? Well, watch me. I told you six months ago that all those boyhood ambitions of mine didn't mean a damn anymore. You're the one with the booming career, and I happen to love you, so I quit and we go."

  She was shaking her head sadly. "That's not right."

  But he grabbed her arm firmly again. "Remember that line of your father's about hanging on to a dream?" She nodded and he increased the pressure on her arm. "This is mine."

  She looked up at him gratefully. "But what'll you do for work?"

  "Don't worry. I'll find something. I can probably even get back my old job."

  "But do you want it?"

  He shrugged easily with a smile as he looked at her. "Why not?"

  It startled her that he would give up his job so readily for her, but she was grateful to him too. She had realized in the four months they'd lived together that she was far more ambitious than he. What he had said about his aspirations had been true. All he wanted now was a decent job and a life with a good woman, and maybe eventually some kids. He was marvelous with Alexander and she knew he wanted some of his own.

  "So you think I should do it?"

  "Are you serious, Bettina? Call Norton this minute and tell him yes."

  But suddenly she hung her head sheepishly and grinned. "That's what I told him after lunch."

  "Why, you little rascal. How soon are we going?" He lowered his voice as he asked her.

  "Mid-July." He nodded, and she kissed him, and a few minutes later she left.

  That evening when he got home, he called his old boss at the L.A. paper, and two days later they called him back with the offer of a job. It was better than his last one with them, but not as good a spot as he had in New York. For an instant Bettina felt guilty but he was quick to see the look in her eyes. He held her for a long moment as they sat alone in the cozy wood-paneled library and he gently stroked her gold-flecked hair.

  "Bettina, even if I couldn't have found something else, I'd have come with you."

  "But, Ollie, it's just not right." She looked up at him, her eyes filled with worry. "Your work is just as important as mine."

  "No, it isn't, baby. And we both know that. You have a great career ahead of you, and all I have is a job."

  "But you could have a great career too. You could be like Ivo.... " Her voice seemed to trail off, and with a small smile Ollie shook his head.

  "I don't think so, babe."

  "Why not?"

  "Because that's not what I want. I'm forty-three years old, Bettina, and I don't want to knock myself out anymore. I don't want to kill myself sitting in an office until eight thirty every night. It's not worth it. I want the good life." So did she, but she wanted something more too. "But you're going to make it very big, baby." She smiled as she listened.

  "Think so?" She liked the idea now. It was immensely appealing.

  "Yes, I do."

  Chapter 44

  At the end of July they reluctantly relinquished the apartment, and two days before Hale returned to take possession of it, Oliver, Bettina, and Alexander flew to LA, where a real estate agent had already lined up a small furnished house.

  "Oh, Jesus.... " Bettina looked around when they got there and grinned. I don't know whether to throw up or faint"

  Ollie looked at her, laughing. "How about both?"

  The outside of the house had been painted purple and the inside was mostly pink There were gold touches and bits of fake leopard, and everywhere were collections of artifacts interspersed with shells. The only advantages it boasted were that it was in Malibu and that it was on the beach. Alexander was enchanted and Immediately hopped off the terrace to play in the sand.

  "Think you can stand it, Bettina?"

  "After what we had in New York it may be rough. But I guess I'll have to." And then she looked at him blankly. "How could they do this to us?"

  "Just be grateful it's only for six weeks." She nodded thankfully and wandered back inside, but in the weeks that followed they hardly had time to notice where they lived. Oliver was busy getting reestablished at the paper and Bettina worked twelve and fifteen hours at the studio, for the first few weeks, establishing what would go into the screenplay as opposed to what had been done on the stage. But by the end of August, things began to settle down and Bettina turned her attention to the house. She called the real estate agent and discussed it. She knew what she wanted, but the question was could it be found. One thing was certain, she had had enough of living at the beach, and she was anxious to find something so she could hide there and get to work.

  For the first few weeks she was hopeful, and after that she sank back in despair.

  "Don't tell me that, Ollie, there's nothing." She looked at him in desperation, and then barely missed sitting down on a shell "And I can't stand this goddamn place any longer. I have to get to work, and I'm losing my mind." She looked at him desperately, and he held out his arms.

  Take it easy, baby. We'll find something. I promise." She had reestablished her friendship with Mary and Seth and commiserated with Mary over the phone one day about her problem finding a house.

  "I'm beginning to lose hope. This place is crazy."

  "You'll find a place, honey. Meanwhile you're the bird of paradise again." She smiled into the phone. She had seen houses that looked like palazzi with swimming pools indoors and out, places with Grecian statues, and one house with fourteen pink marble baths. But finally she found it, and she returned home with a gleam of victory in her eyes.

  "I found it, Ollie. I found it! Wait till you see!"

  He did and it was perfect. A beautiful but elegant house way at the back of Beverly Hills. It managed somehow to look both stately and lovely without looking pretentious, a rarity in that part of town. It was a little larger than she had wanted, but it was so pretty, she didn't care. There were five bedrooms upstairs, and a tiny den of her own; downstairs there was a solariu
m, a living room, a dining room, a huge kitchen, and another cozy den. Basically they could use all of it. She would work upstairs and Ollie down, and she had decided to hire someone to help her with Alexander, so one of the bedrooms could be for her, which still left two unused.

  "What'll we do with all the bedrooms, kiddo?" Ollie smiled at her as he started the car.

  "Just use them as guest rooms, I guess." And then she looked worried. "Do you think it's too much house?"

  "No, I think it's perfect, but I had something in mind when I asked."

  "I already thought of that." She looked at him proudly. "The downstairs den is for you."

  But he only laughed softly. "That wasn't what I meant."

  "It isn't?" She looked startled, and then confused as they drove back to Malibu. "Then what did you mean?"

  For a moment he seemed to hesitate, and then quietly he pulled the car off the road. He looked at her seriously for a long moment, and then he told her what had been on his mind for so long. "Bettina, I'd like us to have a baby."

  "Are you serious?" But it was easy to see that he was.

  "Yes, I am."

  "Now?" But she had to do the movie ... and what if they put on her new play?

  "I know, you're thinking about your work. But you said that you felt well when you were pregnant with Alexander. You could just write this screenplay while you're pregnant, and then I'll take care of it, and if we had to, we could hire a nurse."

  "Is that fair to the baby?"

  "I don't know. But I'll tell you one thing"--he looked at her in dead earnest--"I'd give that child all I have. Every moment, every scrap of laughter, every joy, every hour that I had to share."

  "It means that much to you?" He nodded and she felt the pain of regret slice through her, but she slowly shook her head.

  "Why? Because of your work?"

  She sighed softly and shook her head. "No. I could probably manage that"

  "Then what?" He pressed her, his desire for a child urging him on.

  "No." She shook her head again, and then she faced him squarely, "No one is ever going to make me go through that again." For a long moment there was silence, and then gently he reached out and took her hand. He remembered the horror story she had told him only once.