Weightless

by Gia Riley

  Dad inches forward resting his elbow in the table. He furrows his brow, surprised that I would turn down a proposal from my boyfriend. “Why did you say no?”

  “Because he wants me to go back to his hometown, which I’m okay with, but not now. I need to finish school. I want to graduate before I get married. It took me awhile to get here, and I don’t want to give it up.”

  Still confused, he leans against the back of his chair with his arms crossed over his chest. “Why would you have to give up school? You can get married in a year or two. There’s nothing wrong with having a long engagement at your age.”

  That’s what I thought, too. “He doesn’t want that. And I know why.”

  “Blaine?”

  Understanding passes between the two of us. “Yes, how did you know?”

  “Because I’m a man, Sophie. And as a man, it’s basic instinct to want to protect the ones you love. That boy loves you more than anything in the world. I see it every time he looks at you.”

  “I love him, too.”

  “I once looked at your mother the very same way. Speaking from personal experience, it’s even harder when you know you can’t be together.”

  Though our reasons for being apart are different, he understands Kipton’s need to keep me close—to protect what’s his. “I understand where he’s coming from, but I want him to marry me because he can’t live without me—not because he’s desperate to save me from my past.”

  Dad reaches over and pats the top of my hand. “If I’m being honest, I think he wants to do both of those things. I can’t fault him for wanting to protect you when I want to protect you just the same.”

  I grab a napkin from the holder in the center of the table. Gently blotting my eyes with the scratchy paper, I try to keep my tears under control. “It’s important to me that I make something of my life. Kipton has never wanted for anything a day in his life, and what he did want, he always got. That’s why it’s so hard for him to hear me say no.”

  “I’m not sure that’s entirely the case, Sophie. I think it’s hard to hear you say no because he loves you so much. I agree your backgrounds are very different, but opposites attract. At least that’s what Paula Abdul said, right?”

  I laugh as a smile breaks out on my face. “You listened to Paula Abdul?”

  “I’m not ashamed to admit it,” he says back with a laugh. But his laughter doesn’t last long. “You can only do what feels right to you. Kipton’s using something you both want as his lifeline.”

  “A marriage?” I question.

  “Not the actual marriage, but the bond. The fact that you’ll go to him, that you’ll move in together. It’s the security he needs right now when he feels like he has none.”

  “I don’t want to lose him,” I admit for the first time. “As hard as it was to say no, I want to tell him yes—in case he never asks me again.”

  “I don’t think you’ve lost him, Sophie.”

  I shrug my shoulders because I very well could have. “Dad, I’ve seen what being separated from Mom has done to you. I don’t want to be without Kipton for the rest of my life.”

  He smiles warmly. “Then it sounds to me like you already know what you need to do.”

  “But I can’t accept the proposal if it comes with his stipulations.”

  “Then come to an agreement. Be engaged and celebrate, but come to the understanding that you don’t have to rush. Granted the circumstances surrounding Blaine aren’t ideal, but they shouldn’t break the two of you kids up.”

  Dad’s right, we need to talk about this some more before we give up on marriage completely. Or worse, go our separate ways. “I’ll go to him tomorrow after class. We can negotiate.”

  “That’s my girl.”

  Just when I’m starting to feel better about the situation, Mom joins us in the kitchen. At first I don’t think she heard our conversation until she takes a seat across from me with tears of her own. “You’ll work it out if it’s meant to be, Sophie. Look at us.” She gestures to Dad while looking at him like he hangs the moon among the stars. “We got it wrong before we got it right.”

  “I’m not perfect Mom. I screw things up all the time.”

  She sniffles as a tiny laugh escapes her. “Sophie, I never knew how many of my words got through to you. I failed you so many times, but hearing the way you stood up for your dreams tonight makes me the happiest mother in the world.”

  “Pfft. I stood up for myself and lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  She shakes her head in disagreement. “If he’s anything like your father, he’ll never give up on you. Just like you’ve never given up on me. You were always there when I needed you.”

  I would never give up on someone I love. “It was never your fault, Mom. Dean’s drinking was out of our control.”

  “I wasn’t as brave as you, Sophie. It was easy for me to toss around threats of leaving, but when it came down to doing it, I was a doormat who didn’t know how to move on. But not you. You’re winning the fight.”

  I may have won a few small battles, but unless I get Kipton back, I’ll lose the biggest fight of my life. Until his forever is back on my finger, I’m not giving up. With more confidence and a renewed resolve, I stake my claim. “Tomorrow, I’m going to get my ring back.”

  “That’s our girl.”

  “LONG TIME TO TALK,” CALEB says as he hands me a beer.

  I point to the keg in the corner. “You still using that thing to pick up chicks?”

  With more confidence than ever, he smirks. “I’d be stupid not to. Guaranteed pussy in my bed, Kip.”

  “Ever the douchebag, Caleb.”

  He laughs instead of taking offense. “Whatever works.”

  I take my beer out of his hand, and walk over the to the tiki bar. Tim’s behind it, slinging mixed drinks like he’s a real bartender. Maybe he is. He was new to the team last year, and I didn’t get to know him as much as some of the other guys. What I did see, I liked. He’s the exact opposite of Caleb.

  As soon as he sees me he holds out his hand. “Kipton! Good to see you, man.”

  “Likewise.” I lean on the end of the bar, taking a look around the room. The place is exactly the same as it was when I lived here, yet it seems like an entirely different world now that I’ve graduated. Even the beer tastes different.

  “Excuse me.”

  I look to my left and spot an adorable brunette. She’s tiny like Sophie, and I have to lean over to hear her speak. “What’s up?” She bites her lip, and right away I know she isn’t looking for casual conversation. She likes what she sees and wants to hookup. It’s why most of the girls come to these parties in the first place.

  “Do you want to go somewhere and talk?”

  “About what?” I ask her. The old Kipton would have taken her hand and led her upstairs, straight into an empty bed. No questions asked.

  She giggles as she sips her drink through a bright pink straw. “You have to ask?”

  I shrug my shoulders. No, I don’t have to ask. I don’t even know why I’m entertaining her request. Besides being curious, it feels good to have a girl pursue me again. “Tell me what you want.”

  She grabs the hem of my shirt, pulling me closer to her body. Her hand slides underneath, but I stop her before she has a chance to go any farther. I shake my head letting her know she doesn’t get anything until she talks. “Tell me.”

  “I want you,” she finally admits.

  With temptation knocking on my door, I know I could get whatever I wanted from this girl. She’s willing and I’m more than able. So I do the only thing I can in the moment. I lean down, crooking my finger for her to come closer. She bites her straw, sensually running her tongue up and down the length of it. I have no doubt she wants to do the same thing to me.

  “Do you see the guy in the blue shirt standing next to the keg?”

  She cranes her neck to get a better look. “Yeah.”

  “His name’s Caleb. Go tell h
im that.”

  I set my beer down on the bar, and weave my way in and out of the mass of bodies until I get to the front door. I’ve gotta get out of here.

  Before I get into my car, I take one last look at the treehouse. I’ll have to come back and patch up the dent I left in the wood when I threw the lantern. My temper got the best of me, and I hurled the thing so hard it shattered.

  I’m making mistake after mistake tonight. Which is why I left the party before I had a chance to make another one. Instead, I’ll spend the rest of my night driving back to Montgomery while I think about what I want to say to Sophie.

  We’ve never gone to bed without saying good night. At some point, I’ll have to suck up my pride, forget about my hurt ego, and get on with it. I’ll even risk being rejected twice in one night just to hear her voice.

  But as I get closer and closer to home, I’m still torn about what to do. I was hoping she would have called me by now, begging me to come back to her. I was hoping she would realize we are better together than apart. But she never calls, and I know I might have lost her.

  That doesn’t sit well with me, in fact, it makes me crazy. So when I get in my room, I close the door and change. I want any reminder of tonight off me. If I’m doing this, I’m doing it the right way. I’ll call Sophie and beg her to reconsider. If she still can’t, we’ll figure something else out.

  Though I don’t even get to the point of negotiation because she never answers my call. I pass out for the night with the realization that I let the best thing to ever happen to me slip right through my fingers.

  I’m a fucking asshole.

  EVEN THOUGH MY MORNING WASN’T as rough as my night, I still woke up with a chip on my shoulder. Sophie never called, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why she’s cut off communication entirely.

  Naturally my mind assumes the worst, and I can only hope she’s not hunched over the toilet trying to forget about me when I can’t stop thinking about her for even a full minute. Which is why for the millionth time today, I’m pulling Sophie’s ring out of my pocket. I was so confident she would accept my proposal, but I fucking blew it when I made too many demands. I never took into consideration what she would want. I just assumed all she needed was me.

  Mom tried to warn me this could happen, but I was too set in my ways to even consider it a possibility. That was my first mistake. The second was letting her walk away.

  “You look like shit.”

  I turn my head toward the familiar voice. “Alisa? What are you doing here?”

  She stops next to the bench, her eyes scoping my tired ones for answers. “Mind if I sit? You look like you could use a friend.” She always did like to analyze the shit out of me.

  “Probably not a good idea. I don’t want Troy getting the wrong idea.” Or any of the other teachers.

  “He’s the one who told me to talk to you.”

  I stare at her like has three heads. “Why would he do that?” I question. They’ve already been having problems because of me.

  “He’s a good guy, Kip. We’ve argued a lot about you, but finding out about the engagement actually helped us. We’re in a good place.”

  “Did he tell you what happened?” I told Troy this morning. I didn’t have much choice when I showed up to work when I was supposed to be off.

  She nods her head. “He told me.” She doesn’t elaborate any further. She simply stands up and holds out her hand for me. “Walk me to my car? I have to get back to work.”

  I don’t take her offered hand out of respect for Troy, but I do agree to walk her to her car. “Why are you here?”

  “I brought Troy lunch, but you can just ask me what I know. I can tell it’s bugging you. You’re all fidgety.”

  It is bothering me. If you’re going to admit you were talking about us, at least have the courtesy to tell me what you were saying. “Okay, what did he tell you?”

  “Just that you asked Sophie to marry you, but it didn’t work out.”

  Hearing Alisa recap my night makes it sound even more pathetic. “That’s the long and short of it.”

  We’re both silent for a few minutes, neither sure of the right thing to say considering we thought it would be the two of us getting married someday. “My car’s over here.” She points to the third row in the lot, so we continue walking in that direction.

  She digs her keys out of her pocket, but before turning to unlock the door, she gives me a sincere apologetic look. “If Sophie’s the one for you, Kip, don’t let her get away.”

  I can tell that was hard for her to express. “I’ll have to figure something out.” I’ve been saying that since last night.

  She shields her eyes from the afternoon sun before fixing them on the hood of her car. “If she faults you for caring too much, then it’s her loss. Something tells me that’s not the case though.” She stares me straight in the eye when she says, “Only I would be stupid enough to let you get away. Fight for her. I would want you to fight for me.”

  “Alisa, I did fight for you.”

  “I know that now, but I was too selfish to realize it when I had the chance. Just get your girl back, Kip. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Trust me.”

  For the first time since we broke up, I do trust her. And I never saw it coming. “My head was a mess last night, but I plan on it.”

  “I’m always here for you if you need to talk. Troy is too,” She reminds me as she wraps her arms around my neck. Our difference in height is barely noticeable as we hug. Alisa used to feel perfect in my arms, but now, she’s all wrong. She’s not Sophie.

  As we break apart, a car identical to Sophie’s speeds around the lot, gunning for the exit. The Alabama gymnastics sticker on the back window is the only telltale sign that it’s her. “Fuck!” I tip my head back and let the sun blaze down on my face. This has to be some kind of cruel joke. “You have got to be shitting me.”

  Alisa covers her mouth in shock. “Oh my god. Was that her?”

  “Yes!” I dig in my pocket for my cell phone. When I light up the screen, I find a waiting text from her.

  Sophie: I need to see you.

  I missed the most important text of my life. All this time I could have been talking to Sophie, working on figuring out our future, I’ve been with Alisa.

  “I’ll tell her we were just talking. I’m sorry, Kipton.”

  I hold up my hand silencing her as I dial Sophie’s number, desperate to hear her voice. Come on, Sophie. Pick up. Talk to me. When she lets the call go to voicemail, I realize I lost her. Any chance I had, I blew. “I have to get back to class.”

  “I’m sorry, Kipton. I shouldn’t have.”

  “Stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong. I did,” I tell her as I walk across the parking lot. It’s my fault for letting this go on as long as it has. We should have worked this out last night whether it ended up with a ring on her finger or not. We’ve come too far to let a misunderstanding involving Alisa break us apart.

  There’s not a damn thing I can do about it for a couple hours. For now, I’m trapped at work while Sophie assumes the absolute worst—that I’m with my ex. As soon as I can, I’m running back to her. I have to fix this before it’s too late.

  I IGNORE MY RINGING CELL phone as it rattles against the cup holder in the center console of my car. Nothing Kipton has to say would convince me to go back to the school. Especially not when my stomach threatens to empty its contents all over the passenger seat of the car. There’s only one place I need to be, and until I get there, I’ll force myself to hold my pain inside.

  I have to keep driving. I have to get away.

  I was so sure Kipton was mine—that he would never do what Blaine did to me. How could he propose to me last night if he was spending time with another girl? I beg myself to come up with a reasonable explanation, but his expression of pure dread as he saw me drive by will forever be engrained in my memory. He got caught which can only mean he’s guilty.

  Here I was driving to
him to fix our relationship so that by the time I left the parking lot, we would be stronger than ever. All while he had another girl in his arms. It was the confirmation I needed to prove he was never ready to marry me in the first place. Just as I feared, his proposal was for all the wrong reasons. Kipton’s nothing more than a sweet talker with a hero complex.

  Only this time, I’ll save myself.

  Feeling confined, I press the button to lower the window, letting the afternoon breeze blow me down the road. As the reality of what happened seeps into my soul, I’m left analyzing every word Kipton’s spoken to me. I try to figure out which promises were the truth and which are meant to be forgotten. But the more I try to figure out which ones to keep, and which ones to throw away, the more I realize it’s an impossible task. I want to keep every single memory because they’re mine.

  For the first time, I don’t want to forget. I’ve felt more alive with Kipton than I have in my entire life. Which is why the farther I drift away from Kipton, the closer I am to rediscovering my own hell. I can’t let myself become the girl I used to be. I’ve worked too hard to get here.

  That small bit of clarity I was holding onto disappears once I take my keys out of the ignition. Now that I’ve stopped driving, I’ve stopped running. And I’m still learning how to stay. I don’t know if I’m ready to go inside yet, but I know I have to.

  Not wanting to deal with one of Cara’s question and answer sessions, I’m thankful to find the house empty. Other than the dishwasher finishing a rinse cycle, it’s completely quiet.

  I walk down the hallway to my bedroom and toss my bag on the bed. My eyes are drawn to the mirror hanging above my dresser. With puffy eyes, and smudged mascara my reflection is sickening. What is it about me that’s so hard to love? Why does everyone give up on me?

  You’re not worth it, Sophie. Dean reminds me from the other side.

  I never should have let Cara push me into dating, and I never should have let Kipton break through the wall I had firmly in place. I never wanted a boyfriend—and I sure as hell never asked to be loved.

  Feeling lower than I have in a very long time, I creep inside my closet. Pushing my shoes aside to find a place to sit down, I hold the bear I fell asleep with so many times close to my chest. No matter where I live, I always keep him tucked inside my closet—waiting for the damage to be done. He’s the comfort I need to feel safe, and a reminder that strength doesn’t come with age—it comes with determination.