“You tired?” Julian asked.
“No, I just feel good. Really, really good. Thank you for dinner.” I opened my eyes to look over at him. He gave me a quick smile before pulling my hand into his lap. I wanted to ask him what was on his mind, but I was afraid to open a can of worms.
“Thank you, for staying with me. I love being out here on the sea, but being with you makes it perfect.” He kissed my hand, punctuating his statement. Sadness tugged at my heart to think about him being out here all alone. At least I had Drew and the girls to keep me company. I couldn’t imagine being totally alone. I watched him as he continued to stare out at the miles of darkness around us. Instead of talking, I just squeezed his hand, showing him that I was here for him. Julian just held my hand tighter.
After enjoying the silence for a while, I felt the stirrings of sleep creeping up. I didn’t want our night together to come to an end.
“So, what do you usually do on this boat for fun,”
“Ha! I don’t spend that much time on it, mostly to travel and sleep,” he replied.
“Well, I’m gonna fall asleep unless we do something. Quick!”
“Your mind is restless. I have the perfect fix for that. Grab your wine,” he announced and then headed into the cabin and pulled out a wooden chess set. He set it up on the small coffee table and waited for me to join him. With the click of a remote, soft latin jazz filled the room.
“Chess? This is your fix?” I sat down, but I wasn’t too sure I was going to play.
“Trust me, after I show you the rules, you’re gonna be hooked,” he challenged.
And I was. Julian was patient with me until he picked up that I was catching on. Then he pushed me to the limit, making sure to show me how far ahead he planned his moves until we were quietly battling each other. I don’t know how many games we played until I couldn’t help my yawns.
“Ok, chica. Let’s call it a night. I’m tired too.” Julian put away the game and I headed to the room. I needed a shower in the worst way, and didn’t think twice about jumping in. Between the warm water, the long day, and the wine, I was on the verge of passing out.
“Can I join you?” Julian’s deep voice came drifting into my thoughts.
“Only if you promise to behave,” I warned. I felt the extra heat as his body slid into the small space behind mine, grabbing the soap from me.
“What do you think I am, a child? Behave? I already promised you that I would ‘be good’. Didn’t I?” His tone was playful.
“Ok, just reminding you.” Even though I was the one having a hard time not turning around to maul him. Julian finished soaping me up, and then moved on to help me wash my tangled mass of curls. I closed my eyes at the feel of his fingertips on my scalp.
“That feel good, bonita?” His voice was very close to my ears, but his lips weren’t quite touching me. Instinctively I moved closer, until they were. He just kissed my cheek and moved away. I grinned at his apparent self-control because his body had already given him away. I turned around to repay the favor, even fashioning his longer locks up into a spiky mohawk for fun. True to his word, the rest of the shower went off without any more than a hug here and there. I applauded his self control. Shit, I applauded mine!
After snagging one of his t-shirts, I slipped into bed. Julian joined me a short while later after locking up the outer cabin. I couldn’t believe I was spending the night on a boat, out in the middle of the ocean, but here we were. He pulled my body into his, cuddling me to his chest. I felt so comfortable, I almost went to sleep instantly.
“Damn, this feels like a dream,” Julian whispered.
“Mmmmhmm,” I said before drifting off to sleep.
A loud fluttering roused me out of my deep sleep. I looked around confused, finding myself alone in the bed. It took me a minute to realize the sound was rain. I jumped up to go see where Julian had gone and ran right into his soaking wet body as he was returning to the room.
“Shit,” we both barked out, mutually scaring the hell out of each other.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologized.
“I just wanted to see if your were ok,” I blurted out. Julian ran his fingers through his soaked hair, heading to the bathroom to dry off.
“It’s raining really hard. Are we going to be ok out here?” I felt so naive for asking, but I was scared dammit! Julian chuckled before he answered.
“Yes, we’ll be fine. The boat is pretty solid. It’s just a little storm; should be over by morning,” he assured me. I sighed in relief and turned back to bed. Then I realized my shirt was soaking wet from his body. Taking a deep breath, I pulled off the shirt and climbed into bed next to him. When Julian felt the entire nakedness of my body, a deep low groan rumbled out of his throat.
“Why are you teasing me, corazon? So unfair,” he complained.
“Sorry, but I was all wet,” I couldn’t help but giggle when he moaned in agony.
“Ay Dios! Don’t do that. You promised,” he joked, using my words against me. I ran my hands across his broad chest, still damp with remnants of the rain. Julian shuddered underneath my touch, but didn’t try to stop me. I placed light kisses wherever I pleased, feeling the fire that burned for him. The heat was spreading outwards until I could feel it in my fingertips when they met his skin.
“Jade,” he moaned. “What are you doing to me?”
“Just kiss me,” I said because I had no words to describe how I felt. Being with him was raw, and unstoppable. There was a surreal haze that tinted our connection. It was almost too intense. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I put all of my emotions into the kiss, rocking my hips slowly against his. The pressure of his rigid erection against me was slowly caressing me to madness. Julian was gentle with me, continuing to kiss me as he entwined his hands into my hair, aligning his hips perfectly with mine. His body was trembling with his restraint, and I shivered with anticipation. I continued to drink in his kisses that were growing more frantic and desperate. I pulled at his hair, nipped the tip of his shoulder, and sucked his tongue so far into my mouth I couldn’t tell whose it was.
“Oh my God,” he groaned into my neck. I whimpered when his lips began to explore my body, gently sucking and teasing along the way. Then he hovered his body over mine, not quite touching as he planted a gentle kiss on my lips. At that moment I felt like a victim of a spider web. All I could do was lay in wait of whatever he had to dish out. I felt hypnotized, staring into his green eyes while my body responded on its own accord. I wasn’t accustomed to Julian taking things slowly, and that increased my awe of the moment.
I opened my legs wide, wrapping my calves around his. His kisses grew harder and more intense, and he slowly increased the pressure of his body against mine until he was pressing me into the mattress. Suddenly, Julian flipped me onto my stomach, continuing to rain more kisses onto my back and moving up towards my neck.
“I told you, your little body was going to be begging for mine,” he whispered hoarsely into my ear, while he slid his erection along the crease of my butt cheeks. Checkmate!
I moaned at the feel of his hardness against my sensitive skin, mixed with his words. I was beyond reasoning when he turned me onto my back. I arched my body into his touch, begging him to give me more as I pulled his boxer briefs down. I wanted to feel his entire body against mine, and feel him deep inside of me. The ache was excruciating and I couldn’t see, smell or feel anything that wasn’t Julian. He continued to tease me, using my body as a canvas to massage his rock hard manhood into, while he whispered how wild I made him. I rubbed myself on any part of him I could reach, his thigh that was pressed in between mine, and then his arm when it moved in the way to push his shorts all the way off. I immediately reached for him, wrapping both my hands around his erection. Oh, he was so hard. My thumbs traced the ridges of veins that pulsed and throbbed under my touch. His head dropped into my neck as his hip flexed back and forth, sliding his shaft between my hands while I stroked my clit agai
nst his thigh.
“I need to feel you,” he breathed harshly against my ear. I trembled with his words, beyond needing to feel him. The hot feel of his flesh in my hands demolished any traces of logic I had left. I was operating on primal instinct now, as I began to massage his tip against the soft skin of my inner thigh. We both let out rough grunts at the contact, causing him to grind his waist into me.
“Jade, you're killing me. I want to feel you so bad,” he hissed against my lips, and I complied by lifting my hips to his, and pushing him inside of me. His body tensed, not moving except for the uncontrollable pulsing of his cock as my walls gripped him. He pulled away from my kiss, pinning me with another hot stare, which I returned with a nod of encouragement. When he continued to be still, I lifted my hips again, slowly rocking him in and out. Finally, releasing another deep moan and all of his tension, Julian grabbed my hips and began to thrust into me. I cried out at the sudden onslaught of on orgasm, pushed over the edge by the raw feel of him, skin to skin, nothing between us.
“Damn, it’s so hot. So wet,” Julian muttered as he slowed his movements, rolling his hips in a wide, circular motion that drove me to drag my nails down his back. He kept sliding over the spot deep inside me that made my entire body shiver with pleasure. I could see in his eyes he knew what this was doing to me, the way he watched for my reaction with each stroke. The more I fell apart, the more intense his gaze. Julian stroked me at a slow and steady pace, stoking that internal heat that was spreading from my core like wildfire. His thick tongue darted against mine, as he twisted my face to meet his kisses, rolling it in and out with the same rhythm that his hips pushed his thick cock with. It was pure insanity the way he made me feel. I remembered how he always seemed to drive me up a wall, sometimes literally, but this new gentle Julian was a sweeter torture. Between his husky moans he whispered to me in Spanish. Words that spoke of his desire and love, and I loved it.
Seeming to sense my voyage into thought, Julian snaked an arm between us to massage my throbbing clit, and applied more pressure to his thrust. Without volition, my body arched into his. Eager for more. I could feel the coil unwinding in my groin as I neared my peak. Julian fisted my hair, picking up his pace until I just couldn’t keep up anymore.
“Ah! Please Jules,” I panted.
“Yes, I’m trying to please you. Where are you?” He uttered in a hoarse voice.
“I’m here,” I gasped when he thrust slower but harder.
“I’ve thought of this everyday, for months. Stay with me. Look at me, preciosa,” he demanded. “Please,” I hissed, arching my body closer to his.
“Ah, that’s it. Give it to me. Squeeze me,” Julian groaned as I tightened around him. I knew it was close, every glide of his cock inside of me caused me to tremble harder when he hit that spot. When his caressing fingers began to tug, Julian covered my mouth to swallow my moans. Then he was pumping harder and faster until I released a strangled cry into his kiss. He held me tighter, burying his face into my neck to drown out his own cries of release.
Ch 13 Not a player
We remained entangled, silent, except for our strained attempts to get our breathing under control. I absentmindedly ran my fingers through his hair, while he traced random circular patterns into the smooth flesh of my stomach. As my mind came down from the clouds, I felt a slight pang of sorrow that this moment was temporary. One of many that we seemed to share.
“So, can we talk about the elephant in the room?” Julian asked.
“What would that be?” I asked as I snuggled closer to him.
“Jade. We didn’t use a condom. I mean, I’m good. I haven’t done anything since…you ,but,” he trailed off, leaving an opening for me to explain myself.
“I know I wasn’t thinking. I’m good too, I was tested for everything in the hospital. And I’m on birth control, if you were worried about that.” I realized how silly my little bout of impulsiveness was. What the hell is wrong with me?
“I wasn’t worried about that. That would make me happy, actually.” He pulled at my curls after he made that last statement.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, tracing the outline of my nose with his fingertips. With a heavy sigh, I turned my head to face him. I rested my lips on his chin as I wrestled with my words.
“I was just wondering how long we have, this time.” I couldn’t keep the ire out of my tone, even though I didn’t want to make him feel bad. I just couldn’t help it.
“Hmmm, not ready to leave me yet?” He teased me, but planted a gentle kiss on my forehead.
“I just hate that I keep feeling like I shouldn’t get used to this. Like every time is the last time,” I vented.
“I know how you feel, but things won’t be this way forever. Just try to be patient,” he tried to assure me.
“Patient? You’ve been gone for months. Just because I know why, doesn’t change the fact that you are gone and I never know when I’m going to see you next.”
Julian released a heavy sigh, rolling over onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling for a long while before he responded to me.
“This is hard for me too. It’s not like I have the comfort of knowing you’re waiting for me. So, I’m just trying to do what I can. I know you are in the dark about a lot, but I’m trying. I’m trying to keep in touch, to not disappear like I’m supposed to. Then I get to see pictures of you out with other guys. I know John is still in the picture somehow, but I can’t let it go. I know this will be over soon, and I just hope you are ready for me when I come for you.” He turned back to face me after his speech.
“How do you know this will be over soon? Ryan says he doesn’t have any leads. So how do you know? How long do you think we can hang in limbo like this?” I hadn’t realized until now just how frustrated I was by all of this. Frustrated and confused, because I wasn’t even sure if I was ready, like he hoped I would be.
Julian rubbed his lips against mine and said, “It’s not going to be forever. You feel this? This is worth waiting for.” Then he slipped his tongue between my parted lips and kissed my so deeply I could feel it in my fingertips.
I don’t know if Julian slept. I think I fell asleep to him kissing me, and that was what I woke up to in the morning. I can’t recall ever kissing that much in my life, but it was sweet. Spending the morning together as he showed me how to man the boat was amazing. When we docked, I sent Drew a text to let him know I was back. I tried to ignore the impending sadness that hovered around us.
“Remember, this won’t be forever,” Julian reminded me. We shared one last kiss before I left to meet my brother.
Later that night, I was accompanied by Donna while I was lounging on the patio. I had been avoiding my housemates since my return from the boat.
“Penny for your thoughts,” she chimed.
“You're gonna need more than I penny,” I quipped.
“OK, how about you just tell me for free because I’m such a good listener.”
“Donna. I don’t even know where to start.”
“Let’s start with what’s on your mind right now.” She sounded like Dr. Phil.
“Julian.”
“Ah, yes. Mr. Garza. Yesterday was quite a day.” She fanned herself in mock heat exhaustion.
“Understatement of the year.” I sighed.
“So what’s the deal between you guys? Are you like, together?”
“No, well he wants that, but I can’t see how with things the way they are. He told me he’s patient.”
“Uh huh. So if things were different, you would be with him?” The tone of her voice hinted that she knew there was more to the story.
“Ahhh! I.Dont.Know. You know John invited me to go to Brazil in a few weeks. He says we both need some time to get away, just us together.” I looked over at Donna who was just shaking her head.
“Wow. Please tell me you’re not going to turn that down.”
“No, but I feel like a… I don’t know. Like I’m cheating, but I’m not.”
>
“No, your not cheating, but I can see what you mean. It’s not really casual with either of them, is it?”
“They both are talking about relationships that are not possible right now. I just feel like I should know who the fuck I wanna be with, not like a ping pong ball.” I leaned back into my chair to stare out at the ocean. My thoughts wandered to Julian, and where he was now.
“Well, maybe you just need to get one of them out of your system. I think you’ll be able to decide after Brazil.” That was Donna for you. Always looking on the bright side.
“Oh God! What am I supposed to tell Julian?” I began to freak out a little at that thought.
“Ouch! Yeah, that’s a tough one. I think you should just be honest. There are enough secrets floating around you as it is. No?”
I could only nod my head in agreement. Donna was right. I had to be honest, especially knowing how it felt to be lied to.
My time in Miami seemed to fly by. The bulk of my time was spent with Angel, my new project. Revamping her image was quite a task, considering that she was hard pressed to let go of her party girl image. Despite my warnings, she spent most nights out until the wee hours, and most mornings nursing a hangover. Since my first night out, I’d been out a few more times, but kept my drinking minimal. I knew I had a tendency to try to drown out my sorrows with a few hard drinks, but I never felt any better for it.
I decided to have another talk with her one morning when she was dragging her ass through a voice over to one of her songs. Her producer was visibly irritated with her lethargy and mistakes, so I signaled for a break and went into the booth.
Only Her Heart (The Jaded Hearts Club) Page 11