Always Me

by Walker, Jo-Anna

  I opened the passenger door and saw Brett sitting in the back beside Antonio. “You can sit up here,” I said to Brett.

  “Sit,” Sebastian said, his voice firm. The dark look in his eyes told me that it wouldn’t be wise to argue at that point, and did I really want them to sit beside each other? Probably not. Not if I wanted us to make it to the hospital in peace.

  I slid into the vehicle and shut the door behind me. Antonio was already sleeping, and I smiled but then frowned sadly. This was the first time I had left my place in weeks, and I was going to the hospital. I sighed. I needed to get out more. Now that the whole situation with Jose was over, I could move around freely and not have to worry about looking over my shoulder every single second.

  A warm hand landed on my leg, interrupting my thoughts. Leave it to Sebastian to know when to interrupt my brain from torturing me.

  Chapter 27

  After getting Antonio checked out by a doctor to make sure no damage was done, we walked down the hall to the waiting room.

  I saw Garrith sitting in a chair with his head in his hands, and my stomach dropped at the sight of him, his shoulders slumped and his hair messy as if he’d been running his fingers through it.

  We sat beside him, me on one side and Sebastian on the other. He didn’t notice until I placed a hand on his shoulder. “Garrith.”

  “I’m gonna go talk to the doctor,” Brett said roughly.

  Garrith’s head snapped up, his eyes red like he had been crying. “I promised I would protect her. No matter what happened, I promised her. I’ve fucked up so many times and the one thing that I was good at doing, I failed.”

  Sebastian clapped a hand on the back of his neck.

  “I am so...sorry,” my voice cracked.

  “God, I...if she doesn’t make it...I...” Garrith’s eyes glossed over, his big strong shoulders shaking.

  We didn’t say anymore. We comforted him as best we could. Little looks passed between Sebastian and I every so often. I knew what Garrith was going through.

  I leaned my head against his shoulder. “Do we know anything yet?”

  He shook his head. “She’s in surgery.”

  Brett came back a moment later, his face looking grim.

  “Did you get any answers?” Garrith asked.

  “No,” Brett’s answer was short and clipped. Oh God, he blamed us. Me, Sebastian...both of us.

  “Did you speak to the doctor?” I asked.

  “I said I didn’t get any fucking answers.” His eyes were cold as they bored into mine.

  I swallowed and nodded. His tone ripping at my heart.

  “Hey, watch the attitude,” Sebastian said, coming to my defense.

  “It’s fine. I understand,” I said quietly.

  “Do you, Tori? Do you fucking understand?” Brett accused, his voice rising. “Do you know what your boyfriend did? Huh?”

  Sebastian sat forward and Garrith glared at Brett.

  “What…what are you talking about?” I asked him, confusion coursing through me.

  He sneered. “Why don’t you ask him that?”

  Taking a deep breath, I tried ignoring the hatred he probably felt for me at that very moment. “Well, I know—”

  “You know nothing,” Brett rose from his seat and walked out of the room.

  Sebastian went to follow him, I jumped to my feet, stopping him. “Leave him. He’s upset.”

  “He shouldn’t talk to you like that.”

  “I agree.” Garrith rose to his full height. “I’ll talk to him.”

  After he left the room, I sighed. “What was he talking about, Sebastian?”

  “It’s not important.”

  “It obviously is or else Brett wouldn’t have mentioned it.”

  Sebastian’s dark gaze bored into mine but he didn’t reply.

  “It’s about Jose, isn’t it?”

  He moved to walk past me but I stepped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. “Tori.”

  “No, I’m not letting you get away with not talking to me. I’ve done that too much. I’ve had it. So talk. Please.”

  Sebastian’s jaw tightened but he didn’t say anything.

  I fisted his jacket in my hand, holding onto Antonio tightly with the other. “Please talk to me. If you can’t then…then…I…”

  His eyes narrowed. “Then what, Tori?”

  He wasn’t going to talk to me about Jose. Of course not. Why would he start when he hadn’t talked all along but I needed him to. More than anything, I needed him to open up to me. I deserved that much.

  “Please.”

  Sebastian huffed and ran a hand over his shaved head. “I made it so Jose won’t hurt you or Antonio anymore. It’s over. Done. Finished.”

  “But—”

  “Tori, why do you need the shitty details?”

  I ignored Sebastian’s question and went to the toy area. Maybe he was right. Did I really want to know exactly what he and Brett did to Jose?

  I set Antonio down, sitting beside him on the floor. This day just had to get better. Tears welled in my eyes, threatening to spill over.

  Sebastian sat behind me and I leaned against his knee, wrapping my arm around his leg. I reached under his pant leg, my fingers running over his strong calf. Even though he infuriated me, I needed to feel his skin. I brushed over the smooth tattoo that covered his calf. I knew his body like I knew my own. I curled my hand around him, hugging him against me.

  Warm strong hands landed on my shoulders, pressing and massaging my upper back. “You’re tight.”

  A laugh escaped my lips and my cheeks heated.

  Sebastian chuckled.

  Tears rolled down my cheeks a moment later as guilt washed through me. I brought my knees up to my chest and cried.

  “Baby, it’s okay to laugh,” Sebastian said softly, running his thumb up and down my neck.

  “I feel so guilty,” I choked on a sob. How could I even consider laughing at a time like this? I was frustrated that Sebastian wouldn’t talk to me. My best friend had the possibility of not making it and my other best friend hated me.

  “Come here,” Sebastian lifted me and placed me in his arms.

  I curled against him, fisting his shirt in my hands and sobbed against his shoulder. “Mama.” I lifted my head and saw Antonio looking up at me. His big brown eyes mirrored mine.

  “He’s a smart little guy,” Sebastian said, impressed.

  “He knows me well.” I sniffed and moved off of his lap, keeping my legs on him. “Come here, baby.” I picked Antonio up and held him against me, thankful that we had him back.

  He turned his head and placed a hand on Sebastian’s cheek. “Dada.”

  My heart swelled and I looked at Sebastian in shock.

  Sebastian’s eyes filled with love. “Yes, little man. I’m your daddy.”

  At that moment, the look of adoration Sebastian gave his son made me fall in love with him all over again.

  I pulled my legs off of his lap, curled them under me, and leaned against his shoulder. My eyes widened. “I am the worst daughter in the world.”

  “Your mom.”

  “I don’t even know what hospital she’s at. Oh my gosh. I’m so—”

  Sebastian grabbed my chin and lifted my head to his. “Don’t finish that sentence. Whatever you were going to say, it’s not true. You’ve been through a lot today. She’ll understand, now stop it.” His voice dominated power and I just nodded, not having the energy to argue. But I still couldn’t believe I had forgotten to check in with her. Hopefully she would call me soon. I had brought Jose into her life. Oh God. All of this was my—

  Warm lips crushed mine and a tongue forced its way in between my lips. My eyes fluttered closed as our mouths desperately fought for control. My brain shut off, which was exactly his purpose. Sebastian released me a moment later, his eyes dark with desire.

  I cleared my throat and breathed through the racing of my heart. “What was that for?”

  His lips turn
ed up and he rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip. “Trying to distract you. That sexy brain of yours is thinking too much.”

  I sighed. “I can’t help it.”

  “Yes you can, so stop.”

  Tears pricked at my eyes and I swallowed past the hard lump in my throat. “Sebastian, it’s all my fault. I brought Jose into her life and then you…you—”

  “No,” Sebastian snapped, making Antonio jump. He softened his voice but his eyes bored daggers into mine. “It’s not your fault that Jose did this. It’s no one’s fault except for his and it’s done. Taken care of.”

  “How?”

  Sebastian’s jaw tensed. “You don’t have to worry about Jose anymore. I took care of it.”

  “Sebastian.”

  “I said I took care of it,” he repeated, his voice going cold.

  “Did Brett help you?” I asked softly.

  He didn’t answer. Maybe that’s why Brett had some serious anger issues all of a sudden. Being forced to do something that he didn’t want to, but what? I wanted to know and a part of me didn’t. Jose being gone should have given me some relief but I couldn’t help worrying about Sebastian and Brett. “I don’t know what you did, but if it was something illegal, what if you guys get caught?”

  Sebastian’s dark gaze flicked to mine and he smirked. “We won’t get caught, baby.”

  He sure was confident, and then I remembered Garrith and Brett in my backyard. My brain was fried as I tried to figure out what had happened. “Did you…kill…?”

  Sebastian continued to stare at me, his eyes darkening with satisfaction but he didn’t answer my question.

  Jose Alavarez was dead. Sebastian didn’t have to come out and say it. I knew it deep in my heart that that’s how he had gotten rid of him for me. He was no longer around to harass me or my son. Never wishing death on anyone before, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the relief soaring through my body. “I’m sorry. What you both had to do for me…”

  In a quick move, Sebastian had his hand wrapped around my nape and pulled me towards him. His hot breath grazed my ear. “If we didn’t have Antonio, I’d take you to a private room and fuck that guilt out of you.”

  My heart sped up and I licked my lips at the image.

  He smirked smugly and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “I enjoy the way your eyes dilate when I tell you the things that I want to do to you.”

  I cleared my throat and distracted myself by tickling Antonio’s belly making him giggle. My eyes dilated? Well that sure was a huge giveaway. Did he notice that all along?

  I wrapped my sweater tightly around myself, crossing my legs. What was taking Garrith and Brett so long? I needed answers about Keisha. Jose was dead. We could move on with our lives and finally be happy.

  “When this is all said and done, I’d like to take you somewhere.”

  I looked up at Sebastian. “Okay.”

  He smiled softly. “Have you ever been to New Jersey?”

  I shook my head.

  “I didn’t think so. I have a friend that I want you to meet. He’s going to kick my ass for not visiting him in years, but if you’re there, it’ll sweeten the blow,” he joked.

  I placed my hand on top of Sebastian’s. “I’d love to meet him.”

  He smiled. “He doesn’t like many people. Hell, I don’t even know if he likes me half the time, but I know he’ll like you.”

  “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine, Sebastian.”

  He kissed my knuckles and shrugged out of his jacket. He grabbed Antonio from my arms and handed his coat to me. “Sleep.”

  I frowned. “I can’t.”

  Sebastian’s hard gaze bored into mine, challenging me to argue with him. “It wasn’t a request.”

  I sighed and laid down, resting my head on his jacket. The scent of him flew into my lungs, easing the tension in my body.

  Sebastian placed a hand on my hip and held Antonio against him. “It’s over, baby.”

  Knowing what he had done to protect our family even though he didn’t come out say the words, scared me a little. I never wanted to put him in that position again.

  My eyes grew heavy and I tried keeping them open, but eventually I lost the battle.

  ***

  “Shhh...you’ll wake her.”

  “I don’t care. How can she sleep at a time like this?”

  I frowned, listening to the voices around me. My brain was foggy as I took in the conversation.

  “What is your fucking issue?” I heard Garrith ask.

  “I...I...” Brett stammered.

  “I know you’re upset but don’t be a dick. Tori’s been through a lot today, too.”

  “But Keisha...”

  “She’s going to be fine. The doctor said so. Tori almost lost her son, so stop being an asshole.”

  Keisha was okay. I rolled over and faced the back of the chairs. Tears welled in my eyes. I was happy that Keisha was okay, but the things that Brett had said...he hated me. I angrily wiped the tears on my cheeks and sat up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Garrith and Brett look my way.

  “Keisha’s out of surgery,” Garrith told me.

  I nodded, meeting his sad gaze.

  “It’ll be about two hours still before we can visit her.”

  “Do you know who shot her?” I asked.

  Garrith’s features hardened like he was remembering something. “Yes, and the fucker’s taken care of.”

  “Richards?”

  Garrith just nodded and scrubbed a hand down his face.

  “Did you have a good nap?” Brett bit out.

  I looked at him and held back a glare. He’s hurting, Tori. Once Keisha was up and around and better, we would all laugh this off. Oh God, I had hoped so. I stood and walked out, rolling my eyes as I passed Brett.

  “Brett, you’re lucky we’re here and not outside,” Garrith told him.

  “And why’s that?”

  “Cause I really want to hit you right now.”

  I rounded the corner and saw Sebastian and Antonio at a vending machine. “Which one do you want, little man?”

  Antonio pointed to something on the bottom row.

  “Perfect. I would have chosen the same thing.” He put some money into the machine and bent over to fish the treat out. Repeating his movements, he grabbed a second item.

  I walked up to them when my stomach rumbled.

  Sebastian noticed me and placed a kiss on my forehead. “It’s nothing much, but the sugar will help boost your energy.” His eyes twinkled with satisfaction, knowing that he was partly the reason for my exhaustion.

  “Thank you,” I said and smiled at his thoughtfulness. I took the package of cookies from him and leaned against the wall.

  “Want to head back?”

  I shook my head. “I need a moment away. Brett...”

  Sebastian’s eyes narrowed. “What did he say?”

  I stuffed a cookie in my mouth and shrugged. Why bother him with the grimy details?

  “Tori.”

  I swallowed the sugary goodness. “It’s nothing. He’s upset. I’d be the same way.”

  “No you wouldn’t so stop making excuses for him.” Sebastian placed Antonio on the ground and we both watched him walk back to the waiting room.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say. He’s upset. He blames me. He told me when I first met him that if anything happened to Keisha...”

  I turned to leave when Sebastian grabbed my arm, stopping me. “He threatened you?”

  I shrugged out of his grasp and shoved the rest of the cookie in my mouth, giving me an excuse not to answer him right away. “Well, your name was included too,” I said a moment later.

  Sebastian handed me a bottle of water and moved to walk past me, but I sidestepped in front of him, pushing against his chest. “Stop. Right now. This is not happening here.”

  “Tori. Move.” His eyes hardened, daring me to stop him and I did.

  “No.” We stood and stared at each other for what s
eemed like hours. “You can pound Brett’s face in later but not here.”

  Sebastian smirked and kissed me hard. “Oh, I plan on it.”

  Men.

  ***

  Waiting to see Keisha was torture. Every time I looked at the clock, only a minute had passed. The tension in the small waiting room escalated, and I waited for fists to start flying. Brett would make digs every so often, and I would grin and bear it. But Sebastian, he threw the insults right back to the point Garrith had to take him out of the room. I sighed and ran a hand down Antonio’s back as he slept against my breast.

  Brett was twitchy, and it rattled my nerves.

  “Are you happy?”

  My gaze flicked to his, and I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out. I was dumbfounded. I thought a moment. “Yeah, thrilled. Ecstatic that my son was kidnapped, my mother beaten, my best friend is bleeding on an operating table, and my other friend is taking his grief out on me. I’m just peaches over here.”

  “I am not taking my grief out on you.”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  He sighed and placed his head in his hands, running his fingers through his short brown hair. My heart ached for him. Being an only child, I never knew the bond of siblings. I had imagined that it was stronger than anything.

  I wanted to comfort him, to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything would be okay, but I didn’t know if it would. I also didn’t think that he would appreciate me hugging him at this point. Yes Keisha was okay and we were just waiting for her to be moved to recovery but...nothing would ever be the same. Brett blamed me. I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me. If something happened where Keisha didn’t pull through, Brett would hate me forever and it would tear my heart to shreds.

  “I don’t know what you see in him,” he said a moment later.

  Irritation tore through me but I took a deep breath. “Brett, this is not the time or place or to discuss my relationship with Sebastian.”

  “No?” His gaze snapped to mine, hurt and anguish filled them. He wasn’t just hurting over Keisha.

  Oh God. I would not feel guilty about choosing Sebastian over Brett. Brett deserved to be happy. “Why would you want to be with someone who didn’t return the love you felt?”