More Than Ever: The Home Series, Book One

by Gretchen Tubbs

  While I’m mulling this over, Ana, the social worker, starts filling me in on the process.

  “Lucy, we can get you on the UNOS list. As long as you are within ten hours of a region, you can be put on a list for a specific area. The wait for a kidney can be more than two years, but you are a prime candidate. You are young, and both cancer and infection free. We simply need updated blood and tissue samples so we can provide types for the registry.”

  Dr. Amador’s arm sweeps around the room, “Lucy, we can’t keep doing this to your body long term. This is no way for you to spend your days. A transplant would allow you to have the quality of life that you deserve.”

  I sit in silence for a while, considering this idea.

  “Okay,” I say, too tired to argue with him.

  “Lucy Brennan, did you actually agree to something without me having to get Miller involved?” Dr. Amador chuckles. He knows me too well. Sad, considering he’s just my doctor.

  “This is a momentous occasion. It needs to go in Claire’s notebook,” he winks, and gets up from his chair.

  Even he cracks jokes about my mother’s damn notebook.

  “You look worn out,” he continues. “Try to get some sleep. Ana will work on getting you set up on the registries. After that, it’s just a waiting game. Unless, that is, you change your mind and-“

  I cut him off, “Don’t start. Maggie is still a no-go.”

  Everyone says their goodbyes and I finally have some quiet. I close my eyes and quickly fall asleep.

  ***

  I feel a light tugging on my arm and wake with a start. I glance over, and Brittany is unhooking me from my machine.

  “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. I’m glad you were alone today so that you could rest.”

  Alone? “No one came by today?”

  “No ma’am. Not even that cute boyfriend of yours. Did you drive yourself today?”

  “No, Miller is supposed to be here. Mom dropped me off.” When I’m completely free from the machine, I get my phone from my bag and unlock the screen. No missed calls or texts.

  “Thanks, Brittany. I’ll go wait out front for him,” I say, anxious to get out of here.

  I grab my stuff and head to the front, calling Miller while I’m walking. My attempt goes straight to voicemail. Shit. If I had to guess, his phone is dead. He never remembers to charge it. I’m sure that was not on his mind when he came stumbling in last night, trying to get some. I call Maggie when I get to the lobby, getting the same results. Those two are hopeless. I look over at the front desk, greeted by Rose’s ever-smiling face.

  “Hi, dear. How did you do today?”

  “Fine, thank you,” I answer. I can’t help but grin at her, even though I am a little stressed about the fact that Miller is MIA.

  “And where is your fan club?”

  “I’m sure they’re on their way. I think I’ll go wait outside. Get some fresh air.”

  “Sounds wonderful. You enjoy your weekend, dear. I will see you bright and early Monday morning.”

  “Bye, Rose.”

  I step outside, wincing from the bright sun. A quick survey of the parking lot tells me that no one is here to get me. I try Miller and Maggie again, hoping their phones magically charged themselves in the last three minutes. I don’t want to call my mom. She will freak out, making a way bigger deal out of this than she needs to. I promise to just wait it out for 10 minutes before I bother her or Dad at work. I’m sure Miller is on his way. He probably overslept and is getting dressed as we speak. I find a spot to sit and start playing on my phone. After a while, a shadow passes over me, blocking the sun from my face.

  “Miller, where have you-,” I start, looking up, but it’s not Miller.

  Shit.

  “Sorry to disappoint, Lucy. It’s just me.” Bennett is towering over my seated body, holding out his hand to help me up. I reluctantly take it. The second I put my hand in his, that damn jolt travels up my arm. I stand and yank my hand back.

  Why does that keep happening?

  “What are you doing out here? Besides waiting for Miller? It’s too hot, especially in that jacket,” he says, tilting his head at my hoodie.

  “I had to get out of there. Only so much of that smell I can take in one day.”

  “You need a ride?”

  Absolutely not!

  “No. I’m fine. Miller’s on his way to get me.”

  “Lucy, you can’t stay out here forever. How long have you been sitting here?”

  “Just a minute,” I tell him.

  He eyes me suspiciously, not believing me.

  “Come with me.”

  I am dragged back inside by a pissed off Bennett. At least he has the decency to drag me by my right arm.

  “Lucy, what are you still doing here?” asks Rose, coming from behind the counter while glancing at her watch. I should have known. Of course she would rat me out to her precious Bennett. “Your appointment was finished ages ago. You said your ride was coming.”

  “Thank you, Rose,” Bennett tells her, leaning over and kissing her weathered cheek.

  “For what, dear? And what are you doing with Lucy?”

  “I found her outside, practically melting in this heat. I’m taking her to eat and then bringing her home. How long has she been out there?”

  “Oh, about thirty minutes or so, I guess.”

  I swear I hear him growl at Rose’s answer. I am pulled once again out of the doors, this time across the parking lot and toward the hospital.

  “Let go of me! I’m not a child!” I yank my arm out of his hold, which is not an easy feat. I want him to let go, but I regret it as soon as it’s gone. I like his hand on me.

  “Then quit acting like one, Lucy,” he says, putting his hands on my shoulders, turning me so I’m forced to look at his face. “Just stop and think for a goddamn minute. You have got to eat when you finish dialysis. You need to keep up your strength. Sitting in the hot sun in that fucking jacket is not helping. I’m feeding you and taking you home.”

  “Not necessary. Miller is coming,” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Hate to break it to you, but I don’t think he is.”

  I’m pissed. I’m pissed at Bennett for stating the obvious, pissed at Miller for not coming to get me, pissed at Rose for telling on me, and pissed at myself. I should have called Mom or Dad. I don’t want Bennett taking me to eat or taking me home. I guess I don’t really have a choice right now.

  “Fine,” I tell him. “But I live close. I can eat something at home.”

  Bennett puts his hand on my lower back and leads me across the street to the hospital employee lot. We stop at an old Jeep. It’s Army Green, and the top is off. He opens the door for me, but I am reluctant to get in.

  “Wait, you were coming across the street for a reason. Don’t you have something else to do? I can call someone else to come get me.”

  “Had a meeting, but I’ll reschedule. I need to get some food in you.”

  He helps me get in while I give him directions to my apartment. It’s a short, silent drive. For that, I am very thankful.

  We pull into a parking spot right next to Miller’s truck. I guess his ass is still passed out in my bed. I turn to Bennett.

  “Thanks. You didn’t have to do this. I’ll see you around.”

  He shuts off the Jeep. “I’m coming in with you. I don’t trust you to eat. You’re too damn stubborn. I can fix you something.”

  I shoot him the nastiest look I can muster, “I can feed myself.”

  “Still coming in, Lucy.”

  I get my keys from my bag. He takes my bag from me and swings it over his shoulder, all while taking my keys from me and unlocking the door. When he lets me in and closes the door behind us, I take the bag back.

  “I’m going to put this up. You can make me some peanut butter toast. Everything is already out. I’ll be right back.” Hopefully he will fix it and get the hell out.

  I glance quickly at the bed when I
open my bedroom door and but my bag on the floor, but Miller isn’t there. I back out of the room, shutting the door behind me and run straight into him. He looks panicked.

  “Oh, God, Goose. I’m so sorry. I just got up. My alarm didn’t go off because my phone’s dead. I freaked out when you weren’t in bed with me. I totally forgot about today. Last night was a complete mess. Please, baby, let me explain.”

  I’m trying to shut him up, but he won’t let me talk. The more he says, the louder his voice gets.

  “Toast is ready,” says Bennett, strolling out of the kitchen like he owns the damn place.

  “What’s he doing here?” Miller asks, the color draining from his face.

  “Well, considering she was sitting in the hot sun for 30 fucking minutes after her appointment was over, I thought I should bring her home and feed her.” Bennett is pissed. His jaw muscle is flexing while he waits for Miller’s response.

  “I was on my way to get her. My alarm didn’t go off.” He looks at me. “Baby, you should have called me.”

  “I did call you, about 10 times. It doesn’t work if your phone is dead!”

  “Lucy, he needs to go. I need to talk to you about what happened last night,” he tells me, leaning in close.

  He’s grabbing for me, his eyes looking a little on the crazy side.

  “Miller, it’s fine.”

  “No, it’s not. I need to explain-“

  “Can we not do this now?” I plead with him. He needs to shut his mouth.

  Bennett’s leaning against the wall, one foot crossed over the other at the ankle, watching our drama unfold like a damn Lifetime Movie.

  “Lucy, he needs to go so we can talk,” Miller says, glaring towards Bennett like he’s the one that did something wrong.

  OK, now he’s pissing me off.

  “No, HE brought me home because you were too fucked up to wake up this morning.”

  I look over at Bennett.

  “Have you eaten lunch yet?” I ask.

  “Nope.”

  “Let’s go.”

  I yank out of Miller’s grasp and stomp down the hall and grab my bag off my bedroom floor. Miller takes it from me.

  “Don’t do this,” he pleads, his voice taking on a desperate quality.

  Bennett takes the bag from him.

  “Ready?” he says, his hand on my arm, guiding me towards the kitchen so we can leave.

  I look back at Miller, who looks crushed.

  What the hell is going on? Why is he being so fucking childish?

  “Charge your phone. We’ll talk when I get back. I’ll only be a little while.”

  We both clearly need some space from each other. I just don’t know if my way of getting space is the right way.

  Being so close to campus, there are food choices on every corner. Bennett doesn’t ask me what I want, he just heads out of the apartment complex and goes up the street to a little bistro. He finds a space to park, hopping out of the Jeep and coming to my side.

  “This alright with you?” he asks, guiding me towards the front.

  “It’s fine.”

  “If you take off that jacket you wear like a second skin, I’ll even let us sit outside.”

  That earns him a glare, but I just keep walking, keeping my comments to myself.

  We order sandwiches and drinks, and go on the back patio. Bennett carries both of our orders and finds us a seat towards the back, with plenty of shade from a huge umbrella hovering over the small table. Since the lunch rush is over at this point, it’s quiet out here. We sit, not in a very comfortable silence, and start to eat.

  “You want to tell me what happened back there?” he asks, fishing for information about the embarrassing scene he just witnessed.

  “Nope,” I answer, taking a big bite out of my sandwich.

  “You know, for not being in a relationship, the two of you sure act like you’re dating,” he says, putting his sandwich back down on the wrapper.

  “Can we drop it? This is not something I’m discussing with you.” I stop eating, too, suddenly losing my appetite. Why is he so interested in this?

  He jerks his chin towards me and says, “Take that off and I will. We can talk about whatever you want.”

  My eyes turn away from him unintentionally and move to my left arm. I can feel the heat flooding my face. A heartbeat later, his strong, warm hand lays on top on mine.

  “Lucy, I know what it looks like. I don’t give a flying fuck about it. Take the damn jacket off.”

  I believe him. Hell, he’s seen it before, in all its glory. What’s the harm in taking it off? No one is out here to see me, anyway. His eyes never leave mine as I take it off. It feels like time has slowed down. I can’t believe I am doing this. My arm hardly ever sees the light of day, even when I’m at my apartment by myself. He never looks down at my arm. As soon as I make the decision to remove it, as soon as I move my right hand to unzip it, his thumb sweeps across my left hand a few times, an acknowledgment of his satisfaction with my decision.

  He holds out his hand for my jacket, and I give it to him. He places it in his lap, his eyes still on me. It’s a pleasant feeling. He’s proud of me, and I like that I’ve made him proud.

  “Deal was, Lucy, we could talk about whatever you wanted. Shoot. Ask me whatever you want.”

  “Why this job? It doesn’t seem to suit you.” I immediately regret my words and want to push them back in my mouth. I feel like I just insulted him. I’m having a hard time picturing this overbearing, persistent man treating patients. Treating children, for that matter. I need to apologize for my rude words.

  “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right. Dr. Amador said you were in pediatrics. I just can’t picture that when I think about you.” I move my hand over my mouth. I can feel the color surfacing in my cheeks. Why did that just come out of my mouth?!

  There is that cocky grin again.

  “What are you picturing, then, when you think about me? Please, enlighten me.”

  I stammer, “No, I mean, that’s not what I mean. It’s just, when he told me, I just…” Shit. I can’t even talk he’s got me so flustered. I’m never at a loss for words. Well, except around this man.

  He’s full on smiling from ear to ear. He knows what he’s doing to me. I can feel his knee bumping mine under the table, his thigh pushing up against mine. He leaves it there. I feel like it’s burning a hole in my pants, searing the flesh on my leg.

  “And why, Lucy, were the two of you talking about me?”

  “He brought you up to me!” I say, just a tad too loud.

  That beautiful, rare smile of his isn’t fading. He stares at me a second more, and goes back to eating his lunch, never actually looking at his sandwich. I pick at mine while he finishes up, avoiding looking back at him. I can’t stand to be stared at. My original question is long forgotten.

  “As much as I’m enjoying this,” he tells me, “I do have to get back to the center for that meeting I blew off.”

  “Oh, God. I forgot about that. I’m so sorry.” I feel guilty for keeping him from his work, especially since I was using him to get away from Miller.

  “Believe me, it was worth it. You do need to make it up to me, though.”

  “How?” I gulp, scared of his answer. My face is burning, not knowing what is going to come out of his mouth. I grab my drink and take a sip to give myself something to do besides waiting to hear what he is going to say.

  “Have dinner with me this weekend.”

  “We just had lunch together.”

  “We did. This doesn’t count. This was because of some shit between you and Miller. You used me to piss him off. I want you to agree to have dinner with me because you want to get to know me, not because of a fight you had with your ‘not boyfriend.’”

  The playful tone and look from earlier is gone. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

  “I can’t. I’m sorry, and I appreciate everything you did for me today, but I just can’t.” I feel slightly sick
as the words are coming out of my mouth. I don’t think I can open myself up to this. I want to, but I won’t do this to either of us. I can feel the chemistry. If we started something and it would end, it would be disastrous.

  “Because of him?”

  “No.” I get up from the table and start picking up my food. I don’t want to have this conversation. I walk to the trashcan and throw my leftovers away. When I reach the restaurant’s interior doors, I feel Bennett’s body pushed up against mine. It feels both safe and scary, all at the same time.

  He leans over and whispers, “Why?”

  In a voice that barely comes out, I reply, “Because of me.”

  I grab the handle to the door. He puts his hand over mine. I am bracing for yet another argument, but I don’t get a verbal reply. Instead, he pulls my arm off the handle, and slips the sleeve of my jacket over my arm. He swings the fabric across my back and gently guides my left arm into its sleeve. His touch is light and gentle. It’s a complete contradiction from how he looks and how he talks to me. Jesus. I’m so on edge from this man, I didn’t realize I was about to walk in a restaurant scattered with people with my arm exposed. I look at him, trying to convey a silent ‘thank you’. I don’t look in his eyes for very long, but I see that he gets me. He knows not to push me on this. I don’t know how, but he does. He’s giving me this, and letting it go. He turns me around, zips me up, kisses my temple, and opens the door.

  The point of contact where his lips hit my skin is on fire. That small gesture meant more to me than any words he could have said. As we walk, I have to dab my eyes with the sleeves of my jacket. I’m completely overwhelmed. I don’t know how to deal with these feelings, which is just crazy. I don’t even know anything about Bennett, yet he pulls such strong emotions from me. I tell myself to hold it together until I get home. We don’t speak again, until I thank him again in the apartment parking lot.

  Chapter Nine

  The apartment is quiet when I let myself in. I call out to Miller and Maggie, but am greeted with silence. Walking to my room to drop my bag, I see a note on the top of my vanity.