The Best of Joe Haldeman

by Joe W. Haldeman

  "Sorry, I didn't know that. Pretty old-fashioned." I could see the reasoning, though. Dump a thousand Maribelle Ghentlees on the market, and a merely ravishing girl wouldn't have a chance.

  "Sit down." She was on the verge of tears. "Let me explain to you what I can't do.

  "I can't hurt anyone physically. I can't trace this cod down and wave a gun in his face, tell him to back off."

  "I know," she sobbed. I took a box of Kleenex out of my drawer, passed it over.

  "Listen, there are laws about harassment. If he's really bothering you, the cops'll be glad to freeze him."

  "I can't go to the police." She blew her nose. "I'm not a citizen." I turned off the console. "Let me see if I can fill in some blanks without using the machine. You're an unauthorized clone." She nodded.

  "With bought papers."

  "Of course I have papers. I wouldn't be in your machine if I didn't."

  Well, she wasn't dumb, either. "This cod. He isn't just a disgruntled customer."

  "No." She didn't elaborate.

  "One more guess," I said, "and then you do the talking for a while. He knows you're not legal."

  "He should. He's the one who pulled me."

  "Your own daddy. Any other surprises?"

  She looked at the floor. "Mafia."

  "Not the legal one, I assume."

  "Both."

  The desk drawer was still open; the sight of my own gun gave me a bad chill. "There are two reasonable courses open to me. I could handcuff you to the doorknob and call the police. Or I could knock you over the head and call the Mafia. That would probably be safer."

  She reached into her purse; my hand was halfway to the gun when she took out a credit flash, thumbed it, and passed it over the desk. She easily had five times as much money as I make in a good year, and I'm in a comfortable seventy percent bracket.

  "You must have one hell of a case of bedsores."

  "Don't be stupid," she said, suddenly hard. "You can't make that kind of money on your back. If you take me on as a client, I'll explain."

  I erased the flash and gave it back to her. "Miz Ghentlee. You've already told me a great deal more than I want to know. I don't want the police to put me in jail, I don't want the courts to scramble my brains with a spoon. I don't want the Mafia to take bolt cutters to my appendages."

  "I could make it worth your while."

  "I've got all the money I can use. I'm only in this profession because I'm a snoopy bastard." It suddenly occurred to me that that was more or less true.

  "That wasn't completely what I meant."

  "I assumed that. And you tempt me, as much as any woman's beauty has ever tempted me."

  She turned on the waterworks again.

  "Christ. Go ahead and tell your story. But I don't think you can convince me to do anything for you."

  "My real clone-mother wasn't named Maribelle Ghentlee."

  "I could have guessed that."

  "She was Maxine Kraus." She paused. "Maxine . . . Kraus." "Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

  "Maybe not. What about Werner Kraus?"

  "Yeah." Swiss industrialist, probably the richest man in Europe. "Some relation?"

  "She's his daughter and only heir."

  I whistled. "Why would she want to be cloned, then?"

  "She didn't know she was being cloned. She thought she was having a Pap test." She smiled a little. "Ironic posture."

  "And they pulled you from the scraping."

  She nodded. "The Mafia bought her physician. Then killed him."

  "You mean the real Mafia?" I said.

  "That depends on what you call real. Mafia Incorporated comes into it too, in a more or less legitimate way. I was supposedly one of six Maribelle Ghentlee clones that they had purchased to set up as courtesans in New Orleans, to provoke a test case. They claimed that the Sisterhood's prohibition against clone prostitutes constituted unfair restraint of trade."

  "Never heard of the case. I guess they lost."

  "Of course. They wouldn't have done it in the South if they'd wanted to win."

  "Wait a minute. Jumping ahead. Obviously, they plan ultimately to use you as a substitute for the real Maxine Kraus."

  "When the old man dies, which will be soon."

  "Then why would they parade you around in public?"

  "Just to give me an interim identity. They chose Ghentlee as a clone-mother because she was the closest one available to Maxine Kraus's physical appearance. I had good makeup; none of the real Ghentlee clones suspected I wasn't one of them."

  "Still . . . what happens if you run into someone who knows what the real Kraus looks like? With your face and figure, she must be all over the gossip sheets in Europe:"

  "You're sweet." Her smile could make me do almost anything. Short of taking on the Mafia. "She's a total recluse, though, for fear of kidnappers. She probably hasn't seen twenty people in her entire life.

  "And she isn't beautiful, though she has the raw materials for it. Her mother died when she was still a baby—killed by kidnappers."

  "I remember that."

  "So she's never had a woman around to model herself after. No one ever taught her how to do her hair properly, or use makeup. A man buys all her clothes. She doesn't have anyone to be beautiful for."

  "You feel sorry for her."

  "More than that." She looked at me with an expression that somehow held both defiance and hopelessness. "Can you understand? She's my mother. I was force-grown so we're the same apparent age, but she's still my only parent. I love her. I won't be part of a plan to kill her."

  "You'd rather die?" I said softly. She was going to.

  "Yes. But that wouldn't accomplish anything, not if the Mafia does it. They'd take a few cells and make another clone. Or a dozen, or a hundred, until one came along with a personality to go along with matricide."

  "Once they know you feel this way—"

  "They do know. I'm running."

  That galvanized me. "They know who your lawyer is?"

  "My lawyer?" She gasped when I took the gun out of the drawer. People who only see guns on the cube are usually surprised at how solid and heavy they actually look.

  "Could they trace you here, is what I mean." I crossed the room and slid open the door. No one in the corrider. I twisted a knob and twelve heavy magnetic bolts slammed home.

  "I don't think so. The lawyers gave me a list of names, and I just picked one I liked."

  I wondered whether it was Jack or J. Michael. I pushed a button on the wall and steel shutters rolled down over the view of Central Park. "Did you take a cab here?"

  "No, subway. And I went up to One hundred and twenty-fifth and back."

  "Smart." She was staring at the gun. "It's a .48 Magnum Recoilless. Biggest handgun a civilian can buy."

  "You need one so big?"

  "Yes." I used to carry a .25 Beretta, small enough to conceal in a bathing suit. I used to have a partner, too. It was a long story, and I didn't like to tell it. "Look," I said. "I have a deal with the Mafia. They don't do divorce work and I don't drop bodies into the East River. Understand?" I put the gun back in the drawer and slammed it shut.

  "I don't blame you for being afraid—"

  "Afraid? Miz Four Ghentlee, I'm not afraid. I'm terrified! How old do you think I am?"

  "Call me Belle. You're thirty-five, maybe forty. Why?"

  "You're kind—and I'm rich. Rich enough to buy youth: I've been in this business almost forty years. I take lots of vitamins and try not to fuck with the Mafia."

  She smiled and then was suddenly somber. Like a baby. ""Try to understand me. You've lived sixty years?"

  I nodded. "Next year."

  "Well, I've been alive barely sixty days. After four years in a tank, growing and learning.

  "Learning isn't being, though. Everything is new to me. When I walk down a street, the sights and sounds and smells, it's . . . it's like a great fl
ower opening to the sun. Just to sit alone in the dark—"

  Her voice broke.

  "You can't even know how much I want to live—and that's not condescending; it's a statement of fact. Yet I want you to kill me."

  I could only shake my head.

  "If you can't hide me you have to kill me." She was crying now, and wiped the tears savagely from her cheeks. "Kill me and make sure every cell in my body is destroyed."

  She took out her credit card flash and set it on the desk. "You can have all my money, whether you save me or kill me."

  She started walking around the desk. Along the way she did something with a clasp and her dress slithered to the floor. The sudden naked beauty was like an electric shock.

  "If you save me, you can have me. Friend, lover, wife ... slave. Forever." She held a posture of supplication for a moment, then eased toward me. Watching the muscles of her body work made my mouth go dry. She reached down and started unbuttoning my shirt.

  I cleared my throat. "I didn't know clones had navels."

  "Only special ones. I have other special qualities."

  Idiot, something reminded me, every woman you've ever loved has sucked you dry and left you for dead. I clasped her hips with my big hands and drew her warmth to me. Close up, the navel wasn't very convincing; nobody's perfect.

  ~ * ~

  I'd done drycleaning jobs before, but never so cautiously or thoroughly. That she was a clone made the business a little more delicate than usual, since clones' lives are more rigidly supervised by the government than ours are. But the fact that her identity was false to begin with made it easier; I could second-guess the people who had originally drycleaned her.

  I hated to meddle with her beauty, and that beauty made plastic surgery out of the question. Any legitimate doctor would be suspicious, and going to an underworld doctor would be suicidal. So we dyed her hair black and bobbed it. She stopped wearing makeup and bought some truly froppy clothes. She kept a length of tape stuck across her buttocks to give her a virgin-schoolgirl kind of walk. For everyone but me.

  The Mafia had given her a small fortune—birdseed to them—both to ensure her loyalty and to accustom her to having money, for impersonating Kraus. We used about half of it for the dry-cleaning.

  A month or so later there was a terrible accident on a city bus. Most of the bodies were burned beyond recognition; I did some routine bribery, and two of them were identified as the clone Maribelle Four Ghentlee and John Michael Loomis, private eye. When we learned the supposed clone's body had disappeared from the morgue, we packed up our money—long since converted into currency—and a couple of toothbrushes and pulled out.

  I had a funny twinge when I closed the door on that console. There couldn't be more than a half-dozen people in the world who were my equals at using that instrument to fish information out of the System. But I had to either give it up or send Belle off on her own.

  We flew to the West Indies and looked around. Decided to settle on the island of St. Thomas. I'd been sailing all my life, so we bought a fifty-foot boat and set up a charter service for tourists. Some days we took parties out to skindive or fish. Other days we anchored in a quiet cove and made love like happy animals.

  After about a year, we read in the little St. Thomas paper that Werner Kraus had died. They mentioned Maxine but didn't print a picture of her. Neither did the San Juan paper. We watched all the news programs for a couple of days (had to check into a hotel to get access to a video cube) and collected magazines for a month. No pictures, to our relief, and the news stories remarked that Fraulein Kraus went to great pains to stay out of the public eye.

  Sooner or later, we figured, some paparazzo would find her, and there would be pictures. But by then it shouldn't make any difference. Belle had let her hair grow out to its natural chestnut, but we kept it cropped boyishly short. The sun and wind had darkened her skin and roughened it, and a year of fighting the big boat's rigging had put visible muscle under her sleekness.

  The marina office was about two broom closets wide. It was a beautiful spring morning, and I'd come in to put my name on the list of boats available for charter. I was reading the weather printout when Belle sidled through the door and squeezed in next to me at the counter. I patted her on the fanny. "With you in a second, honey."

  A vise grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.

  He was over two meters tall and so wide at the shoulders that he literally couldn't get through the door without turning sideways. Long white hair and pale blue eyes. White sport coat with a familiar cut: tailored to deemphasize the bulge of a shoulder holster.

  "You don't do that, friend," he said with a German accent.

  I looked at the woman, who was regarding me with aristocratic amusement. I felt the blood drain from my face and damned near said her name out loud.

  She frowned. "Helmuth," she said to the guard, "Sie sired ihm erschrocken. I'm sorry," she said to me, "but my friend has quite a temper." She had a perfect North Atlantic accent, and her voice sent a shiver of recognition down my back.

  "I am sorry," he said heavily. Sorry he hadn't had a chance to throw me into the water, he was.

  "I must look like someone you know," she said. "Someone you know rather well."

  "My wife. The similarity is ... quite remarkable."

  "Really? I should like to meet her." She turned to the woman behind the counter. "We'd like to charter a sailing boat for the day."

  The clerk pointed at me. "He has a nice fifty-foot one." "That's fine! Will your wife be aboard?"

  "Yes . . . yes, she helps me. But you'll have to pay the full rate," I said rapidly. "The boat normally takes six passengers." "No matter. Besides, we have two others."

  "And you'll have to help me with the rigging."

  "I should hope so. We love to sail." That was pretty obvious. We had been wrong about the wind and sun, thinking that Maxine would have led a sheltered life; she was almost as weathered as Belle. Her hair was probably long, but she had it rolled up in a bun and tied back with a handkerchief.

  We exchanged false names: Jack Jackson and Lisa von Hollerin. The bodyguard's name was Helmuth Zwei Kastor. She paid the clerk and called her friends at the marina hotel, telling them to meet her at the Abora, slip 39.

  I didn't have any chance to warn Belle. She came up from the galley as we were swinging aboard. She stared open-mouthed and staggered, almost fainting. I took her by the arm and made introductions, everybody staring.

  After a few moments of strange silence, Helmuth Two whispered, "Du bist ein Klon."

  "She can't be a clone, silly man," Lisa said. "When did you ever see a clone with a navel?" Belle was wearing shorts and a halter. "But we could be twin sisters. That is remarkable."

  Helmuth Two shook his head solemnly. Belle had told me that a clone can always recognize a fellow clone, by the eyes. Never be fooled by a man-made navel.

  The other two came aboard. Helmuth One was, of course, a Xerox of Helmuth Two. Lisa introduced Maria Salamanca as her lover: a small olive-skinned Basque woman, no stunning beauty, but having an attractive air of friendly mystery about her.

  Before we cast off, Lisa came to me and apologized. "We are a passing strange group of people. You deserve something extra for putting up with us." She pressed a gold Krugerrand into my palm—worth at least triple the charter fare—and I tried to act suitably impressed. We had over a thousand of them in the keel, for ballast.

  The Abora didn't have an engine; getting it in and out of the crowded marina was something of an accomplishment. Belle and Lisa handled the sails expertly, while I manned the wheel. They kept looking at each other, then touching. When we were in the harbor, they sat together at the prow, holding hands. Once we were in open water, they went below together. Maria went into a sulk, but the two clones jollied her out of it.

  I couldn't be jealous of her. An angel can't sin. But I did wonder what you would call what they were doing. Was it a weird kind o
f incest? Transcendental masturbation? I only hoped Belle would keep her mouth shut, at least figuratively.

  ~ * ~

  After about an hour, Lisa came up and sat beside me at the wheel. Her hair was long and full, and flowed like dark liquid in the wind, and she was naked. I tentatively rested my hand on her thigh. She had been crying.

  "She told me. She had to tell me." Lisa shook her head in wonder. "Maxine One Kraus. She had to stay below for a while. Said she couldn't trust her legs." She squeezed my hand and moved it back to the wheel.