Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer (Nightmares Trilogy)

by Carlton, Demelza

  She gave a weak grin. "Go for it. I'll be fine, unless the dead mice have mutated into zombies."

  Zombies. Oh God, not zombies. I fucking hated zombies now.

  I forced a smile and strode back to her bedroom.

  I rang Navid. "No sign of anyone watching her house," he reported by way of greeting. "Looks like domestic bliss, the two of you in the kitchen. What's for dinner?"

  The surveillance cameras. Shit, he was on watch. I hoped they hadn't put a camera in her bedroom. She deserved some privacy.

  I smiled and kept my voice low. "Zombie mice."

  "Fuck! What the hell?"

  "She has a fridge full of fur from the food that's gone bad while she was away. Can you send in a team to deal with it?" I asked, crossing my fingers.

  "Mate, ASIO clean-up crews aren't for ordinary housecleaning. That's misuse of government resources," Navid complained.

  "It'll be me doing it on work time if you don't send them in," I replied. "My job is to protect the valuable witness. That includes making sure she doesn't get sick from eating food from a fridge full of zombie mice."

  "Fuck!" he swore. "Okay, I'll send them in. Get her out, unless you want to tell her who you work for."

  I smiled for the surveillance camera. I knew he was watching. "Fuck that. I'll take her food shopping. Make sure it's clean and the team are out by the time we get back."

  I ended the call. There was no point in saying goodbye when he was in a van down the street, watching our every move on the screens.

  I headed back to Caitlin, who hadn't moved from her seat. Her eyes were questioning, though she didn't say a word.

  "My friend can spare a cleaning team in about an hour, but it's probably best if we go out. Leave them to deal with the dead bodies so you can come home to a clean fridge. We can do your food shopping, so you can fill it up again."

  "Do I have time to get dressed?" she asked.

  I smiled. "Sure, if you're quick."

  58

  "I want a shower," she said softly, looking up at me.

  "So take one," I answered.

  Caitlin looked embarrassed. "I... I can't. I tried last night, but I almost passed out. I can't stand up that long."

  Shit.

  It was on the tip of my tongue to offer to help her in the shower, but I couldn't think of any way to say it that didn't sound dirty. Not that I wouldn't take a shower with Caitlin if she was offering, it was just that... she wasn't. I wondered how she'd managed in hospital, on the few occasions this week once the dressings were off, before I remembered.

  I pointed outside through the sliding door. "How about I stick one of those plastic chairs in the shower for you to sit on?"

  Caitlin smiled, looking relieved. "That could work."

  I fumbled with the lock until I managed to open the door and lifted up a cobwebbed chair. I hosed off the inevitable redback spider with her puzzle web under the seat before I carried the damp chair into the shower for Caitlin.

  She'd followed me slowly to the bathroom so I faced her for a moment, not sure what to say.

  "Thank you," she said after a while, lifting the hem of her shirt a little so I could see her tummy. "Could you shut the door behind you? I like my showers steamy."

  Oh God. Talk about dirty. "Sure. I'll go wait in the lounge room," I replied hastily, stumbling out of the bathroom as quickly as I could.

  I turned on the TV and sat in the lounge room, not even noticing what was on the screen. In my head, all I saw was Caitlin in the shower. Steam curling around her as the water cascaded...

  I heard her quick footsteps tripping across the carpet and turned in time to see Caitlin disappear into the kitchen. I stood and followed.

  I found her leaning against the fridge door, her arms, hands and head in the freezer. I reached for the freezer door, opening it wider so I could see what she was doing. Caitlin pressed herself against the fridge, squashing skin against steel as I realised what I was looking at.

  "Shit, sorry!" I said, turning my back and trying to get the image out of my head. Fat chance of that. Burned into my retinas was Caitlin, wearing nothing but a pair of pants, her breasts pressed against the fridge door as she pushed her hands as deep into the freezer as she could reach, her face pale with pain.

  Oh, shit, the surveillance cameras. Even if I had my eyes closed, Navid was watching the screens, recording everything. Caitlin didn't deserve to be stared at like this – not even for her own safety.

  I pulled my shirt over my head and held it out behind me. "Please, put this on. Let me help you..." Cold, damp fingers touched mine as she took the shirt. I heard the fabric slide over her hair, her skin... covering her from the cameras I couldn't tell her about.

  "Are you decent?" I asked.

  Caitlin sounded like she was trying not to laugh. "Yes."

  I dared to turn around. My shirt came to her knees, so wide you could have fitted two of her in it. I lifted my eyes to her face. "What's wrong?"

  She held out her hands, looking lost. "I can't... I can't fasten things. Buttons and things. My fingers won't work. Ice helps dull the pain."

  I looked at my too-large shirt. "So wear a t-shirt. There's nothing wrong with looking casual. We're only going to a supermarket." I smiled gently. "You'll still look beautiful."

  I regretted my words the instant she turned red and looked at the floor. "I don't have a problem with my t-shirts. I can't... fasten my bra."

  Fuck. Now it was my turn to blush in embarrassment. I should have seen that one coming. "I can help you with that," I replied reluctantly.

  "That would be really great," Caitlin said. She hesitated, as if there was more she wanted to say, biting her lip until she continued, "But... could you please turn around and close your eyes while I get dressed? I'll tell you when I need you."

  I nodded. Would it have been necessary to ask anyone else not to watch? Or just me, the pervert who wouldn't look away while she dressed herself in hospital yesterday? "Of course."

  59

  Fifteen minutes later, I'd fastened my first bra. I'd taken off plenty and fondled twice as many firm breasts, but this was the first time I'd focussed so hard on those little fucking hooks, my fingers fumbling as Caitlin held her breath, fidgeted and fought not to ask me again if I'd finished yet.

  I didn't have more than a split-second to admire my handiwork before Caitlin yanked a shirt over her head and down to her hips. When she turned around, I realised I was staring at her breasts and quickly shifted my eyes to her face. "Shall we go?" she said.

  "Sure," I replied. I looked down for the pockets she didn't have. "Don't you need to get your wallet and phone and stuff?"

  Caitlin swallowed, her eyes suddenly shimmering with tears. "I don't... they took... I don't have any..."

  Fucking fool. I stood to hug her as her tears flowed, feeling the unfamiliar firmness of a bra between us for the first time. Caitlin had always seemed so soft before. I tried to focus. "How are you going to do food shopping without any money?" I asked reasonably.

  "I don't know," was her muffled, miserable reply as she cried into my shirt.

  I sat on her bed, pulling her down with me, trying to work out what to do. I could lend her the money, sure, but that didn't fix her problem of not having a phone or access to cash. I tried to remember what I'd had to do the last time I lost my wallet. "Do you have a passport?"

  Caitlin sat up straighter, sniffling. "Yes."

  "Do you think you have any official letters for you with your home address on them?"

  "Maybe some from Uni..." she began, her eyes kindling with hope.

  I stood. "Tell me where to find them and we'll take them to the bank. We can arrange cash and some new cards... maybe even get you a new phone, if we have time."

  Caitlin looked relieved. "Thanks, Nathan."

  Armed with her passport, some official letters and a beautifully fastened bra, if I do say so myself, Caitlin let me take her to the nearest big shopping centre – Garden City. It was to
o far for her to walk from the car to the entrance, so I gave her three options. "Are you riding in a gopher, wheelchair or a shopping trolley?"

  Caitlin choked. "A shopping trolley? I won't fit in the child seat, Nathan."

  I grinned. "I know. I figured I'd lift you into the bit where the shopping's supposed to go."

  She still looked uncertain. "I'd prefer a wheelchair if we can get one, please."

  As I expected, the centre had some for loan and Caitlin was soon enthroned in a wheelchair, her feet tucked up off the ground.

  "Right, which bank?" I asked.

  Caitlin smiled as she replied, "Not that one."

  Dealing with the bank was surprisingly easy, as Caitlin had her identification and the staff recognised her from the front cover of the day's newspaper, anyway. The photographer had captured her delighted-at-the-ducklings smile perfectly, but the pictures of me were blurred and unrecognisable. I promised myself I'd pick up a copy I could keep before we left the shopping centre.

  I stuck Caitlin's money in my pocket, at her request, as we headed into the shopping centre proper for a new wallet and the rest of what she needed. A woman almost barrelled into her with a fully loaded trolley and I heard Caitlin whimper as she dragged on the wheels to stop in time.

  "What the hell are you doing?" I asked the trolley woman, who glared at us as she kept going. I dropped to my knees beside Caitlin. Her hands were clasped protectively to her chest. "Are you okay?" I held out my hands for hers. She winced as she laid her fingers on mine.

  "I want some gloves," she said.

  I stared at her. "Gloves?"

  She curled her fingers. "You know, like cyclists use."

  We bought her the smallest pair of cross-training gloves we could find in a sporting goods shop, though Caitlin looked at the pale pink colour of them with distaste as she slid her fingers inside. "Better?" I asked. She nodded.

  A wallet, handbag and basic pre-paid phone later, I stopped to pick up a few new t-shirts, shorts and a pair of pyjamas. Shit, I hadn't worn pyjamas since I was a kid, but I'd have to if I stayed overnight at Caitlin's place, or she'd freak out.

  I swung my bag of purchases as I asked, "Time for food shopping, or is there anything else you need?"

  "No, food's good," Caitlin replied and spun her wheels in the direction of the nearest supermarket.

  I followed her with a trolley as she made her selections. A couple of times, she smiled and nodded at people as if she knew them, but she didn't stop to talk.

  I watched her as she rolled down the breakfast cereal aisle, placing bets with myself on what she'd choose. I was expecting her to pick one of the boxes of kids' cereal, because of how healthy the hospital food had been, but she didn't even look at the cereal. I wondered why.

  When the trolley was half-full, Caitlin said she was done, so we headed to the registers to pay. I grabbed a couple of newspapers from the stand as we went past, dropping them on top of the shopping. I was careful to avoid squashing the strawberries balanced precariously on top, trying to hide my smile. I'd already earned a glare and a warning when I put my jar of coffee too close to them.

  The checkout operator looked at me blankly as I handed over both newspapers, then turned to Caitlin. "Are you sure you want two papers, miss?"

  Caitlin looked equally blank. "Do we, Nathan?"

  I hesitated, then decided I had nothing to lose by telling her. "Well, you'll want one and I'd like one for myself, so – yes." I nodded for the shop assistant's benefit. I pointed at the picture of Caitlin that kept catching my eye. I couldn't stop glancing at it, though I had the real lady herself right in front of me. Idly, I wondered if I could contact the newspaper photographer and get a copy of the original photo. "It's a beautiful picture and I want to remember the first time you smiled, like none of this had ever happened. Because I was there."

  Caitlin looked up at me, a searching smile on her face, as if she was trying to work out if I was joking.

  No matter what else happened, at least she'd had one more day of happiness. And she'd shared it with me.

  "Nathan?" Caitlin's voice broke through my reverie.

  "Mmm?" I tried to make it sound like I wasn't miles away. I started moving the shopping bags into the trolley.

  "Will you stay with me tonight?" She looked up at me with those big eyes.

  "Sure, if that's what you want," I replied.

  She paid the checkout operator and slipped her change into her new wallet. We headed back toward the car.

  "I want you to sleep with me."

  I choked. "You want... what?"

  A light touch on my arm. The brush of three of Caitlin's fingertips was enough to stop me in my tracks. "I want you to stay and sleep with me, so you can wake me up if there are any more nightmares. Please?"

  I fought to get the words out. "Sleep. You mean..."

  Caitlin looked puzzled. "Sleep. Like you did when I was in hospital. Unless I wake you up because I'm having another nightmare." Her eyes grew huge. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

  Oh God, she had no idea how much I wanted to. And more than sleep... Focus.

  "Sure," I managed to say again. Good thing I bought pyjamas.

  60

  Caitlin yawned, covering her mouth with one hand. The gloves were gone. I could tell how tired she was, for she looked like a doll flung into the seat, slumped between the leather and the seatbelt with her eyes half-closed.

  "Should we pick up a pizza on the way home?" I asked gently, glancing at her just in time to see her eyes slide shut.

  "Mmm?" Caitlin's eyes shot open as she straightened in her seat. "Sure. I'm still sleepy, so it's best that I don't cook."

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket and handed it to her. "Here, you call your local pizza shop so it'll be ready to pick up when we get there. You'll just have to tell me where to go."

  She took my phone with both hands. "What do you want?"

  I shrugged, slowing down to stop for a red light. "Whatever. I don't mind."

  She spoke in a low voice to the pizza shop while I weaved through the peak hour traffic, wishing the weary commuters wouldn't keep cutting me off as if they couldn't see my blazing red car. Maybe if I owned a different colour car...

  Caitlin insisted on accompanying me into the pizza shop, though she leaned heavily on me every step of the way.

  "Caitlin! It's been a while," said the woman behind the counter when we walked into her shop. "We all thought..."

  The smile on Caitlin's lips melted me like ice cream. "Ah, you know I always come back here. You make the best pizzas. And there's a new dessert one, too!"

  I looked at the menu. Apricots on pizza? Oh, wait, those were the dessert ones.

  Caitlin handed over some money and the pizza woman held out the boxes with some hesitation. "I'll help carry these out to the car for you."

  Caitlin smiled and nodded her thanks, turning with me to head back to the car. Once I'd carefully helped her into the passenger seat, the woman deposited the pizza boxes on her lap and stood by the door of her shop to wave goodbye. Caitlin lifted a languid hand to respond.

  I kept throwing glances at her as we drove the short distance back to her house, until I finally said, "Everyone knows you, don't they?"

  Her sleepy smile widened. "I've lived in this area for a while. The people in the local shops see me a lot and remember me, that's all."

  The smell of pizza pervaded the car, reminding me how hungry I was, but I carried Caitlin into the house before I returned for the boxes and the shopping.

  Caitlin ate on autopilot, swaying in her seat, she was so sleepy. I grabbed a slice from the box and bit into it without tasting it, deciding to put her food away for her. She could always shift it around when she wasn't so tired.

  I lifted the bag of strawberry punnets first and opened the fridge. The sharp smell of bleach fumes wafted out of the white interior, the fur seared from every surface. I coughed and wrapped the bag around them, before placing the whole package in
to the now pristine, cat-free crisper.

  Most of her purchases were frozen – packaged in portions that didn't need much preparation, I realised, as I stuck the packets in the freezer. Pre-made meals, bite-sized pieces of chicken and fish, pre-cut vegetables. Individual tubs of yoghurt, fresh fruit juice and milk all went into the pungent fridge, along with a bag of grated cheese.

  I wished I'd looked more closely at the contents of her trolley while we were still at the shop. I'd have bought her steak and stuff I could cook for her. I wondered if she'd skipped meat because she was vegetarian or if she had other reasons. I stared at the slice of pizza in my hand, the same as she was eating. Between the steak strips, salami and sausage, the slice scotched any thought of Caitlin being vegetarian. I looked up, wanting to ask why.

  Drooping over her plate at the dining table, Caitlin had managed to swallow a couple of slices but now she was about to fall asleep in her dinner.

  "Hey!" I reached out to catch her before her face hit the plate.

  "Sorry," she mumbled. "So tired... Should put the pizza away and sleep..."

  "I'll fridge your leftovers," I replied, straightening up and reaching for the box. "Then I can help you to bed."

  I stuck the remaining pizza in a plastic box before I slid it onto a fridge shelf. The smell was enough to make me close the door quickly.

  I turned to see her barely managing to stay on her feet, her knuckles white as she held onto the back of her chair. "Let me help you," I begged, my arms out ready to lift her up. For the second time that day, I carried Caitlin to bed. And for the second time that day, she asked me to stay, so I did – stretched out on her bed beside her, waiting for her to fall asleep so I could go sleep on the couch.

  I closed my eyes, listening to her breathing slow into sleep, smiling. She was safe.

  I woke to a faint glow behind my eyelids, my nose full of a sweet smell. I breathed deeply, trying to identify the fruity scent that reminded me of soap. I opened my eyes. Oh, shit. I closed them again.

  My face was buried in Caitlin's hair, my head resting beside hers on her pillow. She lay on her side, turned away from me, but that hadn't stopped me from sidling closer to her in sleep. I could feel the warmth of her body through my jeans, so I'd been cuddling up to her for some time. I'd even thrown an arm across her waist. Shit, I was spooning a girl I'd just slept with and sex hadn't been a part of it. Though my body definitely had ideas in that direction. Thank God I was wearing jeans instead of pyjamas. It'd be harder for her to tell what I'm thinking. Fuck, this was Caitlin! I pulled away from her as stealthily as I could, not wanting to ruin a nightmare-free night by inspiring one.