Claws of Doom

by Peebles, Chrissy

  “I guess she’s not planning on coming back soon?” Lou inquired.

  “Nope, she wants to make a go of things away from Big Beaver.”

  It was no surprise to Lou and most people in town that Duane’s mom had one day up and left her husband and son. She’d waited till Duane’s eighteenth birthday to do just that. But why exactly had she left, Duane would never say and Lou felt it impolite to probe for an answer. The general consensus of opinion around town was that she’d had enough of living out in the woods in a ramshackle cabin ever since she’d married Sam.

  Another nip drew her thoughts to her surroundings. She wondered if Duane had fleas, but she hadn’t noticed him scratching before — unless he was thinking with his earlobe finger. The little nipper had progressed to her back. Damn it Duane!

  Lou shouted out, “What the hell’s been in this armchair, Duane?”

  Duane entered the living room with two mugs of steaming coffee. “Why d’ya wanna know?”

  “I think I’ve picked up some miniature guests.”

  “Oh really … sorry about that,” Duane said with a shrug, handing the mug to Lou. As an afterthought he explained, “Some hunters’ hounds chased a raccoon through here, not long back … they were all over that armchair like fleas on a Bigfoot.”

  Lou sipped her coffee. Not bad, but a little more bitter than usual. She frowned as the bitterness tasted like her tequila back home and her lips tingled. Why was Duane giving her a peculiar smirk?

  “Beau has never stayed missing for more than nine hours,” she said, sounding as troubled as she could under the circumstances.

  “He’ll show up,” Duane replied with an unconcerned shrug. “He always does.”

  If Beau knew what was good for him he’d better show up soon, Lou thought. She decided not to return to the armchair and remained on her feet.

  “Something I should’ve asked you last night at Earl’s … have you seen any strangers in the woods in the last two days?”

  Duane looked thoughtful for a moment and idly thought with a stray finger. He shrugged as he sat back down on the creaking sofa.

  “Duh … me and the old man are always seeing strangers in the woods … you know, hikers, campers, hunters and such … just the usual crowd hoping to get a glimpse of Bigfoot or bag a specimen.” As a little added touch, he said, “No alien shit though.”

  Lou sipped her coffee. It tasted a lot better now. “Where’d you get this coffee, Duane?” She drank some more.

  The stuff actually numbed her lips and the more she had the better it tasted. Lou felt warm and fuzzy like the first kiss on a date. She loved the coffee and wanted more. Just like the tequila and OJ back home.

  Duane smirked at her reaction to the coffee. He eased himself away from a spring that was trying to ream his butt hole, but no matter where he sat another spring was waiting.

  “Um, just some special blend.” He gave up getting comfortable. “But Lou, this isn’t the first time he’s gone missing nor will it be the last.”

  Before she could reply, Lou felt a sharp nip on her backside. She twitched and involuntarily scratched her butt, trying not to spill her coffee.

  “Don’t I know it,” she agreed irritably. Her gaze held onto the stinky armchair. She had an irresistible urge to blow it away with her Magnum .44. “I don’t want to ask this … but are you involved in Beau’s disappearance?” Lou immediately felt ashamed.

  “Me! You think I’m hiding Beau?” Duane looked aghast.

  Lou gave Duane a keen look. He seemed genuinely shocked by what she had just asked. Of course, he could be putting on a good act, but her gut told her the idiot didn’t have anything to do with Beau’s disappearance. And that was fine with her.

  “Sorry about that, Duane, but I’d be remiss in my duty if I hadn’t asked what was on everyone’s mind.”

  “If you like, you can take a look around the place,” Duane offered. “You don’t need a search warrant.” He suddenly went stiff, “Who’s everyone, Lou?” Duane sighed, “No, don’t tell me … that shit-for-brains, Walt!”

  Lou nodded yes and had to agree, Walt Bruger sure as hell was a real shit-for-brains. Should she take him up on his offer of a search? She hesitated for a moment.

  “No need for a search, Duane … I know you had nothing to do with Beau’s disappearance.” She remembered Chad’s offhand statement. “Have you seen anyone else dressed up as Bigfoot?”

  Duane frowned and looked genuinely perplexed. “Can’t say that I have, Lou … but that doesn’t rule out the possibility that another Beaverite or tourist is messing with my … um, our woods.”

  Lou knew Duane loved his woods and had an affinity with nature. Despite his many eccentricities and mischievous behavior he was the kindest, gentlest, most thoughtful individual she knew. With a sad sigh, she went back five years. Even at the age of fourteen, Duane had been her best friend, someone she could confide in after that heartless bastard had left her and town. Duane had given her a shoulder to cry on and somehow knew exactly what to say. She knew it was puppy love on his part, but what he did was so sweet and innocent.

  She glanced at a photo in a wooden frame above the fireplace. It was of her, Duane and him displaying a massive steelhead. A twinge of sadness tugged at her heart as she remembered Duane catching his first double-figure trout. The fish was almost as big as him.

  She forced her thoughts to wander back to her surroundings or she would burst into tears. “You’re not much for housekeeping are you?” There were fresh yellow tendrils of ivy bursting through the walls.

  “Can’t say that I am,” Duane said with a shrug. He watched Lou scratch her behind with a smirk. “Don’t do that, Lou, it just makes them bite all the more.”

  Lou gave the armchair a look of disgust then looked back at her amiable host.

  “That armchair stinks more than just dog. What the hell made that smell?” It sure as hell reminded her of each crime scene, but far more pungent.

  Duane was slow to reply as he gave the matter some thought while reaming his ear hole with his thinking finger. He blew out his cheeks and shook his head.

  “Search me, Lou. You know we never lock the door … guess some critter nested there while we were out … a skunk maybe.”

  She loved Duane, but why couldn’t he take more pride in himself and his home?

  “You know it wouldn’t hurt to get a haircut and a shave, and put on some decent clothes and give this place a dusting.” She thought the only thing this place needed was a bulldozer.

  Duane didn’t reply for a minute. He gave Lou one of his amiable smiles before he spoke. “I’m happy the way things are.”

  Most times she found that amiable smirk of his hard to resist, like now. She smiled affectionately at him.

  Another nip on her butt made Lou frantically scratch the offending area. “You’re such a dumbass, Duane … with little effort both of you could convert this place into a lovely home, and then you could invite a girlfriend around.” She had overheard girls Duane’s age talking about him and saying they’d go out with him but no way would they ever set foot in his cabin. The word Deliverance popped up often in their conversations.

  Duane didn’t take offense at her remark. He just continued to smile that amiable smile of his as he watched her place her empty mug on the tree trunk coffee table then walk over to the door. He giggled like a naughty little boy at her discomfort.

  “What’s so funny, Duane?”

  Duane looked as though he wanted to burst into a snickerfest. “You scratching your butt like that.”

  Lou gave him a cool reproachful look. “Mark my words, Duane … if you want to attract a girlfriend … a real girlfriend, not Annie or Heidi then find a better place to live. You’ll thank me for it.” She did a jig as a flea continued to nip her butt. “See you later, alligator.”

  “In a while, crocodile,” Duane chuckled.

  Chapter 16

  Teena & the Blonde Bigfoot Babes

  DUANE STOOD ON the p
orch and watched Sheriff Lou’s patrol car drive away down the dirt road. He burst out laughing as he waved goodbye.

  As soon as the cruiser had turned a corner and vanished, he called out, “Teena!” He gave the safe whistle several times.

  Duane scanned the perimeter of the forest that surrounded the cabin. He gasped in admiration at the stunning, six foot six inch, foxy red Bigfoot with golden streaks in her hair. Teena had a bright yellow flash running down her forehead to her pert little snout that twitched incessantly seeking signs of danger. Her big blue eyes darted this way and that. Her suckle-bumps were fully developed and quite overly-sized for most female Bigfoot. He knew her keen senses told her she was indeed safe.

  Duane beckoned her to come to him with a wave of his hand and a come-hither whistle.

  Teena sniffed the air again as if to make doubly sure no other humans were nearby. She stepped into the clearing.

  Teena skipped up to Duane, squealing with joy, “Wuv you Doowane … woooo … weeee … wooooo … weeeee.” She smacked a big slobbering kiss right in his face.

  Duane didn’t bother to wipe the drool away. “I don’t know about you, but I’m hungrier than a grizzly after winter,” he said with a smile, rubbing his stomach and licking his lips, “Teena hungry?”

  Teena nodded yes, “Tummy empty!”

  Duane nodded his head as he entered his cabin, hand-in-hand with Teena.

  In the kitchen which was cluttered with boxes of tinned goods, Teena eagerly watched Duane preparing her favorite — canned tuna on toast with melted cheese topping. And for a special treat he plopped a big dollop of mayonnaise on top. Her pink tongue licked her plump purple lips.

  All his Bigfoot Babes and Bobs went nuts for mayonnaise, especially the garlic variety. He handed the cheese melt to Teena.

  He watched her stuff the whole kit-and-caboodle into her big mouth. He sighed as he recalled the many times as a WereBigfoot he had blissfully joined Teena and their hairy friends to scavenge for food, now that nature had altered its natural course. With super powerful hands they would rip from the earth bunches of wild garlic and devour them with relish. They also went nuts for nuts of all kinds and completely bonkers for berries.

  Duane snickered at the thought of Teena and her berries. Berries held a special meaning to Bigfoot, but Duane never dwelled on such matters as it always gave him a boner. Like right now. Teena was one hot-looking Bigfoot Babe.

  “Teena like?”

  “Yummy tummy!” She gulped the lot down and pointed to more cans of tuna. “More … Teena want more!”

  Duane shrugged and grabbed the can-opener. Life was so perfect ever since chosen to be The Guardian now that his father had gone permanently wild WereBigfoot.

  He glanced at Teena licking her lips, “You do what Doowane said this time?”

  Teena giggled, “Fsfsfsfsfsfsfs.” She punched Doowane in the shoulder. “Teena not stupid … she make sure not seen this time.”

  “Good girl, Teena. We can’t have our secret getting out … not in a town like Big Beaver.”

  Teena rolled her eyes, “Teena say not stupid. No one see me change.”

  Duane handed Teena another tuna melt which lasted all of ten seconds. He watched her wipe mayonnaise from her luscious lips.

  “The babes need Doowane now,” she grinned, revealing her yellow teeth.

  Duane nodded and trudged into his bedroom. He returned with the boxes of hair colorant and stuffed them into his old rucksack. He slipped in a bottle of mineral water and before he left the cabin, he stripped naked as the change came over him. Muscles rippled, sinews strained and bones stretched. The sweet pain was so intense. Long blond hair sprouted all over his body. With a holler of excitement he slung the rucksack over his hairy shoulder that was now a good six inches further from the ground.

  The two creatures skipped across the clearing into the comfort of the forest.

  Being chosen, and especially as The Guardian, had made Doowane come to love the forest with every fiber of his body. It was a living breathing thing that needed his help to survive the yearly onslaught of reckless humanity. Those grouchy thoughts quickly vanished, to be replaced by more animalistic yearnings, sights and sounds.

  Doowane and Teena ran for the pure joy of it, skipping around tree trunks, leaping across miniature crevasses, screaming and laughing. They chased butterflies, dragonflies and small birds.

  Deranged chatter caused Doowane to come to a stuttering stop. He listened to a raccoon chattering to its mate. His improved vision spotted Rocky and Rockette burrowing for food. They stopped and turned to Doowane and Teena. He chuckled at the raccoons’ thoughts.

  “Here comes those two idiots again.”

  “Yeah, why don’t they just get it on and have done with it.”

  “Maybe we’ll get a chance to eat berries off him this time.”

  “That’d be so cool.”

  Doowane looked horrified for a moment. He frowned as Teena giggled.

  “That’s not gonna happen,” he said with a grin.

  Doowane and Teena picked up pace and skipped off into the deep forest, heading due north.

  They came across a white-tailed deer limping toward them. The deer lifted its broken leg. Doowane knelt beside Alna. He had tears in his eyes as her pain filled him with sadness. She had fled from hunters and stumbled down a ravine.

  “Poor little one.” Doowane stroked Alna and gently grabbed the leg, feeling along to find the fracture. With all the tenderness of the Guardian, he held the break and closed his eyes. He let go. Alna wagged her stumpy tail, licked his face in gratitude and pranced off.

  Teena kissed Doowane and they continued into the heart of the forest.

  The sun had dipped low by the time Doowane and Teena arrived at the Bigfoot love pool, and without having to be called for, the Bigfoot Babes were waiting with Zola. He wondered why Zola was here. There was something nagging him about Zola, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what. Oh well, couldn’t be that important.

  Neesha and Oona, two tall Bigfoot Babes squealed with delight and held hands skipping in circles. Zola joined them in a ring-around-the-roses dance.

  Doowane dropped the rucksack and emptied it of hair colorant. He wondered if he had enough for three Bigfoot Babes as he had not expected Zola to become a blonde babe.

  Neesha skipped up to Doowane and hugged him to her large suckle-bumps. She ground her hips into his in a most suggestive manner. Her powerful hands gripped his head and wouldn’t let go until he had kissed both erect nipples and planted a big one to her lips.

  “Wuv my Doowane,” Neesha said.

  Doowane patted Neesha’s behind, “Wuv Neesha!” He turned to Zola.

  “Zola too young to be blonde babe,” he said.

  Zola stopped her Bigfoot boogie and skipped up to him. “Me need blonde … me be pretty please.”

  “Zola too young.” Doowane shook his head.

  Doowane looked into her sad puppy-eyes and blew out his cheeks. “Okay … Zola the blonde Bigfoot Babe it is then.” He pointed to a blonde model on the carton in his hand.

  Zola slapped a big slobbering kiss in his face and dashed off to the love pool with Neesha and Oona. There, all three Bigfoot babes had fun splashing about.

  Doowane beckoned them to the grassy glade. He emptied every carton of colorant onto them, and showed them how to massage it in.

  Once they had finished, all three looked expectantly at Doowane.

  Doowane finished counting off the seconds in his head for the colorant to take effect. He nodded for them to rinse in the magic waters, which they did, happily splashing each other.

  Doowane and Teena joined in the fun. The three mature babes soon got frisky and started to paw at Doowane. In his embarrassment he kept shoving them away. But the babes would not take no for an answer and rubbed their loins against him. Neesha was especially frisky. It took every ounce of control to resist their obvious charms. Several attempts to leave resulted in him being dragged r
ight back where he was immediately pawed again. He was resigned to the fact that this was what being The Guardian was all about.

  Intense images struck his brain. That’s when it hit him like an express train of guilt and misery. Virgil was thinking of him, and not in a good way, well just plain grouchy, anyway. He had to get back home and prepare for the big day.

  Doowane scrambled from the magic waters of the love pool, snatched his rucksack and dashed south.

  Chapter 17

  Like Father, Like Son

  EARLY THE FOLLOWING morning, Duane sat on the Harley, concealed at the edge of the forest. Stretched out in his Bigfoot duds, he yawned loudly. Sprawled along his bike with hands behind his head, he stared at the blue sky. He was at peace. But memories of when he wasn’t at peace still haunted and even embarrassed him.

  His thoughts wandered back to when he was at school. Duane had already made a name for himself as the dumbass who needed beating up. He was constantly hiding from the bullies searching for him now that Virgil had left town. One day he was saved from a swirly down the toilet by Coach Jones, a barrel-chested bald ex-footballer. Coach helped train Duane and put some muscle on his wiry frame. After school he would train Duane in the finer art of football.

  Not long after that it was Duane’s eighteenth birthday, and he had the shock of his life, just after his mother had left. He woke up from a night of weird visions chasing ape-like creatures in the forest. As usual he had to use the toilet. He burst into the bathroom and came to a stop. Before him, stood a monster as naked as a jaybird, but not naked. The creature was covered head to toe in long blond hair and was at least seven feet tall.

  He was about to run for it when he recognized his father’s facial features. “Dad … is that you?”

  “Hello Duane … I guess it’s time I explained some things.” He laid a hand on Duane’s trembling shoulder. “I’ve been The Guardian of the forest for too long now and it’s time to join my new family.” He smiled big yellow teeth.

  “What’s happened to you, Dad?” Duane thought of the film Teenwolf. “Are you a werewolf?”