FIERCE: Sixteen Authors of Fantasy

by Mercedes Lackey

  I lay down on my side and watched him work. ‘I can’t believe it.’

  Jeykal fixed me a cup of water.

  ‘I have to end this, don’t I?’ I asked him.

  Sad eyes regarded me. ‘If anyone knew…’ He trailed off and froze, looking into some potential, horrible future.

  He closed his eyes, and I tried to consider what he thought. Killing a child, whether born or in the womb, was considered taboo. My people harboured strong feelings about life and death. Not to mention that conceiving without being bonded to a man rendered you a social outcast. I had won the right to rule, but the child who grew inside me would never be accepted. I’d be banished.

  My hands shook, and I reached out to Jeykal, desperate for him to solve the problem. He stepped towards me, pulled me into a hug, and held me while I trembled.

  ‘It’s a child. Inside of me. It has hands and feet and—’

  ‘It’s too early in the conception. It hasn’t grown to have knowledge or to have arms and legs.’

  I put my hand over my stomach, and suddenly I was flooded with a warmth and conviction so strong I could scarcely draw breath. My mind could only think one thing. Save your child. Had Skelkra put the child inside me on purpose? I snorted. That would be giving him too much credit. One thing seemed certain: I would have to leave Vilseek, and Skelkra would become the next chieftain.

  ‘Jeykal, I—’

  Gevilka returned. She handed me four black pits. ‘Seeds to kill Skelkra’s seed. Take them only when you are ready.’ She brushed a tear from my face with wrinkled fingers. ‘You must take them.’

  I hardly noticed her leave as my thoughts wrapped me up in possibilities, futures, and hardships. I grabbed Jeykal’s hand, and he squeezed back.

  ‘If you decide…’ He ran a hand through his hair and looked away. ‘Ugh.’ He struggled to continue. ‘I mean… if you give birth, I’ll help you. You know? Take care of it.’ He bit his lip.

  My fingers intertwined with his. ‘I can’t ask you to do that. You’d be giving up your life. Who would rule your tribe?’

  ‘The child is innocent. It has no father. I would take that role… if you let me.’

  I froze. Jeykal wanted to be a father. But that would mean… ‘I can’t bond with you, Jeykal.’

  ‘No, no. I mean… not yet, but… maybe in time.’

  I shook my head. ‘I just don’t feel that way about you.’

  His cheeks reddened, and he inhaled deeply. ‘Yet you felt that way about the monster who almost killed you.’

  Why was he trying to make me feel ashamed? I knew my feelings were unreasonable, stupid, and untrustworthy. I would never trust them again. The love I’d felt had been a lie.

  Jeykal put his hands to his face. ‘I’m sorry. It’s not my place to judge you.’

  I played with the black seeds in my palm. I only had to swallow them, and it would be done.

  Skelkra would answer to me and only me. Once it came time for me to take Father’s place as chieftain, I would strip Skelkra of his title as leader of the Wolves. Father would die a happy man, knowing the Bears were still in power.

  Then I considered the unborn child, full of love and purity, a life ready to be lived. A person still unnamed. A girl like me, like Mother, or a boy like Father—or Skelkra. No, I wouldn’t let him be like either of them. From a young age, I’d teach him right from wrong. He’d be kind, loyal, and compassionate. I could make sure of that.

  ‘I want to be alone,’ I said.

  Jeykal sighed and said, ‘Seek me out if you need me.’ His movements were slow as he rose and moved away.

  I leaned forward and hooked a finger in the top of his pants. He turned around.

  ‘Thank you,’ I said.

  He threw me an awkward smile. ‘Anytime. You’d do the same for me if I was with child. I know it.’

  I smiled and later realised that Jeykal was the sort of person I’d want my daughter to bond to, and for my son to become.

  Chapter X

  EVERY PASSING MOMENT SAW MY mind curl in on itself as I became more and more torn between my child’s life and my position as chieftain of Ruxdor. With Skelkra as leader, Ruxdor would be taken in new directions—harmful and cruel directions that would put us in the line of war. Should we invade Senya and take hold of their lands? The leaders had argued over that question for a century. Since the Death Plague, there had never been a better time to strike.

  Father had never liked the idea. Despite his volatile nature, his views on war were unwavering. We should not attack those whom we could align with. The Bears had always wanted peace, while the Wolves wanted land and war. Invading Senya seemed logical. Senya had five months when snow did not fall. Ruxdor had only three. Their pastures were fertile and their mountains filled with useful rock and stone. The Queens of North Senya had finally agreed to trade with us last year, allowing us to flourish. Already we struggled to feed the masses, and one day we’d be forced to give the Queens everything they wanted.

  The Queens had never been shy about desiring our warriors, our fighters, our men. Thousands of years had seen our people perfect their use of the sword, bow, and dagger. The Queens had taken one city, and now they wanted more—not Vilseek, but Juxon City in South Senya. Obviously, Skelkra would try to form a strong alliance with the Queens, and we would lose our traditions, our rituals, and saddest of all, our identity.

  However, if I ruled, I would form an alliance with the South Senyans. I would bypass the Queens, visit King Erageo, and help him take back Meligna, for the city rightfully belonged to him. The Queens had stolen it from him, and we, at the time, had helped them.

  If I allowed my love for my unborn child to flourish I would have to leave Vilseek. He or she would germinate, grow, and thrive within my warm belly and worship the beating of my heart, and my people would be disgusted at its presence. Thinking about it brought back feelings towards Skelkra. Whispers of attachment plagued me, and my adoration for Skelkra grew with ridiculous intensity. We’d created a life together.

  I shook my head.

  Stupid, sentimental girl.

  I shifted my legs to the side of my bed and cringed at the pain; my entire body ached from the fight. In the scuffle, I had cut my hands and bruised my knees and elbows. I wanted more dragonclaw, but knew the substance would pollute my mind. I needed my wits. My child needed me to be alert. A haunting feeling spread through my mind and ran the length of my body, causing my skin to tighten. My wounds pulsed. Thoughts taunted me. I was losing my mind.

  I punched a wall.

  My knuckles reddened and tiny cuts leaked blood. The black seeds that sat upon my bedside table called to me. I moved towards them with small steps. I crouched, took one in my hand, and considered its power. In one swallow, all further torment would slip away. I shook my head and paced to the entranceway.

  The morning illuminated patches of snow that had settled on rooftops. People went about their business as usual, as if they’d completely forgotten the fight, the Bestial Passage, and the loss of Vilseek’s wisest men and women. How I envied them; they never had to carry the weight I did. A cool breeze caressed my skin as I headed for Skelkra’s hut. People smiled and clapped at me while passing by—some even bowed their heads, confirming their acceptance that I would rule after Father died. Their lack of contempt made me reconsider taking the seeds in my hut. Finally, they had accepted me, and I could rule without further question.

  As I neared the stairs to Skelkra’s dwelling, my father came up beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘Leave him alone.’ Bags formed under Father’s wrinkled eyes. His hair was a mess and his eyes were bloodshot.

  ‘Is he well?’ I asked.

  Father pursed his lips. ‘Too well.’

  ‘Then I will see him.’

  The chieftain let me go and I shuffled up the ramp awkwardly, for my knees would not bend. I pushed aside the leathers etched with the marks of his tribe and entered. Sitting at his bedside was his mother. She jumped to her fe
et and clenched her fists.

  ‘You are not welcome here.’ She looked at Skelkra’s sword leaning against his bed.

  I wanted her to take it and thrust it into me. Come on, end my pain. Instead, she came to me and raised her hand to my face—I didn’t move—and then stopped. In that moment, I saw the wolf inside of her, snarling, claws grasping at the floor, ready to rip me apart.

  ‘Let her in, Mother,’ Skelkra said with a stern tone.

  When my eyes went to his, I couldn’t hide my shock. He sat shirtless on his bed, legs crossed, not a scratch or bruise on him. In fact, he’d never looked healthier, and he even seemed… I shook my head. No, it couldn’t be possible. He looked younger.

  ‘It’s true.’ I gaped at the improvement.

  ‘Indeed. The healers are gifted with magic… as you can see.’ He brought his arms up, and for a moment, I saw innocent joy in his eyes, and it reminded me of when we’d hunted together. Then I remembered how he’d stomped on my arm and killed the Watchers. I hardened my expression.

  ‘Make this heartless Bear leave,’ his mother said to him, and then I understood her perfectly. A good mother protected her child and would never give up on him, even when he chose to do evil. I traced a fingernail across my stomach.

  ‘Leave us,’ he commanded her.

  She obeyed, her eyes ice-cold as she passed me.

  ‘Here to finish the job, then?’ He smiled as if we’d never fought, as if he’d never broken my heart. He didn’t care. ‘I doubt you’d even get a punch in. I’ve never felt better or stronger. You, on the other hand, look terrible.’ He chuckled.

  My clothes were filthy, and I’d tracked mud into the hut. Feet shuffled behind me, and I peered over my shoulder to see Wolf guards enter. Skelkra raised his hands, and they stopped and leaned against a wall.

  ‘I never cheated.’ My tone was shrill and bitter, like a disgruntled lover. Shame prickled at my neck when I realised that was exactly what I was.

  ‘Your one weakness. And strength.’ He got out of bed, picked up a flask from a shelf, and drank from it. He came closer and offered the refreshments to me, but I declined. He furrowed his brow. Social convention declared it an insult to refuse a drink from a host.

  ‘So, you’re here to check up on my health. How sweet. I’m lucky you have such depth of feeling for my well-being. Even after everything we’ve been through. That’s the mark of a good couple, you know. We could be together for life. Oh, but wait, we already bonded. I’m not interested any more. My apologies.’

  My teeth ground together. I considered re-inflicting his injuries. Then it occurred to me that I’d won. Skelkra was using my feelings against me, but in truth, he felt shame over losing the fight to a girl. Laughter burst from my mouth, and I muffled the noise with my hand.

  He took a step back, clearly caught off guard by my laughter. He tapped his foot, waiting for me to speak, but I couldn’t stop chuckling until I forced the amusement from my mind. I’d beaten him, and nothing he could say or do would change that.

  ‘Did you ever care for me?’ I asked.

  He sniffed. ‘Sure I did. You’re a good fighter, a sturdy girl and, most importantly, the heir of the Bears. How could I not want you?’

  For the first time since Gevilka had told me I was with child, I considered telling him about his offspring. ‘That isn’t caring. That’s hunting. I am not prey.’

  He put down his wine flask and took two steps towards me, slowly and cautiously, like a predator. My body urged me to move into a fighting stance, but I suppressed the feeling and waited patiently.

  He took another step forward, closing the gap between us. ‘I have failed in my hunt. I did not kill you. So I will let you go, for now.’

  I could feel his breath on my face, and I stared up at him defiantly, but my body tingled with excitement because I thought he might touch me or try to kiss me. Would I let him? In all ways except for ritual, we were bonded from a moment of ecstasy and passion and purity that we would never experience again, at least not with each other. I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent, the warmth emanating from his skin. I remembered his lips on mine.

  I snapped open my eyes, and he had stretched out his fingers to the point of almost touching my face. With my left hand, I grabbed his wrist and twisted, the stiches in my arm tearing a little.

  ‘You will never touch me again.’ Turning on my heel, I exited the hut, but outside I stopped, turned back around and stormed back inside. ‘And if I were you, I’d start focusing on my farming skills.’

  His lip curled, and he smacked the wine glass across the room. ‘Get out!’

  I left, feeling more powerful than ever.

  Corilksa insisted on keeping me company when I returned to my hut, but as usual, I sent the timid woman away. She constantly fidgeted with her long, spider-like fingers, and her fussing irritated me. Besides, I didn’t agree with keeping slaves. Once in power, Father had introduced that law, and I’d always resented him for it. Strangely, Corilksa often seemed insulted or fearful when I didn’t need or want her help. I believed she thought I was displeased with her service, that she’d failed me, or that I would sell her to someone else.

  Alone in my hut, I placed the seeds in my hand with the intention of consuming them. Tears rolled down my cheeks at the thought of my child dying inside of me, but I had to take them.

  I have to!

  I brought my hand to my mouth and pulled it away again, then stamped the floor with my foot.

  ‘Do it!’ I screamed. I picked them up again and put them in my mouth. They tasted bitter and burned my tongue. I spat them across the room, and they disappeared in the cracks of the floor and under furniture. I rushed to a hand basin with fresh water and scooped the liquid into my mouth, rinsing out the taste.

  Trembling from head to toe, hurried thoughts flooded my head. Then I knew what I had to do. I went to my doorway. I saw a warrior and made him bring me Jeykal. I went back inside and waited.

  Jeykal flew through my entryway and scooped my hands up in his. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

  ‘Calm down,’ I said, and glanced over his shoulder to check that no one listened. ‘I’m going to tell Father.’

  His features twisted. ‘About…?’ He looked at my stomach, and I nodded. ‘Madness. He’ll kill it. He’ll kill you!’ He reached out and slid his fingertips under my shirt and over my abdomen. The sensation made me shudder, but it wasn’t lust or desire; it was reassurance. Soon, a bump would form where he touched, and a month from now, maybe two, my secret joy would be impossible to hide.

  ‘I have to. I can’t let Skelkra rule. And I want this child.’

  ‘It’s impossible, Klawdia.’ He put a hand to my face, but I pushed it away.

  ‘Don’t try to talk me out of this. I have to do the right thing. Will you fetch him for me?’

  Jeykal rubbed his face and hair and paced the room. ‘If you’re sure about this, then we must prepare for his response.’

  ‘You can’t know what he’ll say.’

  Jeykal bit his lip. ‘If you’re going to continue being rebellious, then you need to prepare for the consequences. Pack a bag full of anything you need to survive. And I mean survive in the mountains, for if your father desires you dead, then the only refuge you’ll find is in the Death Peaks.’

  ‘Jeykal—’

  He held up his hand. ‘Just do it for me.’

  I regarded him for a moment. He’d never spoken to me with any sort of authority before.

  ‘Now!’ he urged.

  I found a knapsack and stuffed it with clothes, medicines, thread, a mallet, a chisel, a flint, a water sack, and other items I might need.

  Jeykal tapped his finger on his temple. ‘Your father will respond one of four ways. One, he’ll accept your baby and hide it from the city somehow. It will live, and you’ll rule. Two, he’ll force the other leaders to accept the child as legitimate, and you’ll still become leader. Three, you’ll be able to keep the baby but not lead, not eve
n your own tribe, you’ll have to leave the city. Four—which seems the most likely—he’ll force you to kill it. Or he’ll kill you.’

  I stopped packing to stare at him. Would Father really try to kill my child? He could be cruel, I knew that, but murder? Or even murder me? It disturbed me more that I couldn’t even answer that question. ‘That’s five,’ I said.

  Jeykal frowned at me. ‘The last two count as one. For I believe that if he kills your child, a part of you will die with it. Either way, it’s a bad outcome.’

  He was right. Losing my child would be like losing my soul, and I would never forgive Father. In fact, I might even want vengeance.

  I unhooked my dagger from the back of my pants and stared at the clean blade. ‘What if I killed Father?’

  ‘Even if I thought you could, no one would follow you after that.’

  ‘Never in cold blood, but sometimes Father can be…’

  ‘I know.’ Jeykal looked at the floor. ‘I’ve known you a long time. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s hurt you.’

  We both jumped when the chieftain of Ruxdor threw open my door. He stared at me, and my heart drummed in my chest. I felt exposed, as though he could hear my thoughts. Jeykal looked like a startled deer; he’d never been very good at hiding his feelings. At that moment, I wanted to punch him for it.

  Father loomed over me. ‘You will tell me what I’ve interrupted here.’ He looked back at the trembling Jeykal. The chieftain of Ruxdor’s face grew red and dark, and his eyes flicked back to the knife clutched in my hand.

  Chapter XI

  I BOWED MY HEAD. ‘FATHER, you’ve not interrupted—’

  ‘I came to tell you of the initiation ceremony that will happen under the light of the next full moon.’ Father took the dagger from my hand and placed it on the table. He stared hard at Jeykal, and then at me, a question on his face. The fierce storm of rage brewed inside of him; he didn’t like to be trifled with.