Through the Never

by J. A. Culican

  “Whoa. Take it easy,” Dolpheus started, hands out in front of him. “Be easy. It’s all right.” He sounded just as he did when he was trying to calm a horse.

  “We mean you no harm,” he said. We’d said it already several times since entering the rebel zone, but I supposed when the rebels expected harm from outsiders, it didn’t hurt to repeat it. He said, “We thought you wanted us to follow you. Did we misunderstand?”

  The girl’s bright eyes flitted from Dolpheus to me and then to our horses.

  “Did we?” Dolpheus persisted.

  The girl’s hand began to shake harder, and I took pity on her. It couldn’t be easy to live out here in the Wilds, where the threats came from all directions at all times.

  “Look,” I said. Her eyes met mine, and I witnessed fear I immediately wished I hadn’t seen. “We mean it when we say we won’t hurt you. I promise we won’t.” I made it a point never to make promises I didn’t intend to keep. On O, people valued their word too little. I valued it highly. It was the one thing I had complete control over. The girl saw it in my eyes.

  With a hand that still trembled, she lowered her sword. I noticed a beat-up sheath belted around her waist, but she didn’t sheathe the sword. She stepped to the side, one foot in the shadows, one in the light. “Dismount and leave your horses here.” She tried to make her words an order, but it didn’t work.

  Dolpheus and I’d been through too much to take orders from girls. “We won’t leave our horses,” Dolpheus said, beating me to it. There was no way we’d allow our horses out of sight. Not in the Wilds. Not when the threats came from every direction.

  I didn’t know what this girl wanted to talk to us about, but I wanted to find out. “But we’ll dismount if that makes you feel better.”

  Dolpheus and I’d been training for battle since we were young boys. We’d been riding horses just as long. Even standing next to our horses, we could be in the saddles and riding away in seconds.

  “Then dismount,” the girl said, “and do it quickly. We don’t have much time. They’ll send someone to follow you right away.”

  Of course they would. It’s what I’d do.

  The girl retreated fully into the shadows of the rear of a cave dwelling.

  We probably only had a minute before we were discovered. If I were the rebels, I’d send several people to follow us. One to follow our direct path, turning right after the last dwelling as we had, and at least one more to come at us from the opposite direction, to round the first of their dwellings and watch the rear of their homes from that side.

  Dolpheus and I’d said we were retreating to confer, and we could plausibly be doing that now. The girl could mostly lose herself to the shadows. But I wouldn’t count on the rebels missing much. They were skilled in moving through the shadows. They’d see the girl.

  “Talk fast. What can we do for you?” I said, because this was obviously about what we could do for her. Perhaps there was also something she was willing to do for us, but that was secondary. Oers were best at putting themselves first. For the most part, I wouldn’t blame them, and I especially wouldn’t blame this girl for it.

  “I have information you want.”

  “What kind of information?” Dolpheus asked. “About the woman we’re looking for?”

  “No. But trust me. It’s something you want to know.”

  I wasn’t in the habit of trusting strangers. However, we had little time and I probably would’ve wanted to help this girl regardless of whether or not she had something to trade for our help.

  “Assuming we’re willing to trade for this information, whatever it is,” I said, “what do you want in return?”

  “A favor. Sometime in the future, I’ll ask you to do something for me.”

  Dolpheus said, “Will you tell us what this favor is now?”

  “No. I don’t know it yet. But I know I’ll want your help in the future.”

  “Why our help? You don’t even know who we are,” I said.

  “Oh I know precisely who you are, Lord Tanus, and your Arms Master, Dolpheus.”

  “I see,” I said. “So you believe we’ll hold up our end of the bargain once you give us this information you have?”

  She flicked a glance over her shoulder before asking, “Will you?”

  I looked to Dolpheus. He shrugged. I looked back at her. “I only make promises I intend to keep. Since I don’t know what information you have to offer or what I’ll think it worth, I can’t promise I’ll do whatever favor you ask of me in the future.”

  “Fine,” she snapped. “Then forget it.” She turned on her heel.

  I shot an arm out to stop her. She clenched and yanked her head around to face me, but my touch was gentle. “However, I can promise to do what I think is fair. I can promise to return a favor that is appropriate for the information you give us. I give you my word that I’ll do that.”

  She looked at my hand on her arm. I released her. She looked behind her again, clearly impatient. Someone would spot us soon. Even so, she took her time studying my eyes first and then Dolpheus.’

  “Very well,” she said. “Since we don’t have time to strike a clearer and better bargain, I accept your terms.”

  “Good. What’s this information you have?” I asked.

  “You’re going to be ambushed. In the black fields to the west of the camp. They’re already waiting for you.”

  “How many of them are there?” Dolpheus asked while I angled my body to keep better watch behind us. We’d already realized we were in danger in the Wilds, but we hadn’t suspected an ambush. There should be no reason for it. We didn’t march under the King’s banner anymore.

  The girl fidgeted and wouldn’t meet our eyes. “I’m not sure exactly,” she said. “But I know the plan is to take you down, and sh—I mean, they’re aware of your reputation.”

  “Is that it?” I asked.

  “They’re led by the Mowab Rider.”

  I saw Dolpheus’ eyes widen before he got control of himself.

  “So he’s real? The Mowab Rider?” Dolpheus asked, voicing the awe I experienced as well.

  “Yes, the Mowab Rider’s real. She rides the mowabs like you ride your horses.”

  “The Mowab Rider’s a she?” Dolpheus said.

  The girl didn’t answer. We didn’t have time for awe or repetition, even if both were warranted in this situation. I’d stared down far more mowabs than I wished to. I didn’t want to be anywhere near one. I definitely didn’t want to ride one. I hadn’t thought it possible, and Dolpheus and I had a very different definition of what was impossible than other Oers. But perhaps not different from this woman, who could apparently tame the most untamable of beasts.

  “There’s one more thing I need you to promise me,” the girl continued.

  “Wait, that wasn’t part of the deal,” Dolpheus said. “We already made the deal.”

  I ignored my friend for now. There was something about this girl that I liked. It took guts to do what she was doing. I’d heard enough rumors of Dolpheus and me to understand that we were made out to be the most skilled of warriors. We could overtake this girl and kill her in instants. The short sword she still clutched in her hand wouldn’t impede her death.

  “I have one more piece of information for you,” she said even though I would have agreed to whatever her additional demand was without it.

  “All right,” I said.

  “But first you have to promise me.” She glanced over her shoulder again and took another step farther back into the shadows. “Promise me you won’t kill her. The Mowab Rider.”

  “You want us not to kill a woman who attacks us while riding a mowab?” Dolpheus said, his tone implying the unbelieving really? he didn’t voice.

  “You can’t kill her. Under any circumstances. Promise me.” The girl looked to me, the one who’d been making all the promises.

  I studied her. “Why?”

  “Promise me.”

  “I want to know why,” I in
sisted.

  She huffed hurriedly. Every one of her movements was agitated and skittish now. She was about to flee.

  I suppressed every urge I had to grab onto her, to keep her here until she could explain.

  “She’s my sister. And if you kill her, I’ll hunt you down and tear you to pieces,” she said.

  I admired loyalty. I wanted to smile, but I didn’t. “All right. I promise we won’t kill her. Unless it’s the only way to save Dolpheus’ life or my own.”

  “No deal then. I won’t tell you the rest, and she’ll hunt you down and kill you.”

  “I won’t make any promise that prevents me from protecting Dolpheus or myself. But I promise you that if there’s any other way, any other way at all, we’ll spare the Mowab Rider’s life.”

  I didn’t hear anything, but the girl clearly did. One moment she was there, the next the shadows swallowed her up.

  I thought she wouldn’t tell us the rest but then her whispered words reached us from the shadows. “They hide the mowabs beneath the sand. Look to the sand.”

  And then I was sure she was gone.

  Less than ten seconds later, a man rounded the corner farthest from us and immediately averted his eyes when he saw us spot him. I felt more than saw another person turn the corner behind us.

  There’s someone behind us too, I mind spoke to Dolpheus.

  I know, he said to me. Then, for our invisible audience, “All right. I think we’ve talked enough. Let’s go check out some of these stories to see if they’re worth a reward.”

  “Let’s do it,” I said, mounting Seafarer.

  A few moments later, Dolpheus and I led our horses past the dwelling that offered cover for our meeting with the girl. There was no one there.

  We pointed our horses east, away from the settlement and toward the ambush.

  We didn’t return to the group of rebels to continue our pretense. Every single one of them had hinged on the dark marks on Ilara’s wrists—the ones she didn’t possess—and so every one of them had been lying to us. There were potentially other rebels we hadn’t asked about Ilara yet, but chances were slim that they’d have anything of use to offer.

  More lies, more rumors, more whispered nothings. That’s all we’d encountered since Dolpheus and I set off on this quest to find Ilara, to prove that my gut could accurately sense the woman alive when everyone, even her father the King, swore she was dead.

  Do you think the girl was telling the truth? Dolpheus spoke through my mind. Even though we couldn’t see anyone around us as we set off in the opposite direction from which we’d come, the rebels had survived in this inhospitable region for a long time for a reason. They were smart and wily. Of all the places on O, I worried about our safety the most in the Wilds. The people that inhabited it displayed many of the same traits as the animals that occupied the parched land with them.

  In the Wilds, the land, its weather, its animals, and its people were all significant threats. And now we had an ambush to worry about.

  I do think the girl was telling the truth. Don’t you? I said.

  Aye. Which means we have an ambush to look forward to.

  With a mowab rider! I said.

  That’s nuts, man. A mowab? How could anyone ever ride one of those nasty beasts? They’d kill you before they’d let you get close enough to touch them. How in the fuck could somebody manage to ride one?

  I have no fucking idea. I know I’d never try to ride one of those hell beasts.

  What do you think a woman who can actually ride a mowab looks like? Dolpheus said.

  I imagine she’s a beast of a woman, right?

  Aye. She’s gotta be. To ride one of those things? She’s gonna be big and hairy, probably.

  I laughed. And she’s going to be trying to kill us.

  Well, nothing new about that. They should have a gathering for all the people who want to kill us.

  Aye, maybe my father could lead it. It was my attempt at a joke, but my friend knew it was only halfhearted. My father might not be trying to kill me—at least, not that I knew of—but I doubted he’d care if I died. He was the reason we were out here baking to a crisp in the Wilds. He was the one to order the assassination of the woman I loved. The fact that he didn’t know I loved her didn’t do much to ameliorate the situation. He wouldn’t have cared even if he’d known.

  Dolpheus changed the subject. Why do you think this particular she-beast mowab rider and her crew want to kill us? What do they have against us?

  I was wondering the same thing. It must go back to our time fighting for the King. That was the only time we killed people that might not have necessarily deserved it.

  An irony that was one of the main reasons why Dolpheus and I left the army. Every kill we’d made while in the army was justified—a means to an end, a sacrifice for a worthy and noble cause, namely, whatever particular cause the King was championing just then, spinning to his people as something that was for their greater good. But none of the men and women we’d killed in the name of the King had ever done anything to us, beyond defending themselves from the threat we posed under our standard. These were the deaths that haunted us. The ones that theoretically shouldn’t. The ones that we’d dealt simply because the man or woman fought on the wrong side of a dubious right.

  Dolpheus said, It’s got to be. When will we ever stop paying for the sins of another?

  Perhaps never, I said, feeling an uncommon bitterness about it. I might not be a great man, I might not even be a good man some days, but I didn’t kill indiscriminately. I’d killed enough times to value life more than most, to realize that life could be here one moment and gone the next.

  That Ilara could be in my arms and then vanish. Possibly gone forever.

  I dug my heels into Seafarer’s sides. Come on. Let’s get on with this. If we have to face down a she-beast and her crew, let’s get it over with. We have a princess to find.

  Dolpheus nudged his horse into a canter an instant after I did. Come on, Tan, we’re mind speaking. You don’t need to put on that show for me. You don’t give a fuck about a princess. You just want the woman you like to hide in your bed.

  You’re right. And I want her back now.

  Then let’s go get ‘er.

  If only we knew where she was. And if only we weren’t heading straight into an ambush.

  If the girl was telling us the truth, then they should be waiting for us somewhere over the ridge, Dolpheus said. They’d know we’d have to take this route if we wanted to advance farther into the Wilds, which is precisely what crazy fuckers like us would want to do.

  But it was more than us being crazy fuckers—even though this was a point I wouldn’t readily deny. There was only one easy way into the Wilds, and one easy way out. There were other routes we could take, but with their extreme terrain and wildlife, they would’ve been more dangerous than heading straight into an ambush. The most dangerous of the animals, the mowabs, tended to stay away from the settlements, as if the rebels and the mowabs had some sort of understanding. Perhaps they actually did now that one of them was able to ride one of the beasts.

  If we wanted to advance farther into the Wilds in our search for Ilara, then this was the best course to do it.

  I checked the knives at my waist. They were there as usual. I unclasped the leather strap that fixed my spake to the side of my saddle, protecting my horse from its spikes. I unsheathed my sword and held it in front of me.

  Dolpheus, on my left, did the same. We fought in a similar style and preferred the same types of weapons, the result of training together since we were boys.

  Dolpheus smiled at me. Even though I knew he’d deny it, I believed he enjoyed the fight. He relished the power and strength he’d learned to contain.

  I, however, didn’t enjoy it. But I was good at it just the same.

  Ready? Dolpheus asked.

  As ready as I get.

  Good. Then let’s go get us some she-beast, he said on a grin and tore off ahead of me. I thou
ght perhaps he was going to try to outrun the ambush.

  A moving target was a harder one to hit than a still one, and a speedily moving target harder still.

  I kicked Seafarer into a full gallop behind my friend, eyes shifting continuously—left, ahead, right, a peek beneath my right underarm, then left again.

  When Seafarer’s hooves first hit the field of glittering black, I swept my eyes across the sand, searching for any place that could hide a herd of mowabs, horses, or their riders. But there were none. How could a field of flat sand conceal anything large?

  There’s no place for them to hide, I yelled to Dolpheus over the pounding of our horses’ hooves, forgetting that volume didn’t matter since I wasn’t talking aloud. Maybe the girl tricked us. Maybe it was just to unsettle us, to get us riding like devils are on our heels through a field of sand.

  But it didn’t feel like a joke. There was no one to witness our run.

  No. I think they’re here. Somewhere. I just don’t know where.

  I didn’t much want to admit it, but I thought my friend was right. So then where the fuck are they? I wasn’t in the mood for this shit. The loss of a lover was enough fuckery to last me a long while.

  But life wasn’t fair. It had never been fair to us.

  They’re here, Tan, Dolpheus said. Watch yourself.

  At this rate, they’re going to manage to ambush us even with the warning, I growled. Where could a herd of the largest beasts on O hide?

  We thundered across the endless sea of black sand, our horses making slower progress than they should have given the speed with which they pumped their legs. But they slipped on the sand. With each step they advanced, they lost a fraction of it to the gods that determined the odds of life and death.

  The Auxle Sun was high in the sky, gilding the sand and making it appear aflame.

  Our horses ran as if the sand were on fire.

  I didn’t know where to point my sword when the ground fell out from under us. And then I had to focus all my attention on not stabbing my horse as he fell.

  The creature I loved as much as any human crumpled beneath me with an alarming shriek that left me praying to a god I didn’t think I believed in that he wouldn’t break a leg.