Through the Never

by J. A. Culican

  “Why?” I asked, reaching up and running my hands across Kuna’s nose.

  The other Chroin are…sick. Not a disease, but their minds are sick. They are not in control of themselves and that makes them dangerous.

  “Why are you different?” I asked.

  Because of you. There was a bit of mirth in Kuna’s voice. Once we connected, I knew that I had been sick. I hadn’t realized that before. I was incomplete. When we connected, I was completed and became well. I had so many questions for the giant beast. Come on. Kuna knelt down next to me.

  I scrambled up Kuna’s back, perching on his shoulders. I leaned forward, trying to lock my arms around his massive neck as he leaped forward. The prairie flew by us. The wind pulled at my hair as we flew over the land. For a moment, I closed my eyes and luxuriated in the sensation.

  It wasn’t long before the ship reared up into the sky ahead of us. All was calm around the ship. The battle no longer raged around it. Bodies littered the ground. The Chroin. The bright colors of their skin looked like gems against the blackened ground.

  “Wait,” I commanded. I could feel Kuna’s pain as his eyes roved over his fallen brethren, but there was no anger. Only a deep sadness that they had not been healed as he had. Kuna skidded to a stop in the charred dirt.

  What’s wrong? he asked, puzzled. Don’t you want to get back to your people?

  “Yes, but it might be better if I go alone. They’ll be frightened by you. They might attack. If I go alone, they won’t attack me.”

  You are different now. I could sense his sudden anxiety as if it were my own. I was different. Would they just assume I was another alien and kill me on sight?

  “I’ll be fine,” I insisted. I had to find Cern. I had to know he was alright.

  I-I-I don’t like this, Kuna insisted. There may be other Chroin still around. I can’t protect you if I’m not around.

  “These are my people. They won’t hurt me. Cern will make sure of that. You don’t have to worry.” I tried my best to convey calm, comforting thoughts.

  The Chroin were my people, Kuna reminded me. I was a wild one like the others. Even as he said the words, Kuna shifted and knelt so I could slide off his back.

  Shakily, I began to run for the ship. I couldn’t see any movement. No people milling about, but no Chroin either. Where was everyone?

  “Hello!” I called out.

  The shuttles were once again clustered around the ship. I quickly counted and found all of the remaining nineteen shuttles present. The colonists hadn’t left. They had to be here somewhere.

  Unless they were all dead.

  “Hello!” My voice broke as I called out again.

  The squeal of metal grinding against metal reached my ears, and I skidded to a stop, my heart racing. The large loading bay doors lurched open a little at a time. After what seemed like an eternity, a head poked out, only to dart back inside quickly.

  “Wait!” I sprinted for the doors. Relief flooded through me. They were here. The ship had held under the assault.

  Suddenly, people came pouring out of the doors. Dozens of them. All with their guns trained on me. I looked over the crowd of anxious faces for anyone I knew—Cern, Lero, Elsy—but found no one.

  A loud blast rang through my ears, and I dove for the ground. I didn’t know what to do. I wouldn’t hurt the other colonists, but they were shooting at me.

  I’m coming. Kuna’s fear reached me, even across the distance.

  “Wait!” I screamed, as much to the colonists as to Kuna. “Just wait!”

  I paused a breath and didn’t hear any more gunfire, only the sound of my own rapidly beating heart. Taking a chance, I raised my head from the ground to look at the colonists. Their weapons were up and all trained on me, but they weren’t firing at me anymore.

  “Explain yourself,” a man demanded.

  “My name is Laure Higgins. I am part of the cycle ten expeditionary forces. I demand to speak with Lieutenant Commander Parsons and my squad leader, Cern Anderson,” I screamed. Not daring to stand up.

  “Impossible,” the man scoffed.

  “My number is 9652. I am part of cycle ten and I demand to speak with the lieutenant in charge of me,” I repeated. After taking a moment to confer, I heard a set of retreating footsteps. I could feel all of the eyes still on me, burning a hole into my back as I lay in the dirt. I had to look awful. Fresh out of hibernation. Sleep deprived. Battle weary. And changed.

  “Laure?” The familiar sound of Cern’s voice made my head snap up from the ground. Lieutenant Commander Parsons was only a few steps behind him. I could feel a smile spreading across my face. He was alive.

  I met his shocked gaze. “Can I stand up?”

  I didn’t wait for a response. I pushed myself up out of the dirt, not bothering to dust off. I moved toward Cern, wanting nothing more than to feel his arms around me, but stopped when the guns quickly trained on me again. Parsons and Cern exchanged a quick glance before Cern gave a quick, confirming nod.

  “At ease!” Parsons called out, his voice ringing loud and clear. “I said at ease!” Reluctantly, the others lowered their weapons again.

  Cern briskly stepped forward, meeting me away from the other colonists and the commander.

  “What happened to you?” His eyes roved over every inch of me before returning to my face, though his eyes quickly darted away again.

  I looked up to the stars that hovered in the sky above us. How could I explain to him what had happened when I didn’t even understand it myself? “I got pulled out of the ship by one of the Chroin—”

  “Chroin?” Cern interrupted.

  I chided myself inwardly. Of course he wouldn’t know what they were called. “The monsters that attacked us.”

  Bewilderment crossed his face. “How do you know that?”

  “When I was pulled out, the Chroin didn’t hurt me. We…”

  As Cern stared at me, confusion tinged with fear written plainly across his face, I suddenly didn’t want to say it. Would he understand? What would he think about this new connection? About me?

  Suddenly, his eyes widened. “They’re coming back!” Raising his gun with one hand, he grabbed my wrist with the other, pulling me back to the Endurance. I didn’t need to look to know what they were reacting to. I had felt his presence getting closer.

  “Wait!” I shrieked. Fear coursed through my veins as I saw dozens of guns snap up, aimed at my other half. A deafening chorus rang out as the colonists opened fire.

  Cern dove on top of me, flattening us to the ground as the bullets whizzed by mercilessly above us.

  “Stop!” I shrieked, fighting to get out from underneath Cern. “Stop them! Please, Cern! Make them stop!”

  White-hot pain ripped through my shoulder and I screamed, a bestial cry. Above my own scream, I could hear Kuna, his cry mirroring mine. Desperately, I twisted around, trying to see him. He forced himself back up from where he had fallen to the ground. Black blood oozed from a long gash in his soft mauve skin.

  I growled, shoving against Cern with all my might and pushing him off of me. I leaped up, racing across the field. My vision narrowed. All I could see was Kuna, limping as he struggled to reach me. His chest opened. The delicate black tendrils snaked out and reached for me, offering me what protection he could.

  No. I shook my head. Not now. I can’t protect you if I am not myself. It hurt to tell him no, especially when I could feel how badly he needed me, but I wouldn’t be able to communicate with the other colonists if we were connected.

  Behind me, I heard Cern and the commander shouting for a cease-fire. His words sounded far away as I pumped my legs harder, desperate to reach Kuna.

  I didn’t even slow down as I reached him. My feet slid across the charred ground and I crashed into him, wrapping my arms around his massive leg.

  “It’s alright,” I whispered. I could still feel the fear coursing through him. Fear for me. Fear that the other humans would hurt me.

  Are you alr
ight? Kuna nuzzled me gently. Did they hurt you? You were so afraid.

  “I’m fine.” I pulled away to inspect the wound. It was deep, but the bullet had only grazed his shoulder. “But you were hurt.”

  It will heal. Kuna tensed. They’re coming.

  I tensed as I turned to face the colonists. I almost wilted under their gazes. Fear. Disgust. Confusion. As I looked over the crowd, I purposefully avoided looking at Cern. I couldn’t bear to see the same feelings plastered plainly on his face.

  “That thing can’t stay here.” There was no emotion in Parsons’s voice. I finally looked to Cern. I needed his support, but his face was just as flat and emotionless as Parsons’s.

  I didn’t know what to say. “What about me?” My words were so quiet I wasn’t sure Parsons had heard them.

  Parsons folded his arms, a sneer crossing his face. “You can stay.” Again, the words were flat and emotionless. “But that thing has to go. Make it leave or I will give the orders to have it killed.”

  “He has to stay with me,” I blurted out. “And he’s hurt because you shot him. He needs to be treated.”

  “Then you can leave with him. I gave my orders,” Parsons growled. “I won’t have what precious little resources we have wasted on an alien.”

  My stomach dropped. Cern said nothing. His lips set into a grim line. His brow furrowed together. His eyes were hard as he regarded me.

  “Everyone back to the ship,” Parsons ordered the colonist. “We still have plenty of work to do in the morning.”

  My breaths came quickly as Cern turned with the others to back to the ship. They were just going to leave me out here.

  “Wait.” I leaped forward, grabbing Cern’s arm.

  Cern stopped, though he did not turn to face me. “What?”

  “I…just…” I walked around him, forcing him to face me. “Can’t we talk?”

  “About what?”

  My jaw dropped. “About what has happened. About this planet. About what’s happened to me.” A sudden surge of anger boiled up. He wouldn’t even look at me. “Hell, I’d even be happy if we could talk about the weather. Just stop ignoring me. Weren’t you worried at all when I disappeared from the shuttle?”

  “Of course I was!” Cern ground out. “I was out of my mind with worry. You were there one second and just gone the next.”

  “I’m back. I’m alive,” I offered. “Aren’t you happy? I’m here. I’m not dead.”

  “You want to know what’s wrong?” His eyes roved over me again, taking in my appearance. “You disappeared in the middle of the battle. I had no idea what had happened to you. I thought you were dead. Then you waltz back here like nothing has changed. Look at yourself, Laure! You’re a god-damned alien!”

  “I am not!” I shot back. “I am the same person that I was before.” I wasn’t so sure that I was right. “The same person that you love. I just look a little bit different.”

  Cern took a step back from me. “What happened to you?”

  “I…I don’t know. One second I was on the shuttle fighting the Chroin with you, and the next thing I knew I was connected with one of the Chroin.” My eyes darted around as I fruitlessly tried to give him answers I didn’t have. “I don’t know how it happened. It just did. I can hear its thoughts. It can hear me. When we’re connected, it’s like we’re one being, one consciousness.” The words tumbled out before I could stop them. I wanted him to understand. I stepped forward and took his hand. Cern flinched at my touch, pulling his hand back with a shudder. I cradled my own hand close as hurt washed over me.

  “You can hear the monster talking to you?”

  “They aren’t monsters. Not all of them. They’re more like animals,” I tried to explain. I knew how crazy I sounded. With each word, I was digging a deeper hole for myself, but I could not stop trying to make him understand.

  Cern shook his head in apparent disbelief.

  Beginning to panic, I took a few steps forward. “Please, try to understand.”

  “Understand what exactly?” Cern asked exasperatedly. “You haven’t given me much to go with.”

  “I don’t know anything either. I just…”

  I’ll be here with you. I looked to Kuna. He hadn’t moved from where he sat several yards away.

  I know. It’s just that so much is changing so quickly. I want something to stay the same. Cern and I have always been there for each other.

  “Laure!” Cern was looking from me to Kuna. I could tell by the look on his face that it wasn’t the first time he had called my name. “Where did you go just now?”

  “Kuna…said something…” I didn’t want to explain anymore, but I didn’t want to lie to him either. “It’s hard to focus when you have someone else’s voice ringing through your head.” I massaged my forehead. I could feel a headache coming on.

  “Listen, Laure.” Cern took a deep breath, his gaze drifting back to the Endurance. “You’re going to have to be careful if you stay here. Your appearance is”—he leaned back, a grimace flitting across his face—“bizarre. You should be fine, but I’m not sure how everyone else will react to…him.” Cern gestured to Kuna. “I honestly can’t say that I blame them.”

  “You can’t let them hurt him.” A sudden surge of desperation coursed through my veins.

  “I’m not saying I would let them, but for god sakes these creatures just attacked us. Now you want me to let one of them roam around the ship! What do you expect to happen?”

  “But look at him! He’s sitting right there. He’s not attacking us. He won’t hurt anyone. He could even be able to help us. He could help us defend ourselves against the others.” I couldn’t explain the desperation clawing at my insides. The thought that just being near the ship could put Kuna in grave danger made me sick.

  He held out his hands placatingly. “People will probably be afraid. I mean, have you looked at yourself in a mirror?”

  I shook my head no. I knew I looked different, but I hadn’t been able to see just how different I looked.

  Cern looked down at his boots as he pushed a rock around. “Not everyone is going to be able to accept how you look now. Not everyone is going to be able to look past it.”

  “And what about you?” The words slipped out before I knew what I was saying.

  Cern pressed his lips into a thin line. “I don’t know,” he said quietly, his eyes darting up to me quickly before returning to the ground.

  Chapter 5

  Light cut through the cavernous bay as I slid open one of the large doors. The power was still out in this section of the ship, and it wasn’t a priority for them to get it back on. I clicked on a bright flashlight I had brought with me and walked through the center of the room. Hulking shadows rose up on either side of me.

  Vehicles lined the walls. From heavily armored all-terrain vehicles to construction equipment. We had been tasks with pulling out the machinery and bringing it to the mechanics for inspection.

  It had taken the better part of the morning for me to convince Lieutenant Commander Parsons to let us help and that Kuna wasn’t a danger. In the end, he had put us on a task far away from the other colonists. But this was our chance to prove to them that Kuna could be useful.

  The hooks on the harness squealed as they dragged across the bare metal floor as Kuna entered. The mechanics had made a makeshift harness for Kuna out of tie-down straps. The harness was a mess of knots and hooks, but it would do the job.

  I don’t like this place, he grumbled.

  I smiled and patted his leg. The wound from the last night was all but gone. I had gone to the medics first thing that morning. It had been easy enough to convince them I needed a bottle of ReGen for the holes that dotted my skin. The spray closed up wounds in the blink of an eye. With the ReGen in hand, I had thanked them and quickly went to find Kuna.

  “The faster we work, the faster we can leave it behind.”

  Easy for you to say.

  I stepped up to the first vehicle, a light vehicle that
would have carried an excursion teams to check out the landscape of the planet on the first expedition. If everything had gone according to plan.

  I pulled on the handle and the door swung open. After a quick check with my flashlight, I searched through a large key ring and selected a key, jamming it into the ignition. I quickly crawled down and under the vehicle, attaching the towlines to the hook underneath the vehicle’s front bumper.

  A door banged open and raucous voices suddenly echoed through the cavernous hangar. I scrambled out from underneath the vehicle, my flashlight sweeping across the darkness. The beam settled on five men entering from another part of the ship.

  “Shit! I didn’t realize anyone was in here,” one of the men exclaimed as he shielded his eyes from the bright light.

  “What are you doing poking around here?” another asked.

  “Hauling equipment for the mechanics,” I replied curtly. “What are you looking for?” I didn’t lower the flashlight beam.

  “A laser cutter. The bay doors to the armory are jammed shut and we can’t pry them open.” The one who replied this time looked more like a boy than a man.

  I swept through the room quickly with the flashlight and found a large locker in one of the back corners. “Try that.”

  “You’re that girl,” one of the men said slowly. I took a step back toward Kuna. “The one that runs around with aliens.” Venom dripped from the last word.

  “Why don’t you get your laser cutter and let us work?”

  “I am not walking around that thing,” another man said, gesturing to Kuna. “I’m not getting my head ripped off.”

  “He won’t hurt you,” I snapped. “Just get your laser cutter and leave.”

  “Leave? We aren’t the ones that should be leaving. You and that alien need to leave!”

  “We have every right to be here. We’re just trying to help out like everyone else is.” I bit down on my lip and tried to ignore my rising anxiety, knowing it would only agitate Kuna. I shouldn’t have brought Kuna here. I just wanted the other colonists to leave. To let us do our job in peace.