The Mentor

by Elin Peer

Marry Me

  Kya

  “Where have you been?” I asked when I opened my door and found Archer standing outside with a somber expression. “I sent Finn to find you, but that was an hour ago.”

  “He found me,” Archer said. “Do you mind if we go to my room? I need to shower, and my clothes are there.”

  “Have you been swimming this late?” I didn’t tell Archer how worried I had been and that after all the drama we’d been through these past days, his disappearing on me like that was very inconsiderate. Not even the mediators had known where he was, and that had gotten them in a lot of trouble with their supervisors.

  I went with him and waited in his room while he took a quick shower.

  “You could’ve told me where you went,” I said in a reprimanding tone when he got out of the bathroom.

  Archer had a towel wrapped around his hips and was drying his hair with another towel.

  “Why didn’t you use the dryer function in the shower?” I asked.

  “Because I’m a considerate person, and the blowers are noisy. It’s late, and some people might be sleeping just on the other side of the wall.”

  There was something different about him tonight. “What’s wrong, Archer? Are you still upset about our fight yesterday? I told you, I’m not pregnant.”

  He plunked down to sit on the edge of the bed. “Come here,” he said and reached out for me, pulling me down on his lap.

  “You’ve been acting strange all day – tell me what’s wrong,” I asked.

  With a heavy intake of air, Archer licked his dry lips and looked up at me with such vulnerability that it made my skin prickle.

  “What if I told you…” His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and he licked his lips again. “What if I told you that I couldn’t be your lover anymore?”

  I stiffened. “Why not?”

  “Because I want more, Kya. I want to have a family with you and tell the whole world that you’re mine and I’m yours.”

  I pushed up from his lap and took a few steps back. “Why does it have to be all or nothing with you? I’ve already promised that I won’t sleep with anyone else, can’t that be enough?”

  “No, I can’t make love to you and worry that you’re gonna leave the Northlands and take our child with you.”

  “I told you a million times, there is no child.”

  “Yet,” he said softly.

  With a frustrated puff of air, I turned my back on him.

  “Kya, I’m ready to commit myself to you and it fucking hurts that you’re unwilling to do the same.” He moved up behind me and leaned into my hair as he whispered the next words: “Please marry me.”

  My heart dropped as a flash of temptation pulled at me, but no, the thought was too alien and my next words came out in staccato sentences that sounded much harsher than they were meant. “I can’t. You knew that from the beginning. I’m not Pearl and I’m not Christina. My life is in the Motherlands. Sure, I’m excited to be part of this historic school project and all, but as soon as these three years are up, I’m going back to my friends and family. I’m not giving up on my culture, and I doubt you would be willing to give up on yours if the situation was reversed.”

  “Maybe I would if I had a choice,” Archer said with bitterness in his voice.

  “Yeah, but we both know that you don’t. For a while, I started hoping too, but then I spoke to Pearl today. Did you know that she and Khan addressed the Council about this?” A knot burned in my belly from the disappointment her words had caused me. “Khan asked the council straight out if they would consider letting Nmen live here if everything went well with the school project.”

  “And what did they say?”

  “They said that it was a future goal but that the best candidates would be the boys from the school.”

  Archer turned my body around and looked deep into my eyes. “But I’m part of the school too!”

  “It doesn’t matter because even if the members of the Council are willing to include you, they’re still not open to having Nmen move here anytime soon,” I said and sighed.

  “But Finn told me he’ll be going to represent the Nmen in the Motherlands.”

  “As a visitor, Archer, not a permanent resident. The council told Pearl that there was no way they would give residential status to any Nmen until we had been running these experimental projects for at least a decade.”

  Archer’s eyes were darting around the room, and his voice rose slightly. “But that could change, Kya. Ever since Pearl came to the Northlands, so many things have happened. Maybe Finn and the other men will convince the council that we can be trusted.”

  I threw my hands up in the air. “Or maybe they will get into fights like you did yesterday, and the whole project will be shut down.”

  “So, you are mad about me getting in that fight? Then why did you pretend not to be yesterday?”

  “I’m not mad, Archer. I accept that seeing me and Finn together like that set you off. I may not understand it, but I take full responsibility for my part in it.”

  Archer pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me like he was unwilling to ever let me go. “You know what I don’t understand,” he said with a frown. “I thought you really liked it in the Northlands. You seemed happy there, so why do you hate it so much?”

  My shoulders sank. “I don’t hate it at all, but I can’t give you what you want. Our cultures are too different and there is too much on the line. I’m twenty-six and I want to see the world, not be cooped up on some island for the rest of my life.”

  A deep exhalation sounded from Archer before he released his hold around me and stepped back. “I understand,” he said with a sadness that ripped my heart out.

  Quickly, I hugged him but he stood stiff and quiet, like a switch had gone off.

  “Don’t make this an ultimatum, Archer.” I pulled back and caressed his face, but he wouldn’t look at me. “You mean a lot to me, and I’m happy to share my bed with you.” Attempting a joke, I pulled him toward his bed. “Or in this case, your bed.”

  He didn’t say no, but there was no fire in his eyes, or hungry movements like there had been last night.

  A deep sadness emanated from him and it made our lovemaking mechanical and awkward. Every time I looked into his eyes, I saw pain before he either closed his eyes or looked away.

  This time he didn’t come inside of me and I didn’t come at all.

  Instead I left his room incredibly confused about what had just happened. There had been no connection, no teasing, and no playing. Just mechanical sex!

  It took me a long time to fall asleep that night, and my mind kept suggesting that I should go back and make things right between us. Twice, I actually got out of bed, but I managed to stop myself every time before I did something stupid such as break my promise to myself.

  I would not allow myself to be trapped in the Northlands. No way!

  And my bleeding heart, well, it would just have to toughen up and deal with the fact that it was better not to make a promise than to break one.

  When the others traveled back to the Northlands, I took a detour back to my hometown, old San Francisco.

  It had always been part of the deal that I could take trips home, so no one questioned that I would stay for an extra day.

  Raven’s mother, Heidi, was still at Tranquility, which was one of three places of reflection in our area.

  “We missed you the other day,” I told her as we sat in a sunroom overlooking the green gardens. “Raven was hoping you would make it.”

  “I know, and I feel bad about it.” Heidi looked to the floor, her long dark hair falling down her forehead like curtains designed to hide her delicate features and keep people out. “But that’s why I want you to adopt her.”

  “What happened?”

  “I wanted to come, but…” Her eyes were everywhere but on me.

  “But what?”

  She played nervously with her wristband and shook her head. “I just didn’
t have the energy. You don’t understand what it’s like to be depressed. Most days I wouldn’t even make it out of bed if the helpers here didn’t insist on it,” she explained.

  I knew what depression looked like, since I had watched Christina fall into a deep dark hole of despair once. But I hadn’t experienced it myself, and it was hard for me to fully understand how a mother could give up on her daughter like Heidi had given up on Raven.

  “I’m not here to judge you,” I said softly. “I’m here because I want to help Raven, and although I’m not in a position to adopt her myself, I know who would be the perfect mother for her.”

  CHAPTER 26

  Big News

  Kya

  Everything inside of me was bubbling with joy when I walked up the stairs to Boulder’s and Christina’s large house.

  They knew I was coming, as I had already spoken to Christina and suggested that I would come straight to them and tell them about our trip to the Motherlands.

  I had been gone for eleven days, but Christina greeted me like it had been a month, hugging me and talking at the same time.

  “We already know some of the highlights since we went to the school last night. It was so good to see all the children again, and you should’ve seen Raven.” Christina’s face softened in a sweet laugh. “It was as if she and Alexander were glued together.”

  “Alexander? Since when do you call Boulder by his first name?” I asked.

  We had walked into the living room and Christina took a seat on the sofa, pulling her legs up underneath her like she always did. “Since I agreed to take his last name.”

  “You didn’t!” I breathed in surprise.

  She lifted her chin. “I knew you wouldn’t understand, and it wasn’t an easy decision either. But now with the baby and all, he has been begging me daily. To him it means the world that we are his family and we have his last name.”

  “But what about your name? I always thought Christina Sanders was a really nice name.”

  “Me too, but now I will be Christina Boulder.”

  I plunked down on the sofa next to her. “And I thought I was bringing the news.”

  Christina held up a hand. “Wait, I promised Alexander that I would call for him when you got here. He’s in his office, but he doesn’t want to miss out on anything you have to say.” She shouted through the house for him before she asked: “Is it true that Archer got netted?”

  “Yes, it’s true.” I nodded.

  “Hey, stranger.” The deep rumble of Boulder’s voice made me look up. “Good to see you safely returned.”

  “Thank you. Wow, I see the beard is back.” My head turned to Christina. “What happened? Did you lose a bet or something?”

  “I don’t need my wife’s permission to grow a beard,” Boulder said and took a seat.

  “But don't forget that you promised not to let it grow as long as it was when I first met you,” she said quickly.

  “I won’t.” Boulder looked at me. “Christina has been dying for you to come and tell us about your trip.”

  “Which is why I came here first,” I said with a smile. “Only to learn that you now go by Alexander instead of Boulder.”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, well, you know, Christina prefers Alexander and I really don’t care.”

  “So, what am I supposed to call you?”

  Christina answered for him. “Alexander, of course.”

  Boulder rolled his eyes. “As long as you don’t call me cute or sweet, we don’t have a problem.”

  “You are definitely not cute or sweet, so that’s not going to happen,” I said with humor sparkling in my eyes.

  He gave me a satisfied nod. “You’re damn right about that. Now, tell us about the trip.”

  “Why don’t I just skip to the best part first?” I asked, unable to keep my secret any longer.

  Boulder laughed. “Finn already told me, and according to him, the best part was all the willing females.”

  “Yeah, I’m not surprised he would say that.” I had their full attention and took in a big gulp of air to steady the butterflies in my stomach before I spoke. “I went to visit Raven’s mother. Heidi has asked me to adopt Raven because she doesn’t feel fit to be a mother.”

  “Yes, Christina told me.” Boulder frowned. “And I think someone should kick her sorry ass for rejecting an amazing kid like Raven.”

  “That’s not exactly my style,” I said. “Heidi might not be able to care for Raven herself, but she wants what is best for her child, and I think that’s admirable.”

  “So, you finally accepted adopting Raven?” Christina was smiling at me.

  “No, I had to decline.”

  Boulder had a fit then. “You did what?” he shouted and got up from the sofa. “I never took you for a cold person. You should be fucking honored to be Raven’s mother.”

  “It’s not that simple, I have twenty kids that need my attention, and I can’t favor any of them.”

  Boulder paced the room. “So, what’s going to happen to Raven then? Are you going to let someone else adopt her? And have you considered what would happen if they refuse to let her stay here at the school?” The veins on his neck were starting to pop out more prominently. “Do you realize that we might never see her again?” He turned and pierced me with a blameful look. “And you call this the best news from your trip to the Motherlands – is that some mean joke?”

  “If you could just sit down again, I’ll explain,” I said in my calmest voice.

  Boulder did sit down, but his feet were tapping the floor.

  “We already found a substitute for me. And I’m confident that Raven will have the best mother in the world.”

  “Do you know this person?” Boulder’s voice was booming and he was gazing around the room as if he was looking for something to throw. “I love all the kids at the school but Raven is just special.” Fisting his hands through his hair he kept going in a rant. “I mean, if you could have seen the way she came running toward us yesterday; the big hugs that we got from her.” He shook his head and threw his hands in the air. “There’s so much love and laughter inside that kid, but also vulnerability and fear that she won’t be loved. She’s just gotten used to being here, and now you want to send her back to the Motherlands?” He turned to me with fire in his eyes. “I can’t let you do that. Raven deserves to be with people who know her and who love her back.”

  “You’re right, she does,” I agreed.

  Boulder blinked at me. “But how can she if you’re letting some other woman adopt her?”

  “Because I trust and admire this woman,” I said softly and then my eyes fell on Christina.

  A gasp escaped her and she clasped a hand in front of her mouth. “Oh…”

  Boulder looked back and forth between his wife and me. “You know who she’s talking about? How do we know we can trust this woman with Raven?”

  “Don’t worry, she won’t have to raise Raven by herself. My friend is one of the few Motlander women who have bonded with a man. Raven will have both a mother and a father.”

  When Boulder still didn’t get it, Christina cried. “It’s us. She’s talking about us!”

  The slow realization in Boulder’s eyes told me how impossible the thought of his adopting a Motlander child was to him. The idea had simply never occurred to him.

  It was like all the angry energy he had just displayed when he paced the room was zapped out of him. His shoulders slumped slightly and he kept opening and closing his mouth before he finally stuttered. “U-u-us?”

  Christina was crying and her many tears made me cry too. Even so, I still pulled out the documents and placed them in front of him. “I cleared it with Isobel,” I said quickly and wiped tears from my cheeks. “If you sign here, you officially become Raven’s father and mother.”

  Boulder’s hands were shaking when he reached for the pen I held out to him and he was clearly at a loss for words.

  “I have to warn you, though, both Raven’s mother and Is
obel have made a lot of conditions.”

  When he lifted his eyes to look at me, I saw that they were full of tears too.

  “Raven will keep her citizenship of the Motherlands in case she decides to return when she’s older, and you cannot deny her the privilege of education or the chance to pursue a career. Raven is a Motlander and can’t be part of the traditional tournaments here in the Northlands, unless she chooses to. Nor can she be denied the right to earn and keep her own money,” I emphasized. “The same goes for any female descendants she might have,” I added and held out an extra document. “Isobel insisted that Lord Khan also signs off on the conditions.”

  Boulder nodded and quickly signed the papers, before pushing them across the table to Christina.

  She was crying so hard that tears dropped on the papers. “I’m sorry.” She sniffled. “I just can’t believe that this is really happening.”

  Boulder positioned himself on his knees next to Christina, impatiently waiting for her to write the last signature, before he pulled her into a fierce hug.

  “Look.” He held out his hands, which were visibly shaking. “Everything inside of me is vibrating with euphoria right now.”

  They hugged and kissed again, and the moment between them was so intimate that I almost felt like I should look away. On an intellectual level, it was hard for me to understand how these two could be so close when they were fundamentally so different. I had been Christina’s best friend for years, but seeing them together like this, I knew I no longer held that role in her life. The two of them were a team now. A very happy team.

  My thoughts went to Archer. This was what he was offering me: an unbreakable bond of love, trust, and support formalized by a marriage contract. When he said he wanted more, I hadn’t really understood the significance of what he meant by that. But seeing Boulder and Christina kneeling together on the floor, clinging to each other with tears of joy, was an eye-opener.

  I had been focusing on all the things I would have to give up, and all the ways binding myself to Archer would limit me. But the deep longing inside of me, that came from seeing the love between the two people in front of me, made me want to run to Archer.