A Wartime Friend

by Lizzie Lane

  Lily sat in the back with the rag doll Meg had made from scraps. Meg wondered if Lily might be a bit too old for the doll and chastised herself for not giving the gift greater consideration. Not that the gift had been rejected. Lily cuddled it tightly as though it were a shield against this strange world she’d entered.

  The houses in Andover Avenue had been built in the interwar years, semi-detached with bay windows and neat gardens at the front, a garage and a longer garden to the rear. ‘Home,’ said Ray. ‘At last.’

  In the days that followed, Lily continued to look a little confused at times but on the whole adjusted well. It helped that Meg did her utmost to fill the little girl’s life with activities and experiences. She adored taking Lily shopping for new clothes, proudly showing off the pretty little girl whose bright blue eyes regarded every unfamiliar thing with uncertainty.

  Meg was becoming very fond of her, and the more fond she became the more she feared that one day Lily would remember who she was, her family would claim her, and yet again she and Ray would be childless.

  ‘Do you think she ever will remember,’ she whispered to Ray as they lay in bed at night.

  He responded by kissing her naked shoulder and deeply breathing in her scent. It was her scent as well as her features that stayed with him when he was flying into enemy territory. ‘Who knows? Let’s just do our best for her, shall we?’

  Meg sensed that Ray was aching to say something else concerning Lily but was holding it back. Lily had become as much a focus in her life as their beautiful home, which she’d always been so proud of. She gave him a playful nudge in the ribs.

  ‘Ray. You’re thinking thoughts. Care to share them with me?’

  Ray rolled on to his back, one arm thrown over his face. ‘I was thinking about the dog. She named him Rudy. I mentioned him to her in hospital and something seemed to click, but just as quickly seemed forgotten. It was as though she couldn’t put a face to the name – unless there’s more than one Rudy. I thought her seeing the dog might help her remember. It might do yet.’

  Meg sat up abruptly. ‘I know where this is going, Ray. You know how I feel about having a dog in the house! They’re messy creatures. I’ve got enough to do in this house, cleaning and keeping it nice for you when you come home. If you want to keep the dog at the airfield, then that’s up to you. But I don’t want a dog here in this house. Ever!’

  ‘Hey!’ She shivered in response to his hand stroking her arm. ‘Gently does it, old girl. You keep this place immaculate. Nothing out of place … but it doesn’t matter to me if it gets a bit messed up now and again. I really don’t mind.’

  Meg rounded on him. ‘Is it a crime that I like things to be nice? Would you prefer me to be a slattern? Anyway, that’s my final word on the matter. I’m not having a dog living here. As you said yourself, we need to give Lily time. With what’s been happening in Europe, it might be best that she never remembers.’

  Ray tugged her back on to the pillow.

  ‘Darling, I know what you’re thinking. I know that you’re quickly becoming fond of Lily. I must admit, so am I, but we have to be realistic. In time she might remember who she really is and perhaps the name of a relative here in England. We can’t ignore that. We can’t pretend it won’t happen.’

  ‘But if we give her a good home with us,’ Meg pleaded, ‘she might never remember. She’ll be with us for ever.’

  Ray sighed. Meg had her shortcomings, but he still loved her. He also knew that inside that lovely exterior she had a will of iron. She didn’t want the dog here, firstly because she was extraordinarily house-proud, and secondly because she had quickly made up her mind that Lily belonged to her. She’d wanted a child for so long and now she had one. If ever relatives did turn up, he could see Meg would have a problem letting her go.

  He’d been given extended leave so was there long enough to see Lily settle in and begin to speak. Just now and again a faraway look came into her eyes. At night the dream still came, in which she was on a train heading somewhere quite different to where she’d expected to be going.

  Meg shuddered the first time she heard Lily screaming out, sitting up in bed, her gaze fixed on the wall opposite her. All she could do was wrap her arms around the girl while using soothing words.

  ‘What does it mean?’ she asked Ray once she’d got Lily back to sleep. ‘She keeps on about a cattle wagon.’

  Ray wrapped his arm around her and held her close. ‘The enemy cram people into cattle wagons and send them east. A lot of them don’t get there.’

  Meg was horrified. ‘You think she was on one of those?’

  ‘I’m only guessing.’

  ‘That’s horrible.’

  ‘Yes,’ Ray replied grimly. ‘It is.’

  When the time came for him to head back for the airfield, Lily smiled up at him in such a way that it made him feel as though they had crossed the first hurdle to her recovery.

  ‘Goodbye, Mr Malin.’

  He ruffled her hair and smiled back at her, hiding the pang of regret that she didn’t yet call him dad. Too soon, he thought. In time she might do. His smile was as sunny as he could make it.

  ‘Now you two girls look after each other while I’m gone. Promise?’

  Lily nodded. ‘I promise.’

  ‘So do I,’ said a smiling Meg. ‘Keep safe and get home as soon as you can. That’s what we want, don’t we, Lily?’

  Ray’s last sight of them was standing at the garden gate, Meg with her arm around Lily’s shoulder, and the pair of them waving him goodbye. It hurt to leave but he kept waving until he came to a particular spot halfway down the avenue. On reaching that point, he stopped waving and never looked back.

  The brick-built airfield buildings stood proud on the flat Lincolnshire countryside, grouped around the control tower standing at the centre of everything. The buildings were of simple design and practical rather than pretty. Square windows set in regimented lines sat beneath concrete roofs that would be thick with moss if they weren’t scrubbed once a week. Beyond the squat buildings were the hangars and the runway. Everywhere personnel scurried around the buildings, the planes and the hangars like purposeful ants.

  Ray looked around him, acknowledging with a cheery wave those who waved at him. It was good to be welcomed back but there was one greeting he craved above all others. Tilting his cap further back on his head so he could see more clearly, his narrowed eyes searched for his four-legged friend.

  His gaze swept over the buildings and the neatly clipped lawns fronting the main drive. He wasn’t expecting the dog to remember him, but it would certainly be a bonus if he did. His heart leapt with joy when he spotted Rudy lying down outside the door to his quarters, the dog’s head resting on his front paws.

  On seeing Ray the dog’s head jerked upwards, his ears upright. Ray put his kitbag on the ground.

  ‘Rudy! Come on, boy!’

  The dog leapt to his feet and, barking excitedly, ran towards him. Ray was almost bowled over when the dog hit his knees. ‘Steady on, old boy. You nearly knocked me over.’

  Rudy’s enthusiasm carried on unabated. Wagging his tail fit to fall off, the dog bounded excitedly around him.

  Pleased as punch that the dog remembered him, Ray hugged and patted him. ‘Hey. It’s good to see you too.’

  Once in quarters, Ray unpacked while Rudy lay out on Ray’s bed, watching as he opened and shut doors and cupboards and put things away. ‘Shame you couldn’t have come with me,’ he said at last. Kids and a dog. That’s what makes a home. Not the latest décor, smart furnishings, everything dust-free and smelling of polish. He was beginning to hate the smell of polish. Sometimes he fancied the smell of it overwhelmed the perfume that Meg wore. He sighed.

  ‘Never mind. We’ve got each other for the duration.’

  Later that week Ray was stood down; no mission for a few days. He was grateful for that. There was so much thinking he needed to do. Had he been right to foster Lily? Yes. It was the least he could do, and b
oth Meg and Lily were getting on well together. His only worry was that Meg had taken to Lily so quickly, much quicker than he’d expected. She’d be devastated if Lily did regain her memory and somebody came to claim her. To his mind he had to do something now before things went any further.

  He put out the cigarette he’d been smoking and got to his feet, stretching his aching body.

  His steward came in with clean laundry. ‘Long journey, sir?’

  ‘Too long. Twice as long as before the war.’

  ‘Only twice?’

  Ray laughed.

  ‘Thought Rudy might like this, sir.’ The steward brought out a bone from beneath the piled linen.

  After he’d gone, Ray thought about what he must do. Meg had to be made to accept that it was only fair that Lily be given every opportunity to regain her memory and perhaps, one day, be reunited with her real family. Rudy was the key to Lily regaining her memory. At some point these two should also be reunited.

  Ray was deep in thought when he sat himself down next to the dog. He ruffled his ears and spoke to him softly. ‘One day you’re going to come and live in my house, Rudy. What do you think of that?’

  The dog raised his head majestically as though he approved and then wagged his tail.

  Ray smiled. ‘Yep! I think it’s a good idea too.’

  Meg’s reaction to mention of the dog was no more or less than what Ray had expected. However, he felt it his duty to continue to persuade her that it was the right thing to do. Hopefully his persistence would start to wear down her resistance.

  ‘This is the coward’s way out,’ he muttered to himself as he penned a letter outlining how the dog might help Lily regain her memory.

  ‘The war isn’t going to go on for ever and the dog will be in need of a good home. He’s a splendid animal: loyal, kind and not a nasty bone in his body. I feel he should live with us …’

  Meg’s next letter arrived a day or two later. In it she mentioned that Lily had put on weight and was settling in nicely both at home and at school, and how easily she’d made friends.

  ‘She’s growing fast. I’ve had to buy material from my own coupons and make her dresses. I’ve also cut down some of my own including a party dress. She’s been invited to a birthday party. She’s so excited.’

  She also described in great detail that she was making cushion covers from old curtains because rationing didn’t stretch to new material, her problems with getting stains out of the hearthrug, and how difficult it was finding her favourite furniture polish. There was also a barrage balloon bobbing overhead three doors up from their house. She didn’t like that either, though Lily did.

  ‘It’s so ugly and I can’t help thinking that it might get punctured and lay like a blanket over the whole street, suffocating us all.’

  Ray sighed. Not once had she responded to his comments about having the dog live with them. Meg was the most beautiful woman he had ever met and he’d fallen in love with her on sight, resulting in a whirlwind romance and marriage. At the beginning he’d hardly noticed her obsession with having everything spick and span. Ray’s childhood home had been filled with clutter: kids, two cats, a canary and a dog. There had been no chance of his mother ever having the time to present her house like something from a magazine. It was what it was and although it might not have boasted the very latest in interior design, it had been a happy house.

  In the quiet of his quarters in the short time he had to himself, he shared his disappointment with the dog. Rudy sat listening, his head tilting from side to side as though he were trying hard to understand what Ray was saying.

  ‘She’s stubborn in her ways,’ he said to the dog.

  Letters had not worked. There was nothing for it but to try again to persuade her face-to-face when he got home.

  After yet another mission over France he was now due some leave. He was looking forward to seeing Meg and Lily again, and he had a plan. Even he thought it was a bit underhanded, but perhaps if he mentioned the dog to Lily it might provoke some response. If it did, then Meg couldn’t possibly refuse to have the dog home. ‘Tread carefully,’ he muttered to himself as he approached the garden gate.

  The house was easily the best kept in the avenue. The trim flower beds were squarely fixed around an equally square lawn. Meg had refused to grow vegetables in the front garden: ‘The back garden is big enough for vegetables. I have to have some beauty in my life. And anyway, what would people think?’

  Tired after his journey, he pushed open the front door and breathed in the smell of lavender polish plus a faint hint of disinfectant. Not a thing was out of place until he slung in his kitbag, sending it skidding across the gleaming lino. He smiled at its impact against the hallstand where everything was hung in neat rows and colour-coordinated. A blue hat wobbled and fell to the floor. He placed it on top a beige trench coat, smiling with satisfaction as he did so.

  He called up the stairs to tell Meg he was home.

  ‘Darling!’ She came flying down the stairs smelling of perfume and wearing a crisp white blouse and dark blue skirt. Her hair bounced with health and he could tell her make-up was newly applied. It didn’t take a genius to guess she’d been watching up at the bedroom window for him to arrive so she could make the grand welcome, almost falling down the stairs and into his arms. Just like the house, Meg liked her appearance to be perfect and adored making an entrance, like a film star at a Hollywood red-carpet event.

  Ray felt his heart lurch in his chest. Meg was as beautiful as ever and he wanted her just as much as he ever had – and judging by her enthusiastic welcome, she felt the same way. They kissed and hugged until they were almost breathless.

  He decided to ignore the small frown that flitted between her plucked eyebrows when she spotted his kitbag slumped against the coat stand. He guessed it was taking a lot of willpower for her not to mention it. She wouldn’t. Not until her initial welcome was over.

  Once he got to take a breath, he asked her about Lily. ‘So my big girl looks great. How’s my little girl?’

  Meg looked up at him coyly, her dark-blue eyes flashing. ‘You recall I wrote to you about making her a party dress?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘She’s wearing it today to a school friend’s birthday party.’ She lowered her eyes in a coquettish manner but spoiled the effect by glancing at her watch. He knew the signs, knew what she was going to say next. ‘We’ve got about an hour until I collect her.’

  Grasping his hand, she led him excitedly up the stairs. He too felt excited, though her glance at her wristwatch was a bit of a spoiler, making him feel obliged to keep within a time schedule. In his opinion, lovemaking should never be performed to a schedule.

  The sweet smell of perfume permeated the air. The curtains were drawn therefore the bedroom was pleasantly shady. He noticed the bedclothes were pulled back to display pristine white cotton sheets and pillowcases. Everything ready. Everything perfect, like a table laid with the best linen and china ready for the main meal to be presented.

  He imagined how cool they would feel against his hot flesh, and although tired from travelling all the way from Lincolnshire the prospect of lying with Meg thrilled him. It had been two months since his last leave. He wanted her but up until now he hadn’t realised just how much.

  In consequence, their lovemaking was urgent. He felt like a drowning man gasping for air, not able to stop until he was sighing as though he had drunk a whole ocean. All thoughts about reuniting Lily with her dog were forgotten in the intensity of the moment.

  Afterwards, he couldn’t believe he’d ever been tired at all. That’s how it was with Meg. Even though there were things about her that irritated him, she made up for it in bed.

  Meg lit him a cigarette and passed him an ashtray. He accepted gratefully and smoked slowly, knowing that the moment he finished the ashtray would be emptied and wiped out.

  ‘So how have things been?’ he asked.

  Meg laid her arm across his chest and, after complaini
ng again about the barrage balloon which he’d seen bobbing above a roof on his way along the avenue, she told him about the latest air raid.

  ‘It wasn’t anywhere near here. The East End again.’

  ‘How did Lily respond?’

  ‘Better than I expected, though she did cuddle up close and bury her face against me. I sang to her the whole time and told her stories. She likes stories. Luckily the explosions were a long way off. We’ve been quite lucky so far and it’s given me time to make quite a little nest for us under the stairs.’

  Ray stiffened and stared at her in disbelief. ‘Under the stairs? After I put up the Anderson shelter out in the garden?’

  Meg wrinkled her nose. ‘I don’t like going in the shelter. No matter how hard I try, it’s never homely.’

  ‘It’s not supposed to be homely. It’s supposed to be safe. That’s why you have to go in there.’

  ‘Oh come on, Ray. It’s the East End that gets bombed. It’s close to the docks. I mean, whoever would want to bomb Andover Avenue? Anyway, Lily doesn’t like the Anderson shelter either. It’s dark and damp. She goes pale and shivers like a leaf if I try to get her out there. I don’t think it’s just the dark. I think she finds it claustrophobic. She gets really scared …’

  Ray put out his cigarette and caught hold of her chin. ‘Meg, darling, you either go to the shelter or move to the country. You and Lily cannot stay in the house when the sirens sound. I absolutely forbid you to stay. It’s not safe. Things are likely to get worse. Now trust me and do as I say.’

  ‘Ray, I think Lily was in a dark place sometime before you found her.’

  ‘I found her in a field.’

  ‘And before that? You don’t know what she had to endure. Something bad happened that made her claustrophobic. Anyway, she’s been doing so well. I wouldn’t want to do anything that might reverse her healing …’

  ‘All the same, it’s better to be claustrophobic than blown to bits. I insist you go to the shelter. Any shelter!’