Absolutely (Larson)

by Melissa Veracruz

  “Dad’s already headed out, hon. I left breakfast for you in the oven. Go back to sleep,” her mom says and leaves, by the sounds of the footsteps.

  After a few more minutes, I hear Ashlyn walking around. I assume she's waiting for her mom to drive off, but I hear the toilet flush and sink water rushing. I laugh because I'm not hanging around in a closet for my own safety but for her bashfulness. We climb back into bed after my own restroom break.

  ***

  We stay curled around each other until almost 11:00.

  Ashlyn elbows me gently and says, “My mom will be home in a little while.”

  We get ready and I follow her out to the kitchen. I'm leaving, I am, is what I tell myself as I lean on the counter while she opens the oven. She pulls out the breakfast her mom promised. Only there’s enough for two or three people. Or one daughter and one growing teenage boy. I chuckle and shake my head. I guess I'm staying for breakfast.

  Ashlyn hasn’t figured it out yet. She’s confused by the half-dozen breakfast tacos and four muffins.

  “Um, Ash. You know what this means, right?”

  “Not a clue. This is way more than me and Brisa both eat…” Then it dawns on her, and I cover my face to hide the laughter. Didn’t work, she smacks me on the arm. Hard. “No freaking way! Dang it. If I had known she knew, I wouldn’t have shoved you in the closet.”

  “Yup,” I say needlessly. Earning me another swat on the arm.

  “On second thought,” she feigns thoughtfulness. “It was pretty obvious you needed the alone time. I know how you woke up this morning.”

  “Oh yeah? What exactly do you know?” I say and start stalking her around the kitchen island.

  “Kiel…” she says in warning, but ruins it with a closed-mouth giggle. She starts backing away slowly. I spring toward her and chase her. She squeals but finally lets me catch her. I'm not finished with her. I find all her ticklish spots. And there are several.

  “Stop!” she says through giggles and breaths. “Kiel! Please!” she gasps out as I continue testing her sides for the tenth time.

  “Please?” I ask.

  “Yes, jerk, please!”

  “Ok, but not because you asked nicely. I am hungry.”

  I spin her to face me. She goes up on her tiptoes, pressing her pelvis against mine, whispering, “Don’t think I didn’t notice.” I’d rather she hadn’t, but she's not the type to shy away from these topics. She kisses me sweetly and pulls away. “Breakfast?”

  I groan when she returns to the sheet pan. Since I can’t have her, I might as well have the breakfast tacos.

  “If Mom wasn't about to arrive, and if she wasn’t already aware of where you spent the night…”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I say. I kiss the top of Ashlyn’s head, then she directs me to the cupboard where there are glasses. I get our drinks while she serves us. It’s all very domestic, making me grin like a fool. We still aren’t talking about anything serious. We both know it needs to happen soon.

  ***

  Ashlyn

  When Kiel comes back to me after the Reyna debacle, neither of us is in any condition to talk. Tragically, he is able to crash, whereas I am unable. I fake it when he pulls me into his arms. Thoughts weigh heavy on my mind. The ones I believed I had laid to rest. Like how could I have gone from being not good enough for him to being loved by him? That love was apparent in his eyes. Wasn’t it? It’s not like I’d ever been loved or in love before. I had no basis whatsoever for comparison.

  I'm certain we’ve gone over this already, about how he came to the conclusion that I was worthy. The words that Reyna used were so much uglier than how he’d explained it. So much more irreversible. I try over and over again not to overreact, to no avail.

  Once I have those thoughts tamped down, my mind sends me down another treacherous path. His own past makes me shudder. It is horrendous in so many ways. It doesn’t change my mind about him, though. He’s earned his redemption through some painful crap. But it’s a shocking double standard to think I'm not “good enough.”

  Then, I shudder for another reason. Because Kiel has lived through all of that, yet here he was, laying with me. In Larson, Texas. If even one tiny thing had gone differently, that’s not where he’d be. That was deep and somewhat overwhelming. Crazy how life works out.

  I've got this devastatingly handsome boy lying beside me (well, practically under me…). My legs are twisted in his; my head is on his arm, my arm tossed over his chest. I graze my fingers lightly over his skin, which is so many shades darker than my own. At last, I still my hand, laying it over his heart, succumbing to sleep. In the faintest of whispers, I say, “We found each other.”

  Not long after I hit REM sleep, my mom wakes me with her staccato knocking forcing me to stumble like a drunken monkey to the door. Thanks, Mom. After that near-disaster, I crawl back into bed with my back pressed to Kiel’s front. Oh, I felt it. The way guys wake up ready and raring to go. It’s proof positive that there is a Creator and a master plan, in my mind. That sort of thing doesn’t come about because some meteor crashed into the earth.

  I smile and snuggle deeper into his embrace, falling asleep quickly.

  ***

  When Kiel follows me into the kitchen, I am completely stumped by the sheer amount of food Mom left for me. Kiel is chuckling, I think at me, not the situation. It takes me a few more seconds to get it. Mom knows I had company in my room. Crapcrapcrap. Ranking right up there in embarrassing moments with my first period and having a stomach virus at summer camp.

  That must mean Dad has been informed. Unthinkable! No, not unthinkable. Insane! I push the worry away by teasing Kiel and being subjected to a tickle molestation. We eat in companionable silence like we’re a married couple.

  Mom is going to want details. About Reyna and about Kiel. I bang my head dramatically on the table, making Kiel choke on laughter and tortilla. Good. It isn’t his mom about to walk through that door.

  I recover and shoot some quick texts to Jenna about meeting at her house to get ready for the homecoming dance. Jenna texts back that she’s asked Lucas Nelson, a fellow senior, to go with her. Not as a date, more like a dance partner, she insists.

  Good for you! I tell her.

  Eeee! This is gonna be AWESOME, Jenna texts.

  I text her that it is going to be epic and that I'm bringing the very best thing…Gossip.

  CAN’T WAIT!!!! she screams.

  No way is this story the texting kind. It has to come from me personally and with the accompanying hand motions. She and D'Nae will have to wait until I see them.

  As I'm finishing my last text, I hear a car and then the front door open. Time to face the music. Kiel turns to face my mom and goes for the repentant look. He says matter-of-factly, “Hello, Mrs. Ramos.” Good for him. Maybe this isn’t his first parent-boyfriend meeting, but it sure as heck is mine.

  “Good. You're still here.” She sits down at the table with us and picks up a muffin. Without preamble, she goes straight into a speech about responsibility, trust, and honesty. About how we’re role models for our younger siblings. If only she knew who was planning mist of these things… Then she moves on to love and marriage. Oh Lord, I'm almost back to pounding my head on the table.

  Luckily, or due to a time constraint considering Kiel needs to get home, she avoids/spares us the sex talk. I guess the topic of “responsibility” pretty much covered it. And…she’s probably saving it for my ears alone.

  “Any questions for me, Kiel? Ashlyn?” she asks, glancing between the two of us. “You should be able to trust me and Marco enough to know we’ve been young, too. Not that I'm condoning anything here, but please be careful you two. In everything,” she emphasizes.

  Oh, God help me. I'm blushing profusely, and I want Kiel’s arm around me. Kiel clears his throat and says respectfully with all due politeness, “Yes, ma’am.” I can only manage an emphatic, and somewhat erratic, nod.

  “Well, Kiel, we will see you later. I expect to see
you both here for pictures before the dance.” It was a clear dismissal.

  “Thanks for breakfast,” he says to Mom. Then, bravely he leans down and presses a light kiss on the top of my head. I close my eyes, letting the significance, rather than the location, of the kiss flood my senses.

  Kiel leaves me alone with my mom, a cobra poised to strike. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic. It is the sex talk, however…

  ***

  Kiel

  Now I know where Ashlyn gets her boldness from. That woman came into that kitchen without any compunctions about the speech she was going to deliver. I left the house despite my conscience telling me to stay to support Ashlyn through the inevitable sex talk. This time would be the important one, not the one they give in preparation for relationships. This would be the one they give when they suspect it was beyond preparation.

  I can imagine the questions. I've sat through the grueling interrogation with girls in the past. It isn’t pretty. Are you a virgin? Does he love you? How far have you taken it? Can you swear on a stack of Bibles that you're really still a virgin? Do you know how many STDs you can get?

  It’s never been about love for me before. At least with Ash, I feel I could answer those questions openly for her. I turn the short walk back to the Jeep into a longer one so I can think.

  All my thoughts are about her and almost have me heading back to her.

  ***

  My plan for the rest of the afternoon was to get my newly formed band practicing. That plan is shot to hell when I pull up to the house. Mom is at the door, holding my phone. Damn. My phone. How in the…oh yeah. I switched phones out so Lili could have better reception. How could I have forgotten? She was on it in the Jeep while we had Reyna and probably at the party, snapping pics on my phone.

  Behind Mom, Lili’s a sobbing wreck with rivers of mascara rolling down her cheeks. “Mamá?” I say cautiously as I slowly exit the vehicle. She's too far gone for explanations and excuses. Her tirade starts before I get in the house—in Spanish. I'm in it deep.

  “How dare you! How could you take her there? To that kind of party with those people? Where there's alcohol and sex and immorality and drugs! How could you, Kiel?”

  “Mamá, inside please.” I barely get it out before she’s scolding me again.

  “Kiel Andres Fuller,” she says with a slightly lowered voice, but it’s exponentially more menacing than being yelled at. I inch her into the house. When I'm shutting the door behind me, I notice that it’s not only my phone she’s holding. In her other hand are the pictures. The ones that I kept stuffing into my Spanish book.

  In the living room behind Mom and Lili, is my Spanish book, knocked over most likely when these two had first gotten into it. I had forgotten it the last time Ash and I had studied together. Ash…I knew I should’ve gone back. Mere seconds pass between getting Mom in and seeing the pictures in her hand. She’s prepared a guilt-inducing speech.

  “This is what happens at those parties, Kiel! And here my daughter is,” she lifts up my phone and slides it awake to reveal a selfie of Liliana dancing with some random boy, “acting just like this girl! My daughter and my son’s girlfriend, Dios mio!” She’s clenching the pictures of Ash in the other hand and shaking them at me. I resent that she compared Lili to my Ash. I have to clench my fists and take calming breaths.

  “She doesn’t know her,” I mumble a few time to myself so I don’t hit a wall or break Lili’s phone in my pocket.

  She looks like she's praying under her breath or laying some Mexican curse on us. Could be either or both. “Mamá, are we going to talk about this?” I say, attempting and failing at calm and rational.

  “Liliana already told me what I needed to know,” Mom says angrily.

  I look at Lili, furious that she got me in this. “What did you tell her, Lillian? What?”

  “Ki-el,” she whines, forcing me to count and breathe all over again. “She said we wouldn’t get to go to the dance!”

  “And you think she's letting you go now?” I yell at her.

  “Kiel Andres Fuller!” Mom hollers at me again. “Do not yell at your sister! I know she blackmailed you. What I haven't figured out yet is with what. And if you think you're going anywhere before I know exactly what it was, you're dead wrong, mijo.” The way she says that last word has my blood running cold.

  “Mamá.”

  “Don’t you ‘Mamá’ me, Kiel. I will get it from you or your dad will. You go ahead and keep silent—Your Jeep is mine. Your garage is mine.” I purse my lips and cross my arms, staring daggers at Liliana. My sister, the betrayer. Again, I find myself mumbling, this time anger-diffusing statements about Lili. I stalk around the living room, kicking my Spanish textbook out of the way.

  Mom’s shifting her gaze rapidly from one to the other of us, her eyes narrowing.

  “Just tell her, Kiel! Please. Dang, Mom. Stop with the crazy eyes,” Liliana begs.

  “Fine, Mom,” my anger barely in check. “But you have to sit down, and I get my phone and those stupid pictures back.”

  Ashlyn’s mom’s talk was seeming like a friendly game of Candy Land compared to what I was sure to get from this Jesus-candle burning lady contemplating my demands…and how far she can throw her shoe if I make a run for it. There's no question where I got my throwing arm from.

  “Sit then,” Mom commands like it was her idea to begin with. Waving her hands to guide me to the least comfortable chair in the house, she follows, handing me my phone and the pictures. She’s far from calm, though. The magically appearing rosary materializes once more.

  “First,” I bite out. “The blackmail. I spent some time at Ashlyn’s, but I had to sneak out to do it.”

  Mom’s face goes completely red. Freaking wrong word choice. Even Liliana is struck dumb.

  “No! Mom, I mean I had to sneak out to spend time with her! Bad choice of words, Mom, sorry. I had to see her that night. It couldn’t wait.”

  “What was so important that you would break our trust and her parents’ trust? We moved you here to get away from all that!” she says angrily.

  I take another set of deep, calming breaths. Mom has to see she's making this difficult on a guy who only recently finished the court-ordered anger management course. I try to think only of Ashlyn, in my arms, in my lap, under the stars.

  “Mamá,” I say with renewed calm. Calm as I am, I speak to my hands, clasped and laying on my knees. “I went to her house that night to tell her that I…that I love her.” I peer up through my lashes at my mother, the same woman who had supported me as a troublemaker and a dealer, hoping for that support now.

  “You love ‘her’?” She points accusingly at the pictures in my hand, saying ‘her’ like a vile illness. Breathe breathe breathe. Ashlyn under the stars. Breathe.

  “She made one mistake, Mamá. One. And no one is letting her forget it.”

  Liliana snorts. I smack the couch with my hand and snarl, “Could you tell Liliana she is not necessary to this conversation.” Mom, patience thinning, points to the door while glaring at Liliana, who snorts again and walks out. No doubt to listen from around the corner.

  “That seems like more than one mistake,” she pauses to wave her hand with distaste at the set of pictures again. “I've heard her name and mistakes mentioned in this house and in the newspaper. This is a small town, and word spreads like butter,” she states, unimpressed with my solid-sounding logic. Butter, really?

  She's already met Ash. In person. If she wasn’t sold on Ashlyn’s virtues, then Mom was a hypocrite and I was about to call her out. That's the only missile left in my arsenal.

  “That’s what you're sticking with, huh? Seriously, Mom? You’re gonna tell me, your former-dealer son, that Ash, Ashlyn, is not worthy of me? Or is it that she doesn’t deserve a chance to prove herself to you? No freaking way, she doesn’t have to do that. For anyone!”

  Mom sits in silence, her rosary beads clacking together quietly. She seems kind of shocked. I'm shocked myself. Not becau
se I just mouthed off to my mom, basically calling her out. I'm just now realizing those are the very words I need to say to Ashlyn. Maybe not with such vehemence.

  I don’t care. I have to tell her face-to-face. Exactly like the night I had to profess my love.

  “You just keep praying, Mom. I've got somewhere I need to be.” I toss Liliana her phone and run to my Jeep. I'm at her house in like 2 minutes. I jump out, literally, and run up to the door. Knocking like a mad man. I don’t know if she's at home or has already left to go to Jenna’s. Their cars are gone.

  When there was no answer, I panic and pace their front yard. Regaining composure, I call her.

  “Hey!” she answers on the second ring.

  Out of breath due to the panic-induced pacing and rubbing my free hand over my head, I ask, “Where are you?”

  “Are you OK?”

  “Yeah, I'm really great,” I say honestly, because hearing her voice has settled me down. “Where are you?”

  “On our way to Abilene to pick up some things. Why?”

  “I need to talk to you. Now.” I may be calm, but desperation is creeping into my voice. I'm already back in my Jeep and heading out of town.

  “Mom, can we stop for a few minutes…The truck stop? Yeah,” she says to her mom, then she's talking to me again. “Kiel? The truck stop on the left. We’ll be inside. Is everything alright?”

  “Everything is better now. But I need to talk to you. But I promise, we’re good.”

  “Ok, Kiel. I’ll see you in a few minutes. Bye,” she says softly.

  “Bye, babe.”

  I drive like a careful bat out of hell. No use dying at a time like this. The truck stop is in sight in less than five minutes. I'm parking in another minute and jogging in. Ashlyn and her mom are in the gift shop area, waiting and curious.

  Chapter 23

  Ashlyn

  The call from Kiel was weird and out of left field. Mom and I were on our way to hunt down new foundation and a stay-put lipstick to pair with that emerald green dress. He seemed anxious and almost scared that he might actually have to wait until tonight to see me. If Kiel did this every time he had important stuff to tell people…